Fancy Footwork

Fancy Footwork is the 17th episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge.

It is the 38th overall episode of the series.

Plot
Squidward discovers he is really good at soccer, and is offered a high-paying job at Bikini Bottom's soccer team. Now he is faced with a serious choice.

Story
[Squidward is walking on the way to basketball practice]

Squidward: (trips over a soccer ball) Whoops!

Kid: That's our ball! Kick it to us!

Other Kid: Yeah, old man!

Squidward: Oh? You wanna see some fancy footwork?

Kid: You're too OLD!

Other Kid: Yeah, old man!

Squidward: Alright, I've got 5 minutes. That's long enough to school you.

Kid: I'd like to see you TRY!

Other Kid: Yeah, old man!

Squidward: (takes the soccer ball, and shows off some extremely impressive moves; he scores several goals on the kids)

Kid: Whoa....you're good.

Other Kid: Yeah, old man....

Squidward: That's how it's done, ladies. Now if you'll excuse me, I have basketball practice.

Kid: Basketball? Pfft! You'd make millions as a soccer player!

Squidward: Well, I-

Other Kid: Yeah, old man!

Squidward: I should really be going. See you kids.

[As he is walking away, he notices a shady man watching him from behind a tree]

Squidward: Can I help you, sir?

?: The name's Slate.

Squidward: ….ok

Slate: Those were some pretty impressive moves.

Squidward: Well, I got 8 legs...heh-heh.

Slate: (hands Squidward a card) Here's my card. I want you on my team. You'll make millions.

Squidward: Sir, I-

Slate: Give me a call. (vanishes)

Squidward: …..(looks at the card) Hmmm.....

[He soon arrives at basketball practice]

LeBron: Team, I-

Squidward: Coach! Just wondering, how come we never get paid?

LeBron: #1: This is just for funzies. You're a bunch of suckers.

Squidward: …..

LeBron: #2: I don't have any money.

SpongeBob: Why not?

Krabs: I didn't steal his money! ….heh-heh.....(blushes)

LeBron: My wallet went missing.....(glares at Krabs)

Krabs: You don't have any evidence! (sprays Larry in the face with pepper spray; rus out of the gm)

Larry: GAHHH!!! BARNACLES!!!!

Plankton: Tee-hee.

Larry: (stomps on Plankton)

Plankton: GAHHHH!!!! BARNACLES!!!!

Squidward: Well, Coach, if you aren't going to pay me......I have a phone call to make. (leaves the gym)

LeBron: …..Squid......Squid Man?

SpongeBob: Want me to go talk to him?

Larry: Want me to go pound his face?

Patrick: Want me to make out with Lexi?

Lexi: Want me to make out with Patrick?

Patrick & Lexi: …...YES!!!! (they make out)

LeBron: Squid needs some time to himself. He'll be back.

[At home, in his bubble bath]

Squidward: (dials Slate's number) Hello? Is this Slate?

Slate: (on the phone) Ahh, Squidward. I see you changed your mind.

Squidward: How did you know my name?

Slate: I hacked your FishBook account....I mean I saw your.....nametag.

Squidward: I don't wear a nametag.

Slate: Yes you do......you're just blind.

Squidward: Very well then.

Slate: So I see you changed you mind.

Squidward: I didn't say that!

Slate: Well, is there perhaps another reason you called me?

Squidward: ….(sigh).....I'll join.

Slate: Wonderful! Practice for the Bikini Bottom Fairies begins tomorrow at 7!

Squidward: 7 a.m.????

Slate: Yes, Squidward.

Squidward: I need mah beauty sleep!

Slate: 7 a.m. Period.

Squidward: (sigh) Why are we called the “Fairies” anyway?

Slate: It's soccer. We're pathetic, wimpy losers who failed at other sports.

Squidward: I have a steady position as a basketball player, FYI.

Slate: And how much do you make?

Squidward: …..

Slate: ZERO, that's correct.

Squidward: Fine.

Slate: You're gonna love it, Squidward. I'm an amazing coach.

Squidward: Oh, I'm sure....

Slate: In fact-

Squidward: (drops his phone in the tub) BARNACLES!!!!

