Livin' With The Retired

Livin' With The Retired is a crossover episode between Livin' With The Squid and Reckless and Retired.

It was written by The Terrible Travis and Doctor Bugs, the owner of the two series respectively.

It serves as half-hour special of LWTS and the Season 3 premiere of R&R.

Plot
After the cast of LWTS takes a trip in Finster's time machine, it malfunctions and they find themselves in an alternate future.

Transcript
(it had been a normal day in Coral City)

Squidward:  Gee, this place is boring.

SpongeBob: Wanna move back to Bikini Bottom?

Squidward: That's like asking a school student if he'd like to be a slave instead.

Patrick: You know I have a slave.

Squidward: *crosses tentacles* Oh, really? And who's that?

Patrick: Technetium!

Technetium: Excuse me?

Matthew: You guys are real weirdos.

Squidward: Why is he in my house?

SpongeBob: Because I invited him.

Squidward: Oh, no! He's not allowed in my house! Not after that horrible painting he did of me!

Matthew: Oh, come on! That painting was spot on!

Squidward: I really hope I don't spend the rest of time making snarky remarks towards you idiots.

Technetium: You know, I think I spotted a time machine in Finster's lair when he trapped me in there. Perhaps we could use it to travel to the future and check it out!

Patrick: Who's Finster?

(they all stare at them with a deadpan expression)

(cut to Patrick's room, where the main cast is seen pushing Patrick's bed aside and hopping into Finster's lair)

Finster: Oh, no! You're not going worry!

Squidward: *rolls his eyes, taking out a shotgun and shooting him*

Matthew: Gah! You just killed him!

Technetium: Don't worry, he averts the continuity of the series.

Patrick: And you avert the fourth wall of the series!

(the gang hopped into the time machine and it zapped them to Bikini Bottom Retirement Center)

Squidward: What the heck is this dump?

Old SpongeBob: Howdy! *cough*

SpongeBob: Wow! You're me! ...But you talk like Sandy.

Patrick: Yeah, who says "howdy" these days? Unless you're from Stupid.

Old Squidward: SpongeBob, what did I say about having guests in our house? ...ah, my hip!

Squidward: Wait....OUR house? You mean I STILL share a house with SpongeBob and Patrick after all this time? Geez, you guys really need to get out more.

Technetium: You do realize they sell houses online, right? They wouldn't need to go outside to find a new house.

Old Patrick: *enters the room, eating a donut* Oh, people. Hello.

Patrick: Hah! I look sexy as an old person!

Old Patrick: *hits Patrick on the head with his cane* No, I look sexy as an old person!

Patrick: OWW! That's what I said!!! Do I really get even dumber in the future?!

SpongeBob: Wait, I'm confused. What's going on here???

Technetium: *doing some techno-nerd stuff with the time machine* Hmmm....it appears there's been a malfunction.

Patrick: A what?

Matthew: A malfunction. It's brought us to an alternate universe.

Squidward: Well, that explains why we're back in the dump known as Bikini Bottom. And in a piece of junk retirement home...Wait, is that Eugene? I have to live with him too?!

Old Squidward: Trust me, it's the worst. However.....

Old Sandy: Hey babe. *begins making out with Squidward*

Squidward: *he stares blankly at the two*

Old Squidward: That's right. You get to marry Sandy.

Squidward: *he grabs SpongeBob, quickly throwing up into one of his holes*

SpongeBob: Wow, now I know how Squilvia feels when you *** inside her.

Squidward: I HAVE NEVER ****ED INSIDE SQUILVIA!

Squilvia: *slides over to Squidward* How about we change that right now?

Squidward: *his eyes widen, jumping back* How the hell did you get here?!

Squilvia: Well, you see, I was in Finster's lair, looking for my sex spray when I found it. But it turns out it was invisibility spray. Then I got in some neat chair thing to masturbate when you guys came in and ruined it ._.

(Old Squidward & Old Sandy continue making out)

Matthew: Ew, ew,ew! Nothing's worse than old people making out! Except maybe "Life As A Prisoner". But other than that, nothing!

Old Squidward: Tee-hee.

Old Plankton: Hey, sonny, has anyone seen my glasses?

Old Krabs: *stomps on him* There they are! Arg! Arg! Arg!

SpongeBob: Geez, I thought Mr. Krabs wouldn't gotten over it after Plankton retired from evil.

Old Plankton: Retired?! I mean, yeah I'm in a retirement home but- ''RETIRED FROM EVIL?! ''

Technetium: Yeah, this is definitely an alternate universe.

