An Actual Plot

(Theme song plays)

Amaya: Oh SpongeBob! I think I’m pregnant again!

SpongeBob: Not again! I mean yay!

Amaya: You want to abort or no?

SpongeBob: I dunno. Your choice.

Amaya: Not aborting, then.

SpongeBob: Alrighty.

(We see them get into their car and drive to Patrick’s house, even though they could have walked.)

SpongeBob: PATRICK! GET UP!

Patrick: wut

SpongeBob: We’re having a party at your house for Amaya’s new kid!

Patrick: Oh yeah.

SpongeBob: Are you drunk?

Patrick: Maybe

Amaya: Can we join too?

Patrick: Sure! Everyone inside is already drunk!

(Patrick opens his rock and we see the entire cast partying)

SpongeBob: Did you invite the entire cast?!

Captain Obvious: Yep! He did!

SpongeBob: Thanks, Captain Obvious.

(They walk inside)

Shaq: Hey SpongeBob! Amaya! You made it to your own party! Good for you.

SpongeBob: Yup. Good for me.

Sheen: Hey guys, watch this. (he farts so loud that the nearby crows fly away)

SpongeBob: Nasty as hell.

Sheen: I know, right? It smells amazing. Ahhh…..

Carl: Hey guys, watch this. (He breaks the wi-fi again)

SpongeBob: Great. Just great.

Leni: What happened to the wi-fi?!

SpongeBob: It broke. Again.

Leni: Can someone fix it? I need to text Lori that I’m at this dope ass party.

Lori: I’m right here!

Leni: Oh. Hi, Lori! (Lori groans)

CrazySponge: o

SpongeBob: Hey Crazy!

CrazySponge: so uh when can i kill your new child

SpongeBob: Haha, no.

CrazySponge: damn it

Shaq: No. I need to rejoin my team.

SpongeBob: Why?

Shaq: I’m too lazy.

Patrick: (drops toaster into bath upstairs and screams) SPONGEBOB SOMEBODY FUCKING DIED!

SpongeBob: (runs upstairs) OH MY GOD WHO?!

Patrick: Mickey Mouse.

(Mickey Mouse is dead in the bathtub)

SpongeBob: DAMN YOU SHREK!

Shrek: I swear it wasn’t me this time

SpongeBob: Well then, DAMN YOU MINIONS!

Minions: wat

Shrek: GET OUTTA ME SWAMP DONKEY!

Donkey: This makes me sad.

SpongeBob: Uhh, what other company mascots are there? OH I KNOW!

SpongeBob: DAMN YOU HOOPLA!

Hoopla: HOOPLA!

SpongeBob: o

Patrick: Any other ideas?

SpongeBob: nope.

Patrick: I have one. DAMN YOU JIMMY NEUTRON!

Jimmy: According to my calculations, I’m not a company mascot.

Patrick: Damn it.

SpongeBob: Well, I only have one idea left. DAMN YOU MARIO!

Mario: What?

SpongeBob: Not you, Mario. I’m talking about Super Mario, THE MARIO.

Mario: Oh alright.

Super Mario: IT-A NOT-A ME THIS-A TIME!

Guy with a mustache: Hello now time for me to die (pulls out gun and shoots)

Super Mario: Who was-a that?

SpongeBob: EVERYBODY GET THE HELL OUT.

Patrick: why

Ninja Nintendo: Yeah I don’t want to leave, I’m still playing Fortnite 2.

Ninja PlayStation: Same man. Too bad Sony’s still too stingy to allow crossplay for the sequel.

Ninja Xbox: Ya YEET. I just got the EPIC VICTORY ROYALE. Suck it T-Series!

T-Series: o

Patrick: answer my question spongeboob

SpongeBob: Someone’s fapping!

Lock: It wasn’t me this time, I swear!

Matchy: Me neither.

Travis: Uhhh….. I BLAME TYCE!

Patrick: But what about that mustache man?

Travis: Patrick, stop jacking off in class.

Patrick: Shut up, Travis. (slaps him)

Travis: Gay!

Patrick: no u

SpongeBob: Do you guys remember my warning to run?

Everyone: Oh yeah. AHHHHHH! (They all run outside)

Amaya: So now what SpongeBob?

SpongeBob: Well you see- (The Mustache Man appears in front of everyone)

Mustache Man: I’M ALIVE BITCHES

SpongeBob: IT’S A GHOST! AHHH!

