Of Gods and Mortals

Of Gods and Mortals is the 19th episode of Season 2 of Basket Sponge.

It is the 40th overall episode of the series.

Plot
Prince Triton hears about the team and would like a royal match. Except the team was NEVER trained for immortals!

Story
We interrupt this program to bring you Courage the Cowardly Dog Show!

LeBron: Patrick, why is their a flat screen TV in the gym?

Patrick: Shut up, this is the best part. (eating popcorn)

Squidward: He had it installed this morning.

LeBron: We can't have a TV in here!

[He snatches the remote from Patrick; as he does this, the channel accidentally switches to an infomercial]

Lady on TV: (with a sincere fae) Hello. Nearly half of men over 40 experience some degree of erectile disfunction. Are you-

[Larry smashes the TV with a sledgehammer]

Larry: (pant, pant, pant)

Everyone: ….....

Larry: Come on. You didn't find that disturbing?

Patrick: That was my TV!

Lexi: (comforting him) We'll get a better TV, babe.

LeBron: Guys, ahem. This is BASKETBALL practice.

Patrick: What's basketball?

LeBron: (facepalm)

SpongeBob: We never actually practice basketball.

Krabs: It's more of a social gathering...

LeBron: Well we should CHANGE that!

Squidward: How?

Plankton: By practicing, dummy!

LeBron: Thank you, uh.....who are you?

Plankton: It's me, Plankton.

LeBron: …...?

Plankton: One of your players!

LeBron: Have we met....?

Plankton: YES!!! I'm here every DAY!!!

LeBron: Did we go to preschool together?

Plankton: Aww, for Neptune's sake, forget it!!!

[King Neptune protrudes into the gym with a wrath of fire]

King Neptune: Who DARES take the name of King Neptune, Ruler of the Sea, in VAIN?

[Everyone points to Plankton]

King Neptune: ….you all just pointed to a pile of dirt.

Plankton: No, I'm a PERSON down here!

King Neptune: Oh? A talking dust bunny?

Plankton: Oh, for the love of Neptune!

King Neptune: That's it! All of you will be BURNED!!! (pulls out his trident)

[His daughter, Princess Mindy from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie stands in front of him]

Mindy: Daddy, please, no!

King Neptune: (zaps her) Not this time, DEAR!!!

Mindy: (burnt and sizzling) Point taken....

King Neptune: Now, all of you Bulldogs with be put to DEATH, but first....

[He freezes Mr. Krabs]

Krabs: (frozen) Awww.....come on....

Squidward: What's your obsession with freezing Mr. Krabs?

LeBron: Don't kill us, Your Majesty.

Larry: Yeah! Just kill.....uh.....what's your name?

Plankton: PLANKTON! MY NAME IS PLANKTON!

Larry: Right. Kill Plankton.

Plankton: Thank you. Wait, no!

King Neptune: Silence! You all will be put to death, no matter WHAT!

[Prince Triton, his son, gets in front of him]

Prince Triton: Whoa, whoa, Dad! These guys are cool!

LeBron: (whispering) Who's that dawg?

SpongeBob: It's King Neptune's son.

King Neptune: Son, Daddy is in the middle of punishing these disrespectful creatures.

Prince Triton: I've seen their basketball games on TV! These dudes are hilarious!

King Neptune: Go on.

Prince Triton: I propse they shall play a royal game at the King's Banquet this Saturday.

King Neptune: Hmmm....some entertainment for the inlaws. That's not a bad idea.

Prince Triton: If they win, they shall be proclaimed as the Royal Team of the Sea.

King Netptune: Yes, and if they lose?

Prince Triton: They will be fed to....The Behemoth!

[The Behemoth from Climatic Conditioning is seen chained in front of Neptune's chariot]

SpongeBob: You captured that thing?

King Neptune: All the way from Death Peak!

Larry: Impressive....

Prince Triton: So, please, Father. Agree to this.

King Neptune: Hmmm....very well. I expect to see all of you Saturday, promptly at noon!

Patrick: Ahem, I don't wake up till 4 p.m.

Lexi: (punches him)

Patrick: Noon it is!

King Neptune: Indeed. Your lives depend on it.

[He jumps in the chariot, and rides far into the distance]

Prince Triton: Sorry about that, guys.

LeBron: Are you kidding me, dawg?

SpongeBob: You saved our lives!

Prince Triton: I must warn you. Our current royal team is REALLY good.

Larry: Pffft. Like they could EVER beat me! Haha!

Prince Triton: They gods and rulers of the sea can beat any mortal being. You'd better train! (he vanishes)

[Mindy is still there]

Mindy: (to Patrick) So, remember that thing we had....in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie....

Lexi: (grabs her, throws her to the ground, stomps on her, rips her hair out until she bleeds, stabs her with a pitchfork) Pant....pant....pant.....

Patrick: And that would be my girlfriend.

Mindy: (on the ground) Never mind....

[On the way to the royal match]

SpongeBob: LeBron, we've had about a week to practice...how come we HAVEN'T?

