Talk Shows and a Few Foes

Plot
When SpongeBob's favourite talk show host retires and he finds out he only works for the money, he decides he'll make his own talk show. However, the company SpongeBob has partnered with though turns out to have a dark secret of what they do to their workers...

Transcript
[The scene goes to SpongeBob in his pineapple sat down in front of his TV. There is a phone call on his shell phone, he answers it]

SpongeBob: Hello?

Patrick: SpongeBob! I'm just calling because I want to go Jellyfishing really bad! I just got a new net as well!...

SpongeBob: That sounds great Patrick but I'm not going Jellyfishing this afternoon. My favourite talk show is on.

Patrick: Pfft, SpongeBob...What would you rather do? Go Jellyfishing with me which you do everyday or watch a talk show that's on once a week?...

SpongeBob: Um....The Talk Show that's on once a week Patrick....

Patrick: Oh, well...Ok then...Wanna hear how long I can blow a raspberry?

SpongeBob: Patrick, I know you're trying to distract me....It's not going to work...

Patrick: Fish Paste! Well, I have another friend! And, just in case a situation happened like this this week I planned a schedule of things for me and him to do. Goodbye!

[The scene goes to Patrick in his rock next to a pillow with a smiley face on]

Patrick: Come on Pillow Pal! We're gonna have some fun without SpongeBob!

[The scene goes to Johnny Fallon running into his TV Studio]

Johnny Fallon: I'm Johnny Fallon, world famous talk show host. And today we'll be interviewing and speaking to some of Bikini Bottom's Most Famous Celebrities. Including Jim Clooney and Kylie Perry!

SpongeBob: [In House] This is gonna be a great show today!

Johnny Fallon: Sadly though, my career in talk show hosting is over...This talk show is ending...Yes, one last show...But it'll be great!

SpongeBob: [In House] The show is wha-?!?!

[One Talk Show Later....]

SpongeBob: [Writing Letter] [In Mind] Please, listen to the public...Listen to your fans...From SpongeBob SquarePants, Bikini Bottom...

[The scene goes to the Casting Director (Model Sponge) (Now Fallon's Assistant) walking up to Johnny Fallon in his office with a letter]

Casting Director (Assistant): Mr. Fallon...You have another letter...

Johnny Fallon: Grrr....[Bashes Fins Onto Desk] That's the 100th letter today! What do these people expect me to do?! Read every single one of their trash?! Throw it into the pile!

Casting Director (Assistant): Ok sir...[Throws SpongeBob's Letter into a pile of unread letters] Ok, see you later...

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking into BBTV HQ and walking up to the Casting Director who is behind a desk]

SpongeBob: Hello, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants...I was just wondering if I could speak to Johnny Fallon...

Casting Director: [Puts on Headphones] [Presses Button on Headphones] Mr. Fallon...There's some people here to see you...Fans I suppose...Uhm...He's not in...

SpongeBob: Can't we just look into his office? I even brought some chocolate for him...

Casting Director: [Presses Button on Headphones] They have chocolate...Alright, go ahead in...It's down the corridor on the right row of doors...

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking into Johnny Fallon's Office. SpongeBob is holding a box of chocolates]

Johnny Fallon: Look, I don't really care about you fans...I did it for the money. Also, I'm not bringing the show back!

SpongeBob: But people loved it! Remember that time when you went undercover as a janitor in this very HQ? That was hilarious!

Johnny Fallon: That was Johnny Kimmel....We're completely different people...

SpongeBob: Oh, sorry...I kind of get confused...Look! I've been watching you since I was a child! Please, don't end!

Johnny Fallon: I'm ending and there's nothing you can do about it. Now, if you can please get out and give me those chocolates...

SpongeBob: Ok then...[Gives Johnny the huge box of chocolates] Come on Pat...Lets go...

[The scene goes to 2 Minutes Later with Johnny Fallon sitting down and opening up the box SpongeBob gave him. There are no chocolates inside of it]

Johnny Fallon: What the he-?! Crap! [Throws box onto the floor] GRRR....

