The Good, the Bad, and the Spongy/Transcript

(Shot of Squidward's house, Squidward's humming can be heard. Camera switches and shows Squidward preparing to eat a souffle)

Squidward: Once again, Squiddy, you have outdone yourself. Let's see SpongeBob mess this up.

(He prepares to take a bite. SpongeBob loudly and obnoxiously laughs, shaking the house. The souffle falls onto the ground. Squidward begins grumbling. He sticks his head out his window)

Squidward: SpongeBob!

SpongeBob: Yes Squidward?

Squidward: Keep it down, will you?

SpongeBob: Sure thing, Squidward!

(Squidward returns to get the second souffle he prepared. He sets it on the table and licks his lips. SpongeBob's obnoxious laughing shakes the house. The souffle falls onto the previous souffle. Squidward turns red. He begins stomping and shouting. He crashes through the floor into the time machine)

Squidward: Huh? W-wait a minute... did they... put my house... over a... uh... time machine...?

(SpongeBob's obnoxious laughter shakes the house)

Squidward: Well, I'm not staying here for long.

(He triest to climb outbut accidentally pushes a switch to "past." The time machine enters a vortex, travelling through time)

Squidward: Holy shrimp!

(The machine exits the vortex. The door slowly creeps open. Squidward peers out to see he's in a western town)

Squidward: Ohhh boy.

???: Who goes there?

Squidward: Uhh... me?

???: Why, it's Sherrif Octoward! Back from yer vacation already?

Squidward: Wait, I'm not-

???: Why, my name's Crazy Tom! (Quietly) an' between you an' me, (loudly) I've lost my marbles!

Squidward: What a surprise.

Crazy Tom: But seriously, have you seen 'em? I been lookin' er'where.

Squidward: Well, I gotta go.

Crazy Tom: You can't go now, ya just got back to Bikini Hollow!

(Crazy Tom grabs Squidward and pulls him inside a restaurant called "Krusty Krib." Everybody cheers when they see Squidward)

SpongeBill: How-dee, partner!

Squidward: Spongebob...? What're you doing here?

SpongeBill: Who's SpongeBob? Don't you remember? I'm SpongeBill, yer partner!

(A sea star walks up)

Ranger Rick: 'N I'm Ranger Rick, yer other partner! You get Anemone when ya went ter get yer vaccination?

SpongeBill: I think you mean amnesia and vacation, not anemone and vaccination, Ranger Rick.

Ranger Rick: Heh heh... no.

SpongeBill: Ohhhh... kay, so, Sheriff Octoward, wuts our next job?

Squidward: Our next... wah-

Ol' Krabby: I'll tell ye what. Ye may've gotten amnesier, Mister Octoward, but that doesn't excuse ye from yer job.

Squidward: Lemme guess... your name's Redneck Roger. Get it, 'cause he's... red...

(A silence comes over the Krib)

Squidward: Heh heh... I guess you've... already... heard it... before.

(There's a long pause)

Ol' Krabby: I ain't payin' ye to do standup, Mister Octoward. You know me, I'm Ol' Krabby.

Squidward: Well, Krabby-

Ol' Krabby: