The Kelp/Issue XI

Introduction
Who's ready for another exciting issue of The Kelp? I know i am. Bringing you the lastest in news, sport and fun! If it's sport you want or another exciting review from Ghastlyop then we have it here. Wow i can't wait to start. So let's jump in today's issue to see what's instore! Another pointless comment given out by User:IRmjii 16:03, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

日本のファンフィクションとミステリーユーザースパムフォーラム
The title is Japanese for "Mystery User Spams Forum With Japanese Fanfiction". A mysterious user under the name of "Limeflavouredlibertarian24" Has posted a peice of fanfiction entitled "Flying Robot Mantee" which sounds ok but has absolutely no relation to SpongeBob and anything involving it. It was posted in the off topic section of the fourms but while it may be acceptaple this was classed as spam. Here's a few word from him.

"I don't see why it's not ok to post it here. I mean it is off topic right? I mean how do i know if it's spam. I'm new here. - Limeflavouredlibertarian24

Da Nerd Uploads Da Wordmark
Long active user Da Nerd who has been appearing from time to time as different users has made a brand new wordmark and favicon for the wiki. The wordmark looks like it's here to stay as the wordmark is already up after a huge response from the crowd.

"It was my idea because in fairness we have had our old wordmark for ages so it is time for a change. There's nothing really wrong with that and i did get a good response" - Da Nerd.

Weather
As always i this are actual listings and not fake.

USA
Wow for the first time in a long time your actually going to feel some heat. 17 degrees of warm sunshine all day and also only 9mph of wind. So what's else is there to do besides to sunbathe and head to the beach. Enjoy it while it lasts.

UK
Great minds think alike eh? You guys in the UK will also experience 17 degrees of warm sunshine by the time i get to you. It's April so you can't really fault it but it's still gonig to be warm. Enjoy the hot sunshine and the 6mph of wind.

PHILIPPINES: SUPER TYPHOON UPDATE
A super typhoon dissolved into a tropical depression and made landfall in the Philippines

Sunday, forecasters said, easing fears after thousands of residents fled remote coastal villages to avoid potential giant waves. Maysak (local name: Chedeng), which began as a Super Typhoon in the Pacific Ocean, reached the northeast coast of the main island of Luzon at 8 a.m. with winds of 55 kilometers an hour, chief state weather forecaster Esperanza Cayanan said. "As of now, most of our fears have melted away," she told a news conference shortly after the depression reached Dinapigue, a remote town on Luzon's northeast coast, about 250 kilometers from Manila. The government had evacuated more than 25,000 people from coastal villages in the region, while police drove away thousands of tourists from beaches on nearby Aurora province as a precaution against potential tsunami-like waves known as storm surges. The tourists, many of whom had come from Manila and nearby areas to enjoy the long Easter holidays, breathed a sigh of relief and dived back into the still choppy waters on Easter Sunday. "We made a calculated risk (that Maysak would dissipate) and we got lucky. Prayers also helped," Manila-based television producer Rona Agtay, 39, told AFP as she hit the surf. State weather forecaster Shelly Ignacio said the super typhoon met unfavorable atmospheric conditions as it approached land, causing the storm system to dissipate dramatically overnight Saturday. At its current strength, "Chedeng" can break tree branches and may take the roofs off houses made of light materials, while sea travel remains risky for small boats, the state weather service said in its latest bulletin. "We expect this system to melt away as it crosses the mountains, although there is a small possibility it could survive by the time it hits the water (South China Sea) tomorrow," she added. 'No casualties reported' More than 500 boats were also ordered to remain at port in the region, while 10 domestic flights suspended. The authorities were expected to lift the restrictions Sunday. With the improving conditions, local officials will now make the call on when to send the evacuees back home, civil defenee director Alexander Pama told a news conference. "We had not received any reports of casualties," Pama added. Faustino Dy, governor of Isabela province, which includes Dinapigue, told Manila radio station DZBB that people were returning to their coastal homes after "Chedeng" passed over the area uneventfully. About three dozen surfers rode shoulder-high waves at the Sabang resort in the Aurora provincial capital of Baler, while others lounged on the beach in overcast conditions with a brisk wind, but no rain, an AFP photographer said. "Yesterday the police came and stopped us from going into the water," said TV producer Agtay, who took a bus bound for Baler as "Chedeng" churned towards the area. "Some of police officers even went out there on board surfboards because a few people refused to leave the water." About 20 typhoons and storms hit the Philippines each year, many of them deadly, but rarely hit in April. Storm surges caused many of the fatalities when Super Typhoon Haiyan smashed onto the central Philippines in November 2013, leaving more than 7,350 people dead or missing.