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick outside of BBTV HQ]

SpongeBob: I can't believe he threw us out like that! I wish I could make a talk show based on the love for my fans and not just for the money! Wanna go out and eat Pat?

Patrick: Nope, I'm already filled up on all those chocolates...

SpongeBob: Wait, wha-?

Johnny Fallon: [At the Doors of BBTV HQ] Security! Get them of this property right away!

[Two huge security guards chase SpongeBob and Patrick away from BBTV HQ]

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick walking down a street in DownTown Bikini Bottom. They then bump into Tom Smith]

SpongeBob: Oh, hey Tom...

Tom: You won't believe what happened! I just got my own show where I test out some chocolates!

SpongeBob: That's great! How did you get a show though?

Tom: You do a pilot and if it gets good reviews and good response you can do a whole show. It's just that easy nowadays. It's gonna show on BBTV.

SpongeBob: Patrick! I think I have an idea!

Patrick: Go to Goofy Goobers and party on Ice Cream and then dance with the talking peanut with the hat?

SpongeBob: Um...No, that's Monday Patrick...Not today which is Sunday...Now, lets go make a show!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob and Patrick inside of an office with the BBTV Owner]

BBTV Owner: Very interesting concept Mr. SquarePants...Though I don't think your pink friend could actually be a interesting relatable person...

SpongeBob: Huh, why is that? [Turns around to see Patrick fighting with a coat hook with a hat on top] Oh...Well, I guess I can tell him. Patrick, you're not in the show.

Patrick: Wha? Huh? Oh, that's fine. As long as I get to be in the studio...

BBTV Owner: I don't see a problem with that, sure...I'll get some crew members I've worked with and make them help you out.

SpongeBob: Really?! That's great! I'll see you later at the set!

[The scene goes to the BBTV Owner next to Clay in a TV Studio with a set of SpongeBob's House in front of him]

Clay: It's great to be working with you again, I've just been working on some films...Say, I really need to go to the bathroom...Hold on a sec...

[Clay takes off his hat, puts it on top of his camera and walks out of the room]

BBTV Owner: Ah, I used to have a friend like that Sponge has...I used to take him everywhere with me...We were real pranksters...He was loyal, friendly and-...

Patrick: You again?! Haven't I showed you what happens when you follow me?! [Jumps onto the camera with the hat on and starts to attack it]

BBTV Owner: Hey! Hey! That's our equipment! Get the hell off it! Now! [Sees Patrick running over to a snack table and hoovering all of the food up] Grr...That's it! SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: [Runs Up] Yes? What is it?

BBTV Owner: Your friend is not fit to be in an environment like this, he's just not studio trained. I'm sorry but he's not going to be allowed to come inside of this building...

SpongeBob: [Sigh] Ok, I'll tell him...

[The scene goes to SpongeBob inside of the pineapple living room set next to a robot Gary. He is blowing bubbles from a pipe]

SpongeBob: Hello there, I'm SpongeBob SquarePants...And I want to take you back to a simple time. A time where actors didn't work just for money. *Cough* Bruce Willis...

BBTV Owner: [To Clay who is filming] Wow, he just straight up burned the now bald guy from those Die Un-Easily Movies...

SpongeBob: Gary, what do you think of today? I think it's going to be great.

Gary Robot: Please, help me...Now...

BBTV Owner: This is going to get terrible reviews...[Facepalms himself]

[The scene goes to the whole entire cast and crew of The SpongeBob Talk Show in the BBTV Owner's Office]

BBTV Owner: I've kind of got some good news and bad news to tell you today...The show is getting a full season...

Crew and SpongeBob: Yay!

Robot Gary: Please, end my suffering.

BBTV Owner: The bad news is, Clay, Susan, John....You 3 are off the team. We've been given money to get bigger crew members, more professional.

Clay: [Sigh] I knew I shouldn't have turned down an offer to make the new Sharknado film...You're stupid Clay, stupid...

[The scene goes to SpongeBob inside of a dark room with the BBTV Owner]

SpongeBob: Hey, why are we here? I mean, this is...Strange...

