I Shot The Sheriff

"I Shot The Sheriff" is a Season 2 episode of Life in Bikini Bottom.

Characters
TBA

Synopsis
Mayor Wen Beiss strengthens the No Weed Policy, threatening the business of the Krusty Kock. At the demand of Kraps, SpongeCock shoots the Sheriff to prevent enforcement, as the Deputy promised to not enforce the rule.

Plot
SpongeCock and Shitward were heading towards work when they saw the Krusty Kock being surrounded by the army. “Oh boy, another shooting,” SpongeCock sighed.

“Fricking piece of shit,” Kraps snarled. The army was removing all the marijuana from the premises. He cried at the sight of seeing his employees. “Ever since people found out that Krappy Patties were made out of 100% cringey memes, my weed farm has been the sole profiter of money! Fricking Mayor Wen Beiss and his ugly wife Porno Fan! Even Addie is hotter than that piece of shit!” Kraps ranted. “I will move to New Kelp City if that damn fool does not withdraw his act within 20 days!” he continued.

Our whole universe was in a G and PG state

Then nearly fourteen billion years ago was inappropriate, wait

Fatrick shit a stool, Shitward began to drool

They invented crap that rules

We built a great, great wall (we started cursing)

Shit, titties bursting, unraveling the coercing

''This is Life in Bikini Bottom! PG-13!''

“Your fricking fat ass has made the crime rate increase threefold! Well, if you want to quit, do it motherfricker! Get out of my damn sight, I know it would take a while but leave! Liberal hippie fatass piece of shit!” the mayor snarled at Sheriff Bubble Bass, who quit his job. After Bubble Bass left, the mayor called “please bring Old Man Jenkins to City Hall”. The mayor hesitated. “Old Man, the liberals are taking over Bikini Bottom. With their single-payer healthcare, and their climate change regulations, and their inequality protests! Fricking hell! My office term ends in six months, and every other department except the Police is run by those piece of shit Democratic Socialists! I need you, the most conservative boy in town, to run the entire damn Police department,” the mayor asked, “of course, you have to take the test”. Old Man Jenkins agreed. “Where’s the testing room?” he asked. “Testing room? Pfff, your test is right here,” the mayor said before pulling down his pants. “Don’t you have a wife? Isn’t this a crime?” Old Man Jenkins asked. “Sssshhhhhh! Just do it! Also, your first assignment as Sheriff is to find out if any tapes are in this room without my knowledge,” the mayor replied.

Mr. Kraps cried as he went home at the end of the day. “Son of a bitch. I don’t want to deal in the streets again. I don’t want to get shot, cause then you would get my estate, but I don’t wanna lose my money!” he whimpered to Pearl when he made dinner. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. It was a small ass kid, the size of Tyce’s jimmy. Okay, a little bit bigger than that, he existed after all. “Hey Kraps, I’m the second-in-command of the police department, that damn fool Jenkins hired me! In reality, I love the Krusty Kock. I haven’t done the ganja in three days, and the withdrawal makes me feel like ass. If you get your men to assassinate that old shit, I’ll legalize the weed, and make your place the sole area where weed may be sold! How you like them apples?” he requested, but Kraps fainted at the “sole area” part.

THE NEXT DAY

“SpongeCock, Shitward, get your ugly asses into my office!” Kraps said over the intercom. After the two arrived at the office, Kraps said “I know of a way to get my—I mean, Bikini Bottom’s— weed back!”. Shitward cheered in excitement. Mr. Kraps then closed the store. “Shitward, you know that new car you bought,” Krabs said. “Yes, the one I use to avoid SpongeCock. What for?” Squidward asked. “Start that shit immediately,” Kraps replied. “You want us to shoot an old man with an AK-47? He may be an asshole but he’s older than Porno Fan?!” SpongeCock questioned in horror. “Funny. Not us, you! Squidward’s driving, and I don’t…(gunshots are heard in the background) “I already did it, hehe,” Kraps remarks. “Sir, looks like you fricking killed the old man.” “Nonsense…” SpongeCock proceeds to check his pulse and concludes that he is dead. The episode ends with a shot of the world shaking while Kraps yells “SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!”

REAL WORLD

PhillyDan and Addie (fictionalized versions don’t call the bikini bottom police on me i’m not a fish) were doing anal in the bed when Addie suddenly pushed PhillyDan. “You fricktard, you didn’t wear a condom. Get your ass in the bathroom! For an honor student I thought you’d know a thing or two about birth control!” she screamed. As Philly went into the bathroom to grab Jon’s used condoms from the trash can, his phone that was on the sink rang. A notification appears, saying Kelpy G shared this episode. “Finally, it took that damn fool Kelpy G weeks to write this piece of shit episode. Lazy fat frick who should get the frick out of my damn country. Now, let me share this…” he thought when Addie screamed. “I COMPLETELY LOST MY AROUSAL! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE!” she marched into the room when she saw Philly reading this episode. Shocked by the inappropriateness that violated every single rule of the Catholic Church, she punched PhillyDan in the nose and marched out of the house, screaming “I BETTER HAVE YOU FATHERING MY BABY!”. “Frick you, Kelpy G,” PhillyDan muttered.

Trivia

 * There is an alternate version of this title card, which is colored. Alternatetitlecard.png