Squidward's vacation


 * -|Episode=

 is an spin-off episode from the spin-off The Naughty Nautical Neighbors.

Summary
Squidward plans to go on a vacation which is intrrupted by SpongeBob and his gang of buffoons (Patrick) and things turn out worse than expected.

Characters

 * SpongeBob
 * Squidward
 * Patrick
 * Bikini Bottomites
 * Skeleton
 * Painty
 * Staff member
 * Patchy
 * Potty
 * Boat conductor
 * Seagulls

Squidward's vacation
 * -|Transcript=

[The story begins when Squidward plans out a magnificent holiday cruise and vacations during his work break.]

Squidward: Ah, I can't wait to get out of this old toxic wasteland and into the beauty of relaxation away from SpongeBob and Patrick!

Mr. Krabs: So exactly, how long is this "vacation" gonna be?!

Squidward: Oh, two weeks.

Mr. Krabs: Two weeks?! Shorten it down to 1 week. I'm losing money when you're on vacation. You don't wanna be fired, do you?

Squidward: Oh I don't mind being fired.

Mr. Krabs: Remember that time when I thought you had my giant dime and I fired you and you were homeless on the streets.

[Squidward thought for a moment]

Squidward: Ok fine! I'll shorten it to one week.

Mr. Krabs: Actually shorten it to 6 days.

Squidward: Fine, I'll shorten it to 6 da..

Mr. Krabs: Wait! Actually shorten it to 3 days.

Squidward: 3 days?!

Mr. Krabs: You have a problem with that, eh Mr. Squidward!

Squidward: I really don't know about 3 days.

Mr. Krabs: 3 days! Take it or leave it!

Squidward: Fine! As long I get 72 hours of relaxation and getting away from SpongeBob and Patrick. Oh that's the dream!

[Squidward quickly gets home and schedules a ticket on the cruise ride.]

Squidward: Ah, Squiddy! Perfect! A vacation was just what you needed. Away from SpongeBob and Patrick..

[Suddenly, Squidward was interrupted by the sounds of SpongeBob and Latrick laughing their heads off while Jellyfishing.]

[Squidward goes and opens his window and yelled at SpongeBob and Patrick]

Squidward: Would you two pipe down for at least one day?! I'm getting tired of this nonsense. Pipe down before I stick both of your necks down the drain plug. M'kay?!

Patrick: Sorry little Squid boy but I don't have a neck!

SpongeBob: Patrick, everyone has necks.

Patrick: Everyone except for me!

SpongeBob: Yeah no.

Squidward: I don't have time for this. Goodbye!

''[Squidward slams the window and starts packing for his extended vacation. Then he has a good rest as he's leaving on the cruise tomorrow.]''

Squidward: Ah. Another day ends well. Goodnight Squiddy! And tomorrow, you'll find yourself in the middle of the Pacific Ocean in the ocean on the largest cruise in the seven seas. Oh wait! Why am I talking to myself?! Oh Nevermind. Good Night!

''[SpongeBob and Patrick listened to every word Squidward said. They knew his plans. They slowly broke into his house and snuck into a full suitcase and slept in there without Squidward knowing. Hmm.. Let's find out what happens next!]''

Scallop: Rooster morning call

Squidward: Ah, Squidward! Today's gonna be a great day!

[SpongeBob's laugher interrupted the peace]

Squidward: Or maybe not! Hmm.. SpongeBob!

''[Squidward went to SpongeBob's house to tell him to pipe down but couldn't find him. He then went to Patrick's rock but couldn't find him there either.]''

Squidward: Hmm.. Maybe SpongeBob and Patrick went to Jellyfish fields. Even better! So they won't know I'm gone! Squiddy oh boy pal, you're a genius! Vacation, here I come!

[Squidward takes the bus and eventually walks to the cruise docks.]

Boat conductor: All aboard!

Squidward: Aren't you supposed to say "All aboard" on a train?

