Behold! Warriors Abridged! (transcript)

Transcript
'''Behold! Warriors Abridged!'''

Written by Ponyo Fan, JellyfishJam38...

(Enter a space-esque background. Narrator walks out of his ship in a way parodying TOM from Toonami. Narrator is a robot like him as well.)

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Warriors of Bikini Bottom, on Toonami --- I mean Nick at Nite.

(Screen shows a flashback of SpongeBob fighting monsters.)

Narrator: He's got 99 problems...

(Screen switches to clips of Mrs. Puff, Sandy, and other female characters yelling at SpongeBob.)

Narrator: ...but these bitches are the main one. Warriors Abridged up next, baby.

---

(The screen cuts to an old "5, 4, 3, 2, 1" countdown.)

SpongeBob: Hello, children! My name is SpongeBob SquarePants!

Patrick: And I'm Patrick Star!

SpongeBob: And we're here to teach you the importance of...

Patrick: SCARY ADS!

SpongeBob: You see, children, for the love of God, do not look up advertisements on YouTube.

Patrick: Don't you mean "Neptune"?

SpongeBob: No, this is an abridged episode, so no one really cares what we say.

Patrick: Oh. I guess that's all!

SpongeBob: See you next time with The Inconsistency of the MPAA!

("THE END" title card appears on screen.)

(SpongeBob appears again.)

SpongeBob: It's time for -

(Cut to Narrator)

Narrator: Sorry, audience. (under breath) Damn PIFs. Now, it's Warriors Abridged!

(Theme song plays and then ends)

(Cut to Sandy and Patrick, legs flying in the air behind the tent.)

Sandy: Patrick, I don't think it's going to fit...

Patrick: Oh, I know it will.

Sandy: Well, could you go a little faster?

Patrick: You trying to kill me?

(Cut to next shot revealing that Sandy and Patrick are playing Twister. Patrick falls down.)

Patrick: Hey, you're cheating!

Sandy: Am not!

Patrick: Are too!

Sandy: Whatever, let's just put the stupid mat away before someone catches us on North territory.

Patrick: Why were we on North territory, anyways?

Sandy: You said North had more space.

Patrick: Oh, yeah. Hey, what's that?

(Sandy and Patrick turn around and see a bunch of black holes spitting out papers.)

(Sandy picks up one of the papers.)

Sandy: "Behold! MEME LOL SPAGHETTI DINNER!"

(Sandy reads the paper.)

Sandy: This is horrible writing! Whoever wrote this should be burnt at the stake!

Patrick: (foaming at the mouth) Spaghetti! Dinner! Mudkips! Scavengers!

Sandy: Patrick, are you okay?

(Patrick grabs Sandy.)

Patrick: SPAGHETTI DINNER MUDKIPS SCAVENGERS!

Sandy: Oh, no...whatever crappy fanfiction is spit out by these black holes from above life, it comes to life here!

(Black hole spits another paper out, and Sandy picks it up.)

Sandy: "Behold! SpongeBob and Patrick's Sexy Time!" Oh, dear Neptune, no...

(SpongeBob comes out of tent.)

SpongeBob: Hey, what are you guys doing here?

Patrick: (gets hearts in eyes) SpongeBob, my love!

SpongeBob: Uh...Patrick?

Sandy: SpongeBob, run!

More coming soon...