Out on a Baby Hunt

Out on a Baby Hunt is the second episode of Lost in Kelp Forest, and the second episode in season 1.

Synopsis
SpongeBob and Patrick try to hunt for food after they run out of Krabby Patties.

Transcript
(In Kelp Forest, SpongeBob and Patrick are setting up the tent again)

SpongeBob: Now that I think of it, living here might not be such a good idea.

Patrick: Nonsense! It’ll be great! Plenty of kelp to eat too. (grabs a bunch right next to him and starts gnawing on it)

SpongeBob: That isn’t real food. We need to find actual food, food that’s good for us.

Patrick: Well, we’re out of patties.

SpongeBob: True. (starts thinking) I got it, we can hunt!

Patrick: Hunting? Let’s gooooo! Wait… how do we hunt?

SpongeBob: It’s easy. Just make a spear and throw it at something that moves.

Patrick: Okay! But how do I make a spear?

SpongeBob: It’s also easy. Just grab something pointy and put it on a stick.

Patrick: Ohhh! (he grabs a giant pencil sharpener from his pocket and uses it on his head. Then he starts pulling his head off repeatedly, regrowing quickly. He puts the pointy heads onto giant sticks he finds on the ground.)

SpongeBob: Whoa. That’s amazing!

Patrick: Thanks! (Turns around holding a head spear, poking SpongeBob directly in the crotch)

SpongeBob: (holding crotch) Oww!

Patrick: Maybe I should use smaller heads…

(Cut to SpongeBob and Patrick walking through the woods, with Patrick holding a bag of head spears. They spot a clam on top of a tree)

SpongeBob: There’s a clam up there. Go for it! (They throw spears at the clam, but it flies away) Aww… (he spots a nest of clams on a tree nearby) There’s a nest up there, Patrick. Go!

(They both throw spears at the nest. The mother clam arrives just in time to attack SpongeBob and Patrick)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

SpongeBob: Ouch!

Patrick: Owwww!

(They rub their faces with their hands)

SpongeBob: You know, maybe this whole wilderness thing wasn’t such a good idea. I miss Gary, Mr. Krabs, Squidward, even grouchy ol’ Plankton.

Patrick: Don’t worry, SpongeBob, it’ll still be fun!

SpongeBob: Yeah, these are just smelly old clams. I’m sure we can find something else to hunt.

(Suddenly, a sea bear approaches them and roars loudly)

SpongeBob and Patrick: Ahhh! A sea bear!

Patrick: Wait, SpongeBob! Throw the spears!

SpongeBob: Okay! (They throw their head spears toward the sea bear’s direction. All but one completely misses. The sea bear notices the spear on its butt, and plucks it off. It roars even louder)

Patrick: Now what?!

SpongeBob: RUN! (They start running and screaming, with the sea bear right behind them. The two take shelter behind a giant bush)

Patrick: What do we do now? I think we’re gonna turn into bear food!

SpongeBob: Relax, Pat, we’re hidden. But I dunno what to do either.

Patrick: (spots a boulder on top of a tree) Hey, deus ex machina! We just need to push it off!

SpongeBob: Talk about plot convenience, Patrick.

Patrick: I know right?

SpongeBob: How about we attach our spears together to make a rope?

Patrick: Alrighty then. Let’s get to work.

(They begin attaching their head spears together using Patrick’s permanent glue)

SpongeBob: We’re finished. Throwing it in 3… 2… 1… GO! (They throw the spear rope thingy at the same time. It attaches to the giant boulder on top of the mountain)

SpongeBob: Pulling in 3… 2… 1… PULL! (They pull the giant boulder off the mountain. The sea bear spots the boulder, and waves a white flag in surrender right before he gets squashed by the boulder)

Patrick: We did it! Food! (Runs toward the boulder. He lifts the boulder off the sea bear and carries the sea bear back to the tent, where both him and SpongeBob are roasting it over an open fire)

SpongeBob: I never thought I’d say this, but I think I finally found something more fun than running the grill.

Patrick: I think I found something more fun than eating: Hunting for food that I can eat!

SpongeBob: You said it, pal.

Patrick: I’m gettin’ hungry. (Begins to gnaw on his hand)

SpongeBob: Oh, it’s just now ready. (Goes over to the sea bear roast) Tasty… (licks lips) (brings the bear meat over to where Patrick is) Let’s eat!

Patrick: (eats the meat in one bite) Sorry, I was too hungry to wait.

SpongeBob and Patrick: (laugh)

Narrator: And there goes another day out in the wilderness. Will SpongeBob and Patrick survive a third day? Will SpongeBob starve because of Patrick? Who knows? I certainly don’t.

(Episode ends as it fades to black)