Soap Opera Mountain Climbing (ADWSS Episode Transcript)


 * [the episode begins at Patrick's house]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, it's time we had a talk about your diet.
 * Patrick: What's wrong with my diet?
 * [SpongeBob opens Patrick's door, which makes an avalanche of candy flow out]
 * SpongeBob: We need to get you healthy. Perhaps Sandy could help you lose some weight. She works out a lot.
 * [the scene cuts to Sandy's Treedome]
 * Sandy: I was just going to go climb a mountain, so if Patrick were to come along he could probably lose some weight. As long as you don't get too close. Don't let SpongeBob get to close to me, alright Patrick?
 * Patrick: Why not?
 * Sandy: Complicated reasons.
 * SpongeBob: Very, very complicated reasons.
 * Patrick: Okay...
 * [the scene cuts to the mountain]
 * Patrick: Great, you guys have fun. *begins walking away*
 * SpongeBob: Yes, fun.
 * Sandy: I'm staying at least a meter away from you.
 * [Patrick begins to film them on camera]
 * Patrick: Wow, this is like a soap opera!
 * Sandy: What?
 * SpongeBob: Oh, the romantic drama!
 * Sandy: Romantic drama?
 * Patrick: This will get me millions on TV!
 * SpongeBob: Would you climb with us, please?
 * Patrick: So I can get a closer look on the scene?
 * SpongeBob: Erm... yeah.
 * [Patrick gets onto the rocks with them and points the camera to SpongeBob]
 * Patrick: See this sponge, kids? This is what happens to you after years and years of being rejected by an underwater squirrel.
 * SpongeBob: Rejected? REJECTED!?
 * Patrick: Ooh, spicy.
 * Sandy: Spicy? What do you even mean?
 * SpongeBob: The rejection can end, you know.
 * Sandy: It can. But it won't.
 * Patrick: And the drama continues.
 * Sandy: Can we just get climbing? With Patrick not trying to film a soap opera?
 * Patrick: I can't stop mid-episode!
 * SpongeBob: Wait, are you live-streaming this?
 * Patrick: Straight onto FishTube. It has 1 billion views already!
 * SpongeBob: What?!
 * Sandy: CLIMB! I don't care if that thing has... oh wait, I actually do. We could be rich!
 * SpongeBob: Yeah!
 * Patrick: You won't get any profits unless you guys make out right no
 * SpongeBob: Ready to get rich?
 * Sandy: I would prefer not...
 * SpongeBob: But I prefer!
 * [SpongeBob jumps torwards Sandy, knocking her to the rock and rolling her off, causing her to fall down the mountain]
 * Patrick: What a twist! Spicy.
 * Sandy: Spicy?
 * Patrick: Quiet, Sandy! Can't you see I'm filming SpongeBob harass you in ways we can't mention on film?
 * SpongeBob: Actually, I didn't mean to knock her off the rock, I just wanted to kiss her. Is she okay?
 * Patrick: Oh look, 5 billion views. This video is smoking hot!
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, you climb while I go see Sandy.
 * Patrick: Yeah, up there I'll have a better view.
 * [Patrick climbs up, while looking at SpongeBob, he falls down and lands directly on Sandy]
 * SpongeBob: Spicy. You know what? Have fun being fat, Patrick. I'm taking one hundred percent profit for this video. Have fun!
 * [the episode ends]