Definitely Not The Pilot Episode

Definitely Not The Pilot Episode is the pilot episode of Definitely Not SpongeBob SquarePants. It was written by Kidboy24, and edited by SuperFanonD.

Transcript
[Scene: DNSS Office]]

Adam: Hello, and welcome to Definitely Not SpongeBob SquarePants. The only show that is Definitely Not SpongeBob SquarePants. I'm Adam,

Jake: And I'm Jake.

Adam: And together were,

Both: Adam 'n Jake.

(drum sound is heard)

Jake: Before we get on to SpongeBob SquarePants-

Adam: Not.

Jake: Check this out!

[Scene: Spongelanders Arena]

[Spongelanders title card shows]

SpongeBob: I will win today.

Barnacle Boy: You should've come dressed as the quickster.

SpongeBob: Well then my player name woudn't be SpongeBob. Besides, I'm signed up as SpongeBob.

Barnacle Boy: [to self] Why are my jokes never funny?

SpongeBob: Because you have a long nose like Squidward.

Squidward: [off screen] Hey!

Barnacle Boy: Thanks for the compliment.

SpongeBob: No problemo.

Barnacle Boy: Your not supposed to reply to a complement.

SpongeBob: Sorry? I have cotton in my ear.

British Narrator: Two hours later.

[Shows a dead Barnacle Boy and a old SpongeBob]

[Shows Spongelanders title card]

[Scene: DNSS Office]

Adam: (laughing) Gets me every time.

Jake: How was that funny? And how did that make sense?

Adam: (stops laughing) No idea.

Jake: Today's topic! Why is there water underwater? Just look at Goo Lagoon. How is that possible?

Adam: Because it's milk with blue food colouring.

Jake: Um.... no.... you know what, I think I'll watch SpongeBob... as a pirate!

[Scene: Pirate Ship]

''[Avast! Patrick! plays]''

Patrick: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? What shall with the drunken sailor? What shall we do with the drunken sailor?

All: Put him in the trash can!

Sandy: I'm a jolly pirate. I'm a jolly pirate. I'm a jolly pirate.

All: And so is Patrick Starfish!

Patrick: What shall we do with the drunken sailor? What shall with the drunken sailor? What shall we do with the drunken sailor?

All: Put him in the trash can!

''[Avast! Patrick! stops playing]''

[Scene: DNSS Office]

Adam: Yeah, that was just horrible.

Jake: No, it was good, it was good.

Adam: Well, tell us what your think of the show and we could send it live next episode!

Jake: Next question! Gary meows, is he a cat?

Adam: No. Snails don't talk. The animators thought he could meow.

Jake: Well, he could be a cat in a snail costume.

Adam: No-

Jake: YES, HE IS A CAT!

Adam: What if we combined SpongeBob..... with Phineas and Ferb?

[Shows Gary behind a big yellow star]

American Narrator: It's Gary! Gary The Snail! Gary! Gary The Snai!

French Narrator: Two hours later.

American Narrator: Gary...... Gary The......Snail.......It's Gary......The......Snail. (falls asleep, snoring is heard)

[Scene: DNSS Office]

Jake: That....was unsatisfying.

Adam: No, the song is always good!

Jake: Whatever. See you next time on D-N-S-S!

(episode ends)