Mustache Man: I’m not a ghost! I’m a hand!

SpongeBob: what

(Mustache Man reveals his hand wearing a glove that has blood stains on it.)

SpongeBob: Please don’t tell me that’s how you killed Mickey.

Mustache Man: THAT IS HOW I KILLED MICKEY! Now if you excuse me…(He takes off his glove and throws it onto the ground. He gets sucked into the glove, and the glove grows in size and turns out to be MASTER HAND!)

Master Hand: SURPRISE BITCHES!

SpongeBob: MASTER HAND! Come on guys! If we stick together, we can defeat Hi-

(Master Hand shoots a yellow beam at SpongeBob, turning him into nothing.)

Patrick: So this is what we get for wanting Waluigi in Smash Bros. Nice.

Waluigi: WAAAAHHH

Master Hand: Well, rip you guys.

(He snaps his fingers, and a billion lights come out and disintegrate the entire cast)

Spider-Man: I REALLY DON’T FEEL SO GOO-

Hoopla: HO-

Thanos: HEY THAT’S MY THIN-

Squidward: yawn-

Kirby: I CAN ESCAPE THIS! BECAUSE I DID IN THE SMASH DIRE- (oof)

(Everyone is now dead)

Master Hand: HAHAHAH! HAHAH!-

CrazySponge: hey

Master Hand: WHAT! (He sends all his attacks at once at him)

CrazySponge: o

Master Hand: Ah screw it. (leaves)

CrazySponge: I’m bored.

(The screen fades to black, but suddenly turns to white, panning down onto SpongeBob and Amaya in a white world)

SpongeBob: So, what the fuck just happened?

Amaya: Did I have another child?

SpongeBob: No. Want to change that?

Amaya: Nah.

SpongeBob: Alright then. I’m gonna go masturbate to that rock over there.

Amaya: Ok then.

SpongeBob: Wait a second, this isn’t a rock! It’s Shaq!

Shaq: (waking up) What happened? Boy those drinks made me real drunk alright.

SpongeBob: SHAQ!

Shaq: Wha- OH HEY! So uh...are we dead?

Amaya: I guess.

Shaq: Where’s everyone else?

SpongeBob: Over there (He points)

Alternative: LIBRARY CARDS IS STILL THE BEST EPISODE (passes out)

Shaq: Looks like he had more to drink than I did.

Purps: GODDAMMIT ALTERNATIVE! Library Cards sucks!

(Purps rants ab everything Alternative loves before kicking him in the shin)

Alternative: Bitch I was awake the whole time.

Purps: SHIT.

(The two start wrestling, and Shaq looks at Amaya)

Shaq: Wait how old are you?

Amaya: Totally not 14!

Shaq: Okay. You know for a great low rate you can go online, go to the general and save some time!

SpongeBob: Nobody cares. I USE STATE FARM.

Shaq: o

Amaya: Hey guys look! The world is turning back to normal!

(We see the white disappear as the world turns back)

SpongeBob: Where are we?

Patrick: I DON’T KNOW BUT I LOVE IT! (jumps on his rock house)

Amaya: Looks like we’re in the same normal ZPW world.

Shaq: I don’t know. Why would Master Hand just do that whole thing for nothing?

SpongeBob: For now Shaq, let’s just be thankful that we’re not dead.

Patrick: amen

Hoopla: amen mate. Here’s a hoopla: HOOPLA!

(Cut to black, and then reveals Shaq at his house)

Shaq: Wait a second, my name rhymes with IRAQ.

(Everyone explodes, screen bleeps out and Take Two happens)

Shaq: Hoopla!

(Take Three)

Shaq: Hey guys, what’s happening?

Leni: Oh. My. Gosh. You guys, this bald-o can speak!

Shaq: Get the hell outta me house before I yeet you outta here!

Leni: Okay, byeee! (leaves)

Shaq: Don’t you dare do Take Four! (silence) Phew. Now, then. (a scene of the bathroom door is shown as fapping sounds are heard)

Shaq: IS THAT YOU MATCHY?! IF SO, STOP AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! Oh wait, I’m the one fapping. Hehehe…. Eh…

Lock: Stop fapping in the bath!

Shaq: Where the hell did you come from?

Lock: I stalk people who masturbate for a living.

