The Last Donut/Transcript

(Episode begins with an overhead shot of SpongeBob's, Squidward's, and Patrick's houses. Patrick and Ranger Rick are talking in front of Patrick's house. Camera cuts to show Patrick handing Ranger Rick and ice cream cone)

Ranger Rick: Revolvers sure look different in the future.

Patrick: No, silly! It's an ice cream cone! (In slightly babying voice) you eat it.

Ranger Rick: Oh, well I don't mind if I do!

(Ranger Rick eats the ice cream cone)

Patrick: That's some of the best ice cream in town.

Ranger Rick: Darn tootin' it is!

Patrick: Who tooted?

Ranger Rick: No, silly! Are all my ancest'rs this blissful?

Patrick: Hey, hows about we get a couple of donuts?

Ranger Rick: Well, I say a'bout!

(Squidward opens his window)

Squidward: Will you two dunderheads be quiet?

Ranger Rick: Sure thing, Sheriff Octoward!

(Squidward stares at Ranger Rick for a second with a look of boredom in his eyes)

Squidward: Sigh. Well, at least SpongeBob isn't here.

(SpongeBob walks up out of nowhere)

Squidward: (Sighs) I had to say it.

SpongeBob: Hey Patrick! Who's your friend?

Patrick: Oh, hey SpongeBob! This is my ancestor from a couple centuries ago!

SpongeBob: Ohhh... kay... well, can I join whatever you're doing?

Ranger Rick: Sure thing! We were just "hows-aboutin'" before you came along.

SpongeBob: And what were you "hows-abouting" about on this fine day?

Ranger Rick: We was "hows-aboutin'" about "hows-aboutin'"

Patrick: Yeah, and we were "hows-a-whatchamacallit-ing" about donuts.

SpongeBob: Well "hows-about" we go "hows-about" about "hows-abouting" while we "hows-about" to the Bakery!

(Sparks fly out of Patrick's head and drool falls out of his mouth)

Patrick: Uhhhhh...

Squidward: (Short pause) Well, time to go water the daisies.

(SpongeBob, Patrick, and Ranger Rick walk along the road. A bubble transition cuts to outside the bakery. The camera switches to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Ranger Rick eating donuts at a table. Patrick eats his entire donut whole)

SpongeBob: I sure am glad the cashier gave us a discount because you knew him in elementary, Patrick.

Patrick: (With food in his mouth) Huh? Oh, yeah. In fact, I'm gonna get another one.

(Patrick gets up and walks to the counter. SpongeBob notices Ranger Rick is just examining his donut)

SpongeBob: Uh... Ranger Rick?

Ranger Rick: Yeah?

SpongeBob: You're gonna eat that, right...?

Ranger Rick: Hm? Oh, yes... it's just more different than anything I've ever seen in my life. Also, I don't know if there's some fancy-smancy rule of a way I gotta eat it.

SpongeBob: Well, there isn't. Just eat it how you want to, like this!

(SpongeBob eats his donut)

Patrick: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

(SpongeBob and Ranger Rick get up to see what's going on)

SpongeBob: Patrick! What's wrong?

Tim: You didn't hear? The Bakery is shutting down because some business called "L.I.V.E." is building a highway. That was the last batch of the day.

Ranger Rick: But that means...

SpongeBob: Ranger Rick! You have the last donut in Bikini Bottom!

Ranger Rick: Oh...! Well, I'm not eatin' it now!

(Ranger Rick stuffs the donut into his jacket)

Tim: The demolition crew'll be here pretty soon- I'd get outta here.

SpongeBob: C'mon, guys...

(SpongeBob drags Patrick out the door. Ranger Rick follows)

Patrick: We can't just leave!

SpongeBob: What should we do? We can't affect L.I.V.E.'s choices!

Patrick: Maybe...

SpongeBob: What?

Patrick: Nevermind.

Ranger Rick: I say we start'a protest! That's how most big business decisions were made back'n Bikini Hollow.

Patrick: Yeah!

SpongeBob: Hey, that's a great idea!

Patrick: We could get Tim to help!

(Tim walks out of the building)

Tim: No.

(Tim walks away)

Patrick: Well... I guess cue transition!

(A bubble transition cuts to show a demolition crew rolling up to find SpongeBob, Patrick and Ranger Rick protesting)

Patrick: Go donuts!

SpongeBob: Stop the highway! Keep the Bakery!

Patrick: Go donuts times two!

(Joey Fishkins)

SpongeBob: Hey, I remember you!

Joey Fishkins: That's nice. So, care to explain why you're protesting?

Ranger Rick: Well, I'm from the past, and I just got my first donut!

Joey Fishkins: Uhh... sure... anyway, they're opening a new Bakery in downtown Bikini Bottom in a few months, so calm down.

Patrick and Ranger Rick: A few months?!

Joey Fishkins: Yeah... so you three should get out of the way.

(They move out of the way. The demolition crew destroys the Bakery. There's an awkward pause)

SpongeBob: Well, I better get home now!

(SpongeBob walks away. Patrick and Ranger Rick follow. A bubble transition cuts to in front of Patrick's house)

Ranger Rick: I guess I should eat my donut b'fore it gets moldy.

Patrick: Wait, you have a donut?

Ranger Rick: Sure do!

Patrick: Can I have it?

Ranger Rick: Naw! I'm not waitin' a few months fer my first donut!

Patrick: Well, I'm not waiting a few months for my next donut!

(The two begin loudly arguing. Squidward opens his door and walks out)

Squidward: What are you two imbeciles arguing about this time?

Patrick: Ranger Rick has the last donut it Bikini Bottom, and I want it.

(Squidward sighs. He grabs the donut and takes out a knife. He slices it in half. Both Patrick's and Ranger Rick's eyes pop out of their sockets)

Patrick: Woah! Good work, Squidward!

Squidward: Sigh. It'll all be worth it, Squiddy; maybe they're playing ''Roommates. ''

(He walks back into his house)

Patrick: Ranger Rick...?

Ranger Rick: Yes?

Patrick: I'm sorry I was rude. Next time, let's share.

Ranger Rick: Sure thing, great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandson.

(Episode ends)