Diet Krabby Cola Makes It a Healthy Choice

"Diet Krabby Cola Makes It a Healthy Choice" is a SpongeBob SquarePants fanfiction by RedBomb1, part of Red's Super Zany I Don't Know What Adventures. In this fanfic, Patrick is trying to watch his figure....or is he?

Characters

 * French Narrator
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Patrick Star
 * Squidward Tentacles

Script

 * [The scene opens with the beautiful and sunny outdoors of Bikini Bottom.]
 * French Narrator: Ah, a slow and peaceful day in Bikini Bottom. Here we see our heroic sea star, Patrick, driving his boatmobile with his porous and yellow best friend, SpongeBob SquarePants.
 * Patrick: Vrrrroooooom vrooooooooom! Aw yeah! Do you know what would make this day better? A trip to The Krusty Krab. Hey ya SpongeBob, wanna go inside, or to the drive thru?
 * SpongeBob: Hmmmm....let's go to the drive thru!
 * Patrick: K. [Pulls into the drive thru]
 * Squidward: [sighs. through the speaker] Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I take your-... Oh no, not you two.
 * SpongeBob: Hi Squidward! I was on a boring vacation until Patrick showed me his awesome new hot rod boatmobile.
 * Patrick: Vroom vroom!
 * Squidward: [through the speaker] Patrick, SpongeBob, are you gonna order something or what?
 * Patrick: Yeah uh, hold on a second I'm looking at the menu....
 * Squidward: [facepalms] As if I wasn't wasting enough time by working here in the first place!
 * French Narrator: Five minutes later.
 * Patrick: Okay, um, you know how you got the six-piece coral bits? Can you give me just four coral bits? I'm tryna' watch my calorie intake.
 * Squidward: Excuse me Patrick?
 * Patrick: [angrily] Put, TWO of them, up your ass! And give me, FOUR, coral bits! Cuz I'm tryna watch my figure.
 * Squidward: Pfft, like that'll ever happen... [Writes down his order]
 * Patrick: And can I have a Junior Double Triple Bossy Deluxe, a Junior Double Tripe Bossy Deluxe. Cuz I'm tryna' watch my figure, tryna' lose some of the weight.
 * Squidward: Double Triple Bossy Deluxe...
 * Patrick: A junior Double Triple Bossy Deluxe. Now, if you could take a Krabby Cola, and just go half Krabby Cola, half Diet Krabby Cola. And I'm gonna go with, a Veggie Patty, cuz that has less calories cuz it's vegetables. Also a small thing of kelp fries.
 * Squidward: Kelp fries....
 * Patrick: SMALL kelp fries! And a small, a SMALL, chocolate shake. Not a large, a small, cuz I'm tryna watch my figure.
 * Squidward: Will that be it?
 * Patrick: Fuck my ass, what else? Alright, um, a triple Krabby Patty with five scoops of ice cream but without the bun, patty, cheese, pickles, tomato, ketchup, mustard, onions, or lettuce and that's it.. Wait SpongeBob what do you want?
 * SpongeBob: Oh geez, let me have.. I think I'll have the regular Double Triple Bossy Deluxe, a large shake, umm, coral bits...
 * Patrick: Dear Neptune, come on with the order!!! Take forever!!!
 * SpongeBob: That's all I want, that's all I want....
 * Patrick: Good.
 * Squidward: That'll be $19.99.
 * Patrick: SpongeBob ya have any money?
 * SpongeBob: Yeah I have 5, 10, 15.... [continues counting]
 * Patrick: Give it to me.
 * SpongeBob: [Hands him the money] Oh wait I only have 15 dollars...
 * Patrick: Okay. [to Squidward] I'm gonna need you to cancel those last three things on the order.
 * SpongeBob: [makes a disappointed face]
 * Patrick: [drives to the paying window]