Birthday Party

Transcript
(Scene cuts to Shubie eating lunch with Nancy, Martha and Sadie at Sadie's house)

Nancy: "It was so nice of you to invite us over, Sadie."

Sadie: "Thanks. So Shubie, what are you doing for Nat on Sunday?"

Shubie: "What's on Sunday?"

Sadie: "His birthday."

Shubie: "It's the 24th already?!" Shubie runs over to a calendar on the wall and sees that it's the 22nd.

Shubie: "Oh no! Nat's birthday is only two days away and I completely forgot! Wait why is Nat's birthday marked on your calendar Sadie?"

Sadie: "Uh... I always remember my friend's husbands' birthdays!"

Martha: "Do you know when Tom's is?"

Sadie: "Nobody cares about Tom, Martha!"

Nancy: "Do you know when Frank's is?" Nancy flips back the calendar and sees a big "X" over where it says Frank's birthday.

Sadie: "I put an 'X' over it after the divorce. But don't worry Shubie we can help you out! That's what friends are for!"

Shubie: "Really? Thank you guys so much! What should I do for his birthday though?"

Nancy: "You should take him to a sports game!"

Martha: "You should take him to Fancy! for a very romantic evening!"

Sadie: "No! Nat would never like those horrible things. You should have a surprise party for him!"

Shubie: "That's a great idea Sadie! I'll throw a surprise party for him!"

Sadie: "Great choice! Now let's go to the mall and get stuff for the partyt!" Shubie, Nancy and Martha run out of the house, get in their cars and drive towards the store.

Sadie: "Perfect! Once I ruin this stupid surprise party, Nat will totally realize that he's a fool for being with Shubie and will definitely dump her for me!" Sadie laughs maniacally and drives to the mall.

(Scene cuts to Shubie, Nancy, Martha and Sadie shopping at the mall)

Shubie: "Where should we go first?"

Nancy: "We should go to the party store and get decorations!"

Martha: "No, we should go get some food for the party!"

Sadie: "Why don't we split up and do both? Nancy and I will go to the party store to get decorations and Martha and Shubie can go get some food."

Shubie: "That's a great idea, Sadie! Let's meet back here in two hours." Sadie and Nancy walk away in one direction and Shubie and Martha walk away in the other.

Sadie: "I'm going to have to ditch Nancy if I want to wreck this party, but how?" Sadie and Nancy walk by the hair salon.

Sadie: "That gives me an idea!"

Nancy: "What?"

Sadie: "Oh, nothing! Say, you should really get your hair done. It looks a little messy and dry right now." Nancy feels her hair.

Nancy: "Nah, it seems good to me."

Sadie: "Well I really think you should get it done if you want Frank to love you again."

Nancy: "Frank doesn't love me?!"

Sadie: "Yeah, it kinda seems like he doesn't lately. You've seen the way he looks at Evelyn haven't you?"

Nancy: "Evelyn?! Why would he like her instead of me?"

Sadie: "Because your hair makes you look a lot older than you are. Everyone knows that Frank's into younger looking women like Evelyn."

Nancy: "I can't lose another husband to someone who looks younger than me! I need to get my hair done! But what about Shubie? I need to help her set up for Nat's party."

Sadie: "Don't worry about it. Go get your hair done, I can definitely get the decorations by myself."

Nancy: "Really? Thanks Sadie you're the best!" Nancy runs into the hair salon.

Sadie: "Perfect! Now I can easily ruin this party!" Sadie walks into the party store.

Sadie: "Ok what should I buy first?" Sadie see a "pin the tail on the seahorse game".

Sadie: "Perfect! When Nat plays this game I'll send him in the direction of Shubie and he'll pin the tail on her instead of the seahorse!" Sadie grabs the game and sees a piñata.

Sadie: "When I blindfold Nat I can send him in the direction of Shubie again and he'll hit her with a baseball bat!" Sadie grabs the piñata and walks down another section.

Sadie: "How else can I ruin this party?" Sadie continues walking down the aisle.

Kid: "Can I have some balloons, Mommy?"

Mother: "Ok sweetie, you can have a balloon. I wouldn't want you to fly away if I gave you more!" The mother laughs and hands her son a balloon.

Sadie: "That gives me an idea! I can give all these balloons to Shubie and then she'll fly away and Nat will be all mine!" Sadie grabs all the balloons.

