I Am Not Gay

"I Am Not Gay" is the second episode of season 1 of NKC. In this episode, the cast think Squidward is gay, and Mr. Krabs tries to protect Pearl at a Logan Paul concert.

Plot
The episode opens with all the cast eating in the dining room, SpongeBob tells everyone he met this woman at work and is going on a date with her on Friday night. Patrick then says he is also going on a date, he then picks up a rock and says it's his date. Rex then says she's beautiful. Sandy says she's going on a date with a karate master she met at a karate tournament, Mr. Krabs says Mrs. Puff is moving to New Kelp City. SpongeBob asks if it'll be a date, and Mr. Krabs responds saying it'll be more than just a date. SpongeBob then asks Squidward if he'll be seeing anyone and Squidward says no. Patrick then asks if it is because he is gay, and Squidward screams out "what?!" Patrick then says "you know, you're gay." Squidward then says "what? I am not gay." SpongeBob then says "it's okay Squidward it's 2018, we're not against it or anything." Squidward then says he is not gay again and says he'll show them and leaves. SpongeBob then asks if he knows they have nothing against his sexuality. Rex is then shown snorting what he thinks is cocaine, but Sandy tells him it is sugar.

Pearl then runs in screaming "daddy" while jumping up and down causing the whole place to shake and Rex ends up snorting loads of sugar giving him a nose bleed, Mr. Krabs then tells her to calm down and tell him what she wants. Pearl then says her favorite YouTuber Logan Paul is having a concert in New Kelp City and asks Mr. Krabs if she can go, Mr. Krabs says she can and Pearl runs off jumping up and down again causing the tissue Rex was using to clean up the nose bleed to go up his nose. Rex then attempts to get it out but can't. SpongeBob then asks Mr. Krabs why he did that, Mr. Krabs has no idea what he means. SpongeBob then says Logan Paul is known to tase people in the audience of his concerts, Mr. Krabs then becomes terrified about Pearl's safety, and leaves.

The scene cuts to the next day, the cast are shown watching TV, SpongeBob asks where Squidward has been pointing out he has been gone for the whole night. Patrick says maybe he found a boyfriend. Squidward then enters with a female octopus who he is claiming is his new girlfriend he then kisses her. Patrick then says "we appreciate the attempt but we know you're gay." Squidward then says again "I am not gay!" Patrick then says "yes you are." Squidward's girlfriend then tells Squidward "they need to talk" and she tells him she is not ready for a serious relationship and leaves. Squidward then tells everyone he wishes they didn't see that.

Mr. Krabs is then shown on his computer doing research about Logan Paul and finds a video of him tasing dead rats, trying to give a dead fish CPR. Pearl then shows up and says she has the tickets to the Logan Paul concert, Mr. Krabs then tells her about the risk of her being tased by Logan Paul, Pearl then says "at least I am not going to an XXXTentacion concert daddy." Mr. Krabs then says that is true and Pearl says "good" and leaves. Mr. Krabs then imagines Pearl at the concert and Logan Paul tasing Pearl, he then imagines him standing next to Pearl's hospital bed when the heart monitor stops beeping. Mr. Krabs then screams out no and accidentally flips his desk while getting up and screaming he's a good father, he then hears his computer screen crack and says shit.

The scene then goes to Squidward seeing his therapist, he asks why Squidward is seeing him today and Squidward says that everyone he knows thinks he is gay. His therapist then asks when this all started, and Squidward explains the situation in the dining room. His therapist then says he has been Squidward's therapist for years now and Squidward has never told him about a girlfriend and asks Squidward if he is gay. Squidward then immediately screams out no making the therapist also think he is gay. Squidward then says he is going to prove to everyone he is not gay and asks the therapist if he has a hammer, the therapist says no, and Squidward gets up and shouts "to the hardware store!" He then leaves and the therapist then says "aww. Wait what?"

