Two Squids and a Squirrel

Two Squids and a Squirrel is the 9th episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge. It aired on June 2, 2015.

It is the 30th overall episode of the series.

Plot
Squidward is finally recovering from his break up with Sandy, and has decided to start dating again. SpongeBob sets him up on a dating website, and he meets a nice girl squid named Squilvia. On his first date with Squilvia, he runs into Sandy who has dumped Squilliam, and wants to get back together with Squidward.

Story
[SpongeBob woke up one morning in his underwear]

SpongeBob: Mornin', Gary!

Gary: Mowwww....go die in a hole.....mowwwwww!!!!!

SpongeBob: What was that?

Gary: Nothing. I mean...mowwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SpongeBob: Alrighty. (goes outside)

Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob.

SpongeBob: Hey, Pat. Ready to go to practice?

Patrick: I don't care about practice. I just wanna make out with Lexi!

SpongeBob: You two seem pretty happy together.

Patrick: Yep, she's the girl of my dreams.

SpongeBob: (knocks on Squidward's door) Squidward! Time for practice!

Squidward: (from inside) Go away, SpongeBob! Forget practice!

Patrick: (cuts through the door with a chainsaw) Hey, Squidward!

Squidward: AHHH!!!!!

SpongeBob: Hellooooo.

Squidward: Get out!

SpongeBob: Erm, no.

Squidward: (sigh) Just leave me alone.

SpongeBob: What's wrong, Squidward?

Squidward: It's nothing. (stares at a picture of Sandy, and sighs)

SpongeBob: Oh, you're upset about losing Sandy.

Squidward: No! I'm fine without her!

SpongeBob: I know your pain. Ever since she joined the Toon Tomahawks, she's never been the same. She's become evil. I miss the days when we were all friends.

Squidward: I don't care about friendship! (sigh) She was the only girl I ever loved.

SpongeBob: I'm really sorry. I thought you've recovered by now.

Squidward: I'll never recover. I just wish I could her-

Patrick: Dude, me and Lexi are gonna make out ALL DAY LONG!

SpongeBob: Patrick! Not now!

Patrick: Fine. (shoves a pie in his face)

SpongeBob: Squidward, you need to move on. She's with Squilliam.

Squidward: Yeah, but she's not very happy with him. I want her back-

SpongeBob: (smacks him) Squidward, you're meeting someone else. TODAY.

Squidward: What about practice?

SpongeBob: Screw practice!

Squidward: Wow, I like the new SpongeBob!

Patrick: But I wanted to make out with Lexi!

SpongeBob: You'll have to wait.

Patrick: Awww. I guess I'll just make out with this manakin instead. (starts making out with a manakin head) His name's Kevin!

Squidward: Weirdo.

SpongeBob: (typing on a computer)

Squidward: What are you doing?

SpongeBob: Setting you up on a dating website!

Squidward: SpongeBob! Don't do that!

SpongeBob: (examining Squidward's body)

Squidward: Creeper. What are you doing?

SpongeBob: (typing) Hmm.....height.....we'll put 3'6.

Squidward: I am not 3'6, dummy!

SpongeBob: Weight.....hmmm.....

Squidward: I'm 140.

SpongeBob: (typing) We'll put 375.

Squidward: What the? SpongeBob! I'm not a fatass!

SpongeBob: Hold on. Now we need an age.

Squidward: I'm twenty-

SpongeBob: (typing) We'll put put 73.

Squidward: What is WRONG with you!

SpongeBob: Now we need a picture. (snaps a picture; uploads it)

Squidward: That's a picture of Patrick making out with a manakin head!

Patrick: His NAME is Kevin! Tee-hee, Kevin.....Lexi would be soooo jealous.

SpongeBob: Weirdo.

Squidward: SpongeBob! This is the worst profile EVER! Nobody, I repeat NOBODY IS GONNA-

[The computer dings]

SpongeBob: (clicks on it) Oh! Someone's interested!

Squidward: Probably some loser! (looks at her picture; starts drooling) Hubba hubba! What is SHE doing on a dating website?

SpongeBob: Looking for people like you. (winks)

Squidward: This is awesome! But wait....she thinks I'm 3'6, fatass of 375 pounds, and 73 years old!

SpongeBob: Oh...that could be a problem.

[That night]

Squidward: SpongeBob, why'd you bring me to this fancy restaurant I can't afford?