Sadie: "Now all I need is one more thing." Sadie notices a bunch of fireworks.

Sadie: Perfect! I can launch all these fireworks at Shubie and then she'll be so ugly that Nat will definitely dump her for me!" Sadie grabs all the fireworks and laughs maniacally.

(Scene cuts to Sadie walking across the street to Nat's house)

Sadie: "Hey Shubie!"

Shubie: "Hey Sadie! Thank you so much for offering to help me set up today!"

Sadie: "No problem I always love helping my friends when they need it the most!"

Shubie: "I knew I could count on you! Now let's start setting up. (looks at her watch) Nat will be back at 2 which is in two hours and we have a lot of work to do. First..."

Sadie: "Hey, you don't look so good Shubie. maybe you should take some time and rest."

Shubie: "But how would we set up for the party?"

Sadie: "Just leave it to me! I'm great at setting up parties, who do you think is the one behind all of my husband's, my step kids' and my own birthday parties?"

Shubie: "Oh, I don't know..." Sadie pushes Shubie towards her house and opens the back door.

Sadie: "Relax! Everything's going to be fine. Now go back inside and enjoy a nice refreshing nap while I set up this party."

Shubie: "Well I guess I could use a nap. Thanks Sadie you're such a great friend!" Shubie walks inside her house and closes the door.

Sadie: "Now it's time to ruin this party! First let's start with the food!" Sadie runs over to a table full of food.

Sadie: "No one will enjoy these hot dogs when I replace them with chum!" Sadie takes the meat out of all the hotdog buns and puts chum inside them. Sadie then replaces a trays of brownies and cookies with a tray full of burned ones.

Sadie: "And they'll puke once they drink this toilet water!" Sadie throws a case of water in the trash and replaces it with bottles of toilet water.

Sadie: "Now let's set up the games and fireworks!" Sadie laughs manically and starts putting up the piñata.

(Scene cuts to Shubie taking a nap on her couch) Shubie wakes up and looks at her watch.

Shubie: "It's 1:58! Nat'll be here any second!" Shubie runs outside and sees that a lot of people are already there.

Shubie: "Where are the kids?"

Sadie: "Oh, I had Debbie babysit all of them. I didn't want them to get in the way of the party.@

Shubie: "Oh, okay. Well is everything ready and is everyone here?"

Sadie: "We're only waiting on Scooter, Martha and Tom. And everything is almost ready, I just didn't have time to put up all these balloons. Would you mind holding them for me?"

Shubie: "Sure! (Shubie starts to float up off the ground a bit before coming back down) Woah this is a lot of balloons Sadie!"

Sadie: "Yeah I had to buy a lot because I know how much Nat loves balloons!" Scooter walks into the backyard.

Shubie: "Hey, Scooter thanks for coming to Nat's party."

Scooter: "No problem Shubie." Shubie sees Nat pull into the driveway behind Scooter.

Shubie: "Nat's here! Alright everyone get ready! Would you mind holding these balloons for me Scooter?"

Scooter: "Sure." Shubie hands Scooter the balloons and runs over with the others as Nat opens the back door. Scooter starts to float away.

Everyone: "Surprise!" Shubie runs over towards Nat and hugs him.

Shubie: "Happy birthday sweetie."

Nat: "Did you plan this whole thing for me? Thank you so much Shubie you're the greatest wife I could ever have! No one could ever replace you."

Sadie: "Grr... well we'll see about that!" Sadie walks over to Nat.

Sadie: "Hey Nat, happy birthday! Would you like to play a birthday game?"

Nat: "Sure!" Nat follows Sadie over to the "pin the tail on the seahorse" game as Martha and Tom walk into the backyard.

Shubie: "Hey Martha and Tom! Glad you could make it!"

Martha: "Hey Shubie, sorry we're late! We were just really busy... (Martha starts sniffing in the air) What is that smell?!" Martha runs over to the food and begins eating a ton of hotdogs.

Mabel: "Of course Martha's eating everything. She's such a slob." Evelyn rolls her eyes.

Evelyn: "What does Tom see in her?"

(Scene cuts to Sadie blindfolding Nat)

Sadie: "Ok Nat time to pin the tail on the seahorse!" Sadie turns Nat towards Shubie who is talking to Harold. Nat runs towards Shubie.