Mr. Krabs then runs into SpongeBob's room and tells him Pearl still wants to go to the concert. SpongeBob asks if he told Pearl about the risk of being tased and Mr. Krabs says "yeah and she still wants to go." SpongeBob then says "at least she isn't going to an XXXTentacion concert." Mr. Krabs then tells SpongeBob she could still get tased and SpongeBob suggests Mr. Krabs goes to the concert with Pearl and if Logan Paul goes to tase her he jumps in front of Pearl so he gets tased instead. Mr. Krabs then says that's a great idea.

Mr. Krabs is then shown going in Pearl's room asking if he can go with her to the concert, Pearl then angrily responds with "no daddy, all my friends will make fun of me" Mr. Krabs then says he just wants to make sure she is safe Pearl then says "well the ticket says I can bring my parents, but still no" Mr. Krabs then says "I am in the logang."

The scene then goes to all the cast except Mr. Krabs, Pearl, and Squidward watching TV, Rex asks where Squidward is and Patrick says he is probably plotting another attempt to prove he is not gay. Rex then says "probably." Squidward then breaks down the door and says "you want proof I'm not gay, here!" Patrick then says he called it and Rex gives him a bag of weed. Squidward then shows his hammer and smashes Sandy's helmet and kisses her. Patrick, furious, then screams out "you leave her alone" and gets Sandy's spare helmet and puts it on her. Squidward then asks if that is enough proof he isn't gay and Rex says "no, it seems more like you were trying to kill Sandy." Squidward then screams out once again "I am not gay!" Prompting SpongeBob to say "it is okay Squidward we don't care about your sexuality." Squidward then angrily goes up to his room.

The scene then goes to a few days later, there is a party going on at the house, Rex is shown getting high on surface polish and screaming out woah. Mr. Krabs and Squidward are by the beer bong, Squidward points to a woman at the party and says she is hot, Mr. Krabs, thinking he is referring to a man who is standing close to her, responds with "yeah, he would be perfect for you." Squidward immediately responds with "what?" Mr. Krabs says "you know, he's good looking, loves art, had his own chat show at one point" Squidward then says "I was referring to the woman." Mr. Krabs then starts laughing and says "good one Squidward." Squidward then says "I wasn't joking." Mr. Krabs then says "but you're gay" Squidward immediately responds with "I am not gay!" Rex then goes to the beer bong and lights it Mr. Krabs then asks what he is doing and he says he's "smoking the bong." Mr. Krabs says "you don't smoke beer bongs, you drink from them" and Rex then says "but it's a bong." Mr. Krabs then says "I get what you're saying but. You know what, the name is a lie, it isn't a bong." Rex then says "fuck" and walks off. SpongeBob then comes up and asks if Mr. Krabs and Squidward are going out now, Squidward then goes to punch SpongeBob but Mr. Krabs stops him, Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob what he wants and he asks Mr. Krabs if he managed to convince Pearl to let him go to the concert with her and Mr. Krabs says he did and all he had to do was says he is in the logang. Patrick then shows up and tells them to "stand back" and throws up, he then thanks them and walks off. Squidward then asks if Mr. Krabs is going to the Logan Paul concert, Mr. Krabs says he is, to protect Pearl. Squidward then says Logan Paul is his favorite YouTuber. Patrick then shows up and tells them to stand back again, as he throws up again. Mr. Krabs asks if Squidward wants a ticket to the concert, and he says he already has one, Mr. Krabs asks SpongeBob if he wants one and he says "eh, why not" Mr. Krabs says "okay, you know what? I'm buying everyone who lives here, a ticket to Logan Paul's concert!" Rex is then heard in the background saying "oh no."