SpongeBob: Because you've got a date. Remember?

Squidward: SpongeBob! I can't make HER pay!

SpongeBob: Well steal some money or something idk. Oh, she's coming. Bye! (jumps in the bushes)

Squidward: SpongeBob! Wait! Come back!

Squilvia: Hello.

Squidward: (starts sweating) Squilvia! Heh-heh....fancy meeting a female squid......

Squilvia: Excuse me?

Squidward: Nothing, haha.....

Squilvia: Are you....sweating?

Squidward: Sweating? No, heh-heh...I'm inking.

Squilvia: Whoa, it's a little early for that...

Squidward: Not THAT kind of inking.

Squilvia: Whatever. Let's get this date over with. Let's go inside and get a table.

[They go inside and get a table]

Squilvia: This is nice.

Squidward: Yeah you're nice. I mean, it's nice.

Squilvia: You're kinda creeping me out.

Squidward: You're the one who clicked on my profile!

Squilvia: I thought you were 3'6, and 375 pounds, and 73 years old!

Squidward: Why are you interested into those kinds of men?

Squilvia: Because they're freakin' hot!

Squidward: (sigh)

[Squidward notices at a table across the room, SpongeBob and Patrick are sitting with the rest of the team]

Squidward: (whispering) Guys! What are you doing here???

SpongeBob: You need our help!

LeBron: Obviously, dawg. You need some serious help.

Squidward: (whispering) Get out!

Krabs: Arg! Arg! Arg! I knew I'd have to see it to believe it. Squidward's on a date with a girl! Haha!

Planton: Dude, these appetizers are bigger than I am!

Patrick: (making out with Lexi) Forget you, Kevin! (chucks Kevin across the room)

[Kevin lands in an old lady's pasta]

Old Lady: Ah! A manakin head!

Patrick: His NAME is Kevin!

Lexi: Who's Kevin?

Patrick: No one, babe.

Larry: (chucking forks and knives at Squidward) Hey, Squiddy! I'm here to ruin your date!

Squidward: (the forks and knives stap him in the heart) AWWW!!!!

Squilvia: Are you 'inking' again?

Squidward: No, that's blood, Squilvia.

Squilvia: Disgusting! This is the worst date of my life!

[Sandy enters the restaurant]

Squidward: (notices Sandy)

Sandy: (looks at Squidward; begins staring at him)

Squidward: (stares into her eyes)

[Time stands still for about 15 minutes]

Squilvia: (snapping her fingers) Squidward! Squidward! GRRRR!!!!!!

Sandy: (walks over to their table) What's going on here?

Squidward: I.....I started dating again. But...it's just not the same.

Sandy: Squidward, there's something I need to tell you.

Squilvia: Who is she, Squidward?

Squidward: Shut up, Squilvia.

Squilvia: GASP!!!!

Squidward: Sandy, you left me for that unibrowed freak.

Sandy: Squilliam's gone. He's a horrible man. He's on a plane, never to return to Bikini Bottom.

Squidward: But........I don't understand.

Sandy: Squidward, I dumped him on the night of the tournament.

Squidward: You did? Why?

Sandy: Because I realized what I really wanted.

Squidward: …....

[Sandy grabs Squidward's face, and kisses him]

SpongeBob: Yeah, Squidward!

Patrick: Woo-hooo!

Krabs: There ya go, lad!

Larry: (sniff) That's beautiful.

LeBron: Hey! She's a Tomahawk!

Larry: (punches him in the face)

LeBron: (flies through the window; lies outside unconscious)

[Squidward and Sandy hold each other and begin slow-dancing]

Squilvia: Whoa! Whoa! You can't interrupt MY date, you stupid squirrel!

Squidward: I thought you said this was 'the worst date of your life'!

Squilvia: Yes, but I'm a diva! I need things perfect!

Squidward: Hey, Larry. You mind?

Larry: Sure thing, bro. (punches Squilvia through the window; she lies outside unconscious with LeBron)

[Everyone in the restaurant claps]

Squidward: (a tear runs down his cheek) This moment is so perfect.....

Sandy: Yes it is.....

[The two of them kiss once again]

Everyone in the restaurant: Awwww.......(starts clapping)

Patrick: Hey, Lexi, wanna make out?

Lexi: This is their moment, Patrick. Not our's.

Patrick: Fine. (grabs the manakin head) Hey, Kevin, wanna make out?