Pilot (New SpongeBob SquarePants)

Pilot is the first episode of New SpongeBob SquarePants.

Transcript
(theme song, then we see Bikini Atoll)

Narrator: Welcome, one and all, to Bikini Atoll. It's a bit boring, but I guess everything in the human world is boring. Let's see something more exciting. (the camera goes down past Bikini Atoll into Bikini Bottom) Welcome to Bikini Bottom, one of the many towns in the secret world under the sea. So quiet, so peaceful, so- (we hear SpongeBob's annoying laugh) So peaceful, so- (we hear it again) So- (we hear it again) Ugh, who's making that annoying sound? (the camera pans over to outside SpongeBob's house where he and Patrick are blowing bubbles, he blows another one and it pops which causes them to laugh) Oh, I should've know. That annoying, eccentric little sea sponge. SpongeBob SquarePants. I suppose I better go grap a cup of coffee and you lot can enjoy the show.

SpongeBob: Who was that, Patrick?

Patrick: Oh, that was probably my stomach. I'm hungry again.

SpongeBob: Patrick, I really don't think you should be eating so much. You remember what Miss McDonald, our cooking teacher said, don't you?

Patrick: Yeah, next week we're making pizza.

SpongeBob: (facepalms) Well, I, er, suppose I'm hungry too. Let's go to The Krusty Krab, only the most finest eating establishment in the whole of Neptune's sea! (they get up) Mom, we're going to The Krusty Krab!

Mrs. SquarePants: (off-screen) Okay, I'll just let Patrick's mother know!

SpongeBob: I'd do anything to be a fry cook there when I grow up.

Patrick: Be a fry cook where?

SpongeBob: At The Krusty Krab, remember?

Patrick: Oh yeah, I'd like to work there too.

SpongeBob: As my 'assistant fry cook'?

Patrick: No, as the one who eats the food! (they walk off laughing and we see Squidward spying on them from his bedroom window)

Squidward: Good, there gone. Now, you can go back to loving yourself. (walks over to his mirror) Oh, Squidward, you do look beautiful today.

Squidward's Reflection: Yeah, but your nose could use a little work.

Squidward: YOU STUPID LITTLE- (he breaks the mirror)

Mrs. SquarePants: (offscreen) COULD YOU QUITE IT DOWN A LITTLE?

Squidward: The irony. (he gets into bed, turns on his phone and puts his earphones in his 'ears')

Despacito

Quiero respirar tu cuello despacito

Deja que te- '(cut to SpongeBob and Patrick spying through The Krusty Krab window)

SpongeBob: Ah, The Krusty Krab, home of the Krabby Patty. Its signature sandwhich and associated product line. What's your favourite type, Patrick? I love the Krabby Classic.

Patrick: Oh, I love the Sauce Bomb. The way the flavours mix together and tingle in my mouth just feels so-

Mr. Krabs: (bursting out the door) HEY! WHAT DO YE THINK YE'RE DOING?

SpongeBob: (surprised) Er, nothing! We're just observing the, the, the-

Patrick: My friend here has a very serious addiction to your gorgeous grub.

SpongeBob: Well, at least I didn't put on a certain number of pounds in the last few weeks which I am forbidden to mention because I wouldn't wanna insult my best buddy!

Patrick: Well, at least I'm not, er, er, at least I'm not fat!

SpongeBob: Tell that to the person staring into the window of a fast food restaurant! Mr. Krabs: WHAT ARE YE TALKING ABOUT? I was just gonna remind ye argh of ye two dollars admission fee for stepping on me property!

SpongeBob: Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs. (he hands him a ten dollar bill) I'm a huge fan! I'd do anything to work for you!

Mr. Krabs: Sorry lad, the government won't let me hire an underaged little sea sponge who I recognise from this week's neigbourhood watch and an article by a part-time employee. So, how about ye just by some Krabby Patties instead?

SpongeBob: It's a deal! (bubble transition them finishing their Krabby Shakes) Mmm mmm, that was fine food, I must say, Sir. Patrick.

Patrick: Indeed it was, King John of Ireland. (they laugh and as Sandy approaches them)

Sandy: How's it doing, fellas?

SpongeBob: Oh, hi Sandy. I mean, er, yes, Miss!

Sandy: It's all right, it's the weekend. At school, I'm Miss Cheeks the cool science teacher but, out of that job, I'm Sandy the awesome scientist from Texas.

Patrick: I hear that it's a great country!

SpongeBob: Patrick, Texas is not a country.

Patrick: Yeah, and England's not a city.

Sandy: (pause) Anyway, I'm here because I volunteered to help ol' Krabs with new ingredient combinations. I saw you guys over here and was wondering if you wanted to stay after school tommorrow to help me with some experiments.

SpongeBob: Alright, see you then!

Sandy: See ya! (walks out, Patrick stares at SpongeBob all funny)

SpongeBob: What? (he goes a little red and we see a bubble transition to after school the next day where we see a montage, to the Montage Song, of them doing experiments, during the montage, they manage to cause a fire which they quickly have to put out before the firebell sounds which they succeed in and the principal walks in)

This

Is

The

Montage

Song

Go!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

Montage, montage, montage, montage,

Montage, montage, it's a montage day!

The end.

Prinicpal Plankton: (walks in) Alright guys, how ya doing? Good to see you're taking an interest in Science, and not that other thing. (notices a poster for Cooking Club on the wall and tears it up before the two notice)

SpongeBob: Are you all right, Principal Plankton? You look a bit hot! (Patrick does a romantic whistle)

Principal Plankton: Well, I guess my mech needs to cool down. See you all tommorrow!

Sandy: See you! (we see SpongeBob and Patrick arrive home and Squidward does too in his Mercedes)

SpongeBob: So, what you wanna do now?

Patrick: Um, annoy Squidward?

SpongeBob: C'mon! (they start running around in circles laughing and Squidward looks out the bedroom window)

Squidward: Why they're so weird is probably one of the seven wonders of the world. I HATE YOU SPONGEBOB! AND YOU OVERWEIGHT INAPPROPIATELY SHAPED FRIEND TOO! (end)