Definitely Not Expensive

Definitely Not Expensive is the third episode of Definitely Not SpongeBob SquarePants, written by SuperFanon'D! as part of the "No-SpongeBob Week!" event. In this episode, Adam and Jake go separate ways after an argument.

Transcript
(Scene: DNSS Office)

Adam: Hi, I'm Adam,

Jake: And I'm Jake, and together we're...... well, figure it out for yourself. I'm just astonished through unexpectedness how moronic the main species of corporeal creatures are in the present generation.

Adam: Yeah!

Jake: You have no idea what I just said, do you?

Adam: Yeah I do, of course I....... no. Well, why don't we watch a short?

Jake: Sure.

(short: Shelf Life)

Patrick: SpongeBob, help! I'm stuck between these shelves!

SpongeBob: That's nice.

(Scene: DNSS Office)

Jake: That's IT?

Adam: Well, I hope you enjoy it, because these things are getting costly.

Jake: It was YOUR idea to make them!

Adam: It was your idea, you stupid little-

Jake: Your idea, not mine! (runs out the door)

Adam: Welcome to the Question of the Day! Why is Patrick (coughs to disguise the word "Jake") so stupid? Maybe because he has a birth defect! Or he's just that way because he wants to be.

(scene cuts to Jake)

Jake: Why don't I watch a stupid SHORT?

(short: Happy Friends)

SpongeBob: Hi Adam, I mean Patrick, my BFF!

Patrick: And Jake, I mean SpongeBob, my BFF!

(Jake smashes the TV displaying the short)

Jake: Another one!

(short: Subliminal)

SpongeBob: I will assault your mind with subliminal messages.

(Jake pictures Adam in his head)

SpongeBob: I really will. I will destroy you. (SpongeBob causes Jake to be teleported to a black box) There is no escape.

Jake: Wow, this short is so realistic!

SpongeBob: It's more than a short....... (maniacally laughs, but starts coughing at the end)

Adam: Hey there, what's going on?

Jake: Help me!

Adam: (frees Jake) Let's run!

Jake: (wakes up) Wow. REALISTIC! Hmm..... maybe Adam still cares.

Adam: Watch a short, should I? Hmph.

Subliminal SpongeBob: You shall reunite. You shall. He still cares.

Adam: (wakes up) Wow. REALISTIC! Hmm...... maybe Jake still cares.

(Adam and Jake walk into each other)

Adam and Jake: (with explosion background behind them) BFFs AGAIN!

Subliminal SpongeBob: Yes. You shall reunite. Yes. The prophecy never lies. Yes. Yo-

Adam: Hey SpongeBob, I've got a little secret!

Subliminal SpongeBob: What?

Adam: (whispering in SpongeBob's ear) Fus ro dah.

Subliminal SpongeBob: (is sent flying onto the wall and falls into space)

Adam and Jake: (wakes up) REALISTIC! (fist-bump, explosion background reappears behind them)

(episode abruptly ends)