Doesn't Phase Me

Doesn't Phase Me is the seventeenth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the seventeenth episode of season one. In this episode, a full moon causes the tides of the ocean to bring in an unknown substance from land. This substance comes in contact with fish, causing them to lose their memory. SpongeBob is immune, for his holes slide this substance right out of his body. Yet, everyone else is town has become infected, except for Plankton. Can Plankton and SpongeBob cure everybody? This episode is paired with The Fake Virtuoso.

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Sandy Cheeks
 * Eugene H. Krabs
 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Sheldon J. Plankton
 * Male Fish 1/Mike
 * Male Fish 2/Daniel
 * Child Fish
 * Karen
 * Gary the Snail
 * Electric Eel
 * Store Clerk
 * Male Fish 3
 * Patrick Star
 * Members of the Riot

Transcript

 * [episode begins with Sandy and SpongeBob at her treedome]
 * Sandy: [looking through telescope] Whoa. This is beautiful.
 * SpongeBob: What do you see, Sandy? [taps Sandy's shoulder] Sandy? Hey, Sandy? Sandy? [Sandy turns around and telescope hits SpongeBob to the ground]
 * Sandy: Darn it, SpongeBob. How am I supposed to study the stars when you keep on tapping your finger on my fur?
 * SpongeBob: [stands up] My father always said never to bother somebody while they're looking through a pair of binoculars.
 * Sandy: This isn't a pair of binoculars, SpongeBob. [holds up telescope] This is a telescope.
 * SpongeBob: Really? Do you use it to call your [mocks Texan accent] ol' folks back in the great state of Texas? [laughs]
 * Sandy: [looks at SpongeBob plainly] This isn't a telephone, SpongeBob. It's called a telescope. It can't make calls.
 * SpongeBob: [appears in front of telescope] Oh yeah. Then what do you call this? [takes out lenses] Calling Patrick Star! I repeat! Calling Patrick Star!
 * Sandy: He's not going to answer, [facepalms] SpongeBob.
 * Patrick: [voice] Coming in, SpongeBob. This is Patrick here. Uh...I have to tell you something, really important-like. Now what was it? [banging heard] Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Gary is trying to...[lowers voice] break in. He wants the cake in my refrigerator. [door busts open; meow is heard] Help me, SpongeBob! [dial tone]
 * SpongeBob: Patrick! Patrick! No!
 * Sandy: [snatches lenses] Give me those! This is not a toy, SpongeBob. This is used to help me so thousands of miles away.
 * SpongeBob: Thousands of miles? That's about as far Mr. Krabs said that Patrick's brain was from his head. I never did get what Mr. Krabs meant by that.
 * Sandy: [sighs; looks through eyepiece] Hey, what gives? The moon's not there anymore. [growls] And it was perfectly good full moon at that! [looks at sky] That's the problem!
 * SpongeBob: What?! Did a seagull block it?
 * Sandy: Not even close. Just a bunch of green sludge! It's just a whole bunch of more pollution in the seas!
 * SpongeBob: Hmm...I wonder what the ocean would look like in the year 4014 if this waste-dumping continues...
 * Sandy: I wonder what's causing this sludge to fall into the ocean.
 * [scene cuts to sea level, where the sludge is being pushed into the ocean by large tides; the camera pans with the sludge as it falls to a coffee shop; two male fish are sitting at a table, drinking coffee]
 * Male Fish 1: This better be good for all of the waiting I had to do.
 * Cashier: [pause] Yeah!
 * Male Fish 1: [sips; begins smacking] Hmm...this coffee still needs just a little something.
 * Male Fish 2: Such as?
 * Male Fish 1: I don't know...just something.
 * Male Fish 2: [reaches into coat] Maybe a little something like this?
 * Male Fish 1: No! No! None of that! Just...you know...a little...you know...kick.
 * Child Fish: [kicks coffee] Ha ha ha! [runs away; laughing]
 * Male Fish 1: [turns around] You little brat! [sighs] Now I forced to drink table coffee.
 * Male Fish 2: Well, do you want me to buy you another?
 * Male Fish 1: Thanks, Daniel. You're such a good friend.
 * Daniel: [laughs; takes Male Fish 1's wallet] Anytime, Mike.
 * Mike: Hey, that's my wallet you just picked up.
 * Daniel: Well that was my child that you just yelled at, but I'm not complaining. [walks to cash register]
 * Child Fish: I've never seen him before in my life.