Shubie: "That is so interesting! I never knew you had a device that could read people's minds!"

Harold: "Yeah would you like me to show you it?"

Shubie: "Sure!" Shubie and Harold walk away which causes Nat to pin the tail on Lenny.

Lenny: "OW!"

Mable: "Lenny!" Mable punches Nat in the face which causes him to go flying towards Sadie. Nat takes off his blindfold.

Nat: "Wow Sadie that was the most realistic pin the tail on the seahorse game I've ever played! I never thought it would kick me like it just did after I put the tail on it!"

Sadie: "Uh, yeah I love the realistic version! It's so much more fun! Do you want to break the piñata now?"

Nat: "Sounds like fun!" Sadie puts the blindfold back on Nat and leads him over to the piñata. Sadie hands him a baseball bat and turns him towards Shubie again.

Sadie: "Hit it as hard as you can Nat!" Nat runs towards Shubie who is talking to Tina-Fran.

Tina: "We're out of napkins, Martha used them all."

Shubie: "Oh, let me go get some more." Shubie runs over to the house to get some more napkins. Nat starts swinging the bat and hits Tom in the face.

Sally: "Tom! Nat stop!" Sally grabs Nat and tries to pull him away from Tom.

Nat: "Why? I've almost broken the piñata!" Nat keeps hitting Tom with the bat until Sally finally drags him away.

Nat: "Why did Sally make me stop hitting the piñata?"

Sadie: "Uh, I think it's because she one of those nut jobs that thinks that piñatas are living creatures."

Nat: "There are people who think that piñatas are living creatures?"

Sadie: "Uh... yeah."

Shubie: "Ok everyone, let's eat dinner! I ordered pizza!" Everyone runs toward the table.

Harold: "I think you made a mistake. It says that Pilar and I are sitting at the back of the table but we obviously should be sitting close to Nat."

Shubie: "It's not a mistake. Married people sit closer to Nat and single people sit towards the back." Harold and Pilar walk away.

Harold: "Why do wives have to ruin everything? We need to sit closer to Nat!" Harold sits next to Evelyn.

Harold: "Hey how's it going? Would you like to go on a date sometime?" Evelyn rolls her eyes. Pilar sits down next to Tina.

Pilar: "Will you marry me?" Tina slaps him. Sadie walks over to the table.

Sadie: "Oh no! Shubie put Nancy and Frank next to Nat and not me! I have to fix this." Sadie switches Nancy and Frank's name tags with her and Fred's so she can sit next to Nat.

Sadie: "Hey Nat have you..." Shubie hands Nat a slice of pizza.

Nat: "Thank you so much Shubie! You're the greatest wife ever!"

Shubie: "Oh, stop it! You're the greatest husband too!"

Sadie: "Grr... I'm gonna have to distract Shubie if I ever want to talk to Nat. Hey Shubie! Would you mind getting me a soda from over there? It's just so far away."

Shubie: "Sure." Shubie gets up and walks over to a cooler full of sodas.

Sadie: "Perfect! So Nat..."

Shubie: "Here you go!" Shubie hands her a soda.

Nat: "How's work been going Shubie?"

Shubie: "Great! Just the other day..."

Sadie: "Ugh! They're talking again! I'm going to have to get Shubie away from him somehow, but how?" Sadie looks down at the table and sees the soda Shubie just gave her.

Sadie: "I've got an idea!" Sadie shakes her soda really hard and opens it in Shubie's direction. The soda gets all over Shubie.

Sadie: "Oh no I'm so sorry Shubie!"

Shubie: "It's okay, I'll just go wipe myself off." Shubie walk away and into her house.

Sadie: "So Nat have you been enjoying your birthday so far?" Nat is about to answer but Shubie returns to the table.

Nat: "Wow Shubie that was fast! So tell me more about what happened to you at work."

Sadie: "Dang it! I need to find another way to distract her. I've got it." Sadie grabs a piece of pizza and shoves it into Shubie's mouth. Shubie and Nat look at her strangely.

Sadie: "Sorry I just saw that Shubie's pizza was getting cold and I didn't want it to be ruined." Shubie swallows the pizza.

Shubie: "Uh thanks Sadie. So anyway..." Sadie grabs a piece of pizza out of Frank's hands.

