A Good Magician

A Good Magician is the third episode of SBFW Quest. It aired October 12, 2018 and was written by Purple133 and DanzxvFan8275.

Transcript
(The episode begins with Dan walking through Fanonland’s streets)

 

Dan: Hey guys, where the hell did this weird hut come from?

 

Purps: No clue. Let’s go ask Jasbre!

 

(Purps and Dan go to ask Jasbre about the weird hut)

 

Purps: So Jasbre, we noticed a weird hut in town and wanted to know who’s it is.

 

Jasbre: Oh, that belongs to one FDBackup, a local in the area.

 

Dan: Wait, FDBackup?

 

Purps: Time works differently here, some people made it here earlier remember?

 

Dan: Oh yeah.

 

Jasbre: Yeah. Anyways I have to try and send criminals to the new colony.

 

Dan: What colony?

 

Jasbre: I call it, Jasbreland.

 

Purps: (under his breath) I should join this shit.

 

Dan: What was that Purps?

 

Purps: Nothing mate.

 

Dan: Anyway, we should check out FDBackup. Not only will he help us, but he can also help Matchy stop fapping in class.

 

Purps: Yeah.

 

(Matchy is seen in window)

 

Matchy: WHAT THE HELL!

 

Purps: Get out of here Matchy. Anyway,  anything could happen…

 

Dan: I’ll take the chance. (pulls out a bow) I’ll take my chance alright. (walks over to the hut)

 

Purps: Dan, what are you doing?

 

Dan: Preparing.

 

Purps: You don’t know what’s he’s like, though!

 

Dan: (puts finger over lips) Shhh! (points to show an open window. Both walk over and see FDBackup talking in his sleep)

 

FDBackup: (half asleep) BADGEFARM! (snores) CREATE NEW PAGE! (snores) Okay! (snores)

 

Dan: Seems like he’s thinking about… stuff.

 

Purps: Wake him up! Maybe he can help us.

 

Dan: Yeah let’s get him!

 

(Purps leans over and taps FDBackup, who sits up and hit him)

 

Purps: WHAT THE HELL?

 

FDBackup: Watch your language Purps!

 

Dan: Shut up FD. Can you help us find (holds up mugshot of Golf) this guy?

 

FDBackup: Sorry, I haven’t seen him.

 

Purps: Okie dokie!

 

FDBackup: Okay, can you guys leave? I have to badgefarm now.

 

Dan: Whatever.

 

(Dan and Purps leave)

 

Purps: FD was quite useless, let’s go find Lock!

 

Dan: Maybe we should pick up some birth control from the blacksmith first, Lock gets kinda crazy around bug locked doors.

 

Purps: Okay.

 

(Purps and Dan meet Lock at the blacksmith)

 

CobblePirate: Hello there patrons, what may I get to you?

 

(At the same time)

 

Dan: We need birth control for Lock.

 

Purps: We need weapons!

 

CobblePirate: Hmmm, I have this metal chain for you Dan, and a mace for you Purps.

 

Dan: I’d rather wear it around my neck.

 

Purps: But I don’t have any upper body strength!

 

Dan: Don’t. Show. Weakness.

 

CobblePirate: Yeah, can you just get out?

 

Dan: Sure, let’s go Purps.

 

Purps: Wait, I have to master blacksmithing!

 

Dan: Goddammit.

 

(Purps walks over to CobblePirate and trips as Dan sighs)

 

Dan: PURPS! IT’S BEEN FOUR HOURS LET’S JUST GO GET LOCK.

 

Purps: Lock? He went out of town to find a mate if you know what I mean.

 

Dan: WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT EARLIER?!

 

Purps: I don’t know it didn’t seem relevant.

 

Dan: What did you make?

 

Purps: Oh, nothing.

 

(Dan screams and drags Purps back to FD’s to see if he will help)

 

Purps: I mean sure FD vandalized in the past, but he can’t be that bad right?

 

Dan: Yeah I guess.

 

(Purps notices smoke and sees FD casting spells and hexes on people)

 

FDBackup: Alla...ka….st...op…..fapping in class! That’s for you, Dylan!

 

Dan: Still making those jokes, is he?

 

Purps: (facepalms) Hypocrite.

 

Dan: Why ‘ya so annoyed, Purps? Do you fap in class too?

 

Purps: SHUT UP AND FINISH THE GODDAMN STORY WITHOUT STRETCHING IT WITH FAPPING IN CLASS JOKES!

 

Dan: Fine. (looks back into window. FD seems to still be casting spells)

 

FDBackup: You motherfluffers will all die!

 

Bot: Excuse me did you just call us motherfluffers?

 

FDBackup: NO SWEARING!

 

(FD lights Bot’s hair on fire)

 

Bot: HOLY SHITTTTTTT.

 

(FD spots Dan)

 

FDBackup: Oh no you don’t!

 

Dan: Well shit.

 

FDBackup: You’re gonna die, and then I’m gonna kill everybody in Fanonland and badgefarm as much as I damn well please!

 

Purps: FD, you just swore.

 

FDBackup: What? Are you high?

 

Dan: FD?

 

FDBackup: Yes?

 

(Dan walks up to FDBackup and whispers something in his ear)

 

Dan: Consume car batteries.

 

FDBackup: AHHH!!!! (starts to melt)

 

Purps: What the hell did you say?

 

Dan: I’ll never tell another living soul.

 

(Tifi appears out of thin air)

 

Tifi: Can I offer you some scalp lotion?

 

(Tifi makes an intense thththththththth noise with his tongue)

 

Dan: Oh what the fu-

(Episode ends)