Old Bounds

Old Bounds is the first episode of the first season of Better Days, and the 1st overall.

Plot
Mr. Shicowa, a retired teacher, starts to get sick of retirement, just as the newly rich Mr. Krabs joins the retirement home after selling his franchise.

Transcript
(The camera zooms in on the Shady Shoals retirement home, then it cuts to Mr. Shicowa watching the latest episode of SpongeBob SquarePants fanon.)

Mr. Shicowa: This is the season 100 premiere? Are they out of their goddamn minds? There’s over 2,000 episodes now, and it’s still successful? Goddamn!

(He turns off the TV with his remote, then takes a 3 hour nap. When he wakes up, he feels his back sting.)

Mr. Shicowa: Ooh! That hurt like the dickens! Being old ain’t easy, I tell ya that.

Mr. Richards: Who are you talking to?

Mr. Shicowa: A nobody who doesn’t know anything from a nose.

Betty: Ooh, the new issue of Cranky Magazine is here! It’s the one on how to yell at kids in the modern days!

Mr. Shicowa: Gimme that! (takes a look at the magazine) Huh? You liar, this isn’t Cranky Magazine, this is the Cranky Cooky Comics!

Betty: My bad.

Mr. Shicowa: (sighs)

(transitions to lunch, Mr. Shicowa is in the lunch line)

Mr. Shicowa: What’s for lunch today?

Lunch Lady #1: The usual, chewed up mush, or ramen noodles.

Mr. Shicowa: Hmm, I’ll think I’ll take the ramen noodles today.

Lunch Lady #2: Bad choice, today we’re chewing up refried beans.

(shows a close up of the beans)

Mr. Shicowa: Ew! How’d you two become lunch ladies for old people in the first place?

Lunch Lady #1: We both slept with the guy who was hiring us.

Mr. Shicowa: May I ask, was he blind?

(both lunch ladies look at each other, appalled, then look back at Shicowa)

Both Lunch Ladies: No.

(Mr. Shicowa grabs his tray and walks over to a lunch table with 3 other old men by the names of Eustace, Walter and Dave)

Mr. Shicowa: How’s it goin’, fellas?

Eustace: Horrible!

Dave: Make the pain go away.

Walter: I’m happy!

Mr. Shicowa: I told ya ta stop taking the drugs they give out that make us happy, (starts whispering) so that in our sleep, they can steal our belongings and kill us for drug money.

(Eustace and Dave gasp)

Walter: Tell me more!

Mr. Shicowa: Well-

(cuts to a door shot of Mr. Richards, standing in front of a newcomer)

Mr. Richards: Attention retirees, today we have a new regular at our home, please make him feel welcome, Shicowa, and give him the best experience this home has to offer!

Mr. Krabs: Hello.

Mr. Richards: Betty, walk him to his room.

Betty: Why it’d be a pleasure!

(Betty and Krabs walk off frame)

Mr. Shicowa: A new recruit, ay? Boys, we should give him the initiation!

(cuts to the night, Mr. Krabs’ room, he’s asleep, all of a sudden, Shicowa, Eustace, Walter and Dave all open the door quietly and tip toe inside, you hear a bone snap)

Walter: Sorry

Mr. Shicowa: Shhhh!

Eustace: I got the fire ants! (giggles like a schoolgirl)

Mr. Shicowa: Alright, Now!

Mr. Krabs: Huh?

(Eustace pours the bag of fire ants on Krabs, Krabs begins to laugh)

Mr. Krabs: Nice try, I knew ye was gonna do that, so I replaced yer fire ants with just regular old raisins.

Mr. Shicowa: So, where’d you get the raisins?

Mr. Krabs: The lunch room.

Dave: So if he replaced the fire ants with raisins, then WHAT ARE THE OLD PEOPLE HAVING AS A SNACK?!

Walter: The fire ants!

Eustace: Quick! We gotta distract the seniors before they go after the food!

Mr. Krabs: I’ll get the ants and throw them outside!

Mr. Shicowa: I’ll help distract!

Walter: And I’ll take a dump.

Dave: 3, 2, 1, go!

(Cuts to the lunch room, with some seniors going for the food, just as Shicowa, Eustace and Dave all start distracting them with some Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy references, and start getting them wrong getting the coots attention, Krabs then grabs all the snacks, throws them into a garbage bag, just as the coots all get annoyed with the distraction and notice the snacks are gone.)

Betty: Hey! Where are all the snacks!

Mr. Krabs: Well, uhh-

Dave: They were expired!

Frank: So? I’m old, I’m basically expired, now gimme my snacks!

Mr. Krabs: Uhhh.

Betty: If they’re expired, they’re expired. Leave them be!

(Just as Krabs runs for the dumpster, and gets rid of the ants, Shicowa, Eustace and Dave all run up to him.)

Mr. Shicowa: You really saved my ass, man.

Mr. Krabs: It was no trouble, just don’t pull any pranks on the ol’ krabster!

Dave: Hey, maybe we could all be a friend group.

Eustace: That’d work!

Mr. Krabs, Mr. Shicowa, Dave, and Eustace: Hooray!

Dave: Wait, where’s Walter?

(Cuts to a door shot of a bathroom, we hear Walter taking a dump, then he snores, this goes on for the credits portion, the end.)

Appearances

 * Eugene Krabs (debut)
 * Mark Shicowa (debut)
 * Mr. Richards (debut)
 * Betty Grayson (debut)
 * Eustace (debut)
 * Walter (debut)
 * Dave (debut)
 * Frank (debut)
 * Lunch Lady #1 (debut)
 * Lunch Lady #2 (debut)

Trivia

 * This is the first episode since Mr. Krabs' exit from the SpongeBob fanon series.
 * They reference SpongeBob Fanon's 100th season.
 * The ratings for the original airing of this episode were 9.54 million viewers.

Reception
TBD