Boat conductor: Nah, I'm a boat conductor

Squidward: Boat conductor? Are you serious?

Boat conductor: Yup, duh.. I wish I could work on a train but they wouldn't allow me. Working on a train was my dream but I never got a chance too.

[The boat conductor then sops on the grown on Squidward's tentacles.]

Squidward: Get off my tentacle you filthy animal! How worse and pathetic can this possibly be?

[Then, a storm cloud arose just on the spot where Squidward was standing and a lightening bolt strikes Squidward and it starts raining on the spot.]

Squidward: Of course! I knew this would happen! Now let me onboard young man!

Boat conductor: Tickets please!

Squidward: Usually, a train conductor says that!

Boat conductor: I know that but cut it out. Just show me your ticket! The boat is leaving in 1 minute.

''[Suddenly, Mr. Krabs comes up to Squidward sopping on his tentacles like the boat conductor once did].

Squidward: Oh no! Not again. Get off my tentacle cheapskate.

Mr. Krabs: I ain't cheap! Anyways, oh please Mr. Squidward. Don't go on vacation! There's no one to mand the grill or cash register. SpongeBob is nowhere to be found. He didn't come to work today!

Squidward: Probably because he's in Jellyfish fields.

Mr. Krabs: I already checked there. He's not there!

Squidward: You think I care? I'm not coming to work today, we made that deal yesterday! I don't know where SpongeBob is but that's your problem.

Mr. Krabs: Fine ya Blasted Buffon!

Squidward: Uh.. Morons!

Boat conductor: Guys.. The boat is gonna leave now.

Squidward: Wait!

Boat conductor: Right, are you gonna come or not. We've been talking for 15 minutes!

Squidward: Okay fine! Here's my ticket!

Boat conductor: Okay Mr. Squidward tennis balls!

Squidward: It's tentacles!

Boat conductor: I'll be taking your bags to your room on the cruise!

[Conductor tries to lift up bags but gives up]

Boat conductor: What's in this bag?!

Squidward: Oh, just a few items!

Boat conductor: Well, it's as heavy as a one-ton Elephant!

Squidward: You're weak then ya Buffon! Bye Eugene! See you in 72 great hours!

Mr. Krabs: See you in 72 useless hours!

[The boat starts to leave the dock and eventually gets to the seven seas!]

Squidward: Ah Squiddy! What shall we do first? I know, let's play the clarinet with those fish over there. I'll wear my Hawaiian shirt.

[SpongeBob and Patrick's voices interrupt the happy hour]

Squidward: What? Who's there!

Patrick: It's us! The splash brothers!

SpongeBob: Actually the Splash Brothers are Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson.

Patrick: Okay, then we're the serpent!

SpongeBob: No Patrick! That's Kevin Durant! Get your nba facts straight!

Patrick: Then I'm the black mamba!

SpongeBob: That's Kobe Bryant.

Patrick: Then I'm the..

Squidward: STOP!

Patrick: Clustering chicken.

Squidward: Who are you calling a chicken?!

Patrick: I am!

Squidward: Okay, you're so dumb you can't even answer my question!

Patrick: Ah! I get it! The answer is B-4!

Squidward: Okay, cut it out!

[Squidward walks over to a staff member]

Squidward: Is it against the law to throw someone overboard?

Staff member: No.

Squidward: Ha! So long SpongeBob!

[Squidward launches SpongeBob and Patrick off the cruise.]

Squidward: Finally, peace and quiet!

SpongeBob: Hi Squidward!

Squidward: Wait, how did you two get back on board?!

SpongeBob: The guy over there that's a staff member helped us!

Patrick: Thanks Mr. Doorman!

SpongeBob: [He whispers into Patrick's ear] Patrick, he's a staff member, be polite!

Patrick: Okay, sorry about that Mr. Doorman, I meant staff member.

Staff member: Okay ya filthy animal!

SpongeBob: Thanks on behalf of me and Patrick!