Sports
TBW by Someone

Jokes Section
Q: What key do cows sing in?

A: Beef Flat

Q: How do you make a milkshake?

A: Give it some maracas.

A guy walks to the police station with a cup on his head. The police ask him what's wrong and the guy replies. "I was mugged by someone"

A guy is sitting at a bus stop with some fish and chips. A woman and his dog comes along and the dogs looks at the man with hungry eyes. The guy says to the woman "Mind if i throw him a bit?". The woman agrees. So the guy picks up the dog and throws him over the fence.

Riddle Of The Day
What has a mouth but cannot eat, no eyes but yet still see and can play music without the internet or computer?

Last weeks answer
Panda = A endangered type of animal that eats shoots and leaves.

Eats, shoots and leaves

A-Maze-Ing!


I made the answer so apologies if you can't see it well

Find The Correct Path!
The correct path is C

Everything Wrong With: Basket Sponge (Part 3)
Let us go with three more episodes to pick out in our everything wrong with Basket Sponge, this issue we have The Beginning of a New Era and the two and a half hour head scratcher, The New Member and Betrayal. Episode Five: The Beginning of a New Era

Tommorrow is the day of the Bikini Bottom Bulldogs' first official basketball game. Today is their last day to practice, and they better do it fast!

'''There seems to be a spelling error on Tomorrow, I will give Luis the benefit of the doubt if he wrote this because he is not proper English. 0 sins. '''

LeBron: Everyone listen up! Tomorrow is our first game! So we need to practice hard today!

'''I'm sorry to say this but first line completely goes over the fact that the first game was the previous episode or Luis wrote this way before Episode 4 was out. I'm going with Luis wrote before Episode 4 came out. 0 sins. '''

Larry: I refuse to lose tomorrow! Everyone, let's give today our best effort!

Patrick: Larry! Don't say the F-word! We're in church!

'''First joke to make me laugh so hard in the series! 0 sins.'''

Larry: .....effort?

SpongeBob: ....and we're not in church....

LeBron: Anyway, let's begin! Larry, Krabs, and Squidward are on a team against SpongeBob, Patrick, and Plankton. Now go at it!

The team began to practice against eachother.

Local journalist, Luis Antonio entered the gym, to interview the coach before their upcoming game.

Luis: (approaching LeBron) Excuse me sir, I'm here to ask you some- HOLY CRAP!!! YOU'RE H*CKING LEBRON JAMES!!!! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY HUMAN HERE!!!!

'''You are a news reporter and you didn't hear the news. -1 sin.'''

LeBron: Another human? This is great! What are you doing here, little bro?

Luis: I was stranded here a year ago. But I've learned to adapt to this place. I love it here in Bikini Bottom! I work here as a journalist! I go around doing interviews and stuff!

LeBron: You've come to ask me some questions, I presume?

Luis: Oh, yes, the questions! Almost forgot! Ahem. Question #1: How do you train your team?

LeBron: We train just like any other team.

Luis: By stalking and spying on other teams and copying their moves?

LeBron: What the?! No!!!

Luis: Sorry, my boss tells me to ask that. He wants me to get a really good story, but I haven't been doing such a great job at it, lately. He says if I don't get a good story soon, I'm fired!

Squidward: (practicing basketball) MOTIVATION!!! MOTIVATION!!! MOTIVATION!!! (runs into Krabs' butt)

Krabs: Lad! Get out of there! This ain't Uranus, it's MY anus!

