An Introduction to Death

An Introduction to Death is the premiere episode of the spinoff Rewind.

Plot
SpongeBob and Patrick go to a new frozen yogurt place in Bikini Bottom in an attempt to bond. However, SpongeBob has recently been struggling with his friendship with Patrick, simply because he feels like he's matured and Patrick will always be "stuck". While at the frozen yogurt place, SpongeBob makes the seemingly innocent decision to get Macadamia nuts on his yogurt, something he's never tried before - and turns out to be highly allergic to. Patrick, being an idiot, makes the situation worse rather than saving his friend, which ultimately leads to his fatality. SpongeBob arrives in neither heaven or hell, but rather...some sort of sorting office. Neptune appears frustrated to see him. He wasn't supposed to die yet. Now tough decisions have to be made.

Transcript

 * The episode opens on SpongeBob and Patrick, walking together on a walkway in Bikini Bottom.
 * Patrick: Thanks for inviting me out to use that coupon with you, buddy! Boy, free frozen yogurt.
 * SpongeBob: Um...Patrick, the coupon says buy one, get one half-off.
 * Patrick: Half? Why does one of us only get half a frozen yogurt for free?
 * SpongeBob: (sigh) No, Patrick. There's no free frozen yogurt. You brought money, correct?
 * Patrick: Oh, yeah, of course I did! I've got my wallet right...(reaches into pants) Huh. Must be in my other pants.
 * SpongeBob: Patrick, I've only ever seen you wear one pair of pants.
 * Patrick: Huh? Oh. I guess I don't own a wallet.
 * (SpongeBob sighs again.)
 * SpongeBob: Don't worry about it, Patrick. I'll pay for your yogurt.
 * Patrick: Alright! Thanks, buddy! (Patrick pauses and looks at his frowning friend.) Hey, is something the matter? You seem kinda...down.
 * SpongeBob: Huh? Oh, no, Patrick, I'm fine. Don't worry about it.
 * Patrick: Don't worry about what? I forgot what we were talking about.
 * SpongeBob: (thinking to self) Of course you did, Patrick. You never change. I wish I could be like you and live in this oblivious state.
 * SpongeBob and Patrick reach the frozen yogurt shop as SpongeBob continues to think to himself.
 * SpongeBob: (thinking to self) I wish I understood what was happening to me. Why am I going through some kind of midlife crisis at thirty years old? Oh, I know why...most thirty-year-olds still feel like they're accomplishing something. I work at a dead-end job meant for sixteen-year-olds. I have two real friends, one of whom switches between almost comprehensible and completely braindead, and the other one who I got stuck in the friend zone with years ago.
 * Patrick: SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob snaps out of his thoughts.
 * SpongeBob: Yeah?
 * Patrick: Do you think they have Triple Gooberberry Sunrises here?
 * SpongeBob: Probably not, Patrick. This is a frozen yogurt place, and it isn't part of the Goofy Goober franchise. You could get vanilla frozen yogurt, put some chocolate sauce on it, add some fruit in a certain pattern, and basically make the same thing.
 * Patrick: That sounds hard. Can you do it for me?
 * SpongeBob: Can I...(sigh) Yeah, sure, Patrick.
 * Patrick: Thanks, buddy! You're the best.
 * SpongeBob: (thinking to self again) Am I really? Sometimes I feel like I'm a real burden to people. Like Squidward. It's finally hit me after all these years that my presence seems to cause him some kind of emotional pain. And that's a real crappy feeling, knowing you're doing that to someone who you don't have any hard feelings for.
 * SpongeBob grabs yogurt cups for both him and Patrick, as we cut over to a conversation happening over at the cash register between a random person with long blonde hair and a bored-looking teenage male cashier.
 * Blonde Person: There is a serious problem. There are remnants of what is clearly dairy-based vanilla frozen yogurt over by the non-dairy lemon sorbet.
 * Cashier: Um...okay?
 * Blonde Person: That's cross contamination! You have your lemon sorbet clearly labeled as vegan! Just the smell of the dairy over by the sorbet is making me nauseous! I could sue!
