SpongeBob vs Patrick (Transcript)


 * [Episode opens up with SpongeBob and Patrick playing Rock, Paper, Scissors. Patrick doesn’t appear to be doing well]
 * SpongeBob: I believe that is the 8th time i have won today. You lose again Patrick!
 * Patrick: Why are you so good? I can’t win not even a single game!
 * SpongeBob: Oh could it be that you are not...oh i don’t know…..STRONG?


 * Patrick: Hey i could lift a truck with my own finger!


 * SpongeBob: Oh Patrick you can be so funny sometimes. I’ll let you win so don’t worry….Well everything except at a race as you would get lost before the starting line. Hahaha!!


 * Patrick: Oh so you are calling me dumb!?


 * SpongeBob: Well i wouldn't say tha…..you know what you really are dumb!


 * Patrick: What’s that supposed to mean!?


 * SpongeBob: I don’t know that's what dictionaries are for. If you looked up dumb in the dictionary your name will appear!


 * Patrick: Oh so is that how it’s gonna be is it!


 * SpongeBob: Yeah!!


 * Patrick: Well Barnacle Brian!! I got news for you!!!!!! I’M GONNA SH……


 * [Patrick get’s hit with a brick]


 * Squidward: Good now go and leave me in peace!


 * Patrick: I will make sure you eat those words!


 * SpongeBob: That was Squidward you dolt! Besides i’m not hungry.


 * Patrick: Well i challenge you to a race!


 * SpongeBob: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! YOU…..


 * [SpongeBob get’s hit with a brick]


 * Patrick: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!


 * [Patrick get’s hit with a shoe]


 * SpongeBob: Ha!


 * Patrick: Ok you are going down!


 * SpongeBob: Down where? To winners cave!?


 * Patrick: GRRRRR!


 * SpongeBob: GRRRRRR!


 * [SpongeBob and Patrick get hit with bricks]


 * Patrick: Ow


 * [Scene transitions to The Bikini Bottom Stadium]


 * SpongeBob: You’re gonna lose tubby!


 * Patrick: Nobody calls me tubby and lives!


 * SpongeBob: 3...2….1...Blast Off!!


 * [They both start running through the track. They go around 3 times]


 * Patrick: Ok where’s the finish line?


 * SpongeBob: Hmmm good point…...Umm…….3 more laps and we score the result.


 * Patrick: And the winner is…...Patrick Star!! Oh thank you, thank you!! Your so kind!


 * SpongeBob: Ha! Fat chance!


 * [Patrick reads a chance card]


 * Patrick: Your building loan matures. Coll…..


 * SpongeBob: I don’t mean that…..Look just keep running. We only have 2 more laps to go.


 * [As the keep running the speed increases. Soon they only have one more lap to go]


 * Patrick: One lap left. Ready to give up!?


 * SpongeBob: You mean give everything i have got!? Sure!


 * Patrick: GRRR!


 * [They run faster. They run past the finishing line and crash through the wall into the street forgetting they have finished the race. Everyone stops and stares]


 * SpongeBob: Your shoelace is untied Patrick.


 * [Patrick stops and looks at his shoe]


 * Patrick: Oh so it is. Thanks Sp……Oh no i’m not falling for that old gag!!


 * [Patrick runs but trips up on his shoelace]


 * SpongeBob: 1st place here i come!


 * [Patrick slides past]


 * Patrick: Oh hello SpongeBob. Wonderful day isn’t it?


 * [SpongeBob runs faster but knock over a fruit stand]


 * SpongeBob: I’m not gonna let you win!!


 * Patrick: Good because you're not either!


 * [They run faster. Patrick crashes into a building causing it to topple like dominoes crashing into other buildings. Then he runs up to SpongeBob without noticing the destroyed buildings]


 * SpongeBob: I can almost see it now. SpongeBob being cheered by the crowd....


 * Patrick: Saying “Give us our money back!”


 * SpongeBob: I will win no matter what!!


 * [SpongeBob knocks over a lamp post]


 * Patrick: I will win you mean!


 * Nat Peterson enters and looks at the mess]


 * Nat: Oh great not this again! Everytime i tell you! EVERYTIME!!!!!!!


 * [Fred enters the scene and sees the mess]


 * Fred: What’s going o……*Sigh*


 * [Fred rings up the Mayor]


 * Mayor: Y’ello? Fred: Hey Mayor it’s me Fred. Do you know the way to Pitchforks R Us?


 * Mayor: I do. It’s at Robinson Drive just a few miles from here.


 * Fred: Oh i know where that is! I can get there easily!


 * Mayor: Oh that’s great! Anything else you need?


 * Fred: I’m good thanks. Goodbye Mayor!


 * Mayor: Goodbye!


 * [Fred hangs up]


 * Fred: Follow me there doing a sale on torches at Pitchforks R Us!


 * Nat: Goody!


 * [Scene cuts to SpongeBob and Patrick who is still running and panting]


 * SpongeBob: Patrick i wanted to thank you for being a good sport but i have to win this you know. Poor you.


 * Patrick: Too late i already choose the perfect case to put it in.


 * SpongeBob: For me? Oh you shouldn't have.


 * [They keep on running. They spot a banner]


 * Patrick: Bingo.


 * SpongeBob: You don’t say bingo you say full house!


 * Patrick: Same thing!


 * SpongeBob: Ok that banner is where we stop. Ok?


 * Patrick: You're on!


 * [They start sprinting. They eventually arrive to the banner that says “3 for 2 on Bran Flakes at Barg N Mart”. They stop running]


 * SpongeBob: And...I won!!!!!


 * Patrick: Correction. I won!


 * SpongeBob: No….


 * [Nat Peterson and a mob of fish appear with Pitchforks and Torches]


 * Nat: Neither of you did! BECAUSE YOU DESTROYED OUR TOWN AND ALMOST KILLED SOME OF OUR PEOPLE!!!!!! AND NOW YOU WILL PAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 * Fred: Get him!!!!!!!


 * SpongeBob: Ok you ready for the tiebreaker that determines the winner?


 * Patrick: Sure.


 * [They run off screaming with the mob following them. The voices fade out as well as the screen. The episode ends with them running off into the sunset with the mob following them]

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