The scene then goes to the cast at the Logan Paul concert, SpongeBob points out how there are so many people there. A kid is then heard saying "like if you're in the logang" and Patrick throws up. Another kid walks by wearing Logan's merch prompting Patrick to throw up again. Another kid is heard saying "don't mess with the logang" and Patrick throw up again. A woman then goes up to the cast with a plate of free samples and Patrick throws up all over the plate. SpongeBob then asks where Rex has gone and Rex is shown at the merch store looking left and right before stealing all the merchandise, Rex then starts running and the cashier starts chasing him. Pearl then says "look daddy, it's Logan!" and Logan shows up on stage, and his audience are heard screaming. Just before he starts singing the screen goes to black. SpongeBot then says "fortunately we are not legally allowed to play the song due to health concerns, so let's just cut to the end of his singing shall we?" Logan is then shown performing the end of "the number song" he then gets his taser out and points it at Pearl, Mr. Krabs notices this and jumps in front of Pearl, he then points it at Squidly Tentacles from Dunces and Dragons, and tases him instead and Rex takes a picture of his corpse. Pearl then notices Mr. Krabs jumping in front of her and says "daddy!" Mr. Krabs then thinks she is mad and starts shaking, Pearl then says "you tried to save me, you're the best dad ever" and gives Mr. Krabs a hug. Patrick then notices Squidly's appearance, and SpongeBob asks what he is doing here.

Squidly is then shown watching a joust and someone puts the lance to one of the seahorses and the seahorse runs into Squidly launching him out of the stadium and he lands at the Logan Paul concert, he then asks where he is.

The scene then goes to Logan Paul going up to the cast after the concert, Squidward says to Logan "hi Logan. I am not gay!" Logan says he never said he was. Squidward then says "finally someone who doesn't think I'm gay." Rex then appears and says "hey Logan, what's up?" Logan then asks if he is the guy who stole his merchandise and Rex responds simply with "oh no." Sirens can then be heard and Rex runs off, the police then enter and Rex runs past them. Logan asks why they're not chasing after him and the police say they aren't there to arrest Rex, they are there to arrest Logan for throwing a pokeball at a boat. It then flashbacks to Logan saying "I choose you" as he throws a pokeball at a boat. The police are then about to take Logan away but Squidward tells the police to tell everyone he isn't gay. One cop then says "okay, stop bullying him because he is gay." SpongeBob then says "we're not against it." Squidward then says "I am not ga-" the episode then ends.