BBTV Owner: Oh, we're just going to do what we do to every TV Star...Brain Wash them to be bothered about the money...And don't care about the fans....

SpongeBob: Wait, no! You'll never do this to me! Never!

[The BBTV Owner walks out of the room, presses a button and gas fills SpongeBob's Room causing him to fall onto the ground]

SpongeBob: [Jumps up at Window] NOOOO!!!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob walking down a street one day. Patrick runs into him]

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! Wanna go Jellyfishing?!

SpongeBob: Out of the way you pink doofus distraction...I'm going to BBTV...I don't have time for low people like you anymore...

Patrick: Wha-? [Cries and runs off]

[The scene goes to 2 Days Later where Johnny Fallon is walking up to where his office used to be. Now SpongeBob's Name is on the front of the door]

Johnny Fallon: What the?! Dave! You need to see this!

[The BBTV Owner walks up to Johnny Fallon]

BBTV Owner: I told you to call me David or Boss...Not Dave! Now, this is BBTV's newest and better talk show host. He's great.

Johnny Fallon: So, where's my office?

BBTV Owner: Your assistant put all of your belongings in a box in the front entrance...You no longer have an office...You cancelled your show and now you're no use for us...Now, go...

[SpongeBob walks up to Johnny and laughs]

Johnny Fallon: You, eh? Well, I'll get my revenge! I'll get it indeed! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

BBTV Owner: Note to self, watch out for him...

[The scene goes to Patrick inside of a shop in Downtown Bikini Bottom walking through a book isle]

Tom: Hey, Patrick...You won't believe what happened, I just picked up a magazine from this isle and your friend SpongeBob was being interviewed in it.

Patrick: Wow, really? Did he mention me in it? I mean, we have been friends since birth...

Tom: Um...No...I quickly read it before you came into the isle...You didn't seem to be mentioned anywhere...

Patrick: Wha-? Grrr...It's time for Operation Pillow Pal to be put into action!

[The scene goes to Patrick and Pillow Pal walking up to the Register Boat in the Krusty Krab where Squidward is at]

Squidward: [Sigh] Hello Patrick...[Spots Pillow Pal] Who's your friend? [Laughs]

Patrick: His name is Pillow Pal, he and me are very big friends. He wants one Krabby Patty please...

Squidward: Oh, this is rich! If you'd please read the bottom of the Galley Grub...

Patrick: Wee Dote See Inamadainate Oranges? Wha-?...

Squidward: What the-? No! We don't serve inanimate objects you idiot! Especially not pillows with smiley faces drawn on!

Patrick: Well, we'll just go straight ahead to our next activity...We're going to the Zoo!

Squidward: Ok, enjoy...Moron...

[The scene goes to Patrick at the Zoo with Pillow Pal. He is at the SeaGoats Section where a bunch of SeaGoats are in a animal enclosure with a few holes so they can put their heads through into the walking space made for the visitors]

Patrick: Ah, I love SeaZebras...They're so calm and nice....

Fred: SeaZebras? Nah, they're at the other side of the park pal...These are SeaGoats!

Patrick: Wha-? [Sees a SeaGoat pulling Pillow Pal away in its mouth. Patrick tugs a Pillow Pal away from it and gets Pillow Pal back safely] Woah, that was close!

Fred: Say, buddy...Where the barnacles are you carrying around a pillow?

Patrick: Because he's my best friend...Anyways, I'm leaving this horrible zoo! We're going to somewhere safer! Glove Universe!

Fred: Boy, how pathetic...A Pillow as a best friend...Weirdo...

[The scene goes to Patrick inside of Glove Universe, he bumps into SpongeBob]

SpongeBob: Patrick! I'm so happy to see you here! I really need to tell you something!

Patrick: SpongeBob! I've missed you so much! You can tell me anything!

SpongeBob: Ok, here it goes...Patrick, will you please go to the mail station tonight and get me my money and bring it around to my pineapple? I mean, I have a show here...Then I have a super special show after that...Then straight to bed...Then straight to work...I have no time to collect the money!

