Hoopla No More

Hoopla No More is the fifth episode of SBFW Quest. It aired October 27, 2018 and was written by Purple133, FireMatch, and AFallenPower.

Transcript
(Episode opens with Jack sitting at his computer)

 

Jack: I wonder how they’re doing. Well I might as well go and make Jara Jara Binks a meme!

 

(Episode cuts to Purps having a panic attack)

 

Parad0x: Hey man you okay?

 

Purps: No. I have the weirdest feeling that Jack’s using photoshop against me back at home!

 

Parad0x: Okay then.

 

(A smoke cloud appears in the distant woods)

 

Parad0x: What’s that?

 

Purps: Crap. I think FD might be up to something.

 

Parad0x: Like what?

 

Purps: Well why don’t we walk there and find out!

 

Parad0x: But we’ll have to go through The Market.

 

(Purps and Parad0x sprint through the market and see Bot and Rocky running a memez stand)

 

Purps: Why are you here?

 

Bot: We are trying to get some money here, and with that, with my meme skillz. I can make half-good memes!

 

Rocky: We got a few ‘ffs!’

 

Bot: Those aren’t those sale.

 

(Purps and Parad0x leave and spot FDBackup conjuring spirits in the woods)

 

FDBackup: Oh great badge gods, send me a spirit or something so I can curse somebody! Oh wait, this is midevil Europe.

(Midevilgmer shows up)

 

Midevil: Hey guys, who wants to play some Minecraft Windows 10 Edition?

 

FDBackup: Not that kind of midevil!

 

(Midevilgmer disappears as FD snaps his fingers)

 

(Purps and Parad0x show up)

 

FDBackup: I swear I wasn’t doing anything!

 

(A laser shoots out of the pot and hits CrazySponge who is lying in bed)

 

CrazySponge: Hoopl- What the? (Tries to say Hoopla, but nothing is heard) Why can’t I say (mute)?

 

Purps: If that spell can take CrazySponge’s number second catchphrase-

 

Parad0x: Wait, was it his one number?

 

FDBackup: What?

 

Purps: You have been missing out on discord. Anyways, what I’m saying is that the spell is too powerful if it can do something like that! Do you how to make a spell that will undo this?

 

FDBackup: Umm… Well… I can rent the Book of Spells: The 42nd Edition at the local library. Or maybe I’ll [her] for some badg- I mean… umm…

 

(FDBackup goes running away)

 

Purps: Well shit. How do we get the power back?

 

Parad0x: (looks up from random book) maybe we can find it? Maybe it got stolen, locked away, and we must find it!

 

Purps: Well that makes sense!

 

Parad0x: LET’S GO!

 

(A montage of Purps and Parad0x searching the world for Hoopla plays)

 

Purps: SEVENTEEN DAYS IS LONG ENOUGH!

 

Parad0x: It’s been seventeen freaking days?!

 

Purps: Wait, what’s that?

 

(A strange looking house on a mountaintop comes into view)

 

Parad0x: Hey, Lock was reading me a story of some creepy guy named Travis who lives up in these mountains. Do you think that’s him?

 

(Travis emerges from the house)

 

Purps: Without a doubt.

 

Travis: Hey! Who are you?!

 

Purps: Hey Travis. It’s just me and my homie Parad0x.

 

Parad0x: I refuse to be called a “homie”.

 

Purps: (quietly) just go with it.

 

Travis: Hey Purps, stop fapping in the medieval times!

 

Purps: Shut up, Tevis.

 

Travis: Blasted buffoons. How did you even know I was here?

 

Parad0x: Umm… Lock told us about him.

 

Travis: That other damn fool that faps in class? Well, I should’ve known.

 

Parad0x: Just shut the hell up and do us a favor.

 

Travis: What favor? A pleasure favor? A savory favor? A… sexual favor?

 

Purps: Ugh.

 

Parad0x: No. Did Hoopla arrive here a couple weeks ago?

 

Travis: Yes, but I will only give it to you if you prove your worth.

 

Purps: How do we do that?

 

Travis: Hmmmmm. Get me a sexual session with INU and we have a deal.

 

Parad0x: Doesn’t sound that hard.

 

(Five days later)

 

INU: HELL NO!

 

Purps: Come on, it’s for Crazy!

 

CrazySponge: o

 

INU: I wouldn’t bang Travis even if you paid me $1,000!

 

Parad0x: I have $10,000.

 

INU: All in cash?

 

Parad0x: Yes.

 

INU: (grabs cash) deal.

 

(Twelve hours of fucking later)

 

INU: Next time, you’ll have to give me $100,000.

 

Travis: WAIT! CUM BACK! PUN INTENDED!

 

INU: I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOUR MICRO-PENIS EVER AGAIN!

 

Travis: NOT AS SMALL AS MA- (INU kicks Travis in the crotch) My nuts… Oh well, a favor’s a favor. Now what’s that thing you wanted me to do again?

 

Purps: About the Hoopla thing.