[At 7:00 in the morning]

Slate: Welcome, team. We have a new player with us today. Care to introduce yourself?

Squidward: Well, my name is Squidward......

Everyone: …..

Squidward: My nose is shaped like a penis.

Slate: Alright, let's begin!

[Everyone begins doing hundreds of situps and pushups]

Squidward: What are we doing?

Slate: Situps and pushups. Get moving!

Squidward: But, my coach never makes us do these.

Slate: Well I'M your coach, now. And soccer players are the most in-shape athletes in the world!

Squidward: Says who? Soccer sucks!

Slate: Excuse me?

Squidward: You heard me, it SUCKS MONKEY NUGGETS.

Everyone: (gasps) Let's get 'em!

[They capture him]

Squidward: What's going on here?

Slate: You insulted soccer!

Squidward: So did you! When we were on the phone!

Slate: I'm the coach. I can do that.

Squidward: It's boring and pointless! I'm only good at it because I have 8 legs!

Everyone: (punches him)

Squidward: AH!!!

Slate: Soccer players are also the cockiest people in the world.

Squidward: Idk, Larry's pretty hard to beat...

Slate: You will enjoy practice. No matter what.

Squidward: Screw everything. When does practice end?

Slate: Never. Everyone here is OWNED by me. And plays by force.

Squidward: Whaaat? Why?

Slate: (points a gun at him) Because nobody likes soccer.

Squidward: That's true.

[Outside of the field, LeBron & friends pull up in a van]

Larry: What are we doing at a soccer field? Soccer SUCKS!!!!

Krabs: Ewwwww, soccer!!!!!

Patrick: Soccer sucks!!!!!

SpongeBob: Meh, it's okay...

Larry: (bites down on SpongeBob's arm)

SpongeBob: AHHHH!!! OKAY, SOCCER SUCKS!!!

LeBron: Relax, team. We're here to check on Squidy.

[He looks through binoculars]

Larry: You see anything?

LeBron: Holy cheese.

Larry: Whaat?

LeBron: Nothing, I want some cheese.

Larry: Oh.

LeBron: Ah, NOW I SEE SOMETHING.

Larry: Whaat?

LeBron: They've got a gun pointed at him! We're going in!

[Inside the field]

Squidward: You'll never take me alive, Slate.

Slate: Exactly. Because if you don't cooperate, you'll be killed.

Squidward: Oh yeah.......shoulda thought that over.

Everyone: Hahaahahahhahahahah (we hate life) hahahahahahahaha.

[LeBron's van busts into the scene and runs over Slate's team]

Slate: AHH! My players! Where am I gonna find anyone else dumb enough to be on a soccer team?

Squidward: Well, you do force people.

Slate: Any logical person would commit suicide over playing soccer!

Squidward: Valid point.

LeBron: (jumps out of the van) Give us back our squid!

Squidward: (excited) Coach!

Slate: Eww, basketball players!

LeBron: Don't act like soccer is better!

Slate: (starts sobbing) Soccer is absolute garbage! I've wasted my life forcing people to play this ridiculous sport.....(sniff).....I feel so worthless! (sobbing uncontrollably)

LeBron: (pats him) There, there. I'll let you join my basketball team.

Slate: (sniff) Really?

LeBron: Of course, dawg.

Slate: Wow....this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me.

LeBron: Here, let me strap you to this rocket. (straps him to a rocket)

Slate: Thanks, but why-

LeBron: (presses a button; the rocket launches into outer space, carrying Slate with it)

SpongeBob: Haha!

Plankton: Woot! Woot!

Lexi: It' so romatic.

Patrick: Kiss me. (they kiss)

Larry: Where's that rocket going to, Coach?

LeBron: Another galaxy. An undiscovered galaxy.

Larry: Nice!

Squidward: Thanks for saving me, Coach! Soccer is the bane of humanity.

LeBron: And fish-manity. Or whatever.

Squidward: Yeah that.

LeBron: Now, let's go to Taco Hell! My treat!

SpongeBob: Yaaaaay!

Krabs: I thought Taco Hell was destroyed???

LeBron: It was rebuilt. A Mexican dude owns it. You literally thought he couldn't do constuction?

Krabs: (sigh) Good point.