Staff member: Thanks little sponge. You're better than your friend who's covered in fishpaste! Anytime! :D

Squidward: Well.. Despite you two onboard, I'm gonna go and play my clarinet in peace over there. ''[SpongeBob and Patrick join by playing the drums as loud as they can ruining the soothing tunes.]

[Squidward plays his clarinet until everyone heard it and thinks he's rubbish so they throw him, SpongeBob and Patrick to this deserted island known as "Bikini Atoll."]

Squidward: Where are we?

SpongeBob: We're in Bikini Atoll!

Squidward: Oh! This island appears at the beginning of our theme song!

SpongeBob: What theme song?

Squidward: Kelp for brains! You don't even know the theme song?! It goes like this:

Oh.. Who lives in a Pineapple under the sea

SpongeBob: Gary sea Snail!

Squidward: As Donald Trump would say: WRONG!

[A hilarious photo of Trump appears]

Donald Trump: Squidboy's right!

''[Donald Trump then disappears into his lair]

Squidward: After that, it goes: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?

SpongeBob: Sandy Cheeks is!

Squidward: Sandy's not yellow. Neither is she absorbent. She's not a sponge! It's SpongeBob SquarePants! Next goes: If nautical nonsense be something you wish!

SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick Sea Star!

Squidward: SpongeBob SquarePants Next: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish

Patrick: Ohh Ohh. I know this one! Pick me Pick me!

Squidward: Uh.. Patrick!

Patrick: Jimmy Fallon!

SpongeBob: Ohh, I know! Johnny Elaine!

Squidward: Right, both of you are incorrect! SpongeBob, you were closest. Johnny Elaine said that part but that wasn't what he meant. The person he was referring to was you SpongeBob! Patrick, go jump off a cliff as I can't deal with your stupidity. I'll give you Ice Cream if you do so.

Patrick: Okay.

[Patrick actually went and jumps off a cliff]

Patrick: Uh.. That's gonna leave a mark but done.. Can I have some ice cream now?

Squidward: Wait, you actually jumped off a cliff?!

Patrick: Yup! Can I have some ice cream and more ice cream?

Squidward: Uh.. [In a grumpy voice] Whatever, knock yourself out.

[Squidward hands him a huge bucket of ice cream which he eats in under two second!]

SpongeBob: Hey Patrick. Are you okay?

Patrick: Yup! Just gotta cool out from eating all this ice cream. Might head back to my rock!

Squidward: Wow. My vacation that was potentially supposed to be relaxing was supposedly ruined by the buffoon brothers. No surprise there.

SpongeBob: Hey Squiddy, remember years ago, we defeated Burger Beard!

Squidward: Yes, indeed! He was a nasty, wasty crook. All he wanted was gold and money from selling krabby patties.

SpongeBob: He found the book from inside Bikini Atoll. We're standing on the exact same spot he found it. Look! There's the skeleton.

''[The skeleton was holding another huge book! It said : The SpongeBob Movie: Lost in the Drain!]

SpongeBob: A new movie! Fascinating ey! Look there are the seagulls!

Squidward & Seagulls: Hey SpongeBob and Patrick, wanna have a go at singing the theme song perfectly?

SpongeBob & Patrick: Of course! Let's hit it!

Squidward & Seagulls: Let's start then!

[Painty, Patchy and Potty join in as well]

SpongeBob: Hit it Painty!

Painty: Are you ready kids?

@everyone: Aye aye, Captain!

Painty: I can't hear ye

@everyone (louder) Aye Aye, captain!

Painty: Ohhhhhhhh...! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

@everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painty: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he?

@everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painty: If nautical nonsense be something you wish,

@everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painty: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!

@everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painty: Ready?

Painty and everyone: SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants! SpongeBob SquarePants!

Painty: SpongeBooob... SquarePaaaaaaants! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!

[SpongeBob plays his nose like a flute. We hear the seagulls again and the song ends]