Freshman/Transcript

Freshman is the first episode of School Spirit.

Transcript

 * A title card appears: "SPONGE NETWORK PRESENTS".
 * (SCHOOL SPIRIT)
 * Screen cuts to SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy all sitting on a bus. High School Never Ends by Bowling for Soup is playing in the background.
 * Music: Four years you think for sure

That's all you've got to endure

All the total [silence]

All the stuck-up chicks

So superficial, so immature

Then when you graduate

You take a look around and say "hey, wait!"

This is the same as where I just came from

I thought it was over

Aw, that's just great...


 * Music fades out as Patrick turns to SpongeBob and Sandy.
 * Patrick: So, you guys nervous?
 * Sandy: Nope, I'm just peachy.
 * Patrick: Well, at least you're optimistic.
 * Sandy: That was sarcasm. Of course I'm nervous. I'm pretty 95% of this bus is nervous, they're just not showing it. Hey, where'd SpongeBob go?
 * SpongeBob is hiding under his seat in fear.
 * Sandy: SpongeBob, you're gonna have to face it eventually.
 * SpongeBob: (shivering) Can eventually be tomorrow? Or maybe next year?
 * Sandy: Square dude, I've got no control over the school schedule. Come out from under the seat.
 * SpongeBob: No.
 * Patrick and Sandy look at each other, both coming up with an idea.
 * Cut to Patrick and Sandy dragging SpongeBob against his will into the school.
 * SpongeBob: (crying) No! Please don't make me go!
 * Sandy: SpongeBob, quit acting like a fool and get in there!
 * Patrick: We're gonna be late for class at this rate!
 * SpongeBob: No...I'm not ready...no!
 * Sandy: Wait, I just thought of a good karate move that I can use to get him in.
 * Sandy kicks SpongeBob into next week with a "hee-ya!" - or at least into the school building.
 * Patrick: Now we gotta get to class, and fast!
 * Screen cuts to a montage of SpongeBob, Patrick, and Sandy all hurrying to their lockers and trying to get to class, with repeated shots of the clock ticking. SpongeBob and Sandy make it to class on time, but Patrick does not.
 * Patrick: Sorry I'm late!
 * A bearded teacher turns to Patrick. His name on the board is "Mr. Kumbiss".
 * Mr. Kumbiss: Mr. Star, you are 3 seconds late to class.
 * Patrick: Sorry, I-
 * Mr. Kumbiss: The rest of the class managed to get here on time, why couldn't you?
 * Patrick: Well, I-
 * Mr. Kumbiss: No excuses! I hate excuses! I don't tolerate lateness or excuses in my class. If you're late to my class, you sit out in the hallway. Someone will give you the syllabus at the end of class.
 * Patrick: Barnacles. (goes out the door and sits in the hallway) It's only the first day, what's he so mad about?
 * Cut to Sandy in her first class, Literature class.
 * Literature Teacher: Over the course of this year we will be studying eight different books. The first book we will be studying is called Scavengers. I think you'll all enjoy it very much. It's a lovely tale about...
 * Sandy is listening and writing on her syllabus until she turns around and sees what can only be described as 'tall, dark, and handsome.' She immediately starts blushing and tries to turn back to her syllabus, but she can't stop looking at him. He eventually winks at her and she does a double take.
 * Literature Teacher: Ms. Cheeks?
 * Sandy: (snaps back into reality) Yes, ma'am?
 * Literature Teacher: What did I just say?
 * Sandy: Um...Scavengers?
 * The class turns to laugh at her, except for the hunky boy she was staring at earlier, who remains silent.
 * Literature Teacher: Ms. Cheeks, while you may appreciate Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome's face, you can stare at it all you want during lunch period. Try to pay attention for me.
 * Sandy: (face turns bright red) Yes, ma'am.
 * Sandy: (thinking) Wait...his name is actually Tall, Dark and Handsome?
 * Cut to Patrick in second hour Algebra class.
 * Algebra Teacher: (in German accent) So if you calculate the pi of x by...Mr. Star!
 * Patrick is sleeping on his desk with a puddle of drool below him. The teacher hits him on the head with a ruler.
 * Patrick: CHICKEN WINGS! Wait, what?
 * Algebra Teacher: Mr. Star, please pay attention.
 * Patrick: Sorry. I'll try.
 * Algebra Teacher: So if you take the pi and...MR. STAR!
 * Patrick is reenacting Star Wars with his erasers.
 * Patrick: (in deep voice) Luke, I am your father.
 * The Algebra teacher snatches the erasers from Patrick.
 * Patrick: Hey!
 * Algebra Teacher: You can have them back at the end of class! Now pay attention!
 * Patrick: I will, sir.
 * Algebra Teacher: Alright, now. I'm going to pass out the homework assignment. It is worth 10...MR. STAR!
 * Patrick is doing the Caramelldansen.
 * Algebra Teacher: What's wrong with you?! Do you have ADHD or something?!
 * Patrick: I, um...
 * Algebra Teacher: Go see the counselor, NOW!
 * Patrick: Alright. (walks out the door)
 * Cut to Patrick in the counselor's office. It is surrounded with posters reading things like "THINK POSITIVE!", "Drugs are bad, mm'kay?", and "Carol didn't wear her goggles...NOW SHE DOESN'T NEED THEM."
 * Counselor: (in happy, cheery, flamboyant voice) So, Mr. Star...your Algebra teacher tells me you've been having some trouble in class.
 * Patrick: Well, kinda.
 * Counselor: So, I can automatically diagnose you with ADHD.
 * Patrick: But you haven't even run any t-
 * Counselor: Here are these pills. (hands pills to Patrick) Take one once every 4 hours. I'll inform your teachers about this.
 * Patrick: But you didn't-
 * Counselor: Bye now! (pushes Patrick out the door)
 * Patrick: Well, that's kinda lazy.
 * Cut to SpongeBob in the locker room during 3rd hour Gym. A taller boy approaches him.
 * Taller Boy: Hey, I change in this stall!
 * SpongeBob: There are assigned stalls?
 * Taller Boy: (grabs SpongeBob) WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME?
 * SpongeBob: (clears throat) I said, "There are assigned stalls?"
 * Taller Boy: ARE YOU LOOKING FOR A POUNDING?
 * Gym Teacher: Hey, no fighting! SpongeBob and Jack, detention.
 * Jack: YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR GIVING ME DETENTION! (drops SpongeBob)
 * SpongeBob lies on the ground in his underwear, confused.
 * SpongeBob: What was that all about?
 * In progress.

Cast

 * Rarity7Best as SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick Star
 * Ponyo Fan as Sandy Cheeks, Literature Teacher
 * JellyfishJam38 as The Counselor, Gym Teacher, Jack