Fundraiser Scrimmage

Fundraiser Scrimmage (stylized as Fundrai$er $crimmage) is the 16th episode of Basket Sponge.

Plot
LeBron is informed by the POBA that Larry's contract is about to expire and the only way to extend it is to pay a large amount of money, so Mr. Krabs suggests that they have a scrimmage as a fundraiser. But when the Toon Tomahawks hear about this, they devise a plan to stop them from doing this. Even through that, will they be able to raise enough money to save SpongeBob from being removed from the team?

Transcript
The episode begins with Painty the Pirate beginning to sing the SpongeBob SquarePants theme song.

Painty: Are ya ready, kids?

LeBron: (jumps onto the screen, and burns the painting down with a blow torch) HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU, THIS ISN'T SpongeBob!

He hops down, and walks back to his house in Bikini Bottom.

LeBron: (opens the mailbox) What's this? A letter from the POBA? Isn't POBA a butt disease? (keeps reading) Oh, it's the Pacific Ocean Basketball Association. It says Larry's contract is about to expire! How is that even POSSIBLE? This is terrible! He's my best player!

He rushes down to the Bikini Bottom Beach to find Larry. Larry is lifting weights on the shore, surrounded by fan girls in bikinis.

Larry: (lifting weights) 498.....499.......500! Woo! (sits down)

Fan Girl: Omg, Larry!!!!

Fan Girl #2: That was so hot!!!!

Larry: Well, ladies, just doin' what I do. Ya know, to stay in shape for my basketball games! (winks)

The fan girls swoon and fall over.

Pearl: I love you, LARRY!!!! (giggles)

Larry: Isn't that sweet? Here, take this snotty tissue as a symbol of my infection.

Pearl: Don't you mean AFFECTION?

Larry: Nope, that thing's infected. I just got over the swine flu.

Pearl: Coming from anyone else, that'd be disgusting. But because it's you, I'll cherish it forever! (hugs the tissue)

LeBron: (arrives at the beach) Pant, pant...

Larry: Fancy seeing you here, Coach. You come to join my fangirls and watch my sexy muscles?

LeBron: Hell no, this is important.

Pearl: Larry IS important! How dare you! (all the fangirls begin screaming)

LeBron: This is ABOUT Larry! I received a letter from the POBA-

Larry: The butt disease?

LeBron: The Pacific Ocean Basketball Association. It said your basketball contract is going to expire...in less than a WEEK!

All the fan girls gasp.

Larry: What?! It's supposed to last the whole season!

LeBron: I know! I'm not sure why it's going to expire so soon - (gets hit in the face by a stray volleyball)

SpongeBob: (runs over and picks it up) Oh hey, Coach...heh-heh....I didn't hit it! It was Patrick, I swear!

Patrick: (walks over to them) Don't bring me into this!

SpongeBob: Patrick, you hit him with the volleyball! Apologize!

Patrick: Apologize? Isn't that a butt disease?

LeBron: (sigh) Anyway, Larry, you're my best player, and we need you on the team to win.

Larry: I know.

All the fan girls swoon.

LeBron: But the only way to restore your contract is to pay a large sum of money.

Larry: Yes?

LeBron: And Frankly you're not worth a large sum of my money.

Larry: (frowns)

Krabs: (comes running from miles away) Someone say MONEY??!! I heard money, and I came-a-runnin'!

LeBron: We need to PAY money, Mr. Krabs.

Krabs: Ohhhh no! Leave me out of this, then! (notices Pearl) Heyyy....Pearl! What are you doing here?

Pearl: I came to watch the love of my life, Larry. (giggles)

Krabs: Pearl! What did I tell you about that guy? He's a douchebag!

Larry: (towers over Krabs)

Krabs: (looks up at him) Heh-heh...did I say douchebag? I meant....awesome douchebag

Larry: (pounds Krabs straight in the face)

Pearl: Ohhhhh, Larry! You're SO strong! (giggles as she feels his muscles)

All the fan girls scream and giggle.

Larry: Indeed I am, ladies. Indeed I am.

LeBron: Larry, enough! This is serious! What are we going to do?

Krabs: (stands back up) We could hold a fundraiser of some sort!

LeBron: Oh, great, a lemonade stand? What are we the girl scouts? I don't think so!

Krabs: We could hold a local scrimmage! And folks would have to pay to get inside! It's genius!

