Suicide King

Suicide King is the 11th episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge.

It is the 32nd overall episode of the series.

Plot
After LeBron is captured and taken away (in the previous episode), the team travels to the surface to get their coach back!

Story
Following the events of Underwater Goodbye

Larry: To the surface, everyone! LeBron needs our help!

SpongeBob: But how do we know where they've taken him?

[A random silhouette of a person appears on screen]

Squidward: Who are you?

Silhouette: One of the writers.

SpongeBob: Great! Can you tell us where they took him?

Silhouette: To Cleveland.

Larry: Oh. Duh! (facepalm)

Silhouette: Glad I could help!

Larry: (punches him in the face) Let's go, team!

[On a boat to Cleveland, LeBron is currently captured by an FBI Agent named Justin]]

Justin: Mwahahah. Wait till the world discovers what a hero I am.

LeBron: You're not a hero, Beiber!

Justin: Stop calling me that! Or you'll have to walk the plank!

LeBron: Great! Can I do it? Please?

Justin: Wait....that'd be letting you escape to Bikini Bottom. Never mind!

LeBron: Awww.....

Justin: (yells to the driver) Hey! Can you speed this thing up?

Boat Driver: Nah, man.

Justin: (shoves him overboard) Outta my way! I'm impatient! (begins driving the boat)

[The boat driver sinks below the ocean]

Larry: (swimming towards the surface) Hey, look! A dude!

Boat Driver: Howdy.

Krabs: Have you seen a boat with a loser who captured our coach?

Boat Driver: I just got thrown off that boat, actually. It's heading southeast.

Squidward: Thanks.

Larry: Let's get 'em, team!

[The team keeps going]

Boat Driver: You're welcome......just leave me here..........underwater.......(dies)

[The team soon arrives at a beach in Cleveland]

Larry: We're here!

Squidward: Everyone, don't forget to wear these water tanks on your head.

Patrick: Awwh, now I can't make out with Lexi!

Lexi: This is terrible!

Krabs: Just make out with the glass, and pretend it's Lexi.

Patrick: Works for me!

Krabs: Whatever.

Plankton: This water tank is bigger than my whole body! (hops inside the tank) Augh! I can't get out!

Larry: Great, we'll leave you behind. Come on, team. (everyone else continues)

Plankton: No! You can't leave me here on the beach with all these young humans!

Little Boy: Look mommy, a little tank of water with a piece of poop in it!

Plankton: A piece of poop? How rude! I am not!

Mother: Son, that's disgusting. Go take it to the house and flush it down the toilet.

Plankton: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

MEANWHILE

[LeBron has been taken to a top secret facility owned by Justin; he is locked up in a highly concealed room, with metal bars and no means of escape; the whole place is guarded by security officers]

LeBron: Why are you leaving me here?

Justin: So you don't try to pull any funny business.

LeBron: Me? Funny business? Yeah, right, dawg.

Justin: What's that in your pocket?

LeBron: Nothing...

Justin: (pulls it out of his pocket) Ahahhh! I've been running low on these. (starts smoking it)

LeBron: (sigh) That was my last one. You monster!

Justin: I try. Now have a good day. I'll be announcing to the public that I have the beloved LeBron James.

LeBron: You wouldn't dare!

Justin: Oh, yes I would. In fact, I think I'll call the coach of the Cleveland Calaviers right now! Catch ya later! (he exits)

LeBron: Grrr.....

[Larry, SpongeBob, Patrick, Lexi, Squidward, and Krabs arrive outside of the concealed facility]

Larry: I've tracked them down to this location!

Krabs: How?

Larry: Have you ever smelled the stuff he smokes? It's strong!

Squidward: Well how are we gonna save him???

Larry: We gotta bust up in there!

SpongeBob: How! The place is loaded with security guards!

Larry: We strike, tonight!

[That night, at about midnight]

Patrick: (sleeptalking) Lexi.......mmmmmm.......sexy Lexi......

Lexi: (sleeptalking) Patrick......yummmmy......

[Patrick rolls over on Lexi]

Larry: (still awake) I hope that was an accident...

SpongeBob: (also awake) Let's pretend so.

Krabs: Looks like we're the only 3 awake! Ready to strike, boys?

[Larry and SpongeBob look at eachother for a few seconds and then nodd]

Larry: (knocks out Mr. Krabs with a crow bar) There we go!

SpongeBob: He's out like a light!

Larry: Let's go, SpongeBob!

[Larry and SpongeBob sneak towards the building]

SpongeBob: (whispers) How are we gonna get past the guards?

Larry: I have a crow bar.

SpongeBob: I think you'll get shot, bro.

Larry: Okay, new plan....

[The two nerdy-looking security guards are playing Go Fish with a deck of cards]

Edison: Fun fact. The king of hearts is dubbed “The Suicide King” because it appears to have a dagger going through its head.

Philbert: (snot rolls down his nose) Fun fact. The new Star Wars movie comes out this year.

Edison: OMG! I'm so pumped for Batman vs Superman!

Philbert: Me too!

Larry: (knocks both of them out with one swing of a crow bar)

SpongeBob: I thought you said 'new plan'!

Larry: Yeah, but they were annoying the hell out of me.

SpongeBob: Well use that baby and let's get inside!

