Seven

Transcript
(Episode opens around the table)

Steve: So yeah, it was another 2 - 1 vote this time.

(Derpy dramatic music starts playing)

EB: Yeah, I had some extra money for he show’s budget and wanted to kick up the suspense.

Steve: Spot… you have been evicted.

Spot: Ruff?

Plankton: Noooooooo! Spot!

(Spot walks out onto the stage)

Steve: How sad. So now there are seven of you, but… today we have a twisty twist.

EB: Yes, very twisty twist indeed.

Steve: Spot, come on back in.

EB: We told them all about this.

(All nine of the previously eliminated contestants come in)

Steve: Today, somebody will rejoin the game!

Squilliam: Ah shit.

Poopla: What was that?

EB: KEEP IT FAMILY FRIENDLY PEOPLE!!!

Steve: So, we’re going to split the nine into trios for their first challenge.

(EB pulls names out of a hat)

EB: In trio one, we have Donald Trump, The Sixth Doctor, and Poopla. In trio, we have Don, Polar, and Alpooh. And in trio, well, duo three we have Larry and Spot.

Amaya: Wait why isn’t Boxy here?

EB: He was disqualified. He’s different, so he doesn’t get the shot to rejoin. Anyways, for these guy’s first challenge, they will have to fight each other with boxing gloves on a tall platform.

(The trios and duo get teleported to a platform above water)

Steve: Last person standing wins it for their trio or duo. On your mark, get set, go!

(Larry takes out Poopla and Alpooh in a single swing)

Larry: Ha!

(The Sixth Doctor and Donald Trump take on Larry)

Larry: I’m bigger then both of your combined!

The Sixth Doctor: We know.

(Donald Trump trips Larry, causing him to fall)

Spot: Ruff Ruff!

(Spot dive tackles Donald Trump, taking both of them over the edge)

Steve: And we’re already down to three. Polar, who’s done nothing, The Sixth Doctor, who has also done nothing, and Don, who has also done nothing. It’s looking pretty bad for The Sixth Doctor.

The Sixth Doctor: Hey!

(The Sixth Doctor charges into Polar and knocks her our)

Polar: HE HIT A WOMAN! I REPEAT! HE HIT! A WOMAN!

Granite: (from below) I wonder what’s going on out there.

Don: The Sixth Doctor! I will not let you win! I was the first one evicted!

(Don charged at TSD, but TSD steps out of the way, causing Don to lose)

EB: The Sixth Doctor wins! He will compete against Donald Trump and Poopla to return to the game.

Steve: Everyone else, get lost!

(Steve and EB escort the trio inside to the second challenge)

Steve: For your second challenge, you will all have to cook a dinner using only the ingredients on your stove. On your mark, get set, go!

(Poopla throws everything into the same pan without unwrapping or unboxing anything)

Poopla: This is how my dad taught me to cook. He was great!

Donald Trump: Yeah, sure. As you can see EB, I’m doing an orange infused lamb, which is also orange, with some orange rice and corn.

EB: It sounds decent, but why so much orange?

Donald Trump: Because that’s all the writer knows about me. I’m a man of many secrets EB, a man of many secrets.

EB: What writer, this is a reality TV show!

Donald Trump: Oh you’ll find out soon enough.

(Meanwhile, The Sixth Doctor is trying to keep something from escaping the oven)

EB: So, what’s going on here?

The Sixth Doctor: I was umm, baking pie.

Steve: Oooh boy! What flavor?

The Sixth Doctor: Ummm, pie flavor?

(A large claw reaches out from the oven and tries to scratch TSD, but he hits it in with a spatula)

EB: Looks great!

(Moments later, a bell rings and EB motions for everyone to bring their dishes up)

Steve: We will now eat, and judge. Whoever has the best dish gets back into the game!

EB: First we’ll try The Sixth Doctor’s, who we were anxious to try.

(The Sixth Doctor puts down a pie, which appears to have cherries in it)

Steve: So cherry pie, TSD?

The Sixth Doctor: Mmmhmm, those are totally cherries.

(Steve takes a bite, and immediately spits it out)

Steve: I don’t know what that was, but there’s no way it was a cherry.

The Sixth Doctor: I swear I killed him in the most humane way possible Steve.

(EB takes a bite and throws the plate in the trash)

EB: It tastes like the last time I hired an Argentinian maid!

Steve: Wait what do you mean by that?

EB: Not the point. TSD, unless the other guys serve us literal shit, you’re not winning.

Steve: Whoa, keep it family friendly mate! Poopla, you’re next.

(Poopla serves Steve and EB something that looks like literal shit)

EB: Why do I say these things?

Poopla: I give you, Poopla a la Modé. Enjoy!

Steve: I am legitimately scared to touch that.

EB: We have to.

(EB forced himself to take a bite)

Poopla: So, what do you think?

EB: What do I think?

Poopla: Yeah?

EB: How. Did. You.

(EB glances at Steve)

EB: Make shit taste this good?! It actually tastes amazing! I don’t exactly know what flavor I can pinpoint it as, but I don’t care because I love it! Good job!

(EB clears out the whole plate, and Steve eats most of his)

Steve: Finally, Donald Trump.

Donald Trump: Here’s my dish, ‘Orange’.

(Steve takes a bite)

Steve: Not bad, but I just didn’t understand the use of orange rice. Also orange rice? What?

Donald Trump: I like rice.

EB: Well here’s who didn’t win. The Sixth Doctor. And, Donald Trump. Despite valiant efforts, Poopla had the best dish. Poopla, you’re back in the game!

Poopla: Yeah!

Steve: And as a double bonus, you get to get revenge on the people who wronged you by being the automatic nominator this episode.

(Camera cuts back to the table, as Steve and EB arrive with Poopla hidden inside a crate)

Granite: What’s in the crate?

EB: Your returning competitor, and nominator for today.

Bob Ross: So who is it?

Squidina: Yeah!

(Poopla hops out of the crate)

Hoopla: Come on, him?!

Poopla: Oh shut up Hoopla. I’ve waited a long time to do this, so lemme nominate some peeps. I’m nominating Squilliam first, because he was super mean to me!

Squilliam: When?

Poopla: When we weren’t on national tv. Second, I’m going to nominate Hoopla for being a nusience since day one. He is a thorn in my side, and like all thorns he must be removed.

Hoopla: HOOPLA! That was actually a great metaphor!

Steve: Well you heard the guy you viewers voted out, vote somebody who HE nominated out!

Who gets out now? Squilliam Hoopla