Squidward: Why do we...er....they all live in the same house? I mean I get SpongeBob and Patrick but you guys too?

Old Krabs: It's the Bikini Bottom Retirement Community. And this was the last available room....so we all share it.

Squidward: Why in the world am I in a retirement home?! My house back at Coral City is SUPER cheap! SpongeBob and Patrick pay for it anyways.

Old Patrick: What's Coral City?

Patrick: How can you not know? We've been living in it for almost a year! I mean, I know I'm dumb but this dumb? Really???

Technetium: Alternate universe. Remember, Patrick?

Patrick: What's a Patrick?

Technetium: *floats back to the machine* ....ummm, guys....

Matthew: What?

Technetium: When the machine malfunctioned, it appears to have over-heated....

Squidward: AND?????

Technetium: It broke.

Patrick: Your point?

Technetium: *deadpan* That means we're stuck.

Squidward: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Patrick: Oh, come on, Squidward! It's not that bad!

SpongeBob: Yeah, these peeps seem cool.

Patrick: Especially the pink starfish.

Squidward: That's because he's you!

Patrick: Oh. Party time!

Old Patrick: Oh yeah! *falls over*

SpongeBob: What's happening to him?

Old Sandy: He's having a heart attack, sonny.

Patrick: Whaaaaaat????

Old Patrick: It's my time to go......farewell........*dies*

Patrick: ......I just watched my future self die.

SpongeBob: *patting him* There, there. This will only haunt you forever.

Patrick: That was...That was...awesome! If only I got it on video!

Old SpongeBob: Don't worry, he'll be alive again in the next episode.

Technetium: Seriously?

Old Krabs: Yep. In this alternate universe, people can die and come back a few days later.

Old Squidward: Especially the guy next door!

Old Plankton: Charles Dingleberry!

SpongeBob: Can we meet him?

Old Sandy: Sure thing, sonny. *waddles over to the wall, and pounds on it* Hey, Charles! Get in here!

Charles: *enters the room with a cane* Someone call me?

Old SpongeBob: *shoots him*

SpongeBob: Whoa! I would never do that!

Patrick: Yeah! That's my job!

Old SpongeBob: In this universe you would.

SpongeBob: Now what?

Old SpongeBob: We wait.

24 hours later*

Old Sandy: *waddles over to the wall, and pounds on it* Hey, Charles! Get in here!

Charles: *enters the room with a cane* Someone call me?

Old SpongeBob: *shoots him*

Patrick: Haha! That's awesome!

Squidward: I wanna go back to MY universe!

Old Squidward: In your universe, you don't marry Sandy. *winks*

Squidward: *dryly* And I'm content with that. Besides, I could get a better girl anyway.

Old Squidward: Lol. No. You. Can't.

Matthew: Did you just use "lol" in a sentence?

Squidward: Oh, yes I could! I'm the sexiest squid alive!

(everyone starts laughing at him)

Old Krabs: BAHAHAHHAHAHH!! Oh, that's a good one!

(Krabs dies laughing of a heart attack)

Old SpongeBob: Oh, there he goes. He'll be back tomorrow.

Old Patrick: I'm back too! I died yesterday!

Old SpongeBob: *shoots him* Anyway, Squidward you're not attractive. Or pleasant.....like, at all.

Patrick: This is making me so hony.

Squidward: I AM ATTRACTIVE!!!!

Technetium: No.

Old Squidward: In this universe, yes. In your universe.....nope.

Matthew: Atleast you EXIST in this universe. Me and Technetium don't exist!

Old Plankton: Nah, you exist.

Matthew: Really?

Old SpongeBob: You even lived in the retirement community for a while.

Technetium: Where are we now?

Old Sandy: Well, Matthew married Squilvia and had 4 kids before he went to jail for robbing a convenient store...

Matthew: Oh...

Squilvia: Sounds like a plan to me! *cups Matthew's face* How about we face it happen?

Matthew: *pushes her away* I'm ten years old!

Old Sandy: And Technetium...

Technetium: Yes...

Old Sandy: Jellyfish don't come back to life.....I'm sorry.

Technetium: .....*frowns*

Old SpongeBob: Well! Aren't you guys glad you atleast exist here?

Matthew: *under his breath* Sure...

Technetium: I used to exist.

Squidward: So what about the time machine?!

Technetium: *deadpan* It's broken.

Patrick: Looks like we're stuck here.

SpongeBob: What do you guys do for fun?