LeBron: I'm feeling good about it.

Larry: They're gods of the sea! How are you feeling GOOD about it?

LeBron: I have a plan.

''[Soon they arrive at Neptune's Palace. They enter the gates, and asssume their position in the Royal Gym]''

King Neptune: (him and his family are watching from their tables in the corner) See, Honey, these are the horrible players you wanted!

Neptune's Wife: Hmm....they do look terrible.

King Neptune: See? And you doubted me, Dear!

Mindy: You wanted terrible players against our royal team?

King Neptune: Yes, sweetie.

Prince Triton: Why, Dad?

King Neptune: All the gods and royals of Bikini Bottom have came to the banquet to watch our royal team crush the worst team we could find.

Prince Triton: That's a little crule...

King Neptune: We're a royal family. We're allowed to be cruel!

Prince Triton: ''(sigh) ….

King Neptune: Besides, The Behemoth is hungry!

[He points to The Behemoth who is snarling and banging inside of a metal cell]

King Neptune: Let the game begin!

[The Bulldogs get ready]

LeBron: Just remember the plan!

Larry: You never told us the plan!

LeBron: Oh.....right....

[He closes his eyes as he hears his team screaming and getting trampled by the Royal Team]

LeBron: Well shit.

[He looks up and sees the score is 60 – 0]

LeBron: Heh-heh....please tell me we have 60.

Larry: (limping down the court) What do YOU think!

Lexi: How are we supposed to beat them?

SpongeBob: They're huge!

Squidward: And they have POWERS!

Krabs: And I'm fat!

LeBron: …...

Krabs: It's true.

LeBron: Fine.

[He looms at the bench; Patrick and Plankton are sitting on it]

LeBron: Patrick, go in for Mr. Krabs.

Patrick: AWWW YEAH!!!! (gets off the bench and runs on to the court)

Krabs: (sitting on the bench) I thought you wanted to WIN!

LeBron: My only other choice was....uh, what's your name again?

Plankton: PLANKTON!

LeBron: Right, that guy. And I'm never letting him leave that bench.

Plankton: (sigh)

[The buzzer beeps, as the game ends]

LeBron: Oh......shit.

King Neptune: Attention, everyone! The Royal Team has beaten the Bikini Bottom Bulldogs!

[The audience claps]

King Neptune: Now, they will be fed to The Behemoth!

[The audience claps]

SpongeBob: …..meep.

[King Neptune opens the cage, and The Behemoth is set loose into the gym]

Behemoth: GRAAAAR!!!!!!

[SpongeBob, Krabs, and Plankton run away screaming]

LeBron: Guys! We have to stay and stand our ground!

Behemoth: (roars in his face)

LeBron: Never mind. Bad idea. Run!

[He sees everyone already ran a long time ago]

LeBron: Dammit!

[The team runs out of the gym, and The Behemoth busts through the walls and pursues them; the gang is chased through the streets of Bikini Bottom]

SpongeBob: (pant, pant) What are we gonna do?

Larry: (pant, pant) LeBron's house is around the corner!

LeBron: Hell no! I'm not letting that disgusting beast destroy my home!

Lexi: We gotta go SOME place!

Krabs: Patrick's rock!

Patrick: No way!

Lexi: Please, babe?

Patrick: Okay. (blushes)

Squidward: We don't have much time!

[The team makes it to Patrick's rock and jumps inside]

LeBron: We should be safe in here...

Plankton: Patrick, why do you have a bra? ...on your bed?

Patrick: That's not important!

SpongeBob: Is that a shirtless picture of Justin Beiber!

Patrick: Shut up!

Squidward: And the bed's wet....

Patrick: I didn't pee!

Squidward: ….

Patrick: I didn't.

Larry: I found a decapitated head!

Patrick: That's just Kevin! My manikin head! (picks Kevin up and hugs him)

Larry: No, over there! (points to the corner, where we see Mickey Mouse's head)

Patrick: Oh, riiight.....that IS a decapitated head.

LeBron: Guys, listen!

[The Behemoth is pounding on Patrick's rock]

LeBron: It's getting closer....

[The Behemoth uproots the entire rock and throws it]

SpongeBob: Uh-oh....

Behemoth: (picks up the team and is about to eat them)

[Suddenly, the creature vanishes]

Plankton: Whoa...what happened?

Prince Triton: It is I.

LeBron: What'd you do, Triton?

Prince Triton: I banished him back to Death Peak. He was a horrible pet, anyways.

Larry: Well you really saved our asses!

Prince Triton: Indeed. Sorry about my dad. He got kinda carried away with the whole “feeding you to the beast” thing. It's just the royals are really hard to entertain these days...

LeBron: No hard feelings, bro.

Prince Triton: In fact, how about we schedule a rematch-

Everyone: HELL NO!!!!!

[LeBron whistles for a taxi]

Driver: Where to? (drinks a beer)

LeBron: Rock Bottom.

Driver: (hickup) To Rock Bottom we go.

[The cab speeds away]

Prince Triton: Rude...