'''Err... okay? +1 sin.'''

Squidward: My head's stuck!

'''We don't really need to know that. +1 sin.'''

Patrick: I like trains.

SpongeBob: Patrick! Don't say that! Remember what happens in the YouTube video?

Patrick: What YouTube video? (gets run over by a train) Oh yeah, now I remember.

'''Couldn't we have the line before he gets run over? It does make sense. +1 sin.'''

Luis: Your team is...quite interesting. Are you guys any good?

LeBron: Are we good? Heck yeah! In fact, little man, if you need a killer story, come to our game tomorrow. It's our first game, and we're gonna kick some ASS!!!!!

Luis: You think it'll be a good enough story to save my job?

LeBron: Heck yeah! Our team will do so good, every other team in the entire league will cry for mercy when they read your story!

Luis: Wow thanks, LeBron!!! You saved my career!!! You're the best!! I'll be there tomorrow!! (exits)

Larry: (walks over to LeBron) What happened with that guy?

LeBron: I told a massive lie.

SpongeBob: A lie? What was it?

LeBron: I told that boy that we're a good team, and that we're gonna kick ass tomorrow at the game.

Everyone: ........(bursts into roaring laughter)

Squidward: We barely know anything!!! We're gonna get CRUSHED tomorrow!! BAHAHAHAH!!!

Plankton: That's the funniest thing I've heard in years!! L.O.L.!

'''Isn't LOL outdated. The last I heard of that was in 2005. +1 sin.'''

Krabs: ...L.O.L.? Really, dude?

SpongeBob: What does that mean?

Patrick: It means Luscious Open Lips!!! Duh, SpongeBob!!!

LeBron: Guys, enough!!! I know I told a ridiculous lie, but Luis's career depends on this game!!! If he doesn't get a good story, his boss is gonna fire him!!!

Larry: Then what are we gonna do? There's no way we can win the game tomorrow!!! We're horrible!!

LeBron: You know why you're horrible? Because you keep TELLING YOURSELVES THAT!!!

The team grew silent.

LeBron: You think I've spent my whole life telling myself that I'm horrible?

The team continued to be silent.

LeBron: I've worked with each and every one of you, and I KNOW the potential you all have!!!

Nobody said a word.

LeBron: Now GO home and get some rest! And come to the game tomorrow, feeling CONFIDENT! You NEED to win this game! You CAN win this game!

The team walked home.

Krabs: Wow, coach got pretty pissed today.

Larry: He gets pissed every day!

SpongeBob: He's being pretty serious. It sounds like Luis really needs our help.

Patrick: I like trains. (gets run over) OUCH!

SpongeBob: Guys, we need to try our hardest tomorrow.

Squidward: What's the use? We're playing against the Toon Tomahawks. They're the 2nd best team in the league!

'''How do they know the opponents name now? +1 sin.'''

SpongeBob: Guys, I'm not asking for a miracle. Just make coach proud, okay?

Larry: Whatever.

THE NEXT DAY

LeBron: (pacing nervously) 5 minutes till the game. 4 minutes and 59 seconds till the game. 4 minutes and 58 seconds till the game...

How can the coach countdown from 5 minutes to the start time without losing control +1 sin.

Krabs: Coach seems pretty worked up.

Larry: He always seems worked up.

Luis: (walks into the building) Hey, Bulldogs! Great to see y'all are warming up! Sounds like this is gonna be a great game! (walks off)

'''Wait. He just walked in and out. Why? +1 sin.'''

Squidward: I'm not looking forward to this.

Luis: (approaches LeBron) Hey, man! I just wanted to thank you again for saving my career! Tonight's game might be the greatest thing that has ever happened to me!

LeBron: Heh-heh....heh....sure....we're gonna get crushed...I mean...uh...we're gonna kick ass!

Luis: That's the spirit! Seeya in a few minutes!

LeBron: 3 minutes, 49 seconds, and 4 mili-seconds to be exact!

'''Apparently, Lebron counted mili-seconds to be exact. +1 sin.'''

