The Race Begins

The Race Begins is the first episode of The Race for President of SBFW Season One.

Transcript
[credits play]
 * News Host: Breaking news! The SBFW Presidential Race has begun.
 * News Co-Host: There are too many candidates to list right now. However they include Alternative, Purple, and Matchy. And that’s it for this news broadcast even though it started a couple seconds ago. [TV turns off]
 * Patrick: Oh darn it why’d they make a fanon wiki about YOU. What about fucking me!
 * SpongeBob: Your face is shown too much on that fucking wiki, considering I’m the celebrity
 * Both: Hmmph.
 * [Transition]
 * Purple: Jesus my show is going too fast
 * Crazy: o
 * [Alternative laughs for no reason whatsoever]
 * Purple: What?
 * Alternative: I really don’t know.
 * Matchy: [breaks in] THEY MADE ALL OF US RUN FOR SBFW PRESIDENT!
 * Crazy: o
 * Parad0x: Shit.
 * Matchy: You bet it’s shit! PlushPlopper’s not even running!
 * Alternative: Good for him.
 * Narrator: Meanwhile, someone else was going to enter SBFW soon...
 * ???: What should my username be...I have an idea, I’ll use a username generator! [searches for username generator] AHA! A good one. Let’s see...fuck fortnite...no too profane...hmm...AbominableLizard...too wierd…
 * Narrator: A little while later…
 * ???: Aha! Scrambled Biscuits! I love scrambled eggs and biscuits! Perfect! [joins server]
 * Dan: Who the hell are you?
 * Scrambled Biscuits: I’m ScrambledBiscuits
 * Dan: [whispers to Matchy] I think it was username generated
 * Matchy: [whispers in agreement] I agree
 * Alternative: So, Scrambled Biscuits, the hell you doin’ here, we’re planning for our presidential campaigns
 * Scrambled: Can I join
 * Purple: No, you’re a new user who joined not even a minute ago [everyone else mutters in gibberish, which seems to be in agreement]
 * Jasbre: Almost five years versus almost five minutes. You have no chance.
 * Scrambled: Actually I have a better chance than any of you asses.
 * Everyone: Bet.
 * Scrambled: I know how to brainwash
 * Dan: I can avoid brainwashing.
 * Alternative: I’m immune to brainwashing
 * Narrator: A bunch of anti-brainwashing excuses later…
 * Scrambled: Fine. But I still have a chance.
 * [the rest whisper to each other that Scrambled really doesn’t have a chance, then Scrambled leaves]
 * Jasbre: Now we can prepare
 * Narrator: A little while later…
 * [Scrambled comes back]
 * Scrambled: Fuck you all!
 * Purple: Why, we did nothing to you
 * Alternative: Urghh
 * Scrambled: Fuck you because fuck you!
 * Everyone: ummm
 * Granite: If you hate us then just leave
 * Scrambled: No!
 * News Host: We interrupt your guttermouth conversation to report to you that our old co-host was accidentally pushed off a cliff by some maniac. She will be missed. Our replacement co-host will be Ralph Wiggum!
 * Matchy: Not that dumbass!
 * Crazy: o
 * Alternative: oof, that was wierd
 * Purple: Why him of all people?
 * Ralph: I’ve come to report that a new sewer will be running for principal of BobSponge Fanon Wickey. His name is EggBiscoout.
 * Purple: Euughhh
 * Narrator: Meanwhile...
 * SpongeBob: This channel sucks ass!
 * Patrick: Then fucking change it!
 * SpongeBob: NO! The news is important!
 * Patrick: Says what fucktard?
 * [tons of censoring]
 * Patrick: I don’t want you in my house ever again! We’re not friends anymore!
 * SpongeBob: Oh please, you know you’re gonna hug me tomorrow
 * Patrick: Nuh-uh
 * Narrator: A bit later, in a different setting…
 * Matchy: Why are we running for president again?
 * Polar: So that we don’t have a dictator like Jasbre
 * Jasbre: HEY!
 * Matchy: That’s true, but it’s also kind of a weak reason
 * Bot: They just forced us to have a presidential race. Fandom I mean.
 * Matchy: Why does fandom do this shit all the time
 * Parad0x: I really don’t know.
 * SBCA: Me neither
 * Granite: this is childish, like seriously.
 * Purple: I won’t have time for anything! I’m fuckin’ busy!
 * News Host: I am still the news host, but this channel was renamed Ralph Wiggum Channel
 * Alternative: The hell?
 * AFallenPower: Why Ralph of all people?
 * Purple: This is Something Wierd.
 * Parad0x: Of course it is.
 * Alternative: Nice ZPW reference, btw
 * Purple: Thx
 * Matchy: Guys we gotta fuckin’ get busy
 * Jasbre: We’re busy enough!
 * Narrator: The (anticlimactic) End.