The First Degree

"The First Degree" is a SpongeBob episode from Season Sixteen, in this episode, SpongeBob starts to take everything too literally.

Characters
SpongeBob

Squidward

Sandy

Mr.Krabs

Patrick

Random Fish

Transcription :
[the episode starts in the pineapple house, SpongeBob is sleeping in his bed, but the alarm clock doesn't ring]



SpongeBob : [one eye opens, followed by the another one] Hey! The clock didn't ring! Well I guess I'll just buy another one! After all, I still have some money! [wakes up, goes to break his piggy bank, there's nothing but a bug flying off] Mmh... I thought I had some money...



Gary : Meow!



SpongeBob : Hi! Gary! I see you're happy today!



Gary : Meow! [purrs]



SpongeBob : Oh! I know! Come with me! I'm going to feed you!



[SB and Gary go to the kitchen, SpongeBob makes up Snailpo and feeds it to Gary]



SpongeBob : Do you like it? I did it all by myself!



<p lang="en-US">Gary : Bleh!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : You don't like it? I'm sad for you Gary!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Gary : Meow! [laughs]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : You were joking? Dahahahaahha! That's the first time you're joking. I've never seen you do that!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the camera cuts to Patrick's rock]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [wakes up, itches his butt] [sits on the couch and watches the TV even though it is turned off] Woah! This episode is my favorite of all time! [imagines the TV showing the time, more specifically, February 15, the camera cuts to him, doing nothing but suddenly :] It's annoy Squidward day! [he jumps out of his couch, leaves his house and then knocks at Squidward's door, Squidward opens the door] Hi Squidward!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [comes] Hi Squidward! What a wonderful day! Huh?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Today's The Opposite Day!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : I didn't know!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Yes! Everyday is The Opposite Day!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Good! Also, what other days is it?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Oh! Patrick... Patrick, Patrick, it's also the Patrick Forget Day! [closes door]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Don't worry, SpongeBob! I know what day it is! Today, we should do everything opposite from our own things we do own day every do...Ejfekjeqdko, [bugs]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : That but also, today, you should forget things!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Okay! I also forgot what to do! I'll see what I should do!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Oh! My gosh! I forgot to go to work! [leaves the screen and go back with his working hat] Let's go Patrick!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the camera cuts to the Krusty Krab, SpongeBob is waiting for a command while Patrick is the cashier]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [comes] Mmh... Something's wrong!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Don't tell me, maybe that's because... Uh... Uh... [drools and ends up exploding]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Why did Patrick explode? [a piece of Patrick falls on his nose]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [comes out of the kitchen] I don't know Mr.Krabs!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Do you know that you came late? This will cost you an arm and a leg! [waits for a second] And I know the thing that is wrong too!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : I'm sorry Mr.Krabs! [gives one arm and one leg from Patrick]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : What? No! When I was talking about the arm and the leg, I was speaking of money! And... [looks at the TV, he sees Squidward] S... Squidward???! Grrr! He's supposed to work here!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [reconstitutes himself, comes out of the “boat”] Don't worry Mr.Krabs! I'm dealing now! [looks at the TV] Hey! Squidward! Come out of the small blue rectangle that makes noises and light! [waits for a second] I said, come out! Mr.Krabs wants to talk with you!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the camera cuts to Squidward presentating the informations]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Hello little fellas, today, we're going to show you how to be an artist like me! Because you're clearly an incompetent idiot!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Hey! Watch your mouth Squidward! [throws the “boat” on the TV, turns on Mr.Krabs] Why is Squidward so stupid? I didn't say anything and he insulted me!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : It will cost you cost one's firstborn child!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Okay! Hey Patrick! Have you a firstborn child?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Is firstborn child an instrument?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : W... What? No! I only want money SpongeBob! And as for you Patrick, firstborn child is not an instrument! And just... go away! We need Squidward! Not you!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Okay! I also have a gift for you Mr.Krabs!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Is it money? [holds out his hands]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : No! It's fire! [gives a burning match to Mr.Krabs]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw! [the match falls on the ground, the Krusty Krab burns] AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [stands there]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Do you know that the Krusty Krab is burning?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : What does burning means?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [inhales and lifts his second finger, and his hand as well]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Wait! I know! [sings "fire is joy"] Fire! Fire! Fire is joy! Fire! Fire! Fire is good! I loveeee Fire! Fire is good!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : I don't think that's true Patrick. Even though I'm breaking the logic of this episode's title, I think I can't be stupid enough to trust you!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Huuh... Wait... Stupid... Trust... Patrick... What does Patrick means?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : It means, A pink LAZY STAR WHO MAKES MAYHEM AND DESTROYS EVERYTHING!!!!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [takes money with him and comes out of the restaurant] C'mon kids! The Krusty Krab is going to explode!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Wait a bit, Mr.Krabs! I'm going to insult Patrick!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : And I'm going to insult SpongeBob! [spongebob is ready to talk] Wait! SpongeBob! It's my turn to insult you! Um... Um... You're... Uhh... A barnacle!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Okay! It's my turn, let me take this dice so we can play! [close-up of the dice in the hand of SpongeBob, SpongeBob shakes his hands and throws the dices on the ground] Good! *Dolphin noises*

