The Best Movie Ever Never Seen

Plot
SpongeBob and Patrick make a movie about themselves but the movie gets stolen. Can they get it back?

Transcript
[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick going inside Coral Cinema and walking up to the ticket booth next to the snack bar]

SpongeBob: Ah, Coral Cinema. The place where they show all the movies just as soon as they come out. Not like Reef Cinema.

Patrick: Yeah, Coral Cinema is great.

SpongeBob: Hey, hey! Marv my man! Nice to see you!

Marv: (Working in Ticket Booth) Hey, SpongeBob. Hey, Patrick....What film are you going to see?

SpongeBob: Two tickets for the amazing film Mermaid Man Vs Manatee Man please!

Marv: Alright, enjoy your movie...

SpongeBob: We will! I can't believe there's another MM Movie and it's starring Manatee who starred in Manatee of Steel and ManateeMan Returns.

[The scene goes to SpongeBob & Patrick in the cinema with Popcorn watching MM V MM. In this scene Mermaid Man has been punched onto the ground and Manatee Man is walking over to him holding a sword]

SpongeBob: *Gasp* Look out Mermaid Man!

Manatee Man: This is it...Give up...You were all along just an old, wrinkled coop.

Mermaid Man: Kill me, I'll only be happier in heaven. With my dad and great mum Martha.

Manatee Man: Martha? Your mum's name was Martha? Oh my Neptune! My-My- Mum's name was Martha!

Mermaid Man: Really? Oh, that's great. Um, small world. Say, because our mum's names were Martha. How about we stop fighting to stop that?

[Mermaid Man points to Man Ray who is destroying Bikini Bottom and scaring all of the citizens]

Manatee Man: Holy Martians of Milky Mars Mermaid's Milk! We need to stop him! Come on! Let's go!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking out of the Cinema Screen Room and walking into the main lobby with the snack bar and ticket booth]

SpongeBob: Well, that sucked.

Patrick: Yeah, it did...It su-u-uc-ked...I mean, that thing with the mothers was just stupid.

SpongeBob: Yeah. It just wasn't good. I hate to say it but...That Mermaid Man movie was...Bad...

Gill Hammerstein: Hello everybody! What did you think of my new Mermaid Man and Manatee movie!? It was great wasn't it!?

SpongeBob: Um...Mr. Hammerstein. I'm a big fan of yours and I have to say-

Gill Hammerstein: I know, I know....I'll give you an autograph! [Signs Auto-Graph and sticks it into SpongeBob's Pocket]

SpongeBob: No, that's not what I was going to say. I'm actually going to say that-...

Gill Hammerstein: What's that!? Oh, good question...Um, the next film is going to be in 2017 and it's going to be a Barnacle Boy movie.

SpongeBob: NO!! WILL YOU LET ME SPEAK!? THE FILM WAS CRAP!!

Gill Hammerstein: Haha, I'm so glad you like-...WAIT, WHAT!?

SpongeBob: It was crap. And you can't argue. It was so shabby. The writing was just awful. Really awful.

Gill Hammerstein: Haha, look kid...I'd like to see you and your pink friend here make a better movie.

SpongeBob: Alright, IT'S ON!! And when we do show our movie! We won't show it at this Theatre! We'll show it at Reef Cinema! Because we aren't giving you, the owner of this Cinema anymore of our money!

Gill Hammerstein: You can buy Mermaid Man Soft Toys that I'm selling right now that are based on his design from the film.

Patrick: I'll take 20.

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick inside of SpongeBob's Pineapple]

SpongeBob: Alright, Patrick...This is a Movie Making Business HQ now. So, as our job. We need to think a movie.

Patrick: Citizen Elane.

SpongeBob: Hm, maybe a bit more original....Something that's exciting.

Patrick: Ghostblasters.

SpongeBob: Um...But that's not really original...Is it now?

Patrick: Star Battles!

SpongeBob: Alright, this isn't working. We need to think of something else. Something we're familiar with...Something we like. Something we've already made! :D

[SpongeBob looks on his table at a "SpongeMan and StarFishBoy: Undersea Adventures" Comic Book]

SpongeBob: This...This is it! SpongeMan and StarFishBoy are heading to the cinema!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick on top of a roof in DownTown Bikini Bottom]

SpongeBob: Alright, the first scene is someone getting robbed. Now, you've got the actors right?

Patrick: Um....Not-...

SpongeBob: Great! Starting up the camera in 3...2...1! Bingo! Now let's film this!

[A Woman Walks down the street and a robber runs up to her and starts to pull her Bag out of her Fins]

Woman: ARGH!! HELP ME!! PLEASE!!

