Here's the Pill

Here's the Pill is the fifth episode of the first season of Better Days, and the 5th overall.

Plot
The guys try to get Walter off of his Pill addiction.

Transcript
(The episode starts with the guys watching the news)

Anchor: We have some breaking news, the famous news anchor Perch Perkins has sadly passed away.

Walter: Hahahaha! This show is so funny, it’s so funny. (takes another pill) Haha. Hah.

Mr. Krabs: Are you okay, Walter?

Walter: (laughs) Of course I am.

Mr. Krabs: Are you sure? Because you’re frothing at the nose--

Walter: (laughs again) This show is so funny. (faints)

Mr. Krabs: This again? (sighs)

(cuts to Walter in hospital)

Mr. Shicowa: So what happened, Doc?

Doctor: Your strange friend here has had a drug overdose.

Mr. Richards: Is he going to be okay?

Doctor: Oh, yes, he’ll be fine, as long as he isn’t drugged up on these purple pills anymore.

Mr. Krabs: But he needs these pills for his PTSD.

Doctor: Nurse! What does PTSD stand for?

(nurse enters and whispers something non-discernible to Doctor, before snickering and quickly running away)

Doctor: Ah, okay. Well, don’t worry about your friend’s Peculiar Train Sex Delight. He’s taken so many of these pills that he’s completely fine!

Mr. Shicowa: Well, he’s not fine, is he? He’s unconscious!

Doctor: Interesting theory.

Mr. Richards: Hold on, are you actually a doctor?

Doctor: No, of course, I’m not. (laughs dismissively)

(the “doctor” shrugs and exits the room - as soon as he does, the nurses start cackling, Walter then wakes up)

Walter: What? What happened?

Mr. Krabs: You had another drug overdose.

Walter: Haha, you're funny.

Mr. Krabs: Alright we need to get him off these pills.

(the “doctor” enters)

Doctor: Alright I discussed with the nurse and the only way to sort your friend out with whatever he has is to remove all his internal organs. I'll be right back with my tools. (leaves)

Mr. Krabs: But first we need to get him out of here.

(everyone is at the retirement home helping Walter)

Mr. Shicowa: I know what we could do Walter! Let's read some tips from Cranky Magazine. (gives him a copy of the magazine) It says here that you can- Oh. (realizes Walter is eating the magazine) You know what, we'll read from the magazine for you.

Mr. Krabs: Why don't we just put him into rehab?

Mr. Shicowa: Did you completely forget about what happened at the hospital?

Mr. Krabs: Oh right.

Mr. Richards: It says here knitting can help reduce anger and stuff.

(everyone is knitting)

Mr. Richards: This is really relaxing, right Walter? (Walter stabs himself in the eye with the needle and screams) Maybe not.

Mr. Krabs: Forget it, we'll never get him off his addiction. (stamps his claw on the TV remote changing the show to SpongeBob Fanon)

Mr. Shicowa: Oh not this trash again! I'll turn it off.

Mr. Krabs: No, stop! Look! (Walter sits down staring at the TV)

Mr. Richards: Well, I guess we did it! We cured his addiction! (everyone jumps up celebrating then complaining the backs hurt, the episode ends)

[post-credits scene]

Eustace: hey Walter

Walter: Yeah?

Eustace: Daily Pills are here

Walter: Hand 'em over!

Dave: Dude relax!

Walter: Well, when taking these pills, TV is great! Try it!

(cuts to Dave, Walter and Eustace all laughing at the News, the end)

Appearances

 * Eugene Krabs
 * Mark Shicowa
 * Mr. Richards
 * Adam Fishman
 * Eustace Wendell
 * Walter Ben
 * Dave Finnigan
 * Doctor

Trivia

 * This episode is highly controversial.
 * This episode was almost pulled from airing on Jasbre TV due to drug use.
 * Originally was going to solo-write the episode.
 * The ratings for the original airing of this episode were 7.59 million viewers.