Air Shicowa

Air Shicowa is the ninth episode of the first season of Better Days, and the 9th overall.

Plot
Mr. Shicowa gets an airplane of his own, but crashes it on an unknown island, causing everyone to think he's dead, but Mr. Krabs!

Transcript
(Episode starts at The Kelp City Retirement Complex, specifically in the staff room where the lunch ladies, with noticeably large bags under their eyes, are on the floor smoking.)

Lunch Lady #1: Man, I’m sick of this certain Mr. Shicowa. Ever since he won the lottery, he’s been asking for the deluxe special treatment. He ain’t royalty!

(the first lunch lady coughs intensely)

Lunch Lady #2: No-one here is, honey. No-one except Mr. Shicowa, the self-proclaimed King of the Retirement Complex. Nonsense.

(flashback to two days earlier, where Mr. Shicowa is sleeping in a chair, waking every few seconds to obnoxiously cough. On TV, the winning lottery numbers are being revealed. Mr. Krabs is on the edge of his seat, hoping he’ll win.)

Mr. Krabs: Come on, baby! Daddy wants a new inhaler!

(the woman on the TV reveals the lottery numbers, however we cannot hear the numbers themselves. Mr. Krabs jumps and yells in joy as it is revealed he has won, however his glee unfortunately wakes Mr. Shicowa up from his sleep. Mr. Shicowa frantically moves his arms, accidentally slapping Mr. Krabs and grabbing his numbers. After adjusting his glasses, his eyes light up.)

Mr. Shicowa: Holy ravioli, I’ve won it! I’ve won it! I can’t believe I’ve won the lottery!

(Mr. Shicowa stands up in shock, accidentally bashing Mr. Krabs into the wall in the process. We flash forward to the present, where we see Mr. Shicowa wearing gold chains and sitting in a throne, with a bell next to him so he can always signal the lunch ladies. He does so.)

Mr. Shicowa: I need my porridge!

(The lunch ladies panic out of the staff room door and we see a close-up of their bloodshot eyes and dry lips, as well as the slowly-moving hair on their noses. They face Mr. Shicowa.)

Lunch Lady #2: Sorry, we don’t have any porridge.

Mr. Shicowa: You don’t have any cottage? Cheese? I’m allergic!

Lunch Lady #1: Porridge! She said porridge, not cottage!

Mr. Shicowa: Forest? I’m an old man, I ain’t going to no forest. Bring me my porridge, or I will pay my hitman to give you the old 1-2.

Betty: Oh, that’s a bit extreme, honey.

Mr. Shicowa: You know what’s really extreme, Betty? This atrocious service!

(Mr. Krabs sheds a single tear as the lunch ladies walk away from Mr. Shicowa, not bothering to make any porridge.)

Lunch Lady #1: God, if he has that much money to have a freaking hitman, how about he buys his own plane?

(Mr. Shicowa’s eyes perk up, and he stands up, once again bashing Mr. Krabs into the wall.)

Mr. Shicowa: I just thought of a brilliant idea!

Lunch Lady #2: (talking to Lunch Lady #1) You and your big mouth.

Lunch Lady #1: Hey! It’s not that big!

(Close-up of the massive gap between her lips with very little space for teeth. The tonsils are easily seen and her tongue looks like a speck compared to the size of her mouth. The second lunch lady brings a mirror and points it to the first’s mouth.)

Lunch Lady #1: Okay, maybe I see your point, but I don’t think that’s the issue here. The issue is that Mr. Rich-Jerkass over there just said he’s gonna buy a plane.

Lunch Lady #2: How is that an issue for us?

(Cut to Mr. Shicowa carelessly piloting his plane, with Mr. Krabs, Betty, Walter, Mr. Richards, Adam, Eustace, Dave and the lunch ladies in the passenger seats, all shaking. Mr. Krabs is rubbing his claws together. Walter tries to grab a pill from his pocket to calm himself down but Dave slaps it off of him before he can put it in his mouth. The lunch ladies are holding their mouths in attempt to prevent them throwing up. Mr. Shicowa soon falls asleep at the wheel.)

Mr. Krabs: Uh…hello, pilot? Wake up!

Lunch Lady #2: He’s… asleep? Oh, no! Oh, no! Oh, Lord, no!

Lunch Lady #1: What’s wrong, Brenda Brunch?

Lunch Lady #2: He’s asleep, Lucy Lunch! We’re gonna die if we don’t jump out of that window right now!

(The passengers all groan affirmingly, then jump ship - both figuratively and literally - smashing the windows with Mr. Krabs’ claws and leaping out into the sea as Mr. Krabs watches Mr. Shicowa crash onto an island, while the others try and swim towards the shore.)

Adam: Come on, Eugene!

Mr. Krabs: I’ll be there in a second!

(Mr. Krabs starts coughing, as we fade to a coffin. Zoom out to a cemetery, where Mr. Krabs is facepalming in his seat. The rest of the seats are used up by Mr. Shicowa’s family as well as his friends from the Retirement Complex.)

Priestfish: We are gathered here today to…

(Cut to the lunch ladies dancing in a night club while “Celebration” by Kool & the Gang plays.)

(Cut back to the funeral, where we see Mr. Shicowa’s cousin wiping her eyes as her wife pats her on the back to support her.)

(Cut back to the nightclub, where the lunch ladies are doing the YMCA.)

(Cut back to the funeral, where Mr. Krabs is asked to step up to the board and say his griefs.)

Mr. Krabs: I’d known Mr. Shicowa for a long time before his death, and we were very, very close before his unfortunate accident when he fell asleep in his private jet and crashed into the sea, never to be seen again. I’m never sure what to say at funerals, and God knows at my age, I’ve been to many, but I definitely know what to say about my dear Mr. Shicowa. He’s not dead, you spazmoids!

(Cut back to the nightclub where Mr. Shicowa joins in to do the YMCA with the lunch ladies. We zoom out from the dancefloor to out of the door as the funeral-goers try and fight with the bouncer to let them in.)

Mr. Krabs: I have BIG MEATY CLAWS and I’m not afraid to use them!

(The bouncer chuckles.)

Bouncerfish: Alright, old man, try again in… hmm… about -40 years.

(Mr. Krabs sighs.)

Priestfish: Yo, even if the old dude’s not dead, I’m still getting paid, right?

(Walter throws a rock into the distance, hoping it will hit the priest’s head. It misses.)

Priestfish: Nice try.

(Walter punches him in the nose instead as the episode ends with a blackout while the priest rubs his nose.)

Appearances

 * Eugene Krabs
 * Mark Shicowa
 * Mr. Richards
 * Adam Fishman
 * Eustace Wendell
 * Walter Ben
 * Dave Finnigan
 * Betty Grayson
 * Lunch Lady #1
 * Lunch Lady #2
 * Priestfish (Debut)

Trivia

 * This is the first episode with a plot not made by.
 * This is the first episode solo-written by.
 * This episode was originally going to be "Ocean's Seventy" but that idea was scrapped for being too hard to write.
 * This and A Night on the Town are 's favorite episodes of the season.
 * The ratings for the original airing of this episode were 6.35 million viewers.
 * Running Gag: Mr. Shicowa flinging Krabs into the wall.