 * Mike: Well in that case. [knocks child's soda out of hand] Doesn't feel so good on the other fin, now does it? [begins laughing]
 * Security Guard: [lifts Mike] I'm afraid we're going to have to arrest you for knocking over a child's soda.
 * Child Fish: Doesn't feel so good on the other fin again, now does it? [laughs; security guard takes Mike away]
 * Daniel: [walks back to table with coffee] Mike? Mike? Where are you? You're not playing hide and seek again, are you? You're too old for that. [substance falls into coffee through air conditioners] Oh well. More for me. [sips coffee] Whoa. I see the kick he was talking about. [sips some more] Whoa, this coffee is so...forgetful. Why am I at a coffee shop? Why am I holding coffee? And why is there green ooze dripping through the air ducts? [begins walking out of coffee shop] I better get home. Wait. Where do I live?
 * [scene cuts to the Krusty Krab, where Squidward is mopping in the dining area; camera pans in on Mr. Krabs's office]
 * Mr. Krabs: [framing a dollar bill; sighs] My one millionth dollar...today! [laughs; hangs frame on the wall] Yep, there we go. Oops. A little crooked. [turns frame] There we go. [wall falls down on Mr. Krabs; breaks through wall] Coral sticks.
 * Squidward: [walks in through wall cavity] Uh...how did this...hole get in here? [facepalms] You know what. I don't want to know. I'm going on my break, Mr. Krabs. See you in half an hour. [laughs; substance falls into Squidward's throat; halts laugh] What am I doing here? Why is there a hole in the wall? Who are you?
 * Mr. Krabs: I am your boss. Have you gone off the deep end?
 * Squidward: I don't know. Have I? What's going on here?
 * Mr. Krabs: I...[gets idea] have ordered you to...uh...work all night. No breaks!
 * Squidward: Hmm...doesn't sound like me. But I guess I could bust in a couple of more hours at this...[coughs] restaurant.
 * Mr. Krabs: So now you're a critic, eh?
 * [scene cuts back to SpongeBob at Patrick's house, lying on the couch]
 * SpongeBob: This was tougher than I thought it was going to be. [camera zooms out to reveal a destroyed living room] But at least somebody got their way.
 * Gary: [chewing cake] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: Well, at least we tried our best, Patrick. [sits up] Patrick? Patrick? [shocked at sight; camera reveals Patrick in armor] Patrick, what are you doing?
 * Patrick: I'm not going down without a fight. [substance flies through air ducts; substance falls onto armor] Ooh. Yummy. [grabs substance and eats it] Pretty good. Could use a little salt. [looks around] Why is there a snail on my kitchen counter?
 * SpongeBob: What are you talking about? That's Gary right there. You should know. You came up with the name.
 * Patrick: Gary? Who? And who are you?
 * SpongeBob: You don't remember me? You did just a few minutes ago.
 * Patrick: I don't know. I think I would remember a talking kitchen utensil.
 * SpongeBob: Exactly! [points to self] I think it's kind of hard to forget this. [snaps fingers and smiles braggingly]
 * Patrick: [appears dazed; focused again] Wait who are you.
 * [SpongeBob does a blank expression]
 * SpongeBob: [scoffs] Forget it. [grabs Gary; Gary moans] Come on, Gary. It's getting late.
 * Gary: [moans] Meow.
 * SpongeBob: [exits rock and begins walking home; looks up at sky] Must be the full moon...if only I could see it. [camera cuts to SpongeBob, in his sleepwear, in his bedroom; SpongeBob puts Gary down and crawls into bed] Good night, Gary. [yawns and begins snoring]
 * Gary: Meow meow. [crawls onto SpongeBob's bed] Meow meow meow.
 * SpongeBob: [wakes up; groggily] If you're still hungry, Gary, go downstairs and get a meal.
 * Gary: [rolls eyes; camera pans with Gary as he slithers down the stairs; camera cuts to the kitchen] Meow meow. [opens refrigerator handle with eye stalks; grabs bowl with food using mouth; places food bowl down; eyes light up; happily] Meow. [substance falls in through air ducts into food] Meow meow. [begins chowing down on snail food]
 * [camera pans to window where the full moon is now visible; camera cuts to Sandy's treedome with same shot of full moon; camera pans down to Sandy, still at her telescope]
 * Sandy: There it is! The full moon is back! Finally the sludge moved out of the way. I wonder where all of it went. [substance falls in through crack in the roof of Sandy's dome; substance falls on Sandy's headdome; Sandy wipes off substance] Hp2F 4fD...amnesia compound. [throws substance away] That's what that substance was. I wonder where that came from. [walks to coffee pot] I best stay away from this substance. You never know when it could pop up around you. [substance falls into coffee cup] I best stay alert. Therefore, I will drink this coffee to keep me awake. [drinks coffee] Hmm...strong taste.
