Cardinal Crab

Cardinal Crab is the eighth short of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the fifth short of season two. In this short, Mr. Krabs decides to close the Krusty Krab for the "Easter" holiday. However, he is doing this to steal the goodies from the "Eastern" Bunny, who skips him every year. While he's at it, however, he decides to steal from the Western, Southern, and Northern Bunnies. Can he steal the goodies that each of the bunnies possesses?

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants (cameo appearances)
 * Squidward Tentacles (cameo appearances)
 * Mr. Krabs
 * Multiple differentiating voice characters
 * Voice (Head Hut)
 * Voice (Saloon Employee)
 * Voice (Fish in Suit)
 * Voice (Farmer)

Transcript

 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, walking through the dining room; when he reaches the end, he changes the "Open" sign to "Closed"]


 * Mr. Krabs: Better.


 * SpongeBob: [enters scene] What's going on, sir?


 * Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, I'm closing the Krusty Krab for the Easter holiday.


 * Squidward: [enters scene] Finally.


 * SpongeBob: Is it because we're observing the Easter holiday?


 * Mr. Krabs: Not even close, me boy. I'm going to find the "Eastern" Bunny and give him a piece of my mind. He thinks he can give goodies to everyone in Bikini Bottom, and skip ol' Eugene Krabs? Well, I'll give him my piece and steal some of his goodies.


 * SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I think you've got it a little wrong.


 * Mr. Krabs: You're right, sponge. Why stop at the "Eastern" Bunny? Why not continue to all of the bunnies! You're a genius, you yellow...uh...genius! [runs briskly out of scene]


 * SpongeBob: I thought it was the Easter Bunny.


 * Squidward: You would think.


 * [scene cuts to a medium shot of an island; the camera cuts to Mr. Krabs, looking out of an Eastern Island head]


 * Mr. Krabs: Perfect. I'm in the east! Now, to look for that Eastern Bunny! [sneaks into a hut labeled "HUT"] Dang it. Wish I bought a grass skirt. Doesn't matter? Excuse me! [scootches through crowd forcefully] Excuse me! Lose it or move it! Has anyone seen an "Eastern Bunny"?! Did you hear me, three-eyes?!


 * Voice: [offscreen] Hey!


 * [the crowd quickly turns into two rows of lined fish; a large fish is revealed at the end, while Mr. Krabs is standing at the other]


 * Head Hut: Are you searching for the "Eastern Bunny", crab?


 * Mr. Krabs: Yes, I am. What's it to you?


 * Head Hut: Well...[the entire room bursts into a laugh; the Head Hut snaps his fingers, silencing the room] Crab, every luau-er in the luau knows that Eastern Bunny doesn't exist. You're out of here! [throws Mr. Krabs out]


 * Mr. Krabs: [wipes off dust; takes off costume] Well, that's just great. Next stop, the West!


 * [scene cuts to a medium shot of a western field, where there are many buildings; the camera cuts to Mr. Krabs, dressed as a cowboy with a mustache]


 * Mr. Krabs: Ah ha! The West! Here, I'm sure I'll find the "Western Bunny" here! And if not, there's always the...other direction. [walks into a saloon marked "SALOON"] "Western Bunny" here?! Anyone seen a bunny of the West, hence the name Western Bunny!


 * Voice: [offscreen] Lookin' for the ol' Western Bunny, are you, crab?


 * [the room silences]


 * Mr. Krabs: Yes, sir. Have you seen eye or paw of him anywhere?


 * Saloon Employee: Can't say I have. But I can tell you one thing: you are quite looney. Leave my saloon or I'll use force.


 * Mr. Krabs: Fine, then.


 * Saloon Employee: Actually, I prefer force. [presses button, launching Mr. Krabs out of the saloon]


 * [scene cuts to an icy plain, where Mr. Krabs is inside of an igloo costume]


 * Mr. Krabs: Log #3, in the desert-plain of ice, apparently the North. I'm about to search inside of that snowmen-istry for traces of the "Northern Bunny". Ha, snowmen-istry. It's a pun. I wish I had a walkie-talkie, but it's so darn cold up here. Over and out. [sneaks into snowmen-istry] Anyone know where the Northern...?!


 * Voice: [offscreen] ...Bunny is? [comes into scene with a suit on]


 * Mr. Krabs: Let me guess. It doesn't exist?


 * Fish in Suit: You guessed it. Guess what happens next.


 * Mr. Krabs: I'm getting kicked out?


 * Fish in Suit: Nah. You're getting launched out.


 * Mr. Krabs: But I painted this neat target on my rear. [shows target on rear end]


 * Fish in Suit: Both disturbing and convenient. Security!


 * [scene cuts to a wheat plain, where Mr. Krabs is falling from the sky; he lands on the field]


 * Mr. Krabs: Bozos. Time to break out my farmer suit. [changes into farming uniform quickly] Well, I may not have found the other bunnies, but who's to say that it doesn't exist here?


 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, standing in front of a farmer]


 * Farmer: It doesn't exist! [kicks Mr. Krabs out of scene]


 * Mr. Krabs: [offscreen] Thanks for using the target!


 * [scene cuts to Mr. Krabs, walking sadly to the Krusty Krab, hanging his head; he enters the door]


 * Squidward: Well, if it isn't the crimson crusader himself.


 * Mr. Krabs: Not in the mood, Squidward. I couldn't find the four bunnies.


 * SpongeBob: I'm not surprised. They were just here.


 * Mr. Krabs: What?!


 * Squidward: Yeah. They left this. [throws Mr. Krabs the note]


 * Mr. Krabs: Let's see here.


 * Narrator: Sorry that you could not find us this holiday. But we assure you, we have not gone away. But don't go on a rant, or slam your head under a hoodie. And though you shan't, take some of these goodies.


 * Mr. Krabs: [reaches into a bag, grabbing candies] What are these? Candies?! These are worthless! [throws away candies; storms away] I hate this holiday!


 * Fish Realtor: [picks up candies] Why, what are these? These are obviously Northern, Southern, Eastern, and Western candies! These are worth millions! I love this holiday!


 * [short ends]