Help Needed

Help Needed is the pilot of SpongeGone SquarePants.

Transcript
(The episode opens with a bubble transition, and we see a coral reef under the sea. The camera zooms to initiate parallax scrolling, which reveals the city of Bikini Bottom. It continues zooming to show a brown rock, a Moai head, and a pineapple, which each contain inhabitants)

French Narrator: Ah, the sea... so fascinating. So wonderful. Here, we see Bikini Bottom in its glory. (Shows from left to right Patrick's, Squidward's, and 'SpongeBob's' houses. Zooms in on 'SpongeBob's' house) Home to one of my favorite creatures, (camera zooms back to Patrick's house) Patrick Star. What's that I hear? SpongeBob SquarePants? Stop talking nonsense, there is nobody on this planet called SpongeBob! (scene cuts inside the house as we see Patrick wake up)

Patrick: (sleepily) Mama, take me back! Please, I don't wanna be here anymore! (fully wakes up) Wah? Oh, it's just you Peter. Stop waking me up like that! (he walks over to the fridge and takes out a can of beans. He sits down at the table, opens the can and eats them with a spoon) Beans, what a lovely start to the day hey pillow? (camera turns to a pillow with SpongeBob's face drawn on it) If I didn't have you as a friend, I don't know what I'd do! (the camera zooms out of Patrick's house and moves to Squidward's who is much more cheery)

(Scene: Squidward's living room. He switches on the TV)

Person on TV: We now return to Who's Got Talent? as our next contestant steps forward to the stage.

Squidward: Tomorrow's the big day, Squiddy! Who's Got Talent? auditions in Bikini Bottom! If I win, I can quit my lousy old job and perform worldwide! I feel sorry for the person who has a barnacle brain stopping him from having peace and most importantly fame. Say, something is different today but I just can't put my finger on it. Oh well. (puts on his Krusty Krab hat and begins his walk to work. Patrick's rock opens with him stuck on the side)

Patrick: Go Squidward! Whoa! (falls and he then climbs out of his house) Say Squidward, where are you going this fine morning?

Squidward: Oh, just to work.

Patrick: Work? Can I come?

Squidward: If you wish, we need a fry cook. And a cashier soon. (laughs)

Patrick: Yes yes yes yes yes! (follows Squidward as the scene cuts to the Krusty Krab where a graffiti of Squidward's face and 'superstar' written next to it)

Squidward: We're never getting rid of that. (they enter the Krusty Krab) Permission for this landlubber to come aboard, captain?

Mr. Krabs: (laughs) Mr. Squidward, you get funnier every day!

Squidward: Why thank you! (Patrick begins to laugh before realising that the laughter has stopped)

Mr. Krabs: Now what do ye want?

Squidward: (pushing Patrick forward) Patrick here would like to become a new recruit, sir.

Patrick: Umm, I've changed my mind! It's too scary!

Squidward: Oh you'll get used to it. Soon, you'll never want to leave.

Patrick: (almost crying) I WANT TO LEAVE! I WANT TO lea-ea-eave!

Mr. Krabs: I don't think the lad really wants to join the crew.

Squidward: Oh I insist you let him!

Mr. Krabs: OK, but if he keeps on like this you'll have to take him back.

Squidward: And then who will work for you?

Mr. Krabs: Huh?

Squidward: Who's Got Talent? auditions are coming to town tomorrow and I'm obviously gonna go straight through to stardom.

Mr. Krabs: I see... Gonna have to do more advertising. Show the lad around. (bubble transition to kitchen)

Squidward: (holding up a spatula) ...And this is your spatula!

Patrick: Wow! I'm gonna spit lots of saliva!

Squidward: (pointing to the grill) This is called the grill. (water spills out of Patrick's mouth as Squidward continues) You fry all the patties with your spatula on it! You use these handles to-

Patrick: What about Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Squidward: What?

Patrick: You can only fry on Friday so what do I do on every other d- (Mr. Krabs bursts in)

Mr. Krabs: That sounded like wheels! (sniffs repeatedly) Do you smell it? That smell. A kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells smelly. (bulgy eyes) Anchovies. Patrick and Squidward: Anchovies?

Mr. Krabs: Anchovies!

Patrick: Oh, anchovies. They're delicious! (they stare at him as the scene cuts outside as five buses pull in)

Bus Driver: (offscreen) Please remain in your seats until the d- (the doors open and the wilhelm scream is heard. The anchovies get out of the buses and rush inside the Krusty Krab, crowding, repeating the word "meep" over and over again and the trio run into the boat)

Squidward: Please, please, quiet! (anchovies stop talking) Is this any way to behave, hmmm?

Anchovy: Meep!

Squidward: Could we show a little decency and form a neat, single file line in front of the register? (The anchovies are quiet at first, then pick up the boat and shake it about, as their cries of "meep!" become more intense)

Mr. Krabs: All hands on deck! Get your anchors out of your pants!

Squidward: One single file line was all I asked!

Patrick: But this isn't a office!

Mr. Krabs: Whoa! Batten down the hatches, Mr. Squidward! (Mr. Krabs, Patrick and Squidward are thrown up in the air and Patrick screams) We're taking on water, Mr. Squidward! (they get thrown back up again) I want my mummy, Mr Squidward!

Patrick: I want my pillow! (cries)

Squidward: HELP!

Mr. Krabs: MAN OVERBOARD! Climb, lads! Climb! (they climb the mast, while the anchovies try to get them down. The anchovies then form a big wave)

Anchovies: Meep! Meep!

Mr. Krabs: This is the end! Good-bye, Mr. Squidward!

Squidward: Oh Mr. Krabs!

Patrick: I've only just met you, Krabby but I love you-oo-oo! (the Krusty Krab explodes and the trio and the anchovies are seen standing on the rubble with a safe to one side and Nat approaches them)

Nat: I'd like one Kra- Woah. I feel sorry for you guys, I really do. If only someone came to save you. I'm not being sarcastic, I'm really not. (takes picture and scribbles something down on a notepad as Plankton runs out of the safe with the formula)

Plankton: Thanks for the formula, Krabs! (laughs as a newspaper flys right up to the screen with the headline reading 'Restraunt Rekt' with the picture being the trio looking sad in the rubble)

Mr. Krabs: Well, this is it, gang. (Patrick makes a tower with some parts of the rubble)