 * [scene cuts to the next morning at SpongeBob's pineapple]
 * SpongeBob: [awakens with a smile; stretches and stratches] I slept like a king. [worried suddenly] Wait a minute! When you work at the Krusty Krab, you never get enough sleep to sleep like a king! [looks at clock] Eight forty five! I'm an hour late for being an hour early for work! [checks out alarm] Why didn't my alarm go off?
 * [flashback begins; scene cuts to last night; SpongeBob is sleeping; substance is shown dripping through the air duct and falling into the alarm clock]
 * [scene cuts back to present day]
 * SpongeBob: Oh well. [stands up; substance begins dripping through air ducts; substance falls into one of SpongeBob's hole; substance falls out of other hole; camera cuts to bathroom] Time for some dental hygiene. [takes out toothbrush picks up empty toothpaste bottle] Hmm...Gary must have forgotten to take out the new toothpaste. Speaking of which, where is my little fella?
 * [scene cuts to Gary at the pound]
 * Gary: [to electric eel] Meow meow meow meow meow.
 * Electric Eel: I feel you, snail. Can't remember where you live. Don't even know you're owner. Just a day in the life of being a stray, I guess.
 * Gary: Meow meow.
 * Electric Eel: I've been a stray for about...[picks up tail and looks at watch] four hours.
 * [scene cuts to SpongeBob, in normal dressing, about to leave house]
 * SpongeBob: Okay, Gary. I'm about it leave the house. I hope your day goes as well as mine. '[puts on Krusty Krab] Gary? Gary? [shrugs shoulders] Must be using his litter box. I knew I shouldn't have let him eat that snail food alone last night. [leaves house and closes the door]
 * [camera cuts to SpongeBob, stopping his walk and looks at Squidward's house; spots recumbered bicycle still in lot]
 * SpongeBob: Squidward must still be home. [begins walking to Squidward's house] He must be trying to [air quotes] skip work again. [knocks on Squidward's door] Squidward! Oh, Squidward! Wake up!
 * Squidward: [opens door; groggily] What is it, sponge?
 * SpongeBob: Sponge? It's me, SpongeBob? SquarePants? Remember me? Next door neighbor. [points to house] Lives in that devilishly handsome pineapple over there.
 * Squidward: I don't think I remember you. Why are you here? Not to be rude.
 * SpongeBob: We're supposed to be at work in about an hour. [points to bicycle] I saw your bicycle in the lawn.
 * Squidward: Is that supposed to be mine?
 * SpongeBob: Wait. [holds out hands] Can you remember anything?
 * Squidward: [yawns] Not really. At least I know my name is Jackson. [yawns] I don't have time for this. Beauty sleep doesn't come naturally. [shuts door]
 * SpongeBob: Can't remember anything? [thinks] I'm sensing a pattern here. First it's Patrick. And now Squidward...and I even think Gary is under this influence.
 * Voice: Influence?! [hand brings SpongeBob into a manhole] What influence are you talking about?
 * SpongeBob: Sorry for answering a question with a question, but...who are you?
 * Voice: Someone who is experiencing the same problems is who. [drags SpongeBob to an unknown place; unscrews manhole and throws SpongeBob to street; Plankton crawls out]
 * SpongeBob: Plankton?! What are you doing here?
 * Plankton: Two reasons: I had to find someone who was having the same problem as I and because I needed to get away from Karen. [rolls eyes] Does she ever stop nagging.
 * Karen: [voice is heard] Nagging?! You take that back!
 * SpongeBob: What do you mean the...[leans in closer] the same problem?
 * [scene cuts to Chum Bucket laboratory; Plankton bust open doors]
 * Plankton: I've been analyzing a substance for the past twenty years, and so far, I've realized two things. I have way too much spare time...and two...this substance has not been named...until now. [playback on computer; Sandy is whipping the substance from helmet]
 * Sandy: Hp2F 4fD...amnesia compound.
