Back To Hell (Not The Fanon Wiki)

Back To Hell (Not The Fanon Wiki) is the thirty-seventh, and also unintentional final episode of Livin' With The Squid.

Characters

 * Patrick Star
 * Matthew Krabs
 * Mrs. BossyBlob
 * Principal
 * Squidward Tentacles (cameo)
 * SpongeBob SquarePants (cameo)
 * Officer John (cameos)
 * Officer Nancy (cameo)
 * Tyce (nonspeaking cameo)
 * Hillary Puff (cameo)
 * Bernie SquarePants (mentioned)
 * Female Teacher (cameos)

Plot
With summer now over, Patrick is forced to return to the piece of shit hellhole that is school.

Story
TENTACLES RESIDENCE

It was 6:55 AM. Most of the residents of the building were already awake - SpongeBob had been watching a Hillary Puff speech on his television. “I’m a progressive. But I’m a progressive that likes to get things done. While some ideas may sound good on paper, they’ll never come to pass. What we need in this election is a candidate that knows how to think small. I AM THAT CANDIDATE!” Hillary exclaimed.

“What are you watching?” Squidward asked, walking into the room, a can of Rest Mist in his hands. “Oh, just the latest Hillary Puff speech. She’s running to become president,” SpongeBob commented. “Well, she’d be better than Tyce,” Squidward commented. “What’s wrong with Tyce?” SpongeBob asked. “He supports anti-democracy ideals,” Squidward explained.

CORAL CITY POLLING CENTER

“Welp, we’ve collected all the ballots. It looks like 75% of them are for Bernie,” Officer Nancy stated to Officer John. Suddenly, the two officers were knocked out, Hillary appearing behind them. She then quickly grabbed a bunch of the Bernie ballots, tossing them in the shredder. “I’ve got two and HALF million more votes than Bernie SquarePants!” she exclaimed, continuing to eradicate the precious documents. She then stopped, glancing inside the shredder. “Hm, looks like there’s still some space left. Let me get my emails!” she said, walking off.

TENTACLES RESIDENCE

SpongeBob glanced towards the screen and then back at Squidward. “Hehe...yeah...Well, Hillary is 100% in favor in democracy,” he said nervously. “That sounds fake but okay. Speaking of idiots, where’s Patrick? Shouldn’t he be getting ready for school?” Squidward asked. “Oh, he should be up soon,” SpongeBob answered.

Patrick had been sleeping comfortably, muttering to himself. “What a....What a nice sensitive spot…” he muttered when suddenly his alarm went off, its’ screeching channeling right into the starfish’s ears. “GAH! Travis is singing another one of his songs again!” Patrick shouted, quickly taking out a sledgehammer and smashing the alarm clock. “That’s not Travis, Patrick. It’s your alarm clock,” Technetium pointed out. “Yeah, you’re right. The alarm is way too low-pitched to be Travis,” Patrick agreed.

“But still! Why the hell is my alarm clock going off at seven in the morning?!” Patrick questioned. “It’s to wake you up so you can get ready for school,” Technetium said. “SCHOOL?! I thought I done with that bullshit! I finished it back in June!” Patrick said. “That was just a temperory break. You’ve still got quite a while to go before you’re done with it permanentely,” Technetium explained. Patrick fell down on his knees, his eyes beginning to fill up with tears. “NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!” he shouted.

Squidward once used to live in Bikini Bottom

With neighbors SpongeBob and Patrick

But then he had enough

He couldn't take them anymore

So he moved to Coral City

And well now let's just say

It couldn't have gotten any worse!

Patrick had been walking through the campus, when he suddenly bumped into Matthew. “HEY! Watch where you’re going!” he shouted. “Watch where I”M watching? Mate, you oughta go fuck yourself right in the - Patrick?” Matthew asked, his eyes widening. “Matthew!” Patrick gasped. The two grinned, hugging each other and beginning to passionately make out. “I feel something hard…” Patrick said, dumbfounded. He glanced down, to find a rather noticable bulge sticking out of Matthew’s pants. Matthew grinned nervously, a blush spreading across his cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-” Matthew began but was interupted by Patrick sliding in his hands into the young boy’s pants. “It’s okay, babe,” Patrick stated. “Mhmph...P-Patrick…” Matthew moaned.

However, it didn’t take them much longer for them to notice they were being watched - by a female teacher. Their eyes widened, Patrick quickly taking his hand out of Matthew’s pants. “Just, uh, studying for Biology!” Patrick grinned nervously. The teacher continued to stare at the two, a disturbed expression on her face. She then quickly ran into their classroom, pulling down her skirt and panties, glancing down at the glaringly obvious wet spot present on her underwear. “Oh, god. Oh, god. So hot…” she moaned, sliding her fin down to her crotch.

“I hope she doesn’t tell SpongeBob about this,” Patrick commented. “I’d be more worried about her telling the cops,” Matthew said dryly. “Good point. Though I’ve gotta say, I do feel sorry for all the new seventh graders that are gonna have to deal with Mrs. BossyBlob,” Patrick said. “Actually, I think she got moved to another grade,” Matthew said. “So now the sixth graders have to deal with her? Poor them. Say, what class do you have first? I have CORE in E-86,” Patrick asked. “Hold on, let me check,” Matthew said, pulling out his shedcule from out of his pocket. “Hey! I have that too!” he grinned.