Transcript

 * [The episode starts with all the cast eating in the dining room]
 * SpongeBob: So I met this woman at work today. We're going on a date on Friday night.
 * Patrick: I have a date too.
 * SpongeBob: Oh really, who's the lucky lady?
 * Patrick: Hold on. [picks up a rock] Here she is.
 * Rex: Wow. She's beautiful!
 * Sandy: Well. I'm going on a date with this karate master I met at a karate tournament earlier today! What about you Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Well Mrs. Puff is moving to New Kelp City soon.
 * SpongeBob: Are you going on a date with her.
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh… It'll be more than a date…
 * SpongeBob: What about you Squidward?
 * Squidward: Oh, uh, I don't have a date.
 * Patrick: Is it because you're gay?
 * Squidward: [screaming] What?
 * Patrick: You know, you're gay.
 * Squidward: What? I am not gay.
 * SpongeBob: It's okay Squidward, it's 2018 we're not against it or anything.
 * Squidward: [screaming] I am not gay. You know what, I'll show you! [leaves]
 * SpongeBob: He does know we have nothing against his sexuality right?
 * Patrick: Yeah I think he does, otherwise this episode wouldn't be allowed to air because, you know.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah I know what you mean. [Rex is shown snorting what he thinks is cocaine]
 * Sandy: Uhh, Rex, that's the sugar.
 * Rex: [censor bleep, Pearl runs into the room]
 * Pearl: [jumping up and down, making the whole place shake] Daddy! Daddy! Daddy! [Rex snorts loads of the sugar by accident causing him to get a nose bleed]
 * Rex: Oh [censor bleep]!
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, calm down, and tell daddy what you want.
 * Pearl: Well, my favorite YouTuber Logan Paul is having a concert in New Kelp City, can I go?
 * Mr. Krabs: Of course.
 * Pearl: Thanks daddy! [jumps up and down as she leaves and Rex's tissue he was using to sort the nose bleed out with ends up going up his nose]
 * Rex: Oh, no problem. [tries to get it out but can't] Oh for [censor bleep] sake!
 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yes SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob: Why did you do that?
 * Mr. Krabs: What do you mean?
 * SpongeBob: You're letting your daughter go to a Logan Paul concert.
 * Mr. Krabs: So?
 * SpongeBob: Logan Paul, the guy who tases people who go to his concerts.
 * Mr. Krabs:    Oh no.
 * SpongeBob: I mean there is a small chance it'll be Pearl but.
 * Mr. Krabs: I'm a terrible father! [leaves, Rex is still trying to get the tissue out of his nose]
 * Rex: I got it! [gets the tissue out, but all his nose hair is on it] Ahh!
 * [The scene goes to the next day, the cast are watching TV in the living room]
 * SpongeBob: Where's Squidward? He's been gone for the whole night.
 * Patrick: Maybe he found a boyfriend. [Squidward enters with a female octopus]
 * Squidward: You think I'm gay, well this is my new girlfriend.
 * Female octopus: You never said I was your girlfriend.
 * Squidward: Well you are. [kisses her]
 * Female octopus: That was our first kiss.
 * Squidward: Oh, shut up.
 * Patrick: Squidward, we appreciate the attempt but we know you're gay.
 * Squidward: I am not gay.
 * Patrick: Yes you are!
 * Female octopus: Uhh Squidward? We need to talk. I'm just simply not ready for a serious relationship, goodbye, Squidward! [leaves]
 * Squidward: I wish you didn't see that.
 * [The scene goes to Mr. Krabs on his computer doing research on Logan Paul]
 * Mr. Krabs: He tases dead rats, he tried to give a dying fish CPR. Oh no… [Pearl runs into the room]
 * Pearl: [jumping up and down, making the whole place shake, Mr. Krabs tries to protect his computer] Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
 * Mr. Krabs: Calm down Pearl.
 * Pearl: [shows the tickets] I got those tickets to Logan's concert daddy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Listen Pearl, we need to talk.
 * Pearl: Ooh, are you finally going to tell me who my real mom is?
 * Mr. Krabs: No. I've heard about this Logan Paul guy, and, can you like not go to the concert, I don't want you to get tased.
 * Pearl: At least I am not going to an XXXTentacion concert daddy.
 * Mr. Krabs: Well, that's true.
 * Pearl: Good. [walks off]
 * Mr. Krabs: Oh no. [imagines Pearl going to the concert and getting tased]
