Russian Salami

Russian Salami is the 1st episode of season 1 of The Adventures of Travis and Tim!. It released Jan 3rd, 2019.

Cast

 * Travis
 * Tim

Transcript
(Ep starts with tim inside his living room eating a russian salami sandwich)

Travis: (walks in) mmmm, tim! That sure looks like a tasty sandwich! What's in it?

Tim: it's salami, man!

Travis: Salami? Salami?! Mmmmmm salami!

Tim: it's russian salami.

Travis: russian salami? That's even better! Can i have a bite?

Tim: sure, travis!

Travis: Great, let me ju- uh, where's the sandwich?

Tim: what? Oh shit, i must've eaten it all!

Travis: Oh no!!!!!!!! B-but you still have some Russian salami, right?

Tim: uh, let me check

(Tim walks out and back in a few seconds later)

Tim: uhhhhhhhhh no.

Travis: (falls on knees) NOOOOOOOO!

Tim: fear not,FAKOAJDIEEKI, I have a solution.

Travis: (wipes tears) what?

Tim: you and i could venture to Russia and retrieve some of that delicious salami!

Travis: let's do it!

Tim: we just need some passports and some-

(The tv turns on and Alvin!!!!! and the chipmunks theme song plays)

Travis: ooh, alvin! (Singing along) watch out-

(Cuts to travis with a blindfold on. Tim takes it off revealing they're on a plane.)

Travis: wow! How did you get us on this plan so fast?

Tim: let's say i had to hack into a few things… hehehe. (Opens laptop)

(Cuts to the pilot flying the plane)

Pilot: (humming, then stops) What the- ach! I cant control the plane! Damn Russians!!

(Cuts back)

Pilot: (through speakers) im afraid we're being hijacked! I cant control the plane!

(Passengers scream

(Cuts to the 2 parachuting to the ground)

Tim: aaand we're here!

(The plane crashes in the background)

Travis: woo! We're here!

Tim: I just said that.

Man: (in background) oh my god, my family is dead!

Tim: now let's go to the store!

(Cuts to inside a russian store)

Cashier: чем я могу тебе помочь?

Travis: i don't speak russian-

Tim: привет сэр, у вас есть русская салями? также привет всем, кто потратил время на перевод этого.

Cashier: нет, я не.

Tim: Damnit! He doesnt have any.

Travis: i guess we're going russian salamiless…

Tim: WAIT! i know a place where we can get some r.s… the forests of Russia.

(Cut to the both of them venturing through a forest)

Travis: I've gotten bitten by 5 mosquitos and i think 4 of them had malaria.

Tim: shh, look!

(Cuts to reveal a whole breed of live russian salamies)

Travis: oh my god!

Tim: (holds gun) i just need precision, and… (shoots gun) got one!

Travis: woooo! We're gonna be eating tonight!

Tim: wait, shhh again! It's the queen russian salami!

(Cuts to reveal a huge Russian Salami)

Tim: if we kill that one we'll eat like kings! Ready… Aim…. (Fires) YES! I INJURED IT!

Travis: Shoot it again!

Tim: (repeatedly shoots it) yesss!!!! We did it! I- (a huge shadow falls over them) uh…

(Shot changes to reveal en enormous russian salami)

Tim: (nervous laugh) hi… (grabs the queen's corpse and runs) book it!

Travis: aa- (gets trampled by russian salami king)

(Cuts to then at their house eating the corpse of the queen while in casts)

Travis: only 3 more weeks until our bones repair!

Tim: i cant feel my legs…

Travis: let's just continue eating our new catch!

Tim: ok! Oh god, i think my arms also broke…