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [gets very angry] *Multiple dolphine noises*

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the fire brigade throws water to SpongeBob and Patrick, they're expulsed into the wall]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Thank you for saving my employee!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">FireFighter : Don't worry! With us, there will be no fire anymore!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : [walks into the screen] Hello... Captain... [comes out of the screen]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Squidward! What were you doing this time! That'll cost you some whales!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[SpongeBob appears out of nowhere with Pearl in his hands lifted up in the direction of the sky, he throws her into Mr.Krabs]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [throws Pearl away] SpongeBob! You seriously need help!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : I need more whales?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : No! No! You're taking everything too literally! You know, when cost appears in a sentence, it always has something to do with money, if I say cost to you, you'll give me money! Okay?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Okay Mr.Krabs! I know who can help me! Patrick!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : No! Not Patrick! I was talking about Sandy!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Oh! Okay!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the camera cuts to Sandy's treedome, SpongeBob is coming in without his water helmet]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Hello! Sandy!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Hi! SpongeBob! What do ya want?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : I have some problems with my way of taking sentences!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Oh! I understand! After riding some bulls in Texas, I learned about Sponges having sometimes the first degree disease.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : The first degree disease?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Yes! When you catch it, you take everything too literally! And it is your case SpongeBob!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : And what can I do?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Wait a minute... Aren't you supposed to wear a water helmet?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : A w... w... WATER HELMET!!!??? AAAAAHHHHHH!!! [runs to the door and gets slammed by it, it was Patrick Star who's entering the treedome, he has a water helmet in his hands, even though there is no water in it]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Here! SpongeBob! Get your water helmet! [takes SpongeBob, lifts him up and puts the water helmet on his head, he puts him down]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [breathes heavily] Patrick... Where's the water?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Water? What's water? Is water an instrument?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : We're not practiciiiiiii... [faints]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Oh no! Now I know what water is!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : [puts water in SpongeBob's water helmet] Hey Patrick, why did you put water in your water helmet but didn't do the same for SpongeBob?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : I forgot what was water!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Is it Stupid Patrick Day?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : No! It's Patrick Forget Day.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [wakes up] Uh... My head...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : SpongeBob? Are you alright?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [enters into the treedome] SpongeBob! Come to work!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Sandy : Don't you see?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [takes SpongeBob with him]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Hi SpongeBob!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Hi Patrick...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[Mr.Krabs goes to the Krusty Krab and puts SpongeBob down]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : SpongeBob! What were you doing?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Mr.Krabs, you asked him to go seek help from Sandy.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Okay! Okay! Those words will cost you... Uh...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Cost??? Cost??? But I haven't any money Mr.Krabs!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : I'm not talking to you me boyo! Go fry some Krabby Patties!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Okay! Sir! [goes to the kitchen and cooks some Krabby Patties]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Have you seen SpongeBob? I was very impolite to him and I want to apologize to him, I made him faint!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Only if you pay me 11 dollars and 77 cents!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Okay! Here they are Mr.Krabs! [throws 11 coins and 77 cents] SpongeBob?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Yes? Patrick?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : I'm sorry. [takes a Krabby Patty that SB prepared and eats it]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Patrick???!!! Stop!!!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [talks while eating] What does that means?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [slams his head on the grill, the Krabby Steaks are stuck on his head, he shakes his head to take them off] Patrick. Why are you breaking the rules?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Rules? I only ate one rule! And I think when you said break, you meant eat, uh?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : What the...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [drinks algae milk] UhhHUhhhhgezeze...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Patrick? Are you okay?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : You know what people do when they are in one thing where we sleep on? You know, they make the bed shake, to the point of breaking it!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Ew! Don't you dare make another joke about that!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : I think there are two similar games, speleology, and...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Don't tell me... You're clearly disgusting...