SpongeBob: I like it! That IS genius!

Patrick: A genius? Who's genius is showing? They should be informed that nudity is NOT tolerated in Bikini Bottom!

SpongeBob: Genius, Patrick. With a "g".

Patrick: Yes, I know. I have one. I use it every day.

SpongeBob: We can tell. Because you're NAKED!

Krabs: Put on some pants, Patrick!

Patrick: No way. My fan girls are enjoying the show! (winks)

All of the girls throw up.

Larry: Those are MY fan girls, bro.

Patrick: Who's the naked one here? ME! So they're MY fan girls!

Pearl: I'm getting out of here. (leaves the beach)

Police Officer: Sir, nudity is not tolerated in Bikini Bottom.

Patrick: Yes! FINALLY someone understands!

Police Officer: (places handcuffs on Patrick) You're going to have to come with me. (leaves with Patrick)

Patrick: Nooo!!! You can't take me away! I demand justice! (gets dragged away)

LeBron: Sooo....hold a fundraiser for Larry's contract, or a fundraiser to bail Patrick out?

Krabs: Larry's contract.

SpongeBob: Definitely Larry's contract.

LeBron: Then it's settled! Let's go to the gym and get things ready!

[The team assembles in their gym]

Squidward: I can't believe you called me here on such short notice! We don't even have practice today! It's Sunday!

LeBron: We're holding a fundraiser to save Larry's contract. It's about to expire for unknown reasons.

Squidward: A lemonade stand? Bahaahahah! What are we? The girl scouts???

Larry: We're doing a scrimmage.

Krabs: And the locals have to pay to come watch!

Squidward: Bahahah! Nobody's gonna pay good MONEY to come watch us play against ourselves!

SpongeBob: I think it's genius!

Patrick: (enters with Plankton) A genius? Where???? I got arrested for showing mine in public!

Him and Plankton are both wearing prison-uniforms.

LeBron: What are you doing here?

Patrick: I happened to be in prison with Plankton. So he helped me escape!

Plankton: Yes, it's true, I was in jail.

LeBron: Why?

Plankton: Krabs called the cops on me. I was SO close to stealing the secret formula!

Krabs: You'll never get the formul-er until the day I die!!!

Plankton: (scratches his chin) That gives me an idea....

Krabs: Say whaaat?!

Plankton: Never mind. So we're holding a scrimmage?

LeBron: Yes, everyone. Hopefully, we can raise enough money to save our STAR PLAYER!!!

Patrick: Ahem! I'M the starfish here!

Squidward: (chops Patrick's head off with an axe)

LeBron: Thank you, Squidward.

Patrick: (his single head lying on the floor) Hey! So this is what it's like to be Plankton's height!

Plankton: Hey!!!! Watch it, wise guy! (pokes Patrick in the eye ball)

Patrick: Youch!

LeBron: As I was saying, we're going to save our star player.

Larry: Thanks, Coach. I find it touching that you favor me over the rest of the team.

LeBron: Actually you're my least favorite person on the team, because you're an arrogant douchebag.

Larry: .......

LeBron: But you're MY arrogant douchebag! And that's what makes you special!

Larry: .......

LeBron: ....and you're the most skilled player on the team, but whatever.

Larry: Thank you.

SpongeBob: I'm so excited for this scrimmage!

Squidward: Wait! I thought we agreed never to have a scrimmage again! In Prisoners of The Match! Remember?

Krabs: But this time, money's involved!

Larry: And I need to stay on the team!

Squidward: (sigh) So much for continuity.

LeBron: Enough jibber-jabber, team. Gather here tonight for the scrimmage! Tell all your friends! Advertise it all throughout Bikini Bottom! Hang up signs in the streets! We need as much money as possible!

SpongeBob: Ayeee, Cap'n!

The team departs.

[Michael Clownfish, Sandy, and Sun Jeong are watching them from the roof]

Michael: (looking through binoculars) This is outrageous! I can't believe they're actually trying to SAVE the contract!

Sandy: All of our work for nothing!

Sun Jeong: Sore wa ima watashi ga shiyō suru koto wa arimasen tawagoto no sakuhindesu!!!!!!

Michael: We've gotta tell the boss! (clicks on his watch)

Adam's face appears on the watch's screen.

Adam: Ah, I see you have contacted me. I assume the three of you have completed your task.