Patrick: Oh, I see...Do you want to spend time with me anymore though? You called me a doofus distraction that day...

SpongeBob: Well, you kind of are...I mean, you hang out with a pillow now...You're probably the lowest of the lowest...Imagine if someone saw me, the highest of highest hanging out with you more than we are now...Embarrassing right?

Patrick: Oh, ok...Well, I'll get your stupid money! GRRR...

Harold Reginald: Hey, Sponge! Can I have an autograph!?

SpongeBob: Sure, for the cheap price of only 20 Dollars!

Harold Reginald: I'll pay anything for an autograph from you!

[The scene goes to Patrick in line for the Glove Dropper (Roller Coaster). Harold (Red Fish) is at the front of the line with a Glove Universe Employee Uniform]

Harold (Red Fish): Ok! We need a single rider for the next cart! A single rider! [Nobody Moves] Hey, Buddy....Starfish man...You have no one with you...

Patrick: I have Pillow Pal though....He's my friend...

Harold (Red Fish): Ha! Listen to this guy! He has a Pillow as a friend! Get on the ride idiot!

[The scene goes to Patrick and Pillow Pal going up the hill on the rollercoaster]

Patrick: Here we go buddy, the big drop of Glove! Get ready!

[The Glove Cart goes down the huge drop]

Patrick: WOOO!! PILLOW PAL!! ISN'T THIS FUN?! PILLOW PAL?! [Looks around to see that Pillow Pal isn't there] NOOOO!!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob getting into his limousine in the middle of Glove Central of Glove Universe]

SpongeBob: Thank you! Thank you all! You're all great people! Be sure to watch my special tonight!

[Pillow Pal flies into his limousine]

SpongeBob: Oh, look at that! A Free Pillow! I'll be taking this! Thanks whoever through it at me! Thanks!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob running down the stairs of his TV Studio and looking at his Live Audience]

SpongeBob: Hello people of Bikini Bottom! SpongeBob SquarePants here with the special episode of...Chatting With SpongeBob! Tonight we will be putting on a special performance of acrobatics, comedy and chatting with some of Bikini Bottom's Biggest Stars! Including, Keanu Reefs!

[The crowd cheers and SpongeBob sits down on his chair]

SpongeBob: Now, let's be serious for a second....[Gets out pipe and starts to blow out bubbles from it] We hate walking...And we hate crappy little boats, don't we?

[The crowd cheers yes to him]

SpongeBob: Well, now we won't have to have crappy little boats! Introducing, the Boat 9000! This is the future of boats people!

[SpongeBob gets out off his chair, gives a studio crew member the bubble pipe and pulls down a curtain revealing a huge red boat]

SpongeBob: I'm gonna love driving this! And you can drive it to for the low price of only 5,000 Dollars!

Nat Peterson: Get out of the way! I need that thing! [Gets pulled away by security] NOO!! I need that boat!

SpongeBob: Well...Moving on, we're going to a very exciting part of the show! The Best Entertainers from Bikini Bottom Circus! The AquaBatics! Enjoy!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob walking into the backstage. He sits down on a chair and starts to blow bubbles out of another pipe]

SpongeBob: Ah, this life is great. I'll never go back to that crap life I had before.

[The scene goes to Patrick walking down the streets of Bikini Bottom at night. He has a huge bag of money over his shoulder]

Patrick: Stupid SpongeBob, making me collect his mail...Ever since he did that show he's been a jerk! [Kicks Pebble across road] [Sighs]

[Johnny Fallon walks out of the alleyway with a huge metal pipe in his hands. He is looking at Patrick]

Johnny Fallon: Hello there, I couldn't help but over hear you have some problems with a sea sponge...The same one too. That must be his money.

Patrick: Yeah, just a couple of money in here. Like about, 9,000 Dollars...Ya know? Stupid money....

Johnny Fallon: 9,000 Dollars? Hey, buddy. You look like a smart man. I'll give you 5 Magic Beans for that bag of money.

Patrick: You must think I'm stupid, I bought those the other day from you for my MyPhone. Remember?