“ALRIGHT! Let’s get going then!” Patrick exclaimed. It was at that time that the bell rung. “Hey! School’s over! Welp, that went by fast! See ya!” Patrick said, waving at his friend and beginning to walk off. “No! Wait! Patrick!” Matthew said, chasing after the starfish and quickly stopping him. “That bell means that school’s started, not that it’s ended!” he explained. “Oh, I see. ....Fuck,” Patrick responded.

A FEW DAMN MINUTES LATER

The two entered the classroom, only to be met with a unwelcoming glare from Mrs. BossyBlob. “You’re late,” she growled. Patrick’s eyes then widened. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS BITCH DOING HERE?!” he questioned. “I know right! I can’t believe we have to deal with Mrs. BossyBlob for another year!” Matthew complained. “Actually, I was talking about Tyce,” Patrick said, the camera panning over to reveal Tyce sitting in one of the desks. It then quickly cut back to Patrick. “But yeah, Mrs. BossyBlob’s a bitch too,” he agreed.

“What utterly disgraceful behavior! You two should learn to respect your elders!” Mrs. BossyBlob growled. “I’m the same age as you,” Patrick pointed out dryly. “And anyway, respect is a two-way street, bub. Or I guess, in this case, a three-way street,” Matthew said. “A three-way?! That sounds like a great idea! Let’s get started!” Patrick grinned, quickly ripping off his shorts. The entire class’s (including Mrs. BossyBlob) eyes widened at this. “My fucking god...that is one of the smallest dicks I have ever seen,” Mrs. BossyBlob commented. “Well, if you want it to get bigger, all you have to do it stroke it a bit,” Patrick said. “...I’ll pass,” Mrs. BossyBlob stated, stepping back a bit. “I’LL STROKE IT!” Matthew grinned, running over to Patrick and kneeling. “Why, hello there, little fella. Want a kiss?” he asked.

PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE

“You two just randomly started fucking each other in the middle of class?!” the principal questioned. “Well, it wasn’t really in the middle of the class. More like late beginning,” Matthew clarified. “UNBELIEVABLE! It’s completely disgraceful behavior that would you two would perform such disgusting and dirty acts...without inviting me!” the principal scolded, quickly ripping off his clothes and grinning at the two. “Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Patrick grinned, once again ripping off his bright green shorts.

“You know, one really has to wonder how mentally deranged the person writing this has to be for him to even consider putting such a disturbing scene in the episode,” Matthew said dryly, facing towards the fourth wall. “Come on, Matthew! Join in the fun!” Patrick exclaimed, pulling Matthew out of his chair and beginning to undress him. Meanwhile, the school teacher from earlier had been eagerly watching from outside the window, recording the risque encounter on her phone. “Oh, god...Oh god, this is good…” she said, viciously rubbing her crotch through her skirt. “REAL, REAL GOOD!” she shouted.

HOWEVER LONG IT TAKES TO FINISH OFF A VERY INTENSE SEX SESSION LATER

“Oh boy! Oh boy, oh boy! OH BEN BENNY BOY! That was a damn good orgy!” Patrick exclaimed. “Well, it was also an illegal orgy,” Matthew stated. “That’s what made it so good! The risk makes it all the more exciting!” the principal grinned. “And I’m sure you enjoyed losing your virginity, ey Matty Boy?” Patrick asked, placing his hand on Matthew’s shoulders. “Don’t ever call me that again,” Matthew said dryly. “You know, boys, that sex session was the best I’ve had in years! Why, in fact it was so good that I’ll give ya the rest of the day off for it!” the principal grinned.

“Hooray!” Matthew and Patrick exclaimed. “Here, let me show you two fine gentleman the way,” he said and exited the office. The two students followed him outside. A school bus then pulled by the three. “Ah, right on time!” he grinned, walking inside. “Come on!” he said. They soon followed him inside, only to realize one thing - the bus driver was a police officer. DUN DUN DUN! Oh, yeah. Some real dramatic stuff happening in this episode, isn’t that right, fools? Or should I say DAMN FOOLS! All of you, you’re all damn fools for wasting your time reading this piece of shit SpongeBob fanfic instead of doing something productive with your lives.

The bus doors then immediately slammed shut. “HEY! Just what do you think you’re doing, mate?” Patrick questioned. “Arresting you. You guys are a bunch of sickos. School is supposed to be a family friendly environment where you learn new things and grow as a person! Not a place where you have orgies with thirteen year olds!” Officer John ranted. “Is that what school’s supposed to be about? Hm, that’s strange. I always thought it was about stripping away individual creativity and forcing everyone to think in the same old way,” Matthew said. “Well, that too. NOW’S LET’S GET GOIN’ TO JAIL!” Officer John grinned, slamming down on the gas pedal and beginning to drive away.

“Jail?! Why, if I knew fucking a thirteen year would send me there, I wouldn’t have done it!” Patrick exclaimed, expressing extreme regret for the very dirty, sinful actions that he just committed. Matthew’s facial expression immediately turned to one of deadpaness. “Don’t worry, buddy. I hear they fuck you REAL GOOD in the ass over at prison. All you have to do is drop the soap,” the principal commented, placing his hand on Patrick’s shoulder. “Really?” Patrick asked, glancing over at the principal. “Oh, yeah. Totally. I read about it on Fetish Fuel Wiki,” the principal assured.

Trivia

 * This was the final episode of Livin’ With the Squid before it was cancelled over a year later, though this was not intended to be its series finale.