Frank: "Hey!"

Sadie: "Would you like another piece of pizza Shubie?" Sadie throws the piece of pizza and it hits Shubie in the face. Shubie pulls the pizza off of her face.

Shubie: "I didn't ask for one but thanks I guess."

Frank: "Evelyn could you pass me a slice of pizza?"

Nancy: "Oh I can get one Frank!"

Frank: "Are you sure? The pizza box is right in front of Evelyn."

Nancy: "Oh yeah I've got it." Nancy tries to reach across the table and grab the box but it slips out of her hands and a bunch of pizza slices hit her, Frank and Evelyn.

Shubie: "Well there goes our last box so I guess it's time for presents! Who'd like to give out their present first?"

Harold and Pilar: "I will!" Harold and Pilar run over to the table with a bunch of presents on it and grab their's.

Harold: "I'm giving my present to Nat first because I'm his best friend and best friends always go first!"

Pilar: "You didn't even go to high school with him! I'm his best friend so I should go first!" Frank walks over and grabs his present.

Frank: "If anyone should go first it should be me because I'm clearly his best friend!"

Harold: "You?! You probably don't even know his favorite color which is yellow by the way!"

Pilar: "His favorite color is blue."

Harold: "Oh. Well I'm blue so that means I should go first!"

Frank: "No my shirt is blue so I should go first!" Fred walks over to them.

Fred: "Gentlemen please, let's not act like barbarians. There's no need to fight over this."

Frank: "Yeah you're right look at how we're acting right now. It doesn't matter who goes first or not as long as you give him something."

Fred: "Exactly and it's obvious that I'm his best friend anyway so I'll be giving him the first present."

Frank: "Why you little..." Frank punches Fred in the face and him, Fred, Harold and Pilar get into a huge fight.

Fred: "MY LEG!"

Shubie: "Why don't we serve the cake first?" Shubie grabs an ice cream cake and starts lighting the candles.

Sadie: "This will be the perfect time to shoot the fireworks at Shubie!" Sadie runs over to the fireworks launcher and puts a bunch of fireworks in it.

Shubie: "Ok guys, you know what to do! Three... two... one!"

Everyone: "Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to Nat! Happy birthday to you!" Shubie puts the cake in front of Nat.

Shubie: "Happy 36th birthday sweetie." Sadie aims the launcher at Shubie and then presses a button that causes it to shoot a firework at her.

Sadie: "Finally Nat will be with the one he deserves! I can see it now we'll become rich and have so many kids together! Nothing could possibly go wrong now!"

Clayton: "I call the second piece!" Clayton gets up and gets hit by the firework. The firework explodes and Clayton goes flying into another backyard.

Clayton: "Well at least I still have my personality."

Sadie: "Barnacles!" Sadie kicks the firework launcher which causes it to malfunction.

Sadie: "Uh oh. That can't be good." The machine starts shooting fireworks everywhere. A firework hits the table full of presents causing it to light on fire. A firework hits the piñata causing it to light the tree on fire. A firework hits a banner that says Happy Birthday Nat! causing it to light on fire. A firework knocks Evelyn's wig off of her head.

Nancy: "Yes!" A firework lands inside the cake which causes the cake to explode and get all over everyone.

Martha: "I don't feel so good." Martha gags and passes out. Sally wipes some of the cake off of her face.

Sally: "That's it! I'm outta here!" Sally walks away and everyone who is able to follows her.

Nancy: "This was the worst party ever!" Nancy grabs Frank who is unconscious from the fight and drags him away.

Shubie: "No everyone come back! Please don't leave!" The others continue to walk away.

Shubie: "Oh Nat, I'm so sorry! Everyone's gone and I ruined your birthday!" Shubie starts to cry.

Sadie: "I'm still here." Nat hugs Shubie.

Nat: "It's okay Shubie. I mean, yeah this party was a disaster but it didn't ruin my birthday. As long as I'm here with you any day is a great day. I love you Shubie thank you for trying so hard just to make me happy."

Shubie: "Really? I love you too Nat, I don't know what I'd do without you!" Nat and Shubie hug.

Sadie: "Will anything ever go right for me?" Sadie kicks the firework launcher again and it shoots a firework that hits Sadie's car which causes it to explode.

Sadie: "Well at least now Fred has to buy me a new car."

(Scene ends)