Fortune Cookies Can't Be Trusted

Fortune Cookies Can't Be Trusted is the nineteenth episode of Livin' With The Squid.

Characters

 * Patrick Star
 * Technetium
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Sheldon J. Plankton
 * Squidward Tentacles (cameos)
 * Eugene H. Krabs (cameos)
 * Sandy Cheeks (cameo)

Plot
One Patrick gets a fortune cookie stating that one of his closet friends is in reality even closer, he begins to suspect that Technetium has a crush on him.

Story
Squidward, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Technetium had been eating at Sea Panda Express. "I'm just saying, it makes no sense that they'd arrest me too. I mean, you guys were the ones who murdered the whole town! I didn't have a thing to do with it! I was out buying groceries the whole time!" SpongeBob argued. "Well, maybe it's because your ugly," Patrick suggested. "I am not ugly! I'm the sexiest being ever on this planet!" SpongeBob said, posing sexily. "That's debatable," Technetium said dryly.

Squidward once used to live in Bikini Bottom

With neighbors SpongeBob and Patrick

But then he had enough

He couldn’t take them anymore

So he moved to Coral City

And well now let’s just say

It couldn’t have gotten any worse!

"Ooh, a fortune cookie!" Patrick grinned, reaching for a fortune cookie and plopping it into his mouth. His eyes widened and he soon spat up a small piece of paper. "Gah! Why was there paper in my fortune cookie?! They must be trying to kill me!" Patrick announced. "Patrick, that's what they do with all fortune cookies," SpongeBob explained. "Oh," Patrick said, reading the message displayed on the piece of paper. "That's a weird message," Patrick said."What does it say?" SpongeBob asked. "It says that one of my closet friends in my reality even closer," Patrick answered. SpongeBob's eyes widened and he quickly looked away, blushing.

"Mine says that if I ever want to have a meaningful relationship, I must take the first step," Technetium said. "Mine says that I have a big nose," Squidward said dryly. "Wow, I think that's the only true fortune cookie messaged ever made! They should put that in The Guinness O'Ripley Enormous Book of Curiosities, Oddities, and World Records!" SpongeBob grinned. "Did someone say world records?!" questioned Sandy, quickly popping out of Patrick's ear. "How did...? Patrick doesn't even have...I DON'T GET THIS!" Technetium shouted. "Oh, you'll get it soon. You'll get it soon," Patrick whispered. "Excuse me?" Technetium asked.

Later That Day Technetium had been sitting in Patrick's soon when suddenly the starfish entered in some rather tight lingerie. "Patrick? What on Earth are you wearing?" Technetium asked. "Lingerie, of course! I borrowed it from Squilvia! It's really tight though so uh, let's get this sex session started quick so I can take them off," Patrick explained. "Patrick, I'm a jellyfish," Technetium said dryly. "So?" Patrick asked. "So that'd be considered bestiality! Which is illegal," Technetium explained. "Oh, come on! I'm an animal too! At least according to the 2014 Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards," Patrick said.

"Well, I still don't want to have sex! That's disgusting!" Technetium cringed. "You just haven't found the right person yet. Oh wait, I'm the right person! COME HERE AND GIVE ME YOUR SWEET JELLY!" Patrick shouted, leaping towards his pet. Technetium's eyes widened and he quickly flew away, causing Patrick to crash into the bed and fall through the floor, leading to Finster's lair. "Hello, children!" Finster grinned, walking over to them. "Shut up," Technetium said, quickly stinging him unconscious. "Don't you think that was a bit uncalled for?" Patrick asked. "He kidnapped me to try to steal your jelly!" Technetium shouted. "And I'll steal your jelly next~" Patrick smirked, once again attempting to jump on his friend.

The Next Day "Oh, Technetium!" Patrick shouted from the kitchen. "You're not going to try and rape me again, are you?" Technetium asked, floating downstairs. "Of course not! I realized that I was moving too fast! You can't rush a relationship, you know," Patrick explained. "Relationship?" Technetium asked in a confused tone. "In order to make it up to you, I made you breakfast!" Patrick grinned, holding out a plate of pancakes, eggs, sausages, and bacon. "Ooh, breakfast! Thanks, buddy!" he grinned, beginning to float over to the plate when suddenly Patrick ate the whole thing.

"Patrick!" Technetium shouted. "Sorry, buddy! I guess you'll just have to get it!" Patrick grinned, opening his mouth to reveal the meal stuck between his teeth. "No," Technetium said with a deadpan expression before swiftly floating off. "Darn it!" Patrick growled. "What the heck are you doing?" Squidward asked, walking over to his roommate. "Trying to seduce Technetium," Patrick answered. "Why?!" Squidward questioned. "Don't you remember the fortune cookie at Sea Pandora Express?!" Patrick reminded. "You're doing this all because of a fortune cookie?!" Squidward exclaimed. "Squidward, it all adds up! When I first met Technetium, he kept following me around, just like Squilvia did with you! He even tried to sleep with me! He must be harboring romantic feelings for me!" Patrick theorized. "You're crazy," Squidward said in a deadpan tone.

