The Krabbytanic Transcript

(After title card plays, episode starts with a short zoom-up on the Krusty Krab.)

Nancy: One Krabby Patty, please.

Squidward: One Krabby Patty, SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Alright, Squidy!

Squidward: I told you not to call me that.

(Zooms on SpongeBob flipping patties, when he stops after hearing happy shouting.)

SpongeBob: Hmmm? Squidward, what's that?

Squidward: Don't know, don't care.

(Happy shouting and singing continues to get closer.)

Squidward: That'll be $3.50, ma'am.

Nancy: Do you have change for a 5?

Squidward: No. (Takes money from hand and puts it in the register.)

Nancy: (Walks out of restaurant angry, as shouting comes from a door opening.)

Mr. Krabs: Yadda yadda! I goin' on a cruisa! And I'm a make some money...er, a!

SpongeBob: What's going on, Mr. Krabs?

Mr. Krabs: Guess what, boys!

Squidward: You're finally gonna pay us more then 50 cents an hour?

Mr. Krabs: Noooo...(Shoves tickets in the view.) Pack your bags, boys! We're going on a cruise!

Squidward and SpongeBob: WOW!!!

Squidward: Did you say cruise??

Mr. Krabs: The top of the waters will be FILLED with fish now that us,"water-breathers", are visting land lurcations! This is the perfect time to-

Squidward: That's nice, but Did you say CRUISE?!

Mr. Krabs: Um...Yes?

Squidward: WHOOPIE!!! (Grabs a ticket and jumps out of his station.) Sayonara, suckers!

Mr. Krabs: Not so fast, Squidward! If ya' wouldn't of interruptered me, I would've told ya', we ALL be goin' on this here trip!

Squidward: (Head deflates.)

(Scene transverses to a large boat moving across the ocean.)

Squidward: I can't believe, I'm STUCK with you barnacle heads.

SpongeBob: (Gasps.) Rude!

Mr. Krabs: Yeah, Squidy, lighten up!

Squidward: I told you not to call me that!

(Scene changes to grill, with three patties being flipped.)

Mr. Krabs With Megaphone: Come 'round! Come all! Enjoy some delicierous Krabby Patties!

Crowd Of People: YAY!!

Mr. Krabs: Well, me lads, it looks like our little plan really worked! Now, here comes-

(The gang gets run over by the crowd of people, who are heading towards a pizza stand.)

Mr. Krabs, angry: What's goin' on here?!

(The three walk over to the stand.)

Mr. Krabs: Pizz...a? What is this? Some sort of joke?

Squidward: Wow, these people have no taste! Then again, I AM working at a burger restaurant...

Mr. Krabs: A circle with meltered bread and cheese? How rediculous!

(Mr. Krabs picks up a sample peace angerily and bites down. His eyes glow and his jaw drops.)

Mr. Krabs. Oh no. This is delicerious! NOOO!!!

Squidward: Um, Daddy Nobucks? Can we move on with our lives now? I kind of want to get that 50 cents.

Mr. Krabs: C'mon, people! Try my Krabby patties! (Shoves a patty in Nat's mouth.)

Nat Peterson: Hey, What's the big idea- (Stops for a moment.) Oh wow... (swallows) This is the best burger I've had in years!

Mr. Krabs: Ya' like it?

Nat Peterson: YEAH!! Hey everybody! FREE PATTIES!!!! (Crowd of pizza-eating shipgoers look up from their devouring of Italian food and lick their lips, before dashing to the stand and eating patties.)

Mr. Krabs: Hey! You've got to pay for those! OH NOO!!!

(The crowd looks at their hands distraught, before looking at Mr. Krabs furiously.)

Crowd: MORE PATTIES!!!

Mr. Krabs: RUUUNNN!!!!

(The gang swims away and makes it back to the Krusty Krab.)

Mr. Krabs: Well, boys, I think that we have learned a valuable lesson today!

SpongeBob: That home is where the heart is?

Squidward: To never go on a cruise with you again?

Mr. Krabs: No - To never sell patties over sea again! Oh yeah, and Squidward, I'm going to have to dock your pay for next week. Someone's gotta pay for all the patties we lost!

(Squidward sighs, and episode comes to an end.)