[SpongeBob and Patrick (In SpongeMan and StarFishBoy Costumes) jump down from the rooftops]

SpongeBob: Alright! Stop right there criminal! SpongeMan and StarFishMan are here to put a stop to your crime!

Robber: What the fish-paste?!?! [Pulls Bag out of Woman's Fins and starts to run off] I'm going!

SpongeBob: StarFishBoy! Throw the Star-A-Rang!

[Patrick throws a Star-A-Rang at the Robber and knocks him unconscious on the pavement. The Woman then takes back her handbag]

Woman: T-T-Thank you!

SpongeBob: No problem! It's all in a day's work! And...That's it! Well done! Great acting! Now let's go see that final shoot Patrick!

[SpongeBob and Patrick run into a building and the Woman looks around]

Woman: A-Acting?....

[8 Weeks of Work later....] [The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking out of SpongeBob's Pineapple]

SpongeBob: Ah, I'm glad that's all done. And now it's time to bring it to Reef Cinema in Deep Downtown. Come on!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick and walking down a dark noisy street. A car crash has happened in the road and the police have blocked off the road]

SpongeBob: Ah, barnacles. The streets blocked off. We'll have to take somewhere else. Hey! Look! That alley looks like a shortcut!

[SpongeBob and Patrick go down the alley and start to walk down it]

Patrick: Hey, this place reminds of somewhere...

SpongeBob: Where?

Patrick: That place where Batman's Parents get brutally murdered by a thief.

SpongeBob: Oh...Well, isn't that a really nice thought?

[A Thief pops out at SpongeBob and Patrick]

SpongeBob: ARGH! God! Please, spare us!

Patrick: I think he means spare me!

Thief: Shut up, I'm not going to kill you. Unless you want me to, that would be fun but...Eh, I just don't really want to waste my killing skills on you two. Now, give me what you have.

SpongeBob: Never! We'll never give you anything we have!

Thief: Oh-Wow! Look at this! We've got a real tough guy down here! Ah, don't you have the balls to say that to me?...

SpongeBob: I do not have balls! [Points to the inside of his Fanny Pack which is filled with Marbles] These are Marbles.

Thief: Oh, come on...Are you serious? [Punches SpongeBob onto the ground] And, now your items. [Takes Movie Disk out of SpongeBob's Pants] So long!

[The Thief runs down the alley and Patrick picks up SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Ah, Patrick...I'm quite hurt....

Patrick: SpongeBob.....You'll be ok. Say, don't you never get hurt?

SpongeBob: He was very strong...Some people would say it hurt like a hammer to the face. Or maybe a Shark.

Patrick: SpongeBob, come on. We'll go to the police, they'll sought it, we'll have the film in the cinema in no time!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick sitting in front of the main desk in the Police Station]

SpongeBob: And that's how our Movie got stolen.

Frank the Police Man: Alright. Um...Interesting. So, our Police Artist, Phillip StarFish has made a brilliant drawing of this Criminal.

[Phillip the Starfish shows SpongeBob and Patrick a piece of paper with a stickman with a smiley face on it]

SpongeBob: Uhm....Well...It's not really what the thief looked like at all...Um...Actually, that picture looks like a 5 Year Old drew it.

Frank the Police Man: Yup, we have a lot of people saying that. Um, so...We'll have people searching for this Movie and when they find it they'll notify you. Just tell us your address.

SpongeBob: 124 Conch Street. It's a huge Pineapple. Pretty hard to miss.

Frank the Police Man: Alright, we'll go and look.

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick inside SpongeBob's Pineapple watching Television. The doorbell rings and SpongeBob answers the door]

Frank The Police Man: Look what I got! [Pulls out Small Manatee-Man Teddy] What-ya think!?

SpongeBob: Why did you show us that!? Please say you have the movie!

Frank The Police Man: Um...Well...No, I don't. I kinda forgot what I was looking for.

SpongeBob: Who gave you that?

Frank The Police Man: Um, this thief... I'm not very good with memory...I'm just a fish with Short-Term Memory Loss. If I remember, he was doing them for Mermaid Man Vs Manatee Man.

SpongeBob: Oh...*Sigh* Ok...

[The scene goes to SpongeBob crying in the Krusty Krab Kitchen. Mr. Krabs then bursts in and walks up to SpongeBob]

Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What have I told you about making Saddie Patties!? Let me guess, you failed your boating test again.

SpongeBob: No Mr. Krabs...I'm kinda used to that...It's just, me and Patrick spent ages making a movie and now it's gone! Some thief stole it and the Police Man we hired is a load of S**t. Ok?

Mr. Krabs: A Thief? I've seen a few thief so coming into the Krusty Krab during the past few days. Um, there's one in right now!