Michael: Heh-heh, well.....yes and no.

Adam: Do I need to remind you what happens if you fail at your mission? (points to a tank full of sharks behind him)

Michael: (gulp)

Adam: The sharks are quite hungry. I hope you DO fail. Two tasty, juicy fish and a plump squirrel would make a DELICOUS meal for a tank full of sharks!

Michael: (hands the watch to Sun Jeong) I'm too scared. You talk to him!

Sun Jeong: ….Sore wa ima watashi ga shiyō -

Sandy: (takes the watch from Sun Jeong) I'll handle this. Look, boss, it's a work in progress.

Adam: What have you accomplished for me?

Sandy: We hacked into the POBA President's office. We changed the date of Larry's contract to expire in less than a week.

Adam: Good! Then you have accomplished your task!

Sandy: But....the Bulldogs have devised a plan to restore the contract.

Adam: (slams his fist on the desk) WHAT? You don't tell me they plan to pay for it? That sum of money is IMPOSSIBLE to pay!

Sandy: They're holding a fundraiser scrimmage to raise the money for the payment.

Adam: Grrrrr!!!!! If you three want to keep your lives, STOP THAT SCRIMMAGE!!! BEFORE SUNSET!!!! (turns the screen off)

Sandy: We've gotta sabotage this scrimmage! For The Tomahawks!

The three of them put their hands together.

Michael: For The Tomahawks!

Sun Jeong: Sore wa ima watashi ga shiyō

Michael: Stop saying that, dude! I don't think it has anything to do with what we're talking about!

The three of them slip and fall off the roof.

Sandy: Ouch.....

Michael: My head's stuck in Sun Jeong's butt....

Sun Jeong: Watashi wa anata ga kirai desu!

[That afternoon]

Johnny Elaine: I'm here with the Bikini Bottom News! Today, our city's beloved local basketball team has hosted a fundraiser scrimmage right here in their gym! Tell us, how do you feel about all of this, LeBron?

LeBron: Well, Johnny, I'm really excited. It's a pleasure to have such a dedicated fanbase that would come out here to support the cause.

Johnny Elaine: Indeed, folks. As you can see, the crowd is ROARING with fans.

The camera points to the crowd of only 3 people.

Pearl: (texting her friends) I'm only here cuz my dad dragged me here!

Karen: I'm only here because my insect of a husband dragged me here!

Special Steve: Yeeeeeeeeehaaaaaaaaawwwww!!!!!! I'm real excited to see the scrimmage!!!! Woo-hoo!!!

Johnny Elaine: Who's that, LeBron?

LeBron: That's Special Steve. He's a hobo that I happened to drive here.

Johnny Elaine: Well that's all the time we have for today. Good luck with your scrimmage!

LeBron: Wait! Don't you and your camera crew wanna stay and watch the scrimmage?

Johnny Elaine: We would...but.....uh......(dashes outside with his crew)

LeBron: (sigh) Only 3 people here to watch. And none of them paid!

Pearl: I don't have to pay! I'm one of the player's daughter!

Karen: Neither do I! I'm Plankton's wife!

Special Steve: And I'm a hobo. Yeeeehaaaaaw! Mah foot fungus smells like oranges!

LeBron: (sigh)

SpongeBob: Look on the bride side, Coach.....uh.....Patrick, a little help here?

Patrick: 3 in 5 men die of nose cancer.

SpongeBob: No.........no they don't.

Patrick: Well sheesh, SpongeBob!!! You asked me to find a bright side!!!

Larry: This is terrible. With no fans here, how are we supposed to raise enough money to renew my contract?

Krabs: (a lightbulb appears over his head) That's it! I got it!

Squidward: What?

Krabs: What if we invited all of Larry's fan girls!

Larry: Krabs, that's genius!

Patrick: For the last time, stop talking about people's geniuses! It's so inappropriate!

SpongeBob: Patrick, I don't think you understand.

Patrick: Ahh!!! I see a walking genius!!!! ......oh wait, that's Plankton.

Plankton: PATRICK!!! I AM NOT A PENIS!!!

LeBron: Guys, enough. Larry, text your fan girls.

Larry: All I need to do is post a simple HeadBook status. (click) There! It's posted!

Suddenly, thousands of Larry's fan girls from across the world flooded into the gym.

LeBron: (collecting the money) Yes!!!! This is enough money to save Larry's contract! It's a miracle!

