Trouble Date

Trouble Date is the 7th episode of (pat)Rick Figures.

Transcript
(At a French restaurant, L'amour Bikini, SpongeBob and the woman from Flame War are seated at a table.)

Squirrel: This is such a nice restaurant. French cuisine? You're so cultural, Blue.

SpongeBob: ¡Gracias!

Squirrel: What's your favorite dish?

SpongeBob: (picks up the menu) Oh, you know! All the hits like, Beef "Borgnonion" (Bourguignon) and, uh, French Onion "Sop" (Soup)....

Squirrel: I didn't know you spoke French!

SpongeBob: Konichiwa.

(???, who is seated near them, heard Blue.)

???: Wwwhat?!

SpongeBob: When I was in Paris, I had the most delicious bowl of-- Shit!

(Patrick kicks down the restaurant door and trots in with a violet woman in his grasp while tongue-kissing her.)

Squirrel: (referring to what Blue was saying) Oh, is that a French dish?

SpongeBob: Uh... it-- it means salmon...

Squirrel: (suspicious) You had a bowl of salmon?

Patrick: (off-screen) Hey, Blue!

SpongeBob: Oh, no...

Patrick: (on-screen with violet woman) ♪I just got a new girlfriend. (points at the violet woman, who leans on him, then points at the pink woman) Who's that? That's your new girlfriend!♪ (points at the fat ugly girl, who is seated right behind them) I told you to go home.

(Somber music plays as she walks away.)

SpongeBob: (music stops) Oh, uh, this is Sandy.

Patrick: And this is... what's your name?

Violet woman: (ditsy voice) My name's Stacy. (Leans on the table while Patrick leans back a little, trying to peek through her skirt.)

Patrick: Really?!

(Patrick sits next to SpongeBob)

Patrick: Hi.

SpongeBob: Dude! You're ruining our first date, get the fuck out of here!

Patrick: Yeah, right! Someone's getting laid tonight. (In whisper) It's me! Up top!

French waiter: (sets a plate of food on the table) Bon appétit.

Stacy: You kiss your mouth with that motheeer?!

SpongeBob: (to Sandy) I'm so sorry.

(She glares at him suspiciously.)

French waiter: (sets a plate of oysters on the table) Your oysters, monsieur.

(Patrick picks up an oyster.)

SpongeBob: Uh, buddy, that's my dinner...

(Patrick and Stacy look at each other seductively. Patrick opens the oyster shell and sticks his tongue out.)

SpongeBob: Patrick, what are you doing?! (Patrick rubs the oyster all over his face.) Oh, God, that's gross! Aah...

(Stacy pulls out a long baguette from a bread basket.)

SpongeBob: No!

(Stacy starts putting it in her mouth.)

Sandy: (staring with shock) Ew...

Patrick: (his eye pupils shrink) The whole loaf!

(Stacy swallows it whole.)

Sandy: Ugh!

(Patrick devours SpongeBob and Sandy's ice cream fudge and cherry dessert, which resembles two breasts.)

SpongeBob: Aaand there goes our romantic dessert.

(Patrick chuckles with his mouth full.)

Stacy: Oh, baby. (Grabs the table's candle.)

SpongeBob: Oh, what are you doing? (Stacy starts licking it upward.) Oh, no! Oh, no!! OH, NO!! Aah!

(Stacy blows the flame onto the floral centerpiece.)

SpongeBob: All right, THAT'S IT-!

(Suddenly, Patrick and Stacy grab each other and make out on the table, which has caught fire.)

Sandy: (sighs) Take me home.

Stacy: Oh, take me home! (Continues making out with Red.)

Patrick: Oh, yeah! Let's go have sex in Blue's bed!

(He and Stacy get set on fire.)

SpongeBob: Check plea--.

Soundtrack
TBA