[SpongeBob looks through the door and sees the thief eating a Double Patty Supreme]

SpongeBob: *Gasp* That's him. That's the guy that robbed me.

Mr. Krabs: Well, I don't have all day. I have some things to fill out and I can't fill them out inside of the Kitchen. So, go out there and show him who's boss!

[SpongeBob runs up to the thief]

Thief: He-Oh, um...Hello...

SpongeBob: Um, over there. That's my boss. [Points at Mr. Krabs] He said I should show you who's the boss here so I have done now.

Mr. Krabs: You barnacle head, I meant be angry at him!

Thief: Oh no, you're onto me aren't you? That's it! I'm running!

[SpongeBob pulls out a DVD from the Thief's Pants and the Thief runs out of the Krusty Krab and runs away]

SpongeBob: Woohoo! I've got it! Now! It's time to show that movie!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and a bunch of other people sitting down in Reef Cinema about to watch the movie]

SpongeBob: I can't believe it, we're going to get to see our very own movie in the Cinema!

[The film starts and shows a cereal box flying out at a He-Man Villain Toy]

Cereal Box: I'm SpongeBoy and I'm here to save the day!

He Man Villain: No! Why did you have to destroy me!? Oh no! I'm dead!

[The film ends and everyone in the Cinema are shocked]

SpongeBob: What the hell was that?

[SpongeBob gets a lift up by Patrick and climbs into the projector room]

SpongeBob: Hey! Wait a moment, what the?

[SpongeBob winds back the film and then pauses it to show a piece of paper on the desk with some names written on it]

SpongeBob: I know that writing. [Pulls out Auto-Graph from Pocket] It's HammerStein...And that means.

[FlashBack Mode!]

SpongeBob: He was very strong...Some people would say it hurt like a hammer to the face. Or maybe a Shark.

SpongeBob: Who gave you that?

Frank The Police Man: Um, this thief... I'm not very good with memory...I'm just a fish with Short-Term Memory Loss. If I remember, he was doing them for Mermaid Man Vs Manatee Man.

Gill Hammerstein: You can buy Mermaid Man Soft Toys that I'm selling right now that are based on his design from the film.

[Present Time]

SpongeBob: That means, Gill was the thief and he must have made another film.....A Decoy Film....Why that little....

[The scene goes to the citizens of Bikini Bottom smashing down the door of Gill Hammerstein's house]

Gill Hammerstein: Hey! What the hell!? Why!? Why would you do that!? W-? Oh no.

SpongeBob: [Picks up real Movie Disk] We're here for a movie. This movie. [Puts arm around Patrick] Our movie!

Gill Hammerstein: Look, maybe it's some misunderstandings! Look, you're not gonna put me away are you?

Phillip The StarFish: Oh my god, look! He has actual Adam Sandler films! That means he's been publishing his films to be bad!

Gill Hammerstein: Hahaha, really? Um, no...I wouldn't do that...ARGH! I'm gonna run!

[Mermaid Man climbs in through a window and kicks Gill onto the ground]

Mermaid Man: You made the film so bad that people would rather watch Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy in 1998.

Gill: Oh no...Please don't. Don't do this!

Phillip The StarFish: Arrest him! Now!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick in SpongeBob's Pineapple looking at Rotten Tomatoes]

SpongeBob: Alright, let's see the reviews. Ok, 13%? Why?

Patrick: One Critic Says "It tries to a Batman film but fails on so many car park levels that the truck once fell through a car house and went into an elephant kangaroo and had birth with a cat"....

SpongeBob: And that's a bad review? But, that doesn't even make sense! It's stupid...

Patrick: Most of the reviews on here don't even make sense. It's just a bunch of critics whining about weird things.

SpongeBob: Well, we tried....I guess no one loved it.

[The DoorBell rings and SpongeBob runs to the door and opens it]

Norton: Hey! I've got a huge package for you! It's a bunch of Fan-Mail. You can see that on the box. I mean, everyone's talking about your film! Everyone loves it!

SpongeBob: Wait, really? Are you serious?

Norton: Yeah, um...It's just a shock that such a small studio can make such a big good film. No matter what the Internet says, everyone should have their own opinion!

SpongeBob: That's right kids! This episode is to tell you that having your own opinion is the best!

Patrick: No it's not....

[The End]

Later on SpongeBob and Patrick were to produce more films until their studio got bought out by Disney themselves. Disney then stole all of their money and made movies under the companies name and took all the money. So, what's the lesson?

NEVER TRUST DISNEY!

Wait, what?

Trivia

 * Gill Hammerstein is from the SpongeBob SquarePant's Video Game "Light's Camera Pants!".
 * First SpongeBob SquarePants: For Adults episode to be wrote by Cosmobo.