New Jerseys

New Jerseys is the seventh episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge.

Plot
LeBron orders new uniforms for the team. But they are ugly, itchy, and all-out horrible, so the team goes on strike until LeBron changes his mind.

Transcript
[In the middle of an intense game against the Seatown Strikers]

Muscular Dude: (dribbles in for a layup)

SpongeBob: (tries to guard him, but the dude dribbles right through him, also ripping his uniform)

Muscular Dude: (scores)

SpongeBob: Hey! That was my uniform!

LeBron: (from the sidelines) Hmmm.....

[The next morning]

LeBron: Team! We lost an important game last night, and it was all because of one thing.

Larry: SpongeBob's stupidity?

LeBron: No.

Krabs: Global warming?

LeBron: Erm no.

Plankton: You passing a kidney stone during the game?

LeBron: (starts sweating) How'd you know about that? And NO!!!

Patrick: Hillary Clinton?

LeBron: Ewww, no! That's worse than passing a kidney stone!

SpongeBob: Then what is it?

LeBron: It's these lousy gay uniforms!

Squidward: I think they're sexy.

[Everyone stares at him]

Squidward: Yeah I said it, bitc-

LeBron: Alright! So-

Patrick:' I think they're delicious! (eats his uniform)

LeBron: You've eaten it before?

Patrick: Hah! Every day!

LeBron: Then how do you still have it?

Patrick: I have to wait until it passes through my system. (squirms) There we go! Nope....that was a kidney stone.

LeBron: Oh, gosh.

Patrick: Almost there....(squirms, starts shaking) Ta-da! Oh......that's Hillary Clinton.

LeBron: AHHHH!!!!! (whacks her with a broom) Get out! Get! Get! (runs her out of the gym)

Patrick: This may take a while.

LeBron: Forget about it. Because I've ordered NEW JERSEYS! (holds up a bag of the new uniforms)

Patrick: Oh boy! We're going to New Jersey?

Larry: No, dimwad. He ordered new jerseys.

Patrick: He ordered plane tickets to New Jersey? EFF YEAH! I LOVE NEW JERSEY!

Squidward: Who the hell likes New Jersey?

LeBron: Who cares. Everyone, try these on. (throws each player their uniform)

Krabs: (puts his on) ….it's a bit snug.....(breaks)

Plankton: Hahaha you're fat. (receives his jersey) Holy crap, this thing's the SIZE of New Jersey!

Krabs: Hahaha you're small.

Plankton:' (bites his toe)

Krabs: AAHH!!!

SpongeBob: These uniforms.....they're so plain.....

Squidward: And ugly.......

Larry: And uncomfortable.....

Patrick: (eats his) AWWHH!!!! DISGUSTING!!!! The old uniforms tasted WAAAY better! (passes his old uniform) Oh boy! It's back! (eats it again)

Plankton: That's disgusting....

LeBron: So, enjoy your new uniforms, guys!

Larry: I hate these piece-of-shit uniforms!

LeBron: Wha???

Squidward: Yeah, these suck balls. (throws his uniform down, stomps on it)

LeBron: But....I put a lot of work into these! Our other uniforms were too breakable!

Krabs: Well these SUCK!

LeBron: Too bad. Cuz guess what? You all HAVE to wear them.

Patrick: Yayy!!!!

Larry: No, Patrick, that's a bad thing.

Patrick: Noooo!!! (chucks a rubber chicken at LeBron's head)

LeBron: Oww! Dafuq?

Squidward: Coach, this is stupid. Until you change your mind about these stupid uniforms, I QUIT!!!

Krabs: Me tooo!

Plankton: Me three!

Krabs: You're more like 2 and a half, lad.

Plankton: Aww.

Larry: Same here! These uniforms are trash! WHITE trash!

LeBron: Whoa, bro.

Patrick: I quit too! I don't know what that means, but I'm with them!

LeBron: Guys, this is ridiculous.

Larry: YOUR MOM IS RIDICULOUS.

LeBron: That is TOO far. Get your sorry butts OUT of my gym! I'll have you all replaced by tomorrow!

Larry: FINE! Come on, guys!

[Larry, Squidward, Krabs, Plankton, and Patrick proceeded to exit the gym]

LeBron: (turns to SpongeBob) C'mon, SpongeBro. I can always count on you. You're staying, right?

SpongeBob: Heh-heh....about that.......uh.......your fly's undone! (runs out the door)

LeBron: (looks down) Dang it, I didn't even wear pants today!

Lexi: Good thing you wore underwear.

LeBron: AHHH!!!! Who are YOU?????

