Five

<< Evicted! Season One

Transcript
(Episode opens around the table)

Joe: This time it was a 3 - 0 vote. Fluffward, you are safe from eviction yet again.

LightBob: Wait that means…

Joe: Yes. LightBob, you have been evicted.

LightBob: Nooooooo sooooo close!

(LightBob walks out onto the stage and sees everyone else who has been evicted)

Voice: So now we enter the final five. We’re almost done with this game guys.

SpongeBob: And now my copy is gone!

Squidward: Mine’s still here.

Fluffward: I AM MY OWN SQUID.

Squidward: Mmhmm sure.

(Fluffward rages and the camera cuts to the next challenge)

Voice: So for your next challenge, all of you have a bow and arrow.

(Bows and arrows appear for everyone)

Squidward: Cool.

Maja: I like weapons!

Voice: There are also four balloons. So this is how it goes: hit a balloon and you last another round. Miss, and you lose all shots at winning. Got it?

SpongeBob: Yep.

Voice: On your mark, get set, go!

(Everyone starts shooting at random and SpongeBob hits a target)

Voice: SpongeBob has hit a target, three left.

(Fluffward hits a target)

Fluffward: Let’s goooo.

(Joe misses a target and Maja hits one)

Maja: Hahaha yes!

Joe: Come on!

(Joe and Squidward start shooting at random, and then Squidward hits one)

Voice: And Joe is out, no shot at winning.

Joe: Dang it!

Voice: Okay everyone get your bows ready to hit the next balloons.

(Everyone gets ready)

Voice: Go!

(Fluffward and Maja hit balloons and Squidward fails)

Squidward: Crap!

(SpongeBob hits a balloon)

Squidward: Double crap!

Voice: Now we’re down to three. Go!

(Maja hits a balloon and SpongeBob and Fluffward keep missing)

SpongeBob: Fluffward look a donkey!

Fluffward: Where?

SpongeBob: GOTTEEM!

(SpongeBob hits a balloon)

Voice: So now it’s just SpongeBob and Maja. Whoever wins this gets into the final four. Go!

(SpongeBob fires and misses, and then Maja fires and hits Squidward in the nose)

Squidward: OWWWWWW!

Maja: Oops sorry!

(Maja pulls the arrow out and fires again, this time hitting a balloon)

Voice: And Maja wins! Congrats, you can nominate two people when we get back.

(Camera cuts back to the table)

Maja: So now we’re in the top five and I gotta think about who could beat me in the very end. So first I’m nominating Joe, since he’s a threat that’s been flying under the radar since day one. Which is also the last time he was nominated so yeah.

Voice: Nice shpeel. Anyways, who else?

Maja: Hmmmmmm. Let’s go with Squidward since I feel bad for shooting him in the nose and he should really go see a real doctor and not the creepy nurse in the lounge.

Voice: Hey don’t reveal the set.

Maja: What?

(Camera zooms out to reveal a mansion set with a green screen behind it, a cameraman, a boom mic guy, a make-up department, and stunt doubles)

Voice: Goddammit we weren’t supposed to break the fourth wall.

Cameraman: Act natural maybe they won’t notice.

Joe Biden Stunt Double: Yeah because they wouldn’t have already caught onto the fact that a supposedly 60 year old Vice President is super strong and athletic. I mean that would be impressive, but not real.

Voice: ZOOM IN QUICKLY.

(Camera zooms back in)

Maja: Oh sorry.

SpongeBob: This is a set?

Voice: IGNORE THAT INCIDENT VIEWERS, VOTING ENDS TOMORROW!

Who gets out? Joe Squidward