Smokers Are Jokers!

Smokers Are Jokers! is the third episode of the first season of SBFW High, and the 3rd overall.

Plot
In a PSA-structured episode, Jack Bradley gets expelled for smoking in the halls, and in revenge he e-mails teachers about a supposed bomb threat.

Transcript
[Episode begins fading in with slow motion shots of the SBFW High students scrambling all over in the lunchroom, while the sound is like a popped eardrum, during all these shots we center around Cicicity, then Travis, then Dan, while “Lazy Sad” by Ford & Hanz begins to play, and a voice over of ISBSP begins continuing the slow motion shots]

ISBSP: I never thought it would get this bad. I was just, thinking without hesitation or a filter, and I- I just had, enough.

[Another voice over begins from the principal of SBFW High]

Principal Bugs: We never thought it would get this bad. We’d usually have something occur weekly like this, but never get this bad.

[We fade to Cicicity, the slow motion shots cut to realtime, where most students of SBFW High are scrambling to exit, Cicicity is in shock, and we fade to Travis, and Dan, who are also in shock, then, we fade to an arial shot of the city of Fandom, where the credits begin to roll [series title, written by, director] this continues for a few more seconds until we cut to an exterior shot of a door for a classroom, caption reads “10 AM, Monday”, we cut to the inside of the classroom, where Mr. Renaud is teaching]

Mr. Renaud: Now class, what is 5 to the 8th power divided by 4?

[ISBSP raises his hand]

Mr. Renaud: Yes Jack?

[ISBSP sounds raspy]

ISBSP: 10--

[The entire class begins to laugh, Cicicity stands up]

Cicicity: Hey everyone! Jack smokes!!

[The class begins to laugh even harder, we cut to an interview of ISBSP]

ISBSP: [annoyed grunt] I don’t smoke.

[Fades to the lunchroom, where ISBSP, Travis, Dan, Jasbre, Cicicity, Purple and Lock are all sitting at a table, CrazySponge walks over]

CrazySponge: Hoopla!

Lock: Go away, damn fool.

CrazySponge: o

[CrazySponge walks away, ISBSP whips out his cold lunch, as well as Jasbre and Purple, while Travis, Cicicity, Dan and Lock all have hot lunch]

Jasbre: Hey Jack, i’ll trade you for your oranges.

ISBSP: Deal.

[ISBSP gives Jasbre the oranges, while Jasbre in return gives ISBSP a pack of cigarettes]

ISBSP: DUDE WHAT THE F***!

[Everyone but Purple and ISBSP laugh]

Purple: Here, you can have my chips

ISBSP: Thanks man.

[Purple hands him a case of cigars]

ISBSP: SH**************

[The entire table is laughing around now, CrazySponge, in an attempt to sit with the guys, lights the table on fire with a flamethrower]

CrazySponge: ALLAH HOOPLA

[Everyone at the table begins to scream, then we fade to show Aaron’s face who’s laughing at the thought, we then cut to an interview of Aaron]

Cicicity: I don’t know how they filmed that or even knew i was thinking that!

[Cuts back to the lunch table]

ISBSP: Deal.

[ISBSP gives Jasbre the oranges, while Jasbre in return gives ISBSP string cheese]

Dan: So, Jack, are ya gonna cut lunch early to smoke one out back?

[The table laughs]

ISBSP: Okay, this is enough, the joke is old now

Travis: Nono, nono, I’m spreading the word. JACK BRADLEY SMOKES!!

[As he says it he’s standing on the lunch table, and the entire lunch room erupts in laughter, prompting ISBSP to get pissed and leave the lunchroom for the exit, one of the teachers begins watching him, and he walks sadly back to the lunch table. Travis jumps off the table and goes back to eating his lunch]

Travis: You gotta learn to take a joke bud.

ISBSP: You just fucking yelled that through the lunch room!

Lock: It was funny!

Jasbre: Yeah

Cicicity: What are you gonna do, pinch your dick in anger?

ISBSP: No. I’m just gonna cry. [begins crying]

Jasbre: Shit dude, we didn’t mean to be mean like that.

[ISBSP looks up, kinda smiling with tears down his eyes]

Aaron: I did.

[Cuts to interview of Aaron]

Aaron: I did.

[Cuts back to the lunch table, ISBSP continues to cry, fade to various daytime lunch shots of the lunch table with people going up to him calling him a smoker, then to shots of him in the hallway at various times being called “The Smoker”, we fade to the exterior of the high school, we cut to an exterior shot of a door for a classroom, caption reads “10 AM, Friday”, we cut to the inside of the classroom, where Mr. Renaud is teaching]

Mr. Renaud: Now class, what is 5 to the 8th power divided by 4?

