Career Crisis

Career Crisis is the forty-fifth episode of the spin-off, Absorbent Days, and the fifth episode of season three. In this episode, Squidward is fired from the Krusty Krab after a secret inspection from the Board of Timid Treasurers, or BUTT, much to his happiness. However, after losing his house due to insufficient funds, he finds he needs a career to pay for his daily life. Will he eventually find a career or be out of a job forever?

Characters

 * Eugene Krabs
 * Squidward Tentacles
 * Customer 1 (cameo)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Suited Fish (cameo)
 * Voice/Adjudicator (cameo)
 * Fish (cameo)

Transcript

 * (the episode begins with a medium shot of the Krusty Krab; the camera cuts to reveal Squidward within the dining area, laying down in the register boat before a line of customers)


 * Customer 1: (tapping the register) Excuse me, squid. I want to order a patty, and I'd appreciate it if you...


 * Squidward: (holds up finger) I'm gonna stop you right there. It's my break time.


 * Customer 1: (scoffs; exits scene) Unbelievable service!


 * Mr. Krabs: (enters scene) Something tells me that was sarcasm. Squidward, why are you driving me customers away?! (stands Squidward up by head) Why aren't you workin'?


 * Squidward: I'm on my break, Krabs.


 * Mr. Krabs: Not anymore. Back to work! (exits scene)


 * Squidward: (sighs; to next customer) I suppose you want a patty. (opens register) That'll be three nineteen, sir. (finds paper within register) Huh? What is this? (reads paper aloud)


 * "Squidward Tentacles, the members of the Board of Timid Treasurers, or BUTT, have recently inspected your restaurant and have deemed your customer service unacceptable to continue your tenure under Krusty Krab management. Upon informing your boss, Eugene Krabs, you, Mr. Tentacles, will be released of your job."


 * SpongeBob: (enters scene) Whoa. Wait until Mr. Krabs hears about this? You'll be out of a job, Squidward.


 * Squidward: You better not have told him, SpongeBob!


 * SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. I didn't tell, Mr. Krabs. (shrugs) I left him a company letter about it. No need to thank me.


 * Mr. Krabs: (offscreen) Mr. Squidward!


 * Squidward: (to SpongeBob) One day, it'll be you.


 * Mr. Krabs: (enters scene, holding letter) It seems that the law has finally caught up to you. (rubbing chin) Well, I suppose you are the only cashier I've ever had, and it'll be quite the job, and probably costly, to find another. Hmm. (shrugs) Oh, well. I guess the BUTT doesn't take "no" for an answer.


 * SpongeBob: (laughing) You said "butt".


 * Mr Krabs: Mr. Squidward, I'm afraid you are...fired!


 * Squidward: (begins to cry) So, this is how it really ends? This is how dreams come true, huh? (jumps onto top of register boat) Neptune, this is the day I start living! Look out Bikini Bottom, I'm unemployed! (zips out of the Krusty Krab, laughing)


 * Mr. Krabs: Well, not the reaction I was expecting.


 * (scene cuts to Squidward's house, where celebration music can be heard in the background; the camera cuts to Squidward within in his living room, dancing with party favors)


 * Squidward: After all these years, it seems as it was impossible to escape that grease trap. But it finally happened! (laughs) The celebration never stops!


 * (a knock on the door is heard offscreen)


 * Squidward: Oh, what can it be now? (walks to door and opens it; a suited fish is revealed) What in the...? Who are you?


 * Suited Fish: Squidward Tentacles, is this your house?


 * Squidward: Indeed it is.


 * Suited Fish: Well, it appears your monthly rent was due earlier this morning, yet you do not have sufficient funds to afford the bill. Take it away!


 * (the house suddenly is lifted off the ground, causing Squidward to leap out in time; the camera reveals a crane, lifting the house and dragging it offscreen; the suited fish exits the scene as well)


 * Squidward: My house. It's gone. Insufficient funds? Hmm. Usually Krabs would have paid me by now. I guess I got fired today, eh? (sits on ground) Perhaps I do need a job after all. (stands up) Oh, what am I saying?! I don't need the Krusty Krab, or Krabs. I can make money all on my own. Hmm, but what career can I pursue?