Old SpongeBob: Well, we're old people. So we play bingo....and chess.....and bingo.

Squidward: *deadpan* You already said that.

Old SpongeBob: Heh?

Squidward: You already SAID that.

Old SpongeBob: My hearing aid's turned off. Can you reach into my ear and turn it on, sonny?

Squidward: Nope.

Technetium: Not it.

SpongeBob: I didn't even know I had ears...

Matthew: Guys, can I have a word with you for a minute?

(he pulls SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Technetium into the hallway)

(The old people try to follow them)

Matthew: *pushes them away* No! Not you guys!

Old Plankton: Awwww.... *leaves them alone*

Matthew: Guys, we need to get out of here!

SpongeBob: But without a time machine there's no way!

Squidward: No shit, SpongeBob!

Technetium: So then how do we get out of here? I checked the time machine, it'll take at least a year to fix it! And that's if I spend literally all my time working on it!

(Old SpongeBob is listening through the door)

Old SpongeBob: Dr. Gaylord has a time machine!

(scene quickly changes to everyone standing in Dr. Gaylord's secret lab)

Squidward: You have a laboratory under the retirement home?

SpongeBob: Finster has a laboratory under Patrick's bed.

Squidward: Well, Finster's an idiot.

Technetium: Good point.

Dr. Gaylord: Indeed. Pretty awesome, right?

Patrick: Hell yeah it IS!!!

Matthew: What kinda name is 'Gaylord', yo?

Dr. Gaylord: STOP TALKING!!!!!

Squidward: Wait. Gaylord? Does that mean you're gay?! *growls, taking out an axe*

Dr. Gaylord: No, that's just my name!

Squidward: Oh. *throws the axe away, killing Charles* Well, that's a stupid name.

Dr. Gaylord: Anyways, I have a time machine. And it has alternate universes included, but I'm not sure if I can get you back to YOUR universe.

Squidward: Please!!! I don't wanna be stuck with these old losers!

Old Squidward: Hey, atleast this old loser got a smokin' hot wife!

Old Sandy: Haha.

Squidward: I CAN GET ANY GIRL I WANT.

Dr. Gaylord: Hahahah! Good luck with that, penis nose!

Squidward: Hey! *points to Old Squidward's nose* He has one too!!!

Old Krabs: Yeah, but it looks good on him.

(everyone stares at Mr. Krabs for a few seconds)

Old Krabs: Yeah...I said it.

Squidward: *sigh*

Squilvia: Don't worry, Squilvia. I think your nose looks amazing~ *begins to suck on it*

Squidward: Gah! Get off! *pushes her away and quickly hops into the time machine*

(the rest of the cast hops in as well)

Dr. Gaylord: It's too futuristic for you. You live 75 years in the past.

Matthew: I can do this! Let's see....all I have to do is switch the setting...

ZAAAAAAAP

Matthew: Here we are! Back at home! ...I think.

(a male-version of Squilvia approaches Squidward)

Male Squilvia: Raaaar, tiger!

Squidward: WHOAAAAAAAA, hold the phone! This is NOT the right universe!

Matthew: Eh, it's kinda close. I'll see if I can adjust the settings...

Old SpongeBob: Hello!

SpongeBob: What are you doing here?

Old SpongeBob: The gang and I tagged along.

Old Squidward: Haha! THIS is your universe, Squidward? With some weird MAN flirting with you?

Squidward: It's the wrong universe, you idiot! Weren't you listening?!

Matthew: All of you tagged along?

Dr. Gaylord: Tee-hee. So did I!

Old Plankton: I even brought the dead bodies! They'll be risen by sunrise! *carrying dead Old Patrick, Old Krabs, and Charles*

Technetium: Great, now we're going to have to bring them home too.

Matthew: Guys! The machine can't carry this kind of weight! ......uh-oh.....

(the time machine collapses, and falls into pieces)

Dr. Gaylord: MY BABY!!!!!

Matthew: Told ya.

Technetium: Well, it seems we're stuck in this.....slightly similar universe.

Male Squilvia: *grabs Squidward and kisses him* Awwwyeahhhh!!!!

Squidward: AAAAAHHHHH!!!!! *he jumps out of Male Squilvia's tentacles, quickly murdering all the residents of the alternate universes*

(the dead bodies of Old Patrick, Old Krabs and Charles spring up to life)

All Three: PARTY!!!!!!

(the R&R starts partying and bouncing off the walls while the LWTS cast just stares at them with deadpan expressions on their face)

Squidward: I hate my life.