Edge of a Resolution

Edge of a Resolution is the fourtieth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, the twentieth episode of season two, and the season two finale. In this episode, Patrick cannot decide what he wants to change about his lifestyle for the new year. SpongeBob suggests that he try and think of New Year's resolutions, yet this does not aid Patrick at all. Patrick decides that if he wants to make changes, he must adopt a life of delinquency. However, SpongeBob finds out about this lifestyle, and asks Sandy for help. However, Patrick has a trick up his sleeve to make sure that this plan doesn't work. Will SpongeBob turn to delinquency? Will Patrick become himself again?

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Gary the Snail
 * Patrick Star
 * Mayor
 * Security guard 1
 * Fish 1
 * Sandy Cheeks
 * Miscellaneous officers
 * Officer 1
 * Officer 2

Transcript

 * (the episode begins with a medium shot of SpongeBob's pineapple; the camera pans in slowly, and cuts to SpongeBob, scribbling on a pad feverishly)


 * SpongeBob: (grunting) One...more. Must...keep...writing.


 * Gary: (slithers in) Meow, meow?


 * SpongeBob: Can't...stop...now, Gary. I'm...in...the zone.


 * Gary: Meow meow.


 * SpongeBob: Don't be...ridiculous, Gary. I'm...just...fine. (pencil snaps and slingshots around the room)


 * (Patrick bursts into the door, causing the pencil to rebound right into one of SpongeBob's pores)


 * Patrick: SpongeBob, SpongeBob! You're alive!


 * SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you...?


 * (Patrick lifts SpongeBob high into the air)


 * Patrick: I was worried...uh...sick!


 * SpongeBob: Patrick, what's going on? What's this about?


 * Patrick: (drops SpongeBob onto couch) And...scene. Thanks, buddy! You've helped me achieve the fifth thing on my list! (takes out paper and scratches off "PERFORM DRAMATIC SCENE") And just in time, too.


 * SpongeBob: What's the list for, Patrick? (reaches into pore and grabs pencil; tosses out of scene)


 * Patrick: Well, duh, SpongeBob. It's nearly the end of that hundred-or-so number of days thing that happens every day of the year.


 * SpongeBob: So, the year?


 * Patrick: Exactly! And if I want the end of the year to be as good as it can possibly be, I need to follow this list! (shoves list into SpongeBob's face)


 * SpongeBob: (examines list) But you've done everything on here.


 * Patrick: And yet another year saved.


 * SpongeBob: (stands up) Well, congrats, buddy, but what are you planning to do with next year?


 * Patrick: Next year?! There's more?! (groans) No! That means I have to make it perfect again. (collapses onto couch) What am I gonna do? I can't keep making every day of the year the best I can. I like the current cycle: sleep...repeat.


 * SpongeBob: Well, if you want to keep the year exciting, then why not make some changes to that...er...cycle?


 * Patrick: Changes?! Now I have to make changes?!


 * SpongeBob: Ah, but they'll be your own changes, buddy. And they can be about anything you want!


 * Patrick: Really?


 * SpongeBob: Yep. They're called "New Year's Resolutions".


 * Patrick: And they'll help my year stay interesting?


 * SpongeBob: Sure will. (grabs paper) Here. I've been working non-stop on this list of resolutions for myself.


 * Patrick: (turns paper multiple ways) Hmm. Seems precise. (shoves paper into mouth) And quite delectable.


 * SpongeBob: (sighs) Anways, Patrick, what do you want to change for the better about your everyday life?


 * Patrick: (begins thinking) Hmm. Change. (swallows) I've got it! (stands up) I know what to change! I want to live in a rock!


 * SpongeBob: But, buddy, you already do that.


 * Patrick: But not just any rock, my spongy friend. This one will be...brown!


 * SpongeBob: O...kay. Let's put a pin in that, and try something else.


 * Patrick: (sloushes back down) Well, then, I'm beat.


 * SpongeBob: How about I leave you to think about it, Patrick. I'm going to make some lunch. (exits scene)


 * Patrick: (scratching chin) Hmm. There's nothing I want to change about my everyday life. But I want the new year to be awesome! What to change? What to change? (a light bulb sprouts above Patrick's head, yet does not turn on; looks up) Stupid thing! You're gonna turn on this time! (breaks into wall and grabs a wire; he attaches it to the light bulb, which turns it on) I have an idea!


 * (a montage begins with Patrick, dressing in motorcycle gang-esque clothing, such as leather coats and boots, a ripped-up shirt and blue jeans, fabric headdress, and two rings on his stubs; Patrick narrates while the montage continues)


 * Patrick: (narrating) I know what I must do. If I can't change anything with my current lifestyle, I'm going to get a new one. Is that possible? Is that a thing? Well, if not, I'll make it a thing! It's time to raise mis...chi...ef. It's time I go...uh...leather. It's time I become: Patrick, the untameable!


 * (the camera zooms in on the square on Patrick's coat; the camera zooms out and reveals Patrick, riding a motorcycle on a road in Bikini Bottom; he drives until he reaches city hall)


 * Patrick: Time to make things...messy.


 * (Patrick takes out two aerosol bottles and begins spray painting graffiti and words on the City Hall building)


 * Patrick: Ha ha ha! I've been delinquent!


 * Mayor: (heard offscreen) They've done what? On my building?! (camera cuts to the Mayor, behind his desk; there are two security guards standing before the desk) Well, not while I'm the...


 * Security guard 1: Mayor.