Johnny Fallon: Hey, that was you? Oh, well...I'm not very good with faces. Now, give me that bag or there will be consequences!

Patrick: What are you going to do?! Hit me what the p-pipe...Ah, barnacles.

[Johnny Fallon smacks Patrick over the head with the pipe, causing him to fall onto the floor unconscious]

Johnny Fallon: Ah, crap. I can't have this guy just lying here like this. I'll have to take him inside and tie him up to something.

[The scene goes to Johnny Fallon inside of a run down building, Patrick is now tied to a chair]

Johnny Fallon: With all that money, I can buy loads of things! And I don't think this Pink Guy can do anything about it.

Patrick: [Wakes Up] HAHA! You can't hit me with that pipe! I'll dodge it right away! Hahaha! [Looks Around] Oh....Well, that isn't good.

Johnny Fallon: Ha, no it isn't. Is it? Well, not for you. It's great for me though. Isn't it? Ha, yes it is. Hahahahaha!

Patrick: [Rolls Eyes] Crazy...

[Johnny walks out of the room and Patrick looks around the place trying to find something to escape with]

Patrick: This always looks real easy in the movies. How come I can't find anything to escape with? I'm stuck! [Sees his MyPhone] My Phone! I knew I shouldn't have sold it.

[Patrick puts in a number on the phone with his head]

Nancy Suzy Fish: This is Pizza Castle, how may I take your order?

Patrick: One Pepperoni Pizza Please...

Nancy Suzy Fish: Ok, where do you want it delivered to?

Patrick: The House that's a rock on Conch Street Please. [Hangs up] [Puts in a number on the phone with his head again] Gotta get help!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob inside of his chair backstage. The BBTV Owner walks up to SpongeBob]

BBTV Owner: You're back on stage for the end of the show. Sing your song, do your thing...You know what to do.

SpongeBob: Thank you, I should give you a raise.

BBTV Owner: I think you forget that I'm your boss...Not the other way around...

SpongeBob: Oh, yeah. I forget sometimes. [His MyPhone Rings and he answers it] Hello? Super Celeb SpongeBob here. How may I help you?

Patrick: [Over Phone] SpongeBob! I've been captured and you're the only one who can help! I'm inside of a run down building with Johnny Fallon holding me hostage!

SpongeBob: Haha, very good...Trying to distract me from my show. Whatever...[Hangs up the phone and walks onto stage] Ok, here goes my song. Hello, it's me...

BBTV Owner: [To SpongeBob's Big Muscle Body Builder Security Guards] He has a beautiful voice. It's spot on. I think we chose the right song for him too.

SpongeBob: I was wondering after all these years you'd like to meet again. To talk things over-...

[A few seconds later....]

BBTV Owner: Ok, here's the big part for him. Get ready....[On Walkie-Talkie] Get the lights ready!

[The scene goes to Tom on a metal platform above SpongeBob. He pulls down a light but it falls down]

Tom: Oh god! I ballsed up! I need to tell my boss to tell SpongeBob to get off that stage!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob on stage]

SpongeBob: Hello from the other side! I must have called a thousand Times to tell you I'm sorry for br-! [Gets hit on head with light and falls onto the ground]

Tom: Boss! I need to warn you that-! Oh no...

BBTV Owner: Oh Neptune! This is horrible! [Runs up to SpongeBob] Are you ok?...

SpongeBob: P-P-Patrick....He's in trouble!

BBTV Owner: I thought we agreed that he was just doing it to distract you.

SpongeBob: I can't take that risk, I need to help him!

BBTV Owner: What happened to you!? You're acting strange...Normal, in fact.

SpongeBob: Because I'm no longer the money grabbing slut you made me. I'm going to save Patrick!

BBTV Owner: NO! You're not! Guards, block him off! [The huge buff guards block the exit] Now, finish the song!

SpongeBob: No! [Jumps up the curtains and wraps them around the Guards] Time to slide through the doors! See ya! [Slides through the gap in the middle of the Guards and goes through the Exit Doors]

BBTV Owner: You two are pointless! I'll go after him myself!