GraniteToast: You asked us this everyday this week already Mr. Renaud!

Mr. Renaud: It’s a very important question!

GraniteToast: FINE! It’s 10!

Mr. Renaud: Correct!

[Cuts to Cicicity and ISBSP’s desks, ISBSP looks like he’s about to explode, you can see Matchy in his smiling behind ISBSP, Cicicity whispers]

Cicicity: So, ya still smoke?!

ISBSP: DAMMIT I DON’T F***ING SMOKE, I SWEAR YOU’RE GONNA DIE FOR THIS!!

[ISBSP stomps out of the room and slams the door.]

Rocky: Mr. Renaud are you gonna do something about this?

[Mr. Renaud turns around after looking through another door window]

Mr. Renaud: Huh? What? No, I was looking at these 2 students having sex on my desk in front of my camera in there. [talking to himself] little do they know it’s recording..

[The entire class is shocked at what they heard, we then cut to ISBSP going into the bathroom, and into the stall, whips out his phone, and calls the school, the bell rings for lunch]

ISBSP: Hello? Yes. I’m going to shoot your fucking school and there’s nothing you can do about it.

[ISBSP hangs up smiling, just as we hear someone taking a shit, we then cut to the principal’s office with the receptionist]

Principal Bugs: Oh dear. This is serious, it’s in comic sans!

[It turns out ISBSP also sent a letter the day before]

Principal Bugs: We need to declare a state of emergency… on the school. For I am, Prinpical, uh, Principal Doctor Bugs!

[We cut to Travis, Dan, Jasbre, Purple all walking to lunch in the hallway just as the announcements on the intercom begin]

Principal Bugs: (on intercom) Students, it seems like we have a school shooting threat on our hands so, please proceed with your day.

[Intercom cuts out, the students begin running frantically in horror and try to escape only to find one door opens and it’s jammed with kids when they all try to go at once. begin the slow motion shots of the SBFW High students scrambling all over in the lunchroom, while the sound is like a popped eardrum, during all these shots we center around Cicicity, then Travis, then Dan, while “Lazy Sad” by Ford & Hanz begins to play, and a voice over of ISBSP begins continuing the slow motion shots]

ISBSP: I never thought it would get this bad. I was just, thinking without hesitation or a filter, and I- I just had, enough.

[cut to an interview of Principal Bugs]

Principal Bugs: We never thought it would get this bad. We’d usually have something occur weekly like this, but never get this bad.

[We fade to Cicicity, the slow motion shots cut to realtime, where most students of SBFW High are scrambling to exit, Cicicity is in shock, and we fade to Travis, and Dan, who are also in shock, Travis, Dan, Purple, Jasbre, Lock, Cicicity all group together]

Dan: I think we know who did this.

Lock: Who?

Travis: Isn’t it obvious, Jack got really pissed and took a putrid shit in the lunch room then someone mistook it for a School Shooting threat.

Purple: No. Jack made the threat to the school.

Jasbre: Why would he do that?

Dan: Because we got the entire school to call him smoker.

Travis: But that was funny!

Lock: I guess we really fucked with him.

Jasbre: What do we do?

Purple: We should tell the principal

Jasbre: But we don’t even know it’s him!

[Cuts to the principal’s office with the group, Principal and Jack]

Jasbre: Yep, it’s him.

Principal Bugs: We’re lucky we cought you in the bathroom young man. You’re in big trouble!

ISBSP: I’m dead.

Principal Bugs: No, you’re expelled

ISBSP: WHAT?!

[credits roll, “Forgotten Memories” by enluv plays, post-credits scene shows ISBSP walking up to ESB High]

ISBSP: (sigh) Still no SBFW High.

[He walks into the door and falls on his face, cut to black. END]

Appearances

 * Jasbre
 * Travis
 * Aaron (debut)
 * Dan
 * Lock (debut)
 * Jack (debut)
 * CrazySponge (debut)
 * Vanessa (cameo)
 * Mr. Renaud (debut)
 * Mr. Calaz Chuchesta (cameo)
 * Unnamed Receptionist (debut)
 * Principal Bugs

Trivia

 * The ratings for the original airing of this episode were 7.39 million viewers.
 * This is the first episode to air in 2019.
 * The ratings for this episode were 20.3 million, as it aired after a special airing of Avengers: Infinity War and a 5-minute preview of Endgame.