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : Pfft... I'm surretrururueure... [faints]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Patrick? Are you okay? I think I should send you to the doctor! [takes Patrick with him]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[the camera cuts to Squidward waiting a command, a fish appears]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Fish : Squidward.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Fish. Heh... I mean... Insert name here. What do you want Mr.Insert name here?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Fish : I want a Krabby Patty X-plus extra deluxe 2000 Y-Tri mega XYZ Hyper mega ultra mega hyper maxi 50 billions please.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Okay. Insert name here. SpongeBob! One Krabby Patty X-plus extra deluxe 2000 Y-Tri mega XYZ Hyper mega ultra mega hyper maxi 50 billions! [sees SpongeBob leaving the Krusty Krab] SpongeBob???

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Squidward!? Please don't say anything!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Mr.Krabs.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Yes Squidward?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : What if I assemble the four following words : SpongeBob, Krusty, Krab and leaving?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Oh by Neptune's great beard! You're breaking the rules!!!????

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : [puts Patrick down] I'm not breaking the rules! I have it in my hands and it is unbroken! [shows a close-up of the multiple rulers] And also, we say rulers, not rules, because breaking the rules is impossible since they are just words written on a piece of paper.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : [stands there, the mouth open from the head to the ground, he's surprised]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Ahahahah! He's so stupid! Ahahahah!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Fish : I'm waiting!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : You're Naive.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Fish : I'm naive? I've never knew that!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : You're not hungry and you're greedy.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Fish : Okay, I won't spend any money nor eat anything. [comes out of the Krusty Krab]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : I don't think your words will be good for him, in 30 days exactly, unless you told him to not drink so it isn't going to be good for him for 3 days.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : I thought Sandy was the scientist.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : This translates to : MAKE THIS CUSTOMER GO BACK TO THE KRUSTY KRAB AND MAKE HIM SPEND HIS MONEY!!!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : And what if I say no?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : You're fired! And Patrick, you will be the cashier!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Mr.Krabs, I think his spirit is in the sky!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Wow, then let's bury him!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Patrick : [wakes up] Bury!? No!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! [goes away]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Well, at least he's not out of the picture!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Go back to work, SpongeBob!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">SpongeBob : Okay! Captain!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : [comes back] I'm coming back.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Why?

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : Because the business I'm searching for is ruled by Squilliam, I must wait three years until I can be fired for good!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Mr.Krabs : Okay Mr.Squidward. Welcome back to the Krusty Krab!

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">[30 day later the it's a normal day at the Krusty Krab, and then, the fish mentioned earlier in the episode comes back dressed up as an angel]

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Angel fish : Hi Squidward.

<p lang="en-US">

<p lang="en-US">Squidward : May I take your command?

<p lang="en-US">

Angel Fish : I want a Double Triple Bossy Deluxe on a raft, four by four, animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim. [Squidward gives up writing all of that down and smashes his head into the cash register]

SpongeBob : [sees the angel fish] Why aren't you up in the sky?

Angel Fish : I'm a fake angel! Uh... I mean... [lies] They said that I abandoned my snail Gary so they told me to forgive him by kissing his eyes three times.

SpongeBob : Wait! I know who's this snail! [SpongeBob leaves the Krusty Krab, takes Gary and goes back to the Krusty Krab, he holds out Gary] Go ahead!

[the episode ends with the screen turning black]