Shitward's Surgery

"Shitward's Surgery" is a Season 1 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom. It is rated TV-14-DLSV and C.

Characters

 * Shitward Testicles
 * SpongeCock SquarePants
 * Fatrick Star
 * Dr. Nick

Synopsis
When SpongeCock finds out that Shitward's dick is where his nose should be, he makes him get surgery with Dr. Nick.

Plot
It's a normal, sunny day in Bikini Bottom, when SpongeCock wakes up from his sucky pineapple and decides to go outside. Fatrick is sitting on top of his cock, as usual, masturbating. Out of the blue, Shitward starts playing his dusty ol' cock, and man does it sound terrible. After a while, Shitward's dusty ol' cock gets SO irritating to hear that SpongeCock gets enraged and pounds on Shitward's door.

Our whole universe was in a G and PG state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait

Fatrick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool

They invented crap that rules

We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)

Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing

''This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!''

Shitward yells that SpongeCock should suck someone else's dick when SpongeCock suddenly busts open the door like a complete badass. SpongeCock runs to Shitward's room, but before SpongeCock can tell Shitward to shut the hell up, he notices that there is a dick where Shitward's nose should be. SpongeCock asks why Shitward literally bought a dick off of Amacock and cut off his nose to place a random dick when Shitward claims it was a fetish he had for so long. Shitward admits that he stays up at nights just thinking about the fetish and it helps him get some sleep. SpongeCock then admits that Shitward is creepy.

Since SpongeCock is tired of seeing Shitward's new nose, SpongeCock kidnaps him and places him in an overly large bag. SpongeCock then drags Shitward ALL the way to Dr. Nick's office where SpongeCock explains to the doctor that Shitward is in need of a new nose, while he gets him out of the bag that smells like piss. SpongeCock then backs away after Dr. Nick starts on the surgery and puts Shitward to sleep using drugs and pornography. First Dr. Nick saws off the dick with a chain saw, then STAPLES a way to skinny nose onto Shitward's original location for his original nose. When Dr. Nick is finished and gives Shitward a mirror after he wakes up, Shitward admits that he wants to die. In the mirror, instead of Shitward's usual nose there is a skinnier, more delicate version. Shitward screams and runs out of the hospital to his house while avoiding to look at any Bikini Bottomites so he would not become embarrassed.

The episode then cuts to Shitward's house where Shitward is back on the website, Amacock, attempting to order a new "nose." Unfortunately for Shitward, SpongeCock bangs on the door to check on him, after all he was screaming like a maniac out of the hospital. Shitward, suddennly realizing that it was SpongeCock checking on him and that if SpongeCock found out that he was ordering a dick from Amacock, man would SpongeCock be pissed. SpongeCock kicks down the door and starts running upstairs in which Shitward quickly hides his computer and tells SpongeCock to go away. SpongeCock states that he was just checking in and that Fatrick is planning on staying at Shitward's house in the mean time while SpongeCock gets ice cream cake. Shitward yells that he does not want a lazy fat ass like Fatrick around but Fatrick is already inside of his house. As soon as Fatrick was in Shitward's house he dug into the refrigerator to find a gigantic supply of cheese cake and ice cream cake. Right away Fatrick starts devouring the cakes while Shitward quickly runs into his room, not even noticing that all of his food was being eaten by Fatrick, who has just reached the half way mark of eating all of the food within Shitward's refrigerator. The episode cuts to Shitward in his room pacing back and forth. Shitward cannot put a dick onto his nose or else SpongeCock will become enraged and grossed out. A light bulb suddenly appears over Shitward's head as Shitward starts digging through his trash, trying to find his nose that he cut off to put a dick instead. Shitward realizes that it must be the outside trash can, and that he has to hurry before the dump truck picks up the trash.

The episode cuts to Shitward sprinting to his trashcan outiside where he spots a dump truck speeding to pick up his trash. Shitward quickly goes through his trash and finally finds his nose and goes back inside his house. Shitward calls Dr. Nick up to place Shitward's original nose and explains that this tiny nose makes him look ugly. Dr. Nick says that Shitward was always ugly and terrifying, but does suppose he can replace the small nose. The episode cuts to a happy Shitward in the hospital and Dr. Nick giving Shitward the bill. The bill itself was big like Shitward's nose but Shitward stated that his nose mattered more than money. Dr. Nick then asks if that meant Shitward would pay the bill and Shitward responding with "Hell no."

The episode turns to a time card reading "The Next Day." Shitward is at his house when SpongeCock knocks on the door. Shitward opens the door and SpongeCock almost puked. Shitward asks what is the problem, and SpongeCock responds by saying that Shitward's original nose seems more awful and horrible than the smaller nose that was on Shitward's nose a day before. The episode ends with SpongeCock admitting that though Shitward's nose may be deformed, it still is better than seeing a dick used as a nose.

Trivia

 * This is Shitward's first main appearence.
 * This is the first episode of the show to be written by one user, as well as the first to be solely written by Rocky Lobster.
 * According to wordcounter.net, the plot is:
 * 912 words.
 * 5,268 characters.
 * 45 sentences.
 * 13 paragraphs.
 * 11th-12th grade reading level.
 * 3 minutes, 19 seconds reading time.
 * 5 minutes, 4 seconds speaking time.
 * "Shitward" is used more than any other word.