 * Pearl's friend: Someone call the fire department!
 * Pearl's other friend: Why the fire department?
 * Pearl's friend: I don't know. [Pearl is in the hospital with Mr. Krabs and the heart monitor stops beeping]
 * Mr. Krabs: No! I will not let that happen! I am a good father! [flips his desk and the computer monitor is heard cracking] Shit!
 * [The scene goes to Squidward seeing a therapist]
 * Therapist: So why are you seeing me today Squidward?
 * Squidward: Well, everyone I know seems to think I'm gay.
 * Therapist: When did this all start?
 * Squidward: Well, a few days ago me and everyone I live with were eating, and everyone were talking about the dates they would be going on, and I said I didn't have a date and then Patrick said I was gay. I am not gay.
 * Therapist: Squidward I have been your therapist for years now, and you have never told me about a girlfriend. Squidward, are you gay?
 * Squidward: [screaming] No!
 * Therapist: That just makes me think you're gay even more.
 * Squidward: I am not gay. You know what, I am gonna prove to everyone I'm not gay, again. Do you have a hammer?
 * Therapist: No.
 * Squidward: To the hardware store! [superhero music starts playing as he leaves]
 * Therapist: Aww… Wait what?
 * [The scene goes to Mr. Krabs entering SpongeBob's room]
 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob you gotta help me!
 * SpongeBob: What's wrong Mr. Krabs?
 * Mr. Krabs: Pearl still wants to go to the concert!
 * SpongeBob: Did you tell her about the risk of being tased?
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, and she still wants to go.
 * SpongeBob: Well… At least she isn't going to an XXXTentacion concert.
 * Mr. Krabs: She can still get tased!
 * SpongeBob: Well, that is true. What if you went to the concert with Pearl, and if Logan does go to tase Pearl, you jump in front so you get tased instead?
 * Mr. Krabs: You know, that's a good idea, I don't know why I didn't think of it.
 * [The scene goes to Mr. Krabs entering Pearl's room]
 * Mr. Krabs: Pearl, can I go to the concert with you?
 * Pearl: [angrily] No daddy, all my friends will make fun of me.
 * Mr. Krabs: I just want to make sure you're safe.
 * Pearl: Well, the ticket does say I can bring my parents, but still no.
 * Mr. Krabs: I am in the logang. [Pearl looks at him, the scene goes to all the cast except Mr. Krabs, Pearl, and Squidward watching TV]
 * Rex: Where's Squidward?
 * Patrick: Probably plotting another attempt to prove he is not gay.
 * Rex: Probably. [Squidward knocks down the door]
 * Squidward: You want proof I'm not gay, here!
 * Patrick: Called it! Rex?
 * Rex: Ugh. [gives him a bag of weed, Squidward then gets out a hammer, smashes Sandy's helmet, and kisses her]
 * Patrick: [furious] You leave her alone! [puts Sandy's spare helmet on Sandy]
 * Squidward: Is that enough proof I'm not gay?
 * Rex: No, it seems more like you were trying to kill Sandy.
 * Squidward: [screaming] I am not gay!
 * SpongeBob: It is okay Squidward we don't care about your sexuality. [Squidward angrily walks off]
 * [the scene then goes to a few days later, there is a party going on at the house]
 * Rex: [getting high on surface polish] Woah! [Squidward and Mr. Krabs are by the beer bong]
 * Squidward: Wow! [pointing to a woman] Hot.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, he would be perfect for you.
 * Squidward: What?
 * Mr. Krabs: You know, he's good looking, loves art, had his own chat show at one point.
 * Squidward: I was referring to the woman.
 * Mr. Krabs: [starts laughing] Good one Squidward.
 * Squidward: I wasn't joking.
 * Mr. Krabs: But you're gay.
 * Squidward: [screaming] I am not gay! [Rex goes up to the beer bong and lights it]
 * Mr. Krabs: Rex, what are you doing?
 * Rex: I am smoking the bong.
 * Mr. Krabs: You don't smoke beer bongs, you drink from them.
 * Rex: But it's a bong.
 * Mr. Krabs: I get what you're saying but. You know what, the name is a lie, it isn't a bong.
 * Rex: Fuck. [walks off, SpongeBob walks up to Mr. Krabs and Squidward]
 * SpongeBob: Hey Mr. Krabs, Squidward. So are you two going out now? [Squidward goes to punch SpongeBob but Mr. Krabs stops him from doing so]
 * Mr. Krabs: So what do you want SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob: Oh I just wanted to know if you managed to convince Pearl to let you go to the concert.