Luis: That's wonderful.... (goes and sits on the bleechers)

LeBron: (walks over to the team and sits down) Guys, this our first game. I understand we're a young and inexperienced team. But listen, all I ask is this.........WIN THIS DAGGONE GAME OR I'LL MURDER EACH OF YOU WITH A CHAINSAW.

'''Did this turn PG-13? These are seriously big threats. +1 sin.'''

SpongeBob: (sniff) The wise words of truly passionate coach. Makes me feel honored to be in your presence, LeBron.

LeBron: Who cares!!!! The game is starting now, go get on the court!!!!!!

SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, Krabs, and Larry walked onto the court. Plankton sat the bench.

Michael: The name's Michael Clownfish. I've been the top player for Tomahawks for 3 years straight. Y'all are going down!!!

Then how come you are not the team captain.

Larry: We'll see about that! You don't know what we're made of!

Michael: I know what you're made of. A bunch of crap!

Larry: Grrrrrrrrrrrrr......

Sun Jeong: Anata wa, Dikku o suu, rokudenashidesu!!!

Larry: I don't know what that meant, but I'll take that as a compliment!!!

Michael: He's Japanese. Try Google Translate, my friend.

The ref blew the whistle, and the game began.

Luis: (taking footage) Here I am, filming live at the Bulldogs vs. Tomahawks game! This is the Bulldogs' first game of the season! (turns to LeBron) LeBron, how do you feel about your team's first game of the season?

LeBron: Meh...heh heh meh keh shme pleh flehthejfdfdbgyhyyjydffedddjnmklopk blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Luis: Japanese, I presume?

'''That's racist. +1 sin.'''

LeBron: (faints)

Luis: Seems a little shaken up. Stay tuned, you're about to see an epic game for the Bulldogs!

3 quarters later

Luis: Here we are, in the 4th quarter. The score is 178 - 0. The Tomahawks are winning. However, they won't be winning for long. This is probably some kind of secret strategy from the Bulldogs. They're playing psychological games with the opponent, trying to catch them off-guard. But at the right moment, BAM! The Bulldogs will steal the game!

LeBron: Luis, there's something I need to tell you...

Luis: What is it?

LeBron: I have a confession to make...we're not really a good team.

Luis: What? That's impossible! You're LeBron James! You told me your team was gonna kick some ass!

LeBron: If I was on the court, than yes we'd be kicking ass. But I'm just a coach. Coaching's not my gift. I just feel hopeless.

Luis: That's a shame. I hope you overcome your problem.

LeBron: Wait...you're not mad?

Luis: Nope.

LeBron: What about your story? Your job? You'll get fired!!!

Luis: The score right now is 200 - 0. That's a freakin' record!!! Your team is so horrible, it's made my story a hit!!! This is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me!!!

LeBron: Oh...that's great, I guess.

After the game

LeBron: Team, am I angry?

Larry: With a score of 200 - 0, you SHOULD be!

LeBron: Well I'm not. Guess what? No team in history has ever gotten crushed so bad. It's a phenomenon!! Luis got a hit story afterall!!!!

SpongeBob: That's great!

LeBron: Also, our team has gained a huge amount of popularity, and we even have a decent-sized fanbase!

Squidward: From losing???

LeBron: Yep. Team, this.......is the beginning of a new era for us!

Episode 6 & 7 - Betrayal & The New Member.

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Want to see your episode from your Spin Off reviewed or a episode in general?? Well meet IRmjii your local reviewer at Spongy Reviews! If it's a laugh out loud comedy or a sad horror then i can review it instantly! No episode is too big or too small! So why wait? Come down to Spongy Reviews today to see yours reviewed! Another pointless comment given out by User:IRmjii 19:47, April 5, 2015 (UTC)

Closing Message
Well that's it for this weeks kelp. I hope you enjoyed this issue and i shall see like i always do with SBCA and Ghastlyop on the next issue. Thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed this issue as much as i did. Goodbye from us! Another pointless comment given out by User:IRmjii 19:47, April 5, 2015 (UTC)