 * SpongeBob: (falls into scene) I can help you, Squidward!


 * Squidward: Wait the...where did you come from?


 * SpongeBob: If you want a new career, Squidward, ask yourself "what are you good at?".


 * Squidward: Hmm, fine. Well, I am a famed and recognized virtuoso musician, a renowned painter and artistic connoisseur, and appreciator of the fine arts.


 * SpongeBob: Great! First, you can try becoming a musician!


 * Squidward: I never thought I'd say this, SpongeBob, but you're right. I'm going to pursue my musical dream!


 * (the scene cuts to a dark room, where a spotlight is cast onto Squidward, holding his clarinet)


 * Squidward: I'm ready for my audition.


 * Voice: (offscreen) Perfect. (the lights turn on; the voice is revealed to be an adjudicator, sitting in a desk before Squidward) Begin playing, good squid.


 * Squidward: Prepare your ears! (breaths in deeply and blows into clarinet)


 * (the clarinet flies out of Squidward's hands; the clarinet lands on the face of the adjudicator)


 * Adjudicator: (pulls clarinet off) Next!


 * (the scene cuts to Squidward, slouched and frowning outside of the building, standing before SpongeBob)


 * SpongeBob: Don't worry, Squidward. You'll find a career that's right for you. In fact, let's check out what's next on the list.


 * Squidward: You mean me being a "renowned painter"?


 * SpongeBob: That's right! Now go get yourself a career!


 * Squidward: Something makes me think this plan is less than effective.


 * (the scene cuts to Squidward, within the Bikini Bottom Museum, painting on a canvas near the center of the room; across from him is a fish sitting on a stool)


 * Squidward: And done. I think you'd enjoy the artistic genius produced by yours truly.


 * Fish: Oh, I know I will. What with the accolades you discussed, I'm sure the painting is stupendous. A true work of art!


 * Squidward: Yes, indeed. It surely is one of my best...


 * Fish: Oh, for Neptune's sake, show me the painting already! (grabs the canvas and looks at the painting) Uh...well...


 * (the camera reveals the painting, showing a painting of Squidward instead of the fish)


 * Fish: It must...be...abstract! That's it! It's abstract, right?


 * Squidward: Nope, it's totally straight forward. It's a self-potrait of yours truly. Isn't it glorious?


 * (the fish slams the painting onto Squidward's head, and stomps away)


 * SpongeBob: (enters the scene) I suppose that didn't paint a pretty picture, huh? (laughs)


 * Squidward: Why I...! No, Squidward, not now. (sighs) Got any other brilliant ideas?


 * SpongeBob: Well, what's last on the list?


 * Squidward: I'm an "appreciator of the fine arts"?


 * SpongeBob: Appreciator of the...oh, yeah! I got an idea! How about we get your job back at the Krusty Krab, the place of the finest art in the entire ocean: the Krabby Patty!


 * Squidward: Oh, joy. How do you suppose we do that? The BUTTs fired me.


 * SpongeBob: (laughs) Butts. Didn't you see, Squidward. There was small print to the letter. (pulls out BUTT letter; reads small print)


 * "P.S.: Mr. Tentacles can be rehired under the condition he does not possess the abilities to find a career elsewhere."


 * Squidward: (scoffs) I can find a career anywhere I want in this town.


 * SpongeBob: So, you don't want to get rehired?


 * Squidward: No, no, no! I do! I do!


 * SpongeBob: Oh, okay. Company letter time! (pulls out paper and pencil)


 * (the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab dining area, where Squidward is reluctantly opening the register before a line of customer; Mr. Krabs is leaning on the register boat)


 * Mr. Krabs: Well, Mr. Squidward, it seems as though you need work after all. And thanks to the BUTT, you're working harder than ever.


 * Squidward: I suppose you're right. I never would have thought I was secretly being watched at work by BUTTs.


 * SpongeBob: (laughs through order window) You said butts.


 * (episode ends)