Meanwhile, at the Krusty Krab, Technetium had been speaking with Eugene. "I just don't know what to do! He keeps following me around, trying to score with me! I mean, I like him and everything, but not in that way!" Technetium explained. "Hm, I see. Welp, good news, boy! I've got an idea! Ask him out on a dinner date here later tonight. Then when you guys arrive, act terribly! Patrick'll definitely won't want to go on another date with you again!" Eugene suggested. "That's genius! Thanks, Eugene!" Technetium grinned, zooming off.

Later At Night Patrick had been watching Seavivor in the lounge when suddenly Technetium flew over to him. "Oh, hey Technetium. What's up?" he asked. "Oh, well uh, I was just wondering if you'd like to go on a dinner date with me at the Krusty Krab?" Technetium asked. "Aha! I knew you loved me!" Patrick grinned. "Yeah...so is that a yes or a no?" Technetium asked. "Yes, of course! Let's go!" Patrick exclaimed, grabbing Technetium and running off to the restaurant. SpongeBob had been watching them from atop the stairs. "That jellyfish is going down..." he growled, placing on a hockey mask and whipping out a large knife. "HIYA!" he shouted and leaped towards the door, falling down the stairs, the knife landing in one of his holes. "I gotta get a professional..." he mumbled.

Bikini Bottom Cut to the inside the Chum Bucket. "Oh, come on, Plankton! You'd be perfect for this! You're always trying to destroy Bikini Bottom with your dumb plans!" SpongeBob grinned. "Was always trying to destroy Bikini Bottom. I don't do that. Not since July 2014, when Krabs moved out of town. There's just no point anymore. Boy, do I miss trying to kill people..." Sheldon sighed, glancing down at the ground. "Well, this is your chance! We could team up and kill Technetium together! And he has radioactive jelly! You can extract it from him once we're done and use it for future evil plans!" SpongeBob suggested. "Radioactive jelly, huh? SquarePants, you've got yourself a deal!" Sheldon grinned, shaking the sea sponge's hand.

The Krusty Krab Patrick and Technetium had been dining at the Krusty Krab, a Krabby Patty on both of their plates. "Gee, Patrick! You sure do look especially ugly tonight!" Technetium grinned. "Thanks! You too, buddy!" Patrick grinned back. Technetium rolled his eyes in response. SpongeBob and Sheldon had been spying on them from right outside the front door. "I just don't get it! How could Patrick possibly want to date a sea pig like that?!" SpongeBob questioned. "Actually, he's a jellyfish," Sheldon corrected. "It was an expression," SpongeBob explained dryly.

"Well, let's stop wasting our time talking and kill that maniac already!" Sheldon announced, bursting into the restaurant along with SpongeBob. "TIME TO DIE, BOYFRIEND STEALER!" SpongeBob shouted, diving his knife into Technetium's Krabby Patty. "Darn it, I missed! I can't see through this stupid hockey mask!" SpongeBob groaned, ripping it off. "SpongeBob?! Why are you trying to kill my boyfriend?!" Patrick gasped. "Because it's fun!" Sheldon grinned, trying a few bombs at Technetium. "Gah!" Technetium gasped, quickly flying off. Suddenly, the entire restaurant exploded.

"ME RESTAURANT!" Eugene shouted. "Sorry, Mr. Krabs..." SpongeBob said, looking down at the ground. "Ah, it's fine boy. You can do whatever you want since you're one of the main characters. BUT YOU! YOU LITTLE GREEN DICK! YOU'RE PAYING FOR ALL OF THIS!" Eugene growled. "But I don't have any money!" Plankton exclaimed. "Then you'll have to make it up by working! You start whenever this place gets rebuilt!" Eugene shouted, walking off. "F***," Sheldon muttered. "Don't worry, Plankton! It's not that bad! I'll show you how everything's done!" SpongeBob grinned.

Patrick and Technetium walked over to SpongeBob. "SpongeBob! What the f***, man?! You tried to kill my boyfriend!" Patrick growled. "I'm sorry! It's just that...I didn't want you guys to be together! All my life, I've always secretly harbored feelings for you! So when I heard you and Technetium were dating...I just..ugh. I'm sorry. You probably hate me now," SpongeBob sighed, glancing down at the ground. "SpongeBob, me and Squidward murdered the whole town. I can forgive anything!" he said, hugging his friend. "Um, actually, Patrick, I'd like to make a confession as well. I don't love you. The only reason I asked you out on this date was to try and make myself look bad so you'd stop trying to seduce me," Technetium confessed.

"Well...in that case!" Patrick grinned, grabbing his friend and passionately making out with him. "Patrick!" SpongeBob grinned, a blush on his face. "This is disgusting," Sheldon said dryly.

Trivia

 * Sea Panda Express is an obvious parody of Panda Express.
 * It is revealed that SpongeBob has a crush on Patrick.
 * The two also began dating in this episode.
 * Sheldon reveals that he has not attempted to take over Bikini Bottom since Eugene moved out in "Movin' Out Of Bikini Bottom", almost a year ago.