Crazy: I do the same for girls. WAIT FU- ...WHY DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?!

Shaq: Get out of my house you crazy people!

Crazy: Actually, I’m the only crazy person around.

Shaq: GET. OUT!

Carl: Hold on, I gotta do something real quick. (eats a croissant as the wi-fi breaks again)

Shaq: I’m calling the police if y’all don’t get out of here right now!

Crazy: o

Leni: This guy is totes crazy. Let’s get outta here. (they all leave)

(When they get outside, Lori is seen)

Lori: Leni, where have you been? I’ve been literally searching you for hours!

Leni: Oh, I found this bald guy’s house. Wanna come in?

Lori: No! Are you stupid or something?

Leni: Maybe.

Peter: Hey, Lois. I’m knocking on Shaq’s door.

Lois: Oh Peter! OOHHH PEEETTERRR! (slaps Peter)

Peter: ow! Lois that hurt!

(Shaq opens the door)

Shaq: WHEN I SAY “GET OUT”, I MEAN MY PROPERTY TOO!

(They all rush out)

(Cut to Owlette and SpongeBob in the pineapple)

Owlette: What are we going to do, SpongeBob? All the kids have escaped!

SpongeBob: Dial 6969?

Owlette: No, that’s for sex emergencies!

Crazy: OOH! I’ma gonna go dial that number! Also hey Owl, see you tonight where I try to murder you again. Remember, 8:25 PM!

Owlette: I hate him so much.

SpongeBob: Hey look, I see the kids! Come back in, kids!

Their kids: Ugh. Fine. (come back inside)

SpongeBob: Sheesh, attitude.

Crazy: Got it from their mother.

SpongeBob: Shut up, goddammit!

Crazy: o. Also by the way, CUT-OUT IS OUT RIGHT NOW! SINCE YOU VIEWERS ARE ALREADY WATCHING THIS ON CUT-OUT, GO BUY IT AGAIN BUT FOR SOMEONE ELSE FOR THE HOLIDAYS! MAKE SURE THEY DON’T GET ANYTHING FROM PI, BECAUSE THEY SUCK LIKE CRAP!

Owlette: wat

SpongeBob: Oh, that’s just his normal 4th wall breaks. And hey, I thought we wouldn’t see you again till tonight!

Crazy: Well you know me, I like to teleport from here to there. Alrighty now, gotta go! Tanks DeSpell! (Teleports away)

SpongeBob: Well, since all our problems are gone except for Crazy’s murdering scheme, let’s eat!

Owlette: Yum! Wait, don’t transition yet! (transitions anyway. Granite is watching The Loud House on the couch.)

Granite: Ah, I love this show. Nothing like watching TLH on a Sunday morning. (sips his cup of Diet Dr. Kelp) Wait a second, is Overnight Success on? OH FOR THE LOVE OF GO-

Granite: (Breaking away from what he’s saying) NO! I’VE HAD IT FOR THE LAST TIME! IN HOW MANY SHOWS WILL THERE BE A SCENE OF ME WATCHING THIS ONE EPISODE? UGH!

Granite: Woah. Did I just...wow. Did I just, just, no, did something different actually happen? Everyday the same thing happens, but today, today...What did Master Hand do?

Granite: Actually, I have no idea. It’s still the same terrible episode. (the episode abruptly cuts to the No Such Luck title card) NOOOOOOOOOOO! That one sucks, too!

(Cut to Shaq, taking a walk)

Shaq: What a nice day. Besides all the chaos of the ZPW, today seems normaler than usual. Too normal. Usually my day is just random and unexpected, but today...seems, carefully constructed? If that’s a way to say it? Oh stop it Shaq, you’re talking to yourself!

(He starts to put his hand on his chin, but notices something disturbing)

Shaq: WHAT?! No, this can’t be! I have, have, wrinkles! My theorizing must mean something! Does this mean, in this “world”, time actually passes?! Oh no, oh no, I gotta warn everyone before more stuff starts to happen! Master Hand, what did you do?!

(The episode ends)

(Post Credits scene)

Master Hand: What?! How did my beams of light not disintegrate you?!

Crazy: I’m a semi-god, remember.

Master Hand: o. Well then, I’ll have to create a fake version of you in my new world. Until I figure out what to do with you, you’ll stay here. Have fun! (disappears)

Crazy: ...WOO I’M THE LAST MAN ON EARTH BABY!