 * Cashier: (sigh) Alright, ma'am, I'll have someone-
 * Blonde Person: Excuse me? Did you just assume my gender?
 * Cashier: Assume what?
 * Blonde Person: You called me "ma'am", assuming that I conform to your standard...binary...gender SYSTEM.
 * The voices fade away as we go back to SpongeBob, walking over to a yogurt machine.
 * SpongeBob: (thinking to self) I suppose my life could be worse. I could be that guy. At least Patrick's letting me portion the yogurt; his eyes are always bigger than his stomach.
 * SpongeBob takes the two cups and puts in a moderate amount of vanilla frozen yogurt. He then takes them over to the toppings bar.
 * SpongeBob: (thinking to self) Y'know, I'll get Patrick what he wants, but maybe I'll try something new. (analyzes topping bar) Looks like they've gotten some new stuff since the last time I was here. Oh, gross! Who the hell puts Sriracha on their frozen yogurt? Oreo cookies, you can't go wrong with those. Ooh, marshmallow fluff. Macadamia nuts? Can't say I've ever had 'em. They look good.
 * (SpongeBob scoops some marshmallow fluff, macadamia nuts, and banana slices onto his frozen yogurt. He then goes to the trouble of making Patrick's look pretty much identical to the Triple Gooberberry Sunrise - chocolate sauce hair, a banana/cherry hat, candy buttons for eyes, and a licorice smile. He then takes both of his cups of frozen yogurt over to the cashier area, pays, and then sits down with Patrick.
 * SpongeBob: Your Triple Gooberberry Yogurt Sunrise, sir.
 * Patrick: Thanks! (glances at SpongeBob's cup) Hey, wait a minute. You got more than I did.
 * SpongeBob: No, Patrick. The weights were almost identical on the scale you put the cups on.
 * Patrick: Almost.
 * SpongeBob: Yes. Yours was slightly heavier than mine because you had more toppings. So technically you have more than me.
 * Patrick: I don't believe that!
 * SpongeBob: (sigh) Patrick, you do this every time. And it's honestly starting to get on my nerves. (sticks spoon in frozen yogurt) Do you ever wonder why we don't hang out as much as we used to?
 * Patrick: (looks slightly hurt) Gee, SpongeBob. What do you mean?
 * SpongeBob: It's because you do childish things like this when we're out in public. It's honestly embarrassing to have to nurture you like a child when you're the same age as me.
 * Patrick: Why would you want to neuter me? (shivers in horror) Seems kinda mean, SpongeBob.
 * SpongeBob: Good God, Patrick, nurture. (takes a bite of yogurt) The fact you're thirty years old and don't know the meaning of 'nurture' is...is...(suddenly struggling for air)
 * Patrick: SpongeBob?
 * SpongeBob: (weakly coughs) Help.
 * SpongeBob begins to lose his balance, as Patrick runs over and holds him up.
 * Patrick: Oh, no, he's choking! I know what to do, but...I should wash my hands first.
 * A random fish at another table suddenly interrupts.
 * Random Fish: Seriously? This is your chance! Be a good friend and help him!
 * Patrick: You're right. Thanks, random stranger!
 * Patrick begins performing the Heimlich maneuver on SpongeBob. Not only is it a bit poorly executed (his hands are too high up and he's got too much force), that isn't the problem - no food is stuck in SpongeBob's airway. Instead, a bit of blood sprays onto the table.
 * Patrick: Gee, it's really stuck in there!
 * Random Fish: Wait! I'm not sure that's the problem!
 * Another random fish interrupts.
 * Random Fish #2: Does he have any allergies that you know of?
 * Patrick: Algae? What would SpongeBob be doing with algae?
 * Both the random fish sigh. The camera perspective changes over to SpongeBob, who is still struggling for air. The sound is muffled. After a second or two, he falls to the floor, and the sound entirely fades away except for a high-pitched buzz. Patrick and the two fish from gather around him, but the picture slowly fades out before going completely black.
 * Patrick: SpongeBob? SpongeBob!
 * Random Fish: I'll call a paramedic.
 * The room is silent for a few seconds.
 * Cashier: Well, guess I better get to cleaning that up. I know blood definitely isn't vegan and someone'll gripe at me about it.
 * In progress!