 

Travis: Oh, yeah. I did see him, but then I saw someone put a bag over his head and kidnap him.

 

Parad0x: Who did it exactly?

 

Travis: Lock I think, that blasted buffoon.

 

Purps: Oh yeah. He really doesn’t like Crazy.

 

Travis: And no one likes either of you, damn fools! Now scrat! (kicks Para and Purps out of his house)

 

(Purps is knocking on a Medieval apartment door)

 

Purps: Lock! Lock! You don’t know what shit we have been through!

 

Parad0x: Yeah!

 

AFP: Yellow?

 

Purps: What? What are doing there?

 

(AFP unlocks the door)

 

AFP: I just have been staying with Lock and Polar because apparently, being in medieval is f**king boring.

 

Purps: Where is CrazySponge?

 

AFP: Lock is, well… um… sleeping… or something. I don’t what he is doing! And Polar is… maybe jerking or ummm… something to Bowsette. I don’t like describing these things! Also CrazySponge is still developing his nude image thingy. Well, I am no fucking help.

 

(He walks off)

 

Parad0x: Umm… What…?

 

Purps: Well, how are they doing this without the internet?

 

AFP: Um, they are imaging it with their brains? Oh, well that explains why they hadn’t been doing much in their rooms other then eating and drinking water. Anyways, the food here isn’t the greatest and the water is I heard pretty bad here.

 

Purps: Well, have you heard anything of FDBackup?

 

AFP: He might of been selling some badges… or spells or shit like that…

 

Purps: Spells?

 

(Knocks on the door of one of the rooms)

 

Parad0x: Doors can open, right?

 

(Purps opens the door to see Polar in the corner)

 

Purps: Are… you okay?

 

(Turns around)

 

Polar: Stop being sexist! I mean, oh. I just have been sleeping in with this stupid world. I’ll just recover by the next episode!

 

Parad0x: Okay…

 

Purps: Um… Now where is CrazySponge?

 

(The Two go through the other room)

 

Purps: Lock, what is with CrazySponge?

 

Lock: Too be honest, he has been in the public been a bit weird. He looks like he is trying to say something, but he just can’t.

 

Purps: FDBackup had put a curse on him which he can’t say Hoopla.

 

Lock: That explains all of it, but then did he abandon his Hoopla fetish?

 

Parad0x: He probably came back to it due to this.

 

CrazySponge: I don’t have a (mute) fetish!

 

Purps: Okay CrazySponge, we already know where FDBackup is-

 

Parad0x: After weeks of wasting time.

 

Purps: Yeah… and we know that he is in town since he is selling badges.

 

CrazySponge: Can I just be?

 

Purps: But we have to get rid of the curse, that is part of the plot!

 

CrazySponge: Yeah, but I have an excuse to say that I don’t have a fetish on that (mute).

 

Parad0x: There’s no time to waste! FDBackup, he might use his magic to discover we are going to him.

 

Purps: Yeah! And you are going with us!

 

(Grabs CrazySponge by the hand and they go run through the market, but they encounter Rocky and Bot with an actual store property)

 

Parad0x: How did you make so much money in two weeks?

 

Rocky: We sold to some weird ass wizard.

 

Purps: Shit.

 

(FDBackup appears in a cloud of smoke holding Hoopla in a jar)

 

FDBackup: I GOT THE POWER! FIGHT ME FOR HOOPLA!

 

CrazySponge: Oh no!

 

Parad0x: Let’s kick his ass!

 

FDBackup: You seriously think you can harm me?! HA!

 

(FD shoots a beam of light at Purps and knocks him unconscious)

 

Parad0x: Crazy help me!

 

CrazySponge: Watch out!

 

(FD shoots another beam of light but Crazy jumps in the way and takes he hit)

 

FDBackup: I’ve no idea who you are, but fight me!

 

Parad0x: I know you but you don’t oh yeah Discord.

 

FDBackup: My dad won’t let me get it!

 

(Parad0x and FD fight, and Parad0x is injures)

 

FDBackup: Prepare to die!

 

(Bot unleashes a bunch of memes upon FDBackup)

 

FDBackup: Nooooooooo!

 

Bot: Ha!

 

Rocky: Ha!

 

Purps: Hey guys I just woke up what ha-

 

(Purps gets run over by the memes and knocked back out)

 

Parad0x: Hey FD! EXPEXTO PATRONUS!

 

(Parad0x waves a stick and knocks back FDBackup)

 

FDBackup: OW!

 

Para0x: (turns around) Bot, get him to prison!

 

Bot: Ummm he’s gone.

 

Parad0x: Oh well, at least we stopped him!

 

(Episode ends, but then screen pops up again)

Goldfish Guy: (earrape) THE SNACK THAT SMILES BACK! GOLDFISH!

CrazySponge: Wait, this is great and all but I still can't HOOPLA! OH MY GOD I GOT IT BACK! Woohoo! TV logic viewers, TV logic.