Lexi: The new player...I've been here all season.

LeBron: What the....how come you haven't said anything?

Lexi: Frankly, I'm the quiet type.

LeBron: Okay...you're not leaving the team?

Lexi: No way! I'm fine with the uniforms!

LeBron: That's awesome! Wait.....I forgot you were on the team, so I didn't even get you a uniform....

Lexi: Exactly. That's why I'm fine with them. (smiles)

LeBron: (sigh) Whatever. At least you're staying. Unlike those other dummies.

Lexi: So, you wanted to replace them?

LeBron: Yeah, but I don't know who-

Lexi: I KNOW SOME PEOPLE!!!

LeBron: Okay, who?

Lexi: I'll bring all my friends tomorrow morning!

LeBron: Great! Let's get the ball rollin'. Haha. No pun intended.

Lexi: (awkwardly stares at him)

LeBron: (sigh) Never mind.

[The next morning]

LeBron: (enters the gym with a cup of coffee) Sup, homies.

Lexi: I brought my friends!

LeBron: AHHHH!!!! Who are YOU????

Lexi: Oh my God.

LeBron: Relax, JK dawg. Let me see your homies.

Lexi: Allow me to introduce you to Dickie, Freddie, Mr. Testicles, Jingle Puss, and Philbert!

[She points to a baby doll, a mop with a drawn face, a waffle with two cherries for eyes, a shoe, and a dead mouse]

LeBron: Ummm....these are all your friends, eh?

Lexi: (psychotically) I know right???? :D

LeBron: Weirdo....

Lexi: ?????

LeBron: Why is there a mouse underwater, anyway?

Lexi: It's a dead mouse!

LeBron: (facepalm) You hurt my brain.

Lexi: (looks out the window) Look outside, Coach!

[Outside]

Larry: (marching, on strike) I don't know, but I've been I told!

Everyone: I don't know, but I've been told!

Patrick: I like mayonnaise covered in mold!

Larry: No, Patrick.

Patrick: I like pickles that are old!

Larry: Erm, no.

Patrick: I LIKE FREAKING TRAINS-

Larry: (chucks a brick at Patrick)

Patrick: OUCH!!

[Inside]

LeBron: Haha, idiots.

Lexi: (staring at Patrick) He is so amazing.....

LeBron: What?

Lexi: I swear, I'm gonna marry that man....

LeBron: Who? Larry? He's a hunk, but he's a dick.

Lexi: Not Larry. I'm talking about....tee-hee......Patrick! <3

LeBron: WHAT?! Excuse me for a minute. (he runs to the corner, and dumps a butt-load of pills into the trash can; he runs back to Lexi) Now, where were we?

Lexi: Patrick, he's just.....the man of my dreams.

LeBron: Excuse me for a minute. (he runs to the corner, and dumps a bottle of liquor into the trash can)

Lexi: Coach! Stop it! I want some!

LeBron: Sorry, I dumped it all out.

Lexi: (lightbulb dings) That's it! I know how we can get Patrick back on the team!

LeBron: Uh....do we really WANT Patrick back on the team?

Lexi: Yes, and I know how. I need to seduce him and make him join the team!

LeBron: He's so dumb that it may actually work.

Lexi: Aww yeah!

[She goes outside]

Lexi: (to Patrick) Hey, big boy. (winks)

Patrick: You think I'm fat? What the HECK!

Lexi: (starts scratching his chin) Let's take this somewhere....private.....

Patrick: (getting turned on) I like that......

[The two of them kiss]

Lexi: I love you.

Patrick: I love you too, bae.

[They hop on a plane, and fly off to their honeymoon]

LeBron: Grrrrr!!!!! Now I lost Lexi! My last freaking player!!!!

[Larry and the rest of them are still outside going on strike]

LeBron: Hmmm....but I got the perfect chance to ditch Patrick! And Lexi! It's a double win! I can't miss this opportunity! What an improvement! :D

[He gets a mega-phone, and goes outside]

LeBron: Attention, former team. I've agreed to ditch these new uniforms, and go back to the old ones.

SpongeBob: HOORAY!!!!

Larry: Aww yeah, baby!

LeBron: But, we need to make sure Patrick and Lexi never come back!

Plankton: I can handle that! (presses a button on a remote)

Squidward: ….what did that do?

LeBron: It better not hurt them! I just want them off the team!

Plankton: Don't worry about it. It's just something I installed in Patrick's brain while he was sleeping.

[We see Patrick and Lexi sitting on a beach somewhere]

Lexi: (places her hands on Patrick's face) Baby.....

Patrick: (explodes)

Lexi: .....what