 * Mayor: ...Mayor...of this town. I'm stopping this right now! (marches to door, yet finds it is locked)


 * Patrick: (camera cuts to Patrick, who has placed a door until the handle) Ha ha! Take that, Mayor!


 * Mayor: (growls) Who...is...this...delinquent?!


 * (the scene cuts to a medium shot of the Krusty Krab; the camera cuts to the dining area)


 * SpongeBob: (exits kitchen door, carrying tray) Order number twelve! Order number twelve!


 * (SpongeBob walks to a table with a display reading "12")


 * SpongeBob: (places tray on table) Order number twelve. Your tray, sir. (walks away)


 * Fish 1: (to self) That was fast. Oh, well, time to fill 'er up. (grabs patties and opens mouth)


 * (a pink hand comes from behind the fish and takes the Krabby Patty)


 * Fish 1: (bites) Huh? Where'd my patty go?


 * (the camera cuts to the pink hand, stealing all of the patties in the dining hall; the customers utter sounds of confusion)


 * Patrick: (stands in center of dining hall, holding all of the patties) Ha! It's lunch time...for me! (stuffs all the patties into mouth, and swallows) Delicious.


 * (Mr. Krabs bursts out of his office, carrying a broom; he charges toward Patrick and chases him out of the restaurant)


 * Mr. Krabs: Out! Out, you pink miscrient! (he slams the double doors)


 * SpongeBob: (standing next to the register) Was that Patrick? Nah. It couldn't have been! Unless...


 * (the scene cuts to a medium shot of Sandy's house)


 * SpongeBob: (heard offscreen) Oh, Sandy, it's Patrick! (camera cuts to SpongeBob, sitting on a log, in front of Sandy) I'm afraid he's gone and made himself a...a...delinquent!


 * Sandy: Why would he go and do a thing like that?


 * SpongeBob: Probably because he wants to make some New Year's resolutions.


 * Sandy: Well, that makes no sense. But if that's the issue, then I might be able to help. Just give me a second. (zips out of scene and returns instantly) Or less! I present... (camera zooms out, revealing a large machine) The New Year's Resolutionizer! It scans your mind, and tells you what you need to change about yourself heading into the next year.


 * SpongeBob: Cool! Can I try it?


 * (Patrick pops up above the machine, and camera pans in)


 * Patrick: (to self) Time to go to work. (begins rewiring the machine quickly; sprints into tree and watches)


 * Sandy: Brace for scanning! (presses button)


 * (the machine scans SpongeBob's head, and then prints out a sheet)


 * SpongeBob: What does it say?


 * Sandy: (picks up paper; raises eyebrow) Well that can't be right. It says you need to act more...


 * SpongeBob: (looks at sheet) ...delinquent? Really?


 * Sandy: Not sure. Are you sure you want to go through with it? It's just words on paper.


 * SpongeBob: (turns around, wearing clothing similar to Patrick) It's not just words on paper, Cheeks. It's my life.


 * (Patrick climbs down from tree, and pats SpongeBob on back)


 * Patrick: I knew you'd turn the right cheek, SquarePants. Let's go rough us up some fishes.


 * (scene cuts to montage of SpongeBob and Patrick, terrorizing the town with spraypaint, crashing boats and ruining buildings, and other delinquent actions)


 * (the camera cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, riding motorcycles around the town, splashing mud and crashing through buildings)


 * SpongeBob: This is the life, my dear partner in no-do-gooding.


 * Patrick: Couldn't ask for anything more rewarding.


 * SpongeBob: Not a thing could ruin this.


 * (the two ride their motorcycles into two police cars)


 * Officer 1: (walks into scene) Except the law.


 * (SpongeBob and Patrick are placed into the police car)


 * (the scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick, being thrown in a prison cell; the bars are closed by an officer, who then leaves the scene)


 * SpongeBob: What happened?


 * Patrick: I have no idea. And to think, this is all because of some dumb New Year's resolutions.


 * SpongeBob: (stands up) No, Patrick. The resolutions weren't dumb. It was our actions that were lacking intelligence. My friend, I have been shown that resolutions were made to correct the things that the past year has shown us as being wrong. I have been shown that they are supposed to change our lifestyle for the better, unless those who behold the power are wreckless and cannot control their thoughts. I have been shown that we can escape our delinquency, my friend. We can amend our ways, and choose to change our lifestyles for the better.


 * Patrick: (crying) That...was...


 * Officer 2: (offscreen) ...incredibly long. (camera reveals officer, standing outside of bars) You have a visitor. (opens cage and allows in Sandy, with her machine)


 * SpongeBob and Patrick: Sandy?


 * Sandy: Don't forget the Resolutionizer! For some reason, I found that the machine had been rewired...


 * (Patrick whistles)


 * Sandy: ...but using my squirrel knowledge, I was able to fix the machine back to its working state. Are you two ready to find out your true resolutions for the new year?


 * Patrick: Boy, am I ever!


 * SpongeBob: Let's see it!


 * (the two have their brains scanned, and one sheet filters from the machine)


 * SpongeBob and Patrick: (reading together) "Don't live out a life of delinquency."? (the two break out into laughter)


 * SpongeBob: There's just one thing, though. Aren't we forgetting something?


 * Patrick: Nah. Are we?


 * (the camera cuts to the Mayor, still trapped in his office, with his guards)


 * Mayor: Hello? Anyone there? I'm trapped with three guards that can't get me out! Delinquent? Are you out there?


 * (episode ends)