The Heroic Barnacles

The Heroic Barnacles is the forty-third episode of the spin-off series, Absorbent Days, and the third episode of season three. In this episode, SpongeBob and Patrick encounter a duo of heroes after a confrontation from Man Ray, revealed to be the sons-in-training of Barnacle Boy. Threatening to send the two off to real school rather than superhero school, SpongeBob and Patrick decide to take the duo under their wing. Can they turn the duo into a super pair and save the town? This episode is paired with Glum Chum.

Characters

 * SpongeBob SquarePants
 * Patrick Star
 * Man Ray (debut)
 * Barnacle Jr./Male 1 (debut)
 * Boy Jr./Male 2 (debut)
 * Barnacle Boy (debut)
 * Mermaid Man (debut; cameos)
 * Miscellaneous escape inmates (cameos)
 * Officers (mentioned; no lines)

Transcript

 * (the episode begins with a closeup of SpongeBob and Patrick, obviously shaking of fear within a gap between city buildings; maniacal laughing can be heard in the background)


 * SpongeBob: (constricted) What...do...we...do, Patrick?


 * Patrick: (strained) I'm...not...sure, buddy.


 * (the camera reveals Man Ray, holding a ray gun in front of the two, laughing maniacally)


 * Man Ray: (laughing) Finally, I have contained two members of this crumbling town, the start to the construction of my vast empire. I shall start my reign with you two as my minions! (points ray gun at SpongeBob and Patrick) Pledge your loyalty to me now, and your demise will be delayed!


 * SpongeBob: Loyal tree!


 * Patrick: Toiletries!


 * SpongeBob: (pulls out wallet) Take my money!


 * Patrick: I really have to...


 * Man Ray: Alright, that's enough! Looks like your end is to be now. (points ray gun again) Say goodbye, fools!


 * Voice: (offscreen) I don't think so, evil doer!


 * Man Ray: What? (turns around)


 * (camera reveals two male humans, each wearing black tights, an orange shirt, flippers, black gloves, and a sailor's hat; they are perched on a building adjacent to Man Ray)


 * Man Ray: And who might you civilians be?


 * Male 1: If you must know, Man Ray, we are the future heroes of Bikini Bottom. And we're making (points to self) our debut by putting you (points to Man Ray) in the stoney lonesome.


 * Man Ray: Oh, really? This hardly seems like a fair fight. I outnumber the both of you in skills and mastermindness! You cannot beat me!


 * Male 2: We'll see about that!


 * (the duo glide down in front of Man Ray)


 * Male 1: Boy Jr., barnacle spit attack!


 * Male 2: Can do, Barnacle Jr.!


 * SpongeBob: Barnacle Jr. and Boy Jr.?!


 * (the heroic duo begin firing barnacles from their mouths at Man Ray, causing him to stumble backwards; SpongeBob and Patrick manuever out of the way of Man Ray, causing him to be backed up into a brick wall)


 * Man Ray: Enough playing around! (blasts ray gun at the heroic duo, trapping them in an energy chamber) I shall get my vengeance later. For now, it's time to wreak havoc elsewhere. Ta ta! (flies out of scene, laughing maniacally)


 * SpongeBob: (walks up to cage; unlocks padlock) That should do it. (opens cage)


 * Male 1: Thanks, citizen. (steps out of cage with Boy Jr.)


 * Patrick: Who are you guys?


 * Male 2: Our identities are a secret.


 * Barnacle Boy: (offscreen) No! (enters scene) Secret identities are for heroes! Heroes that stop the bad guys!


 * Boy Jr.: (defeated) We tried, dad.


 * Barnacle Boy: Well, it wasn't enough!


 * SpongeBob and Patrick: Dad?!


 * Barnacle Boy: That's right! These two so-called "heroes" are my good-for-nothin' sons! While Mermaid Man is away on retirement vacation, enjoying dry scones...


 * (cut shows Mermaid Man, dressed in tropical clothing and holding scones, dancing with other elders on a disco floor)


 * Barnacle Boy: ...I took the opportunity to train these two to follow their passion of becoming heroes. For the last time, you two have failed me. It's time to send you off to...


 * Barnacle Jr.: (gasps) No! Anything but that!