Michael Clownfish jumped down from the ceiling, and stole the bag of money from LeBron.

Michael: If you want this money, you need to defeat US in a basketball match!

Sandy: But you won't be able to! Cuz you Bulldogs SUCK!

Sun Jeong: ........(burps)

LeBron: The Toon Tomahawks? What are you guys doing here? You didn't pay!

Michael: Cuz we're the bad guys! And we're also the ones who changed Larry's contract to expire!

Sandy: (elbows him) Mikey! We weren't supposed to tell them that!

Sun Jeong: …...(cough)

SpongeBob: Give us back that money!

Michael: Like I said, beat us in a match first!

Larry: Well, only THREE of you are here. Against all of us!

Sun Jeong: (whistles)

The rest of the Tomahawks bust inside. All except Adam and Venice.

Fat Jessie: Bring it, suckahs!

Krabs: We will! Because you're FAT!

Fat Jessie: You're not one to talk! You're also fat, AND you're named Mr. Krabs!

Krabs: What's wrong with being named Mr. Krabs?

Fat Jessie: Nothing particular. Except you live in BIKINI BOTTOM!

Krabs: Krabs in Bikini Bottom? I don't get what's wrong with that.

Nebuchadnezzar: Of course you don't! Now let's start the game!

LeBron: (turns to the crowd) Due to an unexpected challenge, we'll now be scrimmaging against the Toon Tomahawks, rather than against ourselves!

The fan girls woot and cheer.

Karen: I do not have emotions.....

Special Steve: Yeeeehaaawwww! Who WANTS TO LICK MAH BELLY?

The scrimmage begins.

Larry dribbles down the court, scoring multiple lay-ups. However, Michael and Sandy shoot mostly three pointers.

Squidward: (staring at Sandy after she shoots a 3-pointer) Babe.......I miss you so much.

He watches as her and Squilliam kiss after every single point they make.

Squidward: I've got to win her back! Larry, pass me the ball!

Larry: Alright, Squiddo! (passes to him)

Squidward: (trying to impress his ex-girlfriend, he charges in for a layup) This is all for you, BABE!

He makes it, as the buzzer beeps, ending the scrimmage.

LeBron: Squidward! That was the winning point! You won it!!!!

Squidward: Yes I did! (steps on Plankton)

Plankton: Ouch!!!!!!!!

Karen: That wouldn't happen, babe, if you weren't the size of a penis.

Plankton: (sigh) I know.

Squidward approaches Sandy and Squilliam, who are holding hands.

Squidward: Did you see that shot, Sandy? (flexes his arm) It was perfect!

Sandy: (smacks him) My team would've WON if it wasn't for your stupid shot!

Squilliam: Bahahahhah! Smooth, Squidward! Real smooth! Have you forgotten, I'm her true love?

Sandy and Squilliam kiss.

Squidward: (sigh) I didn't want to believe it.

LeBron: Yo, Mikey, we won! Give us back that money!

Michael: Oh, I suppose I should.....but I WON'T!

LeBron: What?! That's dirty!

King Neptune, ruler of the sea, protrudes into the gym.

Everyone gasps, and bows in respect.

LeBron: Who is he?

SpongeBob: Bow down like the rest of us!

LeBron: Why?

Krabs: Just do it!

LeBron: (confused, he bows down)

King Neptune: It is I, King Neptune. Ruler of the sea.

LeBron: (gulp)

King Neptune: Am I too late for the scrimmage?

SpongeBob: Yes, your majesty......b-b-but why have your spent your precious time to come see US?

King Neptune: I like basketball too, ya know.

He notices Michael and the rest of the Tomahawks sneaking to the door with the bag of money.

King Neptune: But I do NOT like thieves! (zaps them with his laser hands, and then banishes them to another dimension)

He hands the money to LeBron.

King Neptune: I believe this belongs to you.

LeBron: Thank you, your highness.

King Neptune: No problem! (sneezes, which accidentally sends a laser beam disintegrating the bag of money into ashes)

LeBron, Larry, and the rest of the team's mouths drop open.

King Neptune: Whoops! I hate it when that happens!

Larry: Uhhh....heh....anybody got a scratch ticket?

Special Steve: Oooh! I do! I do! (his stomach growls, so he eats it) ...well, not anymore!

Original Title Card

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