Walk Sidewards Unto Yourself

Walk Sidewards Unto Yourself is the first episode of Bikini Bottom Adventures. It was released on January 16, 2017, was written, directed, and filmed by, and was produced by William Underscore Productions Ltd.

Watch it on the BBA YouTube channel here!

Plot
The episode introduces the three main characters - SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward - sitting in Bikini Bottom and doing nothing. SpongeBob wakes himself and Patrick up, and introduces themselves, along with Squidward. Another object in the room also wishes to be introduced, but SpongeBob refuses.

One week later, SpongeBob and Patrick are bored. They pester Squidward, and then look around the room for other things to do. They find an entity named 'Crolophidius of Saragon' on a bookshelf, who tells them about their futures and then vanishes. Later, the three characters head off to bed.

Transcript
''[Sound of a camera's record button being pressed. Wide shot of Bikini Bottom, where SpongeBob and Patrick are seen lying on a bed. Squidward is seen sitting in a chair, listening to 'Promises, Promises' by Burt Bacharach.]''

''[Cut to SpongeBob. He gets up.]''

SpongeBob: [yawns] Wow. What a lovely day!

[SpongeBob turns to Patrick.]

SpongeBob: Good morning, Patrick!

Patrick: Huh? Oh! Good morning, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Isn't it a lovely day today?

Patrick: Yes, it is, SpongeBob!

[A short pause.]

SpongeBob: Just wonderful.

Patrick: But SpongeBob, shouldn't we introduce this guy to where we are?

SpongeBob: Who? Wh- what guy, I don't see any guy--

[Patrick gestures to the camera.]

Patrick: That guy!

SpongeBob: Oh! Sorry, I didn't see you there for some reason.

[A long pause.]

SpongeBob: ...uh...

[Cuts suddenly.]

SpongeBob: Oh, well, welcome to our home! The humble abode of Bikini Bottom.

[Cut to a panning shot around Bikini Bottom.]

SpongeBob: Isn't it beautiful? Now let's introduce ourselves. My name is SpongeBob--

[Text appears with a 'ding' sound effect, that reads: SPONGEBOB / "Sea" "Sponge" / AGE: 24 / OCCUPATION: Expert Optimist ]

SpongeBob: --and I can't move my arms.

[Cut to a panning shot of SpongeBob's arms.]

SpongeBob: Can't do it.

[Cut to a shot of SpongeBob staring out the window.]

SpongeBob: [voiceover] I love staring out the window, looking at the people outside.

[Closeup of SpongeBob.]

SpongeBob: Oh, there's a car! Oh, there's another car! And there's a guy dressed like an astronaut!

[Cut to SpongeBob walking over to Patrick, on the bed.]

SpongeBob: And this is Patrick!

[Text appears with a 'ding' sound effect, that reads: PATRICK / "Star" "Fish" / AGE: 25 / OCCUPATION: Retired Meditation Guru ]

SpongeBob: He loves laying in bed, and thinking Deep Psychological Thoughts.

''[Cut to a close-up of Patrick's face, with a psychedelic overlay. The Olivia Tremor Control's 'Dusk at Cubist Castle' can be heard in the background.]''

Patrick: [thinking] I wonder where I am...

''[Cut to SpongeBob walking over to Squidward, sitting at his computer. An ominous video plays, with music from 'Sideria' by Duster.]''

SpongeBob: And this is Squidward!

[Text appears with no sound effect, that reads: SQUIDWARD / "Actual" "Sea Creature" / AGE: ███ / OCCUPATION: ██████████████ ]

SpongeBob: He has a high interest in 'observing the arts'.

[A long pause.]

SpongeBob: Hey, Squidward!

[Squidward wakes up with a shriek.]

Squidward: [breathes heavily] SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Yes, Squidward?

Squidward: Don't-- [grumbles unintelligibly]

[Squidward returns to his seat.]

SpongeBob: Yeah, Squidward can be kinda grouchy.

Squidward: I'm not grouchy!

SpongeBob: Sometimes even kinda angry.

Squidward: I'm not angry!

SpongeBob: But overall, he's pretty clever!

Squidward: I'm not clever- wait! No!

[SpongeBob giggles.]

SpongeBob: So yeah, I think that's pretty much all there is to--

Object 4-A: [offscreen] HEY.

''[A short pause. SpongeBob looks offscreen.]''

SpongeBob: ...What?

[Cut to Object 4-A, appearing on the floor.]

Object 4-A: ''WHAT ABOUT ME HUH. I'M IN THIS ROOM TOO.''

SpongeBob: But, well, I mean... you're not really from here, and, like... you're just gonna leave in five minutes like all the others, so...

Object 4-A: ''AW COME ON MAAAN. YOU GOTTA PICK ME.''

[SpongeBob turns to the camera.]

