Squidward Too

Squidward Too is the fourth episode of Lost in Kelp Forest, and the fourth episode in season 1.

Synopsis
Mr. Krabs sends Squidward to Kelp Forest to bring back SpongeBob and Patrick, but Squidward ends up getting stuck there as well.

Transcript
(Squidward is grumpily walking in Kelp Forest)

Squidward: Stupid crab cheapskate, making me walk five hundred miles and making me walk five hundred more. One day I’m gonna sue.

(He hears giggling nearby)

Squidward: That must be them.

(Camera moves over onto SpongeBob and Patrick, where they are playing baseball with a big piece of Patick’s gum. Patrick is at bat, while SpongeBob is pitching)

SpongeBob: That’s strike two, Patrick!

Patrick: I’ll get it the next throw!

SpongeBob: Okay! (He throws a curveball, but Patrick misses and accidentally swings his wooden bat far into the air, losing it completely)

Patrick: Aw, man! Now we don’t have a bat to hit the ball with!

(Squidward pushes some bushes out of the way to see what the two are doing)

Squidward: What are you two nincompoops doing?

SpongeBob: Playing baseball. But we don’t have a bat to play with.

Squidward: Look, Mr. Krabs sent me here to get you two. You need to come with me right now.

SpongeBob: No can do, Squidward. It’s basically impossible to escape this place.

Squidward: Alright, I’ll show you.

(Cut to the same scene, but with Squidward exhausted)

Squidward: There’s no way out. We’re trapped… again!

Patrick: Oh well… I guess all we can do is survive the wilderness for the rest of out lives.

SpongeBob: Or at least until someone comes and rescues us.

Squidward: Wait a second. (He grabs out his phone, and tries to call 9-1-1, but there’s no cellular connection) What? No cellular, but there’s wi-fi! What a bunch of baloney!

Patrick: You’re tellin’ me. My mom still hasn’t seen our tent yet!

SpongeBob: Oh, what’s the point, Patrick? We’re screwed. All of us.

Squidward: Well, I guess I’ll just rest in that tent over there. (Walks into the tent, but a burglar alarm sounds)

SpongeBob: Oops, forgot to turn that off. (Goes over to the alarm on the back side of the tent and disables it)

(Squidward settles down in Patrick’s sleeping bag and quickly falls asleep. He then wakes up after smelling the stench in the sleeping bag)

Squidward: How do you tolerate that smell?!

Patrick: It takes a lot of skill. A lot of skill.

SpongeBob: Anyways, we have hunting to do. Wanna join, Squidward?

Squidward: Hunting? Didn’t you guys bring food with you here?

Patrick: We did, but the supply was limited. (Burps loudly)

Squidward: Oh. I’ll just stay here while you two do your funny business.

SpongeBob: Okay then. (SpongeBob and Patrick skip along into the deeper woods)

Squidward: Heh. Heh. They think they’re trapped. I’ll show them.

(He starts stacking the toppled logs from when the treehouse was built. When he gets as high as the tallest tree, a giant clam squawks and pecks at Squidward’s head)

Squidward: Hey, stop that! I’m trying to get back to my only source of income!

Giant Clam: (squawks again. Translation: Who even cares about lowly lifeforms like yourself? Go back into the woods, you civilized freak!)

Squidward: Fine! (Loses balance and falls back to the ground) There’s no way out… There’s no way out.

(SpongeBob and Patrick return with several clams in a bag)

Patrick: Told you there’s no way out.

Squidward: No kidding. What do we do now?

SpongeBob: We got clams to cook.

Patrick: Yeah, steamed clams!

Squidward: Really? Using a March meme in September? You’re nuts.

Patrick: No u.

Squidward: (sighs) Let’s steam these clams, then.

(Cut to the trio eating their clams)

Squidward: These ain’t half bad. Better than my grandma’s cookies for sure.

SpongeBob: They’re comparable to… (gulps) Krabby Patties. Oh, what am I saying, nothing can compare to that!

Patrick: Yeah. But I still wanna know what’s in that secret sauce.

SpongeBob: I know. But I’ll never tell anybody, not even my best buds.

Patrick: (snaps his fingers) Dang it.

Squidward: So is this our lives now? Just hunt, eat, sleep, then repeat?

Patrick: Well, we tried building a treehouse… but a couple clams caused its downfall.

SpongeBob: We still have our own version of the Krusty Krab built over there.

Patrick: Oh yeah, I forgot! Let’s eat over there!

Squidward: I’m gonna make my own clarinet! (runs away to gather more wood)

SpongeBob: Looks like he’s used to this place already. That was quick. I wonder if Mr. Krabs is concerned yet.

Patrick: Considering he’s a crab, he’s probably already crabby.

(Cut to the Krusty Krab, where Mr. Krabs is handling the grill and Pearl is taking orders)

Pearl: Daddy, are you sure you can cook? Your hamburgers taste like dirty dishes.

Mr. Krabs: Don’t worry, sweetie! I cooked all the way back when I was a little teenager, just like you. (The patties on the grill catch on fire) And I set the patties on fire again.

Pearl: Again?!

Mr. Krabs: Ohh…. (cries softly into his claws) I’ll never get me employees back, never!

Pearl: Daddy! You’re embarrassing me again! (cries with him)

(All the customers have had enough and leave)

Mr. Krabs: I give up. This business is done for.

Pearl: I thought you made a lot of money from this place.

Mr. Krabs: I spent all that money on a lawsuit recently. Now I’m almost bankrupt.

Pearl: Oh, Neptune! Where will we stay?!

Mr. Krabs: I really don't know. I really don’t.

(They hug as the episode ends)