 * Barnacle Boy: ...college! Come on. Let's pack your bags. (walks away from scene with forlorn sons)


 * SpongeBob: Wait, Barnacle Boy!


 * Barnacle Boy: (stops with sons) What do you want, sponge?


 * SpongeBob: Patrick and I here...


 * Patrick: That's me!


 * SpongeBob: ...see potential within these two...gents. Why not let us train them in our (in a fancy accent) expert opinion?


 * Barnacle Boy: Hmm. (to self) The blind leading the blind. (aloud) Fine! If you two can somehow make these two believable heroes by the end of the day, I won't send them off to get an education. However, if they fail me again, not only are they out of here, (to SpongeBob and Patrick) but it'll be your heads!


 * Patrick: But I'm still using that!


 * (Barnacle Boy exits the scene)


 * Barnacle Jr.: Thanks, guys! But how are you two going to make us super?


 * SpongeBob: The only way we know how. Patrick, thinking what I'm thinking?


 * Patrick: Superhero montage?


 * SpongeBob: Let's do it!


 * (the montage begins with the heroic duo attacking training dummies, only for their strikes to rebound into themselves and knock themselves out; the next scene involves the heroic duo, testing out their barnacle spit attack, only for the blast to send them back into a brick wall; the next scene involves the duo, running and bouncing off Patrick's belly and gliding, only for Barnacle Jr. to crash into Boy Jr.)


 * SpongeBob: Uh...next?


 * Barnacle Jr.: Forget it, SpongeBob! (stands up) We're never going to get this superhero thing down!


 * Boy Jr.: It would take an explosive miracle to get us to save the town, much less heroes.


 * (an explosion occurs offscreen; the quartet turn around, revealing the Bikini Bottom Municipal Jail; the smoke clears, revealing a laughing Man Ray, standing in front of escaped inmates)


 * Man Ray: Yes! My plan is working! It is time to claim my vengeance, and rule my vast empire with my minions!


 * Patrick: Think...uh...again, Man Ray!


 * SpongeBob: These two are gonna end your reign of terror!


 * Barnacle Jr.: Yeah, about this superhero thing...


 * Boy Jr. ...we don't want to anymore.


 * SpongeBob: Don't be afraid, guys. You two can do this! Use what you've learned, while Patrick and I watch...from afar. (Patrick and him zip out of the scene behind a rock) You can do it!


 * Man Ray: Minions, attack! (the inmates charge toward Barnacle and Boy Jr.)


 * Barnacle Jr.: (inhales and exhales) Boy Jr., ninja strike attacks! (the heroic duo begin striking the escaped inmates similar to the montage test dummies)


 * Man Ray: No way!


 * Boy Jr.: Barnacle Jr., barnacle spit attack! (the heroic duo turn around, and begin blasting barnacles; the force sends them backwards into the inmates, knocking out the remaining portion of them)


 * Man Ray: That's it! I'll do this myself! (points ray gun at the heroic duo)


 * Barnacle Jr. and Boy Jr.: Glide tackle! (the duo use a staircase of inmates to leap toward Man Ray; they crashland into Man Ray, knocking him out)


 * Barnacle Jr.: (places handcuffs on Man Ray; hands him to officers) Take this evil doer away.


 * Barnacle Boy: (enters scene with claps) Bravo! Bravo, sons! Bravo!


 * Boy Jr.: Did you see it all, dad?


 * Barnacle Boy: Indeed. (SpongeBob and Patrick enter the scene) These two interrupted the dry scones retirement party...


 * (cut reappears, showing Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, both in tropical clothing and holding scones, dancing with the elders on the disco floor)


 * Barnacle Boy: ...and called me here. Good thing, because I see now that I was...not as right as I could have been. You two are truly heroes, and Bikini Bottom will be in good hands.


 * Patrick: Let's celebrate with...


 * All: Scones!


 * (the heroic duo are the first to bite into their scones, only for them to both to cough)


 * Boy Jr.: So...dry!


 * (the two cough out a barnacle, and are launched backwards into brick walls)


 * Barnacle Boy: Well, they're not the sturdiest of hands, Bikini Bottom.


 * (episode ends)