Fool Kill

"Fool Kill" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom. It is rated TV-14-LV and C.

Plot
SpongeCock is tired of being obscenely used in LIBB, so he teams up with Bikini Bottom rating supervisor Ponyo Fen to assassinate LIBB excecutive creator Philly Dan.

Characters

 * SpongeCock SquarePants
 * Fatrick Star
 * Ponyo Fen
 * Philly Dan
 * Eugene F. Kraps
 * Pissing Pearl

Transcript
SpongeCock was playing with Fatrick. Yep, playing. Playing real hard. Fatrick gave a real good crap. But the crap triggered the “ON” button of the TV remote, and the TV came on. Helly Hellkins was speaking:

''This just in, Ratings Administrator ‘Ponyo Fen’ has recently sued executive producer ‘Philly Dan’ for rating one of his episodes PG-13. The latter’s lawyer ‘Squiddy Nerd’ has countersued Ponyo that she has been in the rating administrator position for too long. Indeed, she has served more than anyone else at seven years and counting. She has served as Ratings Administrator before Mayor Wen Beiss was even born, and she has used her experience as a defense. Squiddy Nerd responded that Ponyo was “old school” and “too unfair in the process”. At the request of both parties, Mayor Wen Beiss has made the first court case in the issue to be public. It will happen immediately following the private excecution of Dr. Reginald Tyson, for reporting a freedom fighter to a terrorist organization.''

"Oh boy," Fatrick commented

Our whole universe was in a G and PG state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait

Fatrick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool

They invented crap that rules

We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)

Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing

''This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!''

“Philly Dan, that scumfrick!” SpongeCock said. “Yeah, I hope cummy-boy dies and spends eternity in hell!” Fatrick added. “I want to kill him! Grind the crap out of him like a damning eagle on narcotics! Hahaha!” SpongeCock said. “So, what are you gonna do about it?” Fatrick asked. “Teamwork. I’m gonna simply go to Philly’s location and kill that piece of scum! Might as well take out that Mayor too. That corrupt piece of crap. I heard that hippie down the block is gonna rev us up some hundreds if we end the mayor’s life” SpongeCock replied. “Who? Travis? The outspoken mayoral candidate?” Fatrick asked. “Yep. But I don’t think a poor frick like him can afford one of those electric cars he be yapping about! Hell, he can’t afford a dirt car!” SpongeCock laughed. “He can’t even afford a cocker!” Fatrick added.

SpongeCock drove Fatrick’s boat to a dead-end motel. He went to room 206 and knocked on the door, to which Ponyo Fen opened. “What the hell is a high-position ratings administrator doing in this house of damned souls?” SpongeCock asked. “Shut up! What the hell do you want?” Ponyo Fen asked. “Let’s kill Philly Dan!” SpongeBob replied.

Philly Dan was at the PlayFish Center. “Excuse me, I’d like to register a model. His name is Travis Pineapple, and he is one sexy maniac,” Philly Dan said to the man at the lobby. “Um...he isn’t sexy. He looks like a weirdo loser bastard,” the lobbyman replied. “Not a bastard, the bastard! Ever heard of...the astounding Clayton? The two got busy countless times!” Philly Dan reasoned. “Nope, and when Security comes you might be shot if you don’t get out!” the lobbyman exclaimed. “What? Who is going to shoot—” Philly Dan proclaimed when a string of gun bullets hit Philly. Blood sprayed onto the lobbyman, and Philly slumped to reveal SpongeCock and Ponyo Fen holding AK-47s. “Foolkill,” Ponyo Fen smirked.

Meanwhile, Eugene Kraps just finished his cumboy session. He went to turn on the TV to see the news.

''Greetings, this is Helly Hellkins with breaking news. Just 3 minutes ago, famed TV writer Philly Dan was pronounced dead. He was shot sixteen times by two assassins, Ponyo Fen and SpongeCock SquarePants. While Ponyo Fen was a long-time rival of Philly Dan and had been classified as mentally insane by the Bikini Bottom Department of Medicine, it is unknown why SpongeCock assisted her. SpongeCock has been a famed fry cook at the Krusty Kock, and he had only been arrested three times. That’s all we can share.''

“What?! That son of a lintlicker is in Jail! That means I have no more money, and no more money means no more weed!” Kraps sobbed. Pissing Pearl suddenly walked into the room. “That’s all we can share? This is like the shortest LIBB episode ever!” Pissing Pearl exclaimed. “Eh, who gives a crap?” Kraps asked. “Um...Philly Dan. But he’s dead so…,” Pissing Pearl said.

Trivia

 * This is considered the least edgy episode of Life in Bikini Bottom, due to the lack of high-level profanity in the episode
 * Nevertheless, it is given a PG-13 rating due to the intense gore in the episode.
 * This marks the writing debut and title card debut of Percyblu.