Larry: (opens the door with the crow bar)

[An alarm system sounds]

Larry: (pounds the alarm with the crow bar; the alarm sound stops)

SpongeBob: Wow.....that is one useful crow bar.

Larry: Just watch me.

[A bunch of troops come running towards Larry]

Larry: (he wacks each one of the with his crow bar, until they're all piled up into an unconscious mountain) Ta-da!

SpongeBob: Bravo!

Larry: Now let's go find LeBron!

Justin: (approaching them slowly) Well, well, well. If it isn't the Bikini Bottom Bulldogs.

Larry: Grrrr......

SpongeBob: You're the one who capture LeBron!

Justin: Smart kid. It just so happens, you're not getting your coach back.

Larry: You're going DOWN!!!! (charges at him with the crow bar)

Justin: (kicks Larry in the balls, takes the crow bar, and knocks him out unconscious)

SpongeBob: Larry! Nooo!!!!

Justin: (hits SpongeBob's balls with the crow bar)

SpongeBob: AHHHHH!!!!!!

Justin: You two wanna mess with me, eh?

[He drags Larry and SpongeBob to LeBron's cell, and throws them inside]

Justin: This will teach you a lesson. (leaves)

[Larry, SpongeBob and LeBron are alone in the cell]

SpongeBob: Coach! (hugs him)

LeBron: Yes, it's me.

SpongeBob: We found you because Larry could smell your smoke!

LeBron: What?! (starts sweating) How'd you know about that....

Larry: (regains consciousness) Ugh, what happened.....

SpongeBob: They got us. And they took your crow bar!

Larry: NOOOOO!!!! That crow bar was BAE!!!!!

LeBron: Nice going, geniuses. They got you!

Larry: Hey, listen, YOU'RE the one who got yourself captured!

LeBron: Because I moved to Bikini Bottom to coach YOUR basketball team!

SpongeBob: Guys, now's not the time to be fighting!

Larry: (sigh) You're right. Now what do we do?

SpongeBob: What about the others?

Larry: Oh, right! I'll call them!

SpongeBob: The only one who has a cell phone is Mr. Krabs....

Larry: I'm callin' him!

[We see Krabs, Squidward, Patrick, and Lexi asleep outside the building]

Patrick: (cuddling with Lexi)

Squidward: (sucking his thumb ...er, tentacle)

Krabs: (lying on the ground; his phone vibrates in his paints) Tee-hee, oh, Mrs. Puff.....that tickles. (continues sleeping)

[Inside the cell]

Larry: No answer......grrrrrrrrr, that numbskull!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Welp, that didn't work.

LeBron: Any other bright ideas, guys?

Larry: I gotta take a killer dump. Brb.

[He walks over to the small toilet in the corner of the cell]

Larry: (opens the lid)

[Plankton appears in the toilet]

Plankton: (pant, pant) WHAT HAPPENED????

LeBron: You popped up in the toilet....

Plankton: All I remember is some little kid......and.....he flushed me down his toilet....

Larry: Well you came up in our toilet, bub. And I'm gonna crap on you.

Plankton: (jumps out the toilet)

SpongeBob: Guys, can't you see? This is good news!

Plankton: How is Larry crapping on me good news?

SpongeBob: You're so small, you can fit through the bars!

Plankton: Hmm, that'll actually work. (hops through the bars) Now what?

SpongeBob: Steal those keys!

[A sleeping security guard is in the room, with keys hanging from his belt]

Plankton: Classic scenario. (tiptoes dramatically over towards the securtiy guard; pulls out a bazooka and blows his head off) There we go! Let's get those keys....and....done!

LeBron: We're free!

Larry: Yeah!

SpongeBob: Alright!

[The three of them run towards the exit, completely trampling Plankton and leaving him behind]

Plankton: (crushed) Oww.....okay....you're welcome.....I'll be here.

[Larry, SpongeBob, and LeBron run towards the building exit]

Justin: (stands in front of the door) Well, well, well. You managed to escape past my top security.

LeBron: Dude, it was a fat sleeping security guard.

Larry: And his head's been blown off.

Justin: Interesting. (holds up a gun at them) Because so are YOUR heads....

SpongeBob: (gulp)

Justin: I was going to spare your worthless lives....but, ya know, whatever.....

[Edison & Philbert sneek up behind Justin; Edison smashes Justin in the back of the head with Larry's crow bar; Philbert throws Justin's body in the garbage can]

LeBron: Wow, thanks guys!

Edison: No problem!

Philbert: Yeah! I scientistic calculations were precise!

Larry: Oh, bull crap. (takes his crow bar back and smashes both of them in the head)

LeBron: That's better.

SpongeBob: Let's go back to Bikini Bottom, guys!

[The gang returns home to Bikini Bottom]

LeBron: Team, I wanted to thank you for all the hard work you put into saving me.

Everyone: (smiles)

LeBron: Larry, I applaud you for showing excellent leadership skills.

Larry: No problem, coach!

LeBron: SpongeBob, you displayed tremendous character during the whole shabang.

SpongeBob: Awww, thanks, coach!

LeBron: Plankton, good job being small enough to fit through bars! ….and a toilet!

Plankton: (in a body cast) No problem......(falls over)

LeBron: And the rest of you are douchebags because you slept the whole freaking time outside the building!

Squidward: Yep.

Krabs: It's what I do.

Lexi: Well, you see-

Patrick: (grabs her face, starts making out with her)