John FishTail: Ha, I thought he was just going to sing that overused song for the finale but this is much better!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob running through the streets of Bikini Bottom]

SpongeBob: Where would Johnny Fallon be? Think SpongeBob, think! That's it, Season 1 Episode 22!

[The scene goes to Johnny Fallon in front of a run down building holding a microphone]

Johnny Fallon: If I was to go somewhere if I went out of business, it'd be here. [Laughs]

[The scene goes back to SpongeBob in the present time]

SpongeBob: That's it! That building isn't even that far from here!

[SpongeBob runs down a back alley, The BBTV Owner runs onto the street and sees him]

BBTV Owner: Where does he think he's going?!

[The scene goes to SpongeBob running into the old, run down building with Johnny Fallon in front of him, he is counting a bunch of money]

SpongeBob: Hey! That's my money! [Picks up a Wooden Stool and throws it at Johnny Fallon's Head. He knocks him onto the floor] No one hurts Patrick!

Johnny Fallon: Ah, you want to play dirty then? Well, I can play dirty.

[Johnny picks up the metal pipe and swings at SpongeBob's Head. He hits him with it and knocks him back into a wooden table]

SpongeBob: Argh! Barnacles!

Johnny Fallon: I'm sorry about this. But, I have to now...Don't I?

[The BBTV Owner runs into the building]

BBTV Owner: Ha, I've got you n-! What the hell is going on? Johnny, is that you?

Johnny Fallon: Hm, hold this. I think I'll kill you first....

[SpongeBob pulls Pillow Pal out from his pocket, he then smacks it over Johnny's head causing him to get knocked out]

SpongeBob: Woah...What is this thing made out of?

Patrick: [Jumps through the door, still tied up on the chair] Pure Metal...

SpongeBob: Come on buddy, I'll get you out of this mess.

BBTV Owner: Look, is there anything I can do to satisfy you? I just want you on the channel.

SpongeBob: Well....

[The scene goes to a TV in the Krusty Krab, it has up a logo with SpongeBob and Patrick on]

TV: Talking with SpongeBob and Patrick!......Has been cancelled.

[SpongeBob is next to Patrick inside of the Krusty Krab]

SpongeBob: Ah, well...Fame was good whilst it lasted...

Patrick: How do you know that people won't still remember us?

SpongeBob: Well, look....[Walks up to a table with Nancy Suzy Fish sitting there] Excuse me ma'am, did you know I'm famous?

Nancy Suzy Fish: Yeah, you are so not famous. Get away weirdo.

[SpongeBob walks back over to Patrick and they walk inside of the y SpongeBob: See? No one remembers. Fame is a short lasting thing...I had so many merchandise...

Patrick: Really?

SpongeBob: Yeah, PEZ Dispensers, Bubble Bottles, Socks, Shirts....Even a Piñata. They're all in that box right there.

[Patrick looks inside of the box to see everything but the Piñata]

Patrick: Um, SpongeBob...The piñata isn't here...

SpongeBob: Hm, that's strange...Who would have taken that?

[Later on that night....] [The scene goes to Squidward in his house with party music playing, he is beating the SpongeBob Piñata up with a Baseball Bat]

Squidward: This is the greatest night of my LIFE!! Hahahahaha!

[The scene goes to Patrick inside of a kitchen set in the BBTV Studios]

SpongeBob: Ok people, this is the part of our talk show we like to call...Cooking with Patrick.

Patrick: Ok, today I am cooking a lovely big Sponge Cake. Get it, because SpongeBob is here? I also love Sponge Cake...And...

SpongeBob: Wait a moment, what's that smoke?!

Patrick: Uh oh! This isn't supposed to happen! [The oven blows up releasing fire over the set] ARGH!!

SpongeBob: Holy Barnacles! ARGH!! ARGH!!

[The screen zooms out to see that the scene is on a TV and being watched by the BBTV Owner]

BBTV Owner: Ah, that was one talented young kid. Too bad his show failed so much...

[THE END!]

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