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah I did, all I had to do was tell her I am in the logang. [Patrick shows up]
 * Patrick: Stand back! [everyone stands back and Patrick throws up] Thanks. [walks off]
 * Squidward: Wait, Mr. Krabs are you and Pearl going to the Logan Paul concert?
 * Mr. Krabs: Yeah, just to protect Pearl, not because I like him.
 * Squidward: Logan Paul is my favorite YouTuber. [Patrick shows up again]
 * Patrick: Stand back! [everyone stands back and Patrick throws up again] Thanks. [walks off]
 * Mr. Krabs: So do you want a ticket Squidward?
 * Squidward: I already have one.
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, SpongeBob do you want a ticket?
 * SpongeBob: Eh, why not?
 * Mr. Krabs: Okay, you know what? [shouting] I'm buying everyone who lives here, a ticket to Logan Paul's concert!
 * Rex: [in the background] Oh no…
 * [the scene then goes to the cast at the Logan Paul concert]
 * SpongeBob: Woah, there's so many people here.
 * Kid #1: [in the background] Like if you're in the logang! [Patrick throws up, another kid walks by in Logan's merchandise, causing Patrick to throw up again]
 * Kid #3: [in the background] Don't mess with the logang. [Patrick throws up again, a woman shows up with a plate of free samples]
 * Woman: Free samples? [Patrick throws up on the plate and the woman slaps him]
 * Patrick: Ow.
 * SpongeBob: Hey where has Rex gone? [Rex is at Logan's merchandise store, he looks left and right before stealing all of his merchandise and running off]
 * Cashier: [running after him] Hey! You didn't pay for that. [back at the concert]
 * Pearl: [excited] Look daddy it's Logan! [Logan walks on stage, the audience starts screaming and Patrick covers his ears]
 * Patrick: Ahh! Holy [censor bleep]! [Logan is about to start singing and the screen fades to black]
 * SpongeBot: Fortunately we are not legally allowed to play the song due to health concerns, so let's just cut to the end of his singing shall we? [back at the concert]
 * Logan: ♪I [muted] with you if you say you love to count Counting is my favorite and it's what this song's about♪ [in slow motion: gets taser out and points it at Pearl, Mr. Krabs then jumps in front of her]
 * Mr. Krabs: [in slow motion] No! [in slow motion: Logan moves taser and points it at Squidly]
 * Squidly: [in slow motion] What are you doing? Wait no! [Logan tases Squidly, Rex takes a picture of Squidly's corpse]
 * Pearl: Daddy!
 * Mr. Krabs: [shaking] Oh no…
 * Pearl: You tried to save me, you're the best dad ever! [gives Mr. Krabs a hug but ends up strangling Mr. Krabs by mistake]
 * Patrick: Hey wait a minute, that's Squidly.
 * SpongeBob: What's he doing here?
 * [flashback: Squidly is watching a joust, someone puts the lance to one of the seahorses making the seahorse run into Squidly launching him out of the stadium, he lands at Logan's concert]
 * Squidly: Where am I?
 * [the scene then goes to Logan Paul going up to the cast after the concert]
 * Squidward: Hi Logan. [shakes hands with him] I am not gay.
 * Logan: I never said you were.
 * Squidward: Finally someone who doesn't think I'm gay. [Rex goes up to Logan whilst smoking a joint]
 * Rex: Hey Logan, what's up?
 * Logan: Are you the guy who stole my merch earlier?
 * Rex: Oh no… [sirens then go off] Oh, I gotta go. [runs off, the police then enter and Rex runs right past them]
 * Logan: Why aren't you chasing after him?
 * Police: We're not here for him, we're here for you.
 * Logan: What did I do?
 * Police: You threw a pokeball at a boat.
 * [flashback: Logan is shown by a road holding a plush pokeball]
 * Logan: I choose you! [throws the plush pokeball at a boat, the scene goes back to the police about to arrest Logan]
 * Police: You're coming with us Logan.
 * Squidward: Hey, while you're here, can you tell them all I am not gay.
 * Police: Okay, stop bullying him because he's gay.
 * SpongeBob: We're not against it.
 * Squidward: I am not ga- [episode goes to black]

Trivia

 * A script for the episode was released on NKC's official twitter.
 * This episode aired on May 6, 2018 at 10pm on the SBN network.

Reception
What did you think of "I Am Not Gay?" Amazing episode Great episode Good episode Meh episode Bad episode Terrible episode