SpongeBob: [sighs] Just, just cut the scene, just--

Object 4-A: WAIT WAIT WAIT NO--

[Cut to ONE WEEK LATER. ''A short riff from Deerhoof's 'Twin Killers' introduces the scene, and Julia Holter's 'This Is a True Heart' plays in the background. The characters are once again sitting around doing nothing.]''

SpongeBob: [sighs] Patrick, I'm bored.

Patrick: Me too, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: I wonder what we can do. [beat] Hey, Squidward!

[Cut to Squidward, sitting at his computer.]

Squidward: [sighs] What is it now, SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Patrick and I are bored. Is there anything we can do?

[Squidward grumbles, and swivels his chair around to face them.]

Squidward: Come on, SpongeBob, there's plenty of things you can do! Just have a look around, you'll find something... and stop annoying me!

''[Squidward swivels his chair back. SpongeBob pauses, in thought.]''

SpongeBob: Squidward's right, Patrick, there is a lot of stuff to do here. I mean just look around! There's a lamp, [cut to a lamp on a bedside table] there's a cupboard, [cut to a closet with an unknown liquid seeping out from the closed doors] there's this thing... [cut to a large framed photo of Roger Federer hanging on the wall] I mean, there's a lot of stuff to do!

Patrick: Oh, SpongeBob, you forgot that!

[Patrick points off-screen.]

SpongeBob: Huh?

[Cut to another object, Crolophidius of Saragon, resting on a bookshelf.]

Crolophidius: I AM CROLOPHIDIUS OF SARAGON.

SpongeBob: [sighs] C'mon, what you do want?

Crolophidius: ''I HAVE COME TO THIS TIMESTAMP TO RELAY TO YOU... YOUR FUTURES.''

Patrick: So are you, like, a ghost?

[Silence for several seconds.]

Crolophidius: ''NO I AM NOT. LOOK COULD WE JUST GET ON WITH IT PLEASE.''

Squidward: Our future, huh?

Crolophidius: YES.

Squidward: Hmmm...

''[Squidward silently imagines what his future will be like. There are no flashbacks. A sharp, distorted audio tone slowly increases in volume throughout.]''

Squidward: Well, what are we waiting for?

SpongeBob: Yeah! What do you have to tell us, oh wise one?

[Fade to a shot of the world outside Bikini Bottom, covered in snow, to the tune of 7HL's 'The Forest'.]

Crolophidius: ''[offscreen] WELL... SOMEDAY, FAR FROM NOW, IT WILL BE SNOWING.''

[Cut to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward lying motionless in Bikini Bottom.]

Crolophidius: [offscreen] AND YOU WILL NOTICE IT.

SpongeBob: [yawns] Wow. What a lovely day!

[SpongeBob looks out of the window.]

Crolophidius: [offscreen] AND YOU WILL TELL EVERYONE THAT IT IS SNOWING.

SpongeBob: [gasps] Guys! Guys! It's snowing!

[A silence, as Patrick and Squidward remain motionless.]

Crolophidius: [offscreen] BUT THEY WILL NOT NOTICE.

SpongeBob: Uh... you guys wanna go outside?

Crolophidius: [offscreen] THEY WILL NOT NOTICE...

''[Fade back to the present. Squidward sits in his chair, confused.]''

Squidward: ...B-but that doesn't make any sense! What about me, what's my future?

''[Cut to the bookshelf. Crolophidius is now gone.]''

SpongeBob: Huh. Looks like that guy is gone. Oh well! It was fun having him here. I can't wait for my future to come true...

[Cut to an unsettlingly close shot of Squidward.]

Squidward: I want to get out of here.

''[Cut to outside Bikini Bottom. It is now night-time. SpongeBob is reading from 'House of Leaves' by Mark Z. Danielewski, while Patrick and Squidward do nothing. Suddenly, text appears that reads:  ==== TIME FOR BED ====  - accompanied by the sound of a ringing bell.]''

SpongeBob: [sighs] Okay guys, I guess it's time to go to bed now.

Patrick: Oh, come on! I was just busy sleeping!

Squidward: Oh, come on!

SpongeBob: Come on, Squidward. You know it's not that painful!

''[SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward are teleported into bed. Squidward writhes quietly in pain as SpongeBob talks.]''

SpongeBob: [yawns] Wow. What a good day this was! Alright, goodnight everybody!

Patrick: Goodnight, SpongeBob!

''[Everyone goes to sleep. The light is still on.]''

[Credits roll.]

Credits
Director:

Puppeteer:

Director of Photography:

Sound Mixing:

Line Producer:

Starring:
 * SpongeBob
 * Patrick
 * Squidward
 * Object 4-A
 * Crolophidius of Saragon

Music Used: (Additional sound design by 7HL.)
 * Burt Bacharach - Promises, Promises
 * The Olivia Tremor Control - Dusk at Cubist Castle
 * Duster - Sideria
 * Deerhoof - Twin Killers
 * Julia Holter - This is a True Heart
 * 7HL - The Forest
 * Broadcast - Accidentals