 * Plankton: [stops playback] This amnesia compound was created by one of my arch villains, the Pecuilar Paramecium! He now uses it to confuse the fish, yet I don't know what for.
 * SpongeBob: Well, what can we do about it?
 * Plankton: I'm waiting for [raises voice] Karen to finish analyzing the cure if she didn't have to take such an eternity!
 * Karen: [in other room; voice is heard] I can hear you, Plankton! I'm almost finished with the cure! [bust through the doors] Here it is! The cure! [holds up beaker filled with chum]
 * Plankton: It took you fifteen hours just to cook up what I already have in the refrigerator?! I thought you were a computer!
 * Karen: [puts down beaker] Calm your microscopic pants down, Plankton. I was making the chum edible so that people can actually ingest it.
 * Plankton: [mumbles] Oh yeah. Well there's that. [aloud] What are the chances that it won't digest their stomachs?
 * Karen: [thinks] Uh...[shakes hand left and right, indicating a good chance] pretty good.
 * Plankton: Well, good enough for me.
 * SpongeBob: But how are we going to get people to try chum?
 * Plankton: Just leave that to the genius.
 * Karen: Who? Old Man Jenkins down the street. [begins laughing]
 * Plankton: [looks at Karen plainly] No. We're going to do the very unexpected. [points finger up] We're going to...prepare for it....sell it!
 * SpongeBob: But how?
 * Plankton: Everyone has lost their memory. Therefore, the general public doesn't remember the Rechid taste of chum! [cha-ching sound is heard] I'll make a fortune!
 * Karen: I hate to break it to you, but if we're going to serve all of Bikini Bottom with chum, it would take about [calculates] thirty six days.
 * Plankton: Not to worry. I have, yet, another [emphasis] genius plan.
 * Karen: [rolls eyes] Oh, brother.
 * [scene cuts to Sandy's helicopter; Sandy is piloting; SpongeBob, Plankton, and Karen are holding large crates of chum]
 * Sandy: So...uh...who are you guys again?
 * Plankton: Don't worry about that. Just keep driving...or...piloting.
 * SpongeBob: We're approaching downtown, Plankton. [holds crate] Ready your crates! Ready! Fire! [SpongeBob, Karen, and Plankton shoot large amounts of chum down onto the metropolitan houses]
 * Male Fish 3: [walking down street; catches chum] What's this? Free chum?! [takes large bite of chum; pulls out piece of paper] What's this? If received, please bring three dollars to the Chum Bucket. [sighs] Nothing's free these days. [wiggles] Hmm...for some reason, I feel a large amount of information flowing back into my brain. [holds up finger in remembrance] And now I remember where my car is! Ooh, I better call the police.
 * [scene cuts to Squidward's house]
 * Squidward: [drinking tea] I wonder who that sponge fellow was earlier this morning. All I remember is that cheapskate crab from yesterday. [chum falls from air conditioner into tea; Squidward sips] If only I could remember the name of...SpongeBob! That's the name! It's all coming back to me! I even remember the notes to the William Clam Overture. Woo hoo! Football!
 * [scene cuts to Gary at the pound]
 * Gary: [snoring] Meow meow meow. [snores] Meow meow meow. [snores; chum falls in mouth; wakes up; meows with remembrance] Meow meow. [hops out of cage and rushes out of door]
 * Store Clerk: [counting money] If I cared, I would stop him.
 * [scene cuts to Patrick's house]
 * Patrick: Maybe some viddles will help me remember that sponge fellow. [ruffles through refrigerator; chum falls into fridge] Hey, look! Chum! [gobbles chum; looks at piece of paper] Just a bunch of letters to me. [throws paper away]
 * [scene cuts back to Sandy's helicopter]
 * SpongeBob: And one last touch. [stuffs chum into Sandy's mouth] There you go.
 * Sandy: Whoa. I remember everything again...except for why I'm in my helicopter, and why you three are in the back.
 * Plankton: Just land us at the Chum Bucket.
 * [scene cuts to helicopter on top of Chum Bucket]
 * Karen: [sighs] Home sweet bucket, I guess.
 * Sandy: At least everything's back to normal. Everyone has their memory back. My helicopter landed safely, and there's a riot down there.
 * Plankton: A riot?!
 * Riot: No paying for the rotten chum! No paying for the rotten chum! No paying...
 * SpongeBob: Why don't they want to pay for the chum?
 * Plankton: Must be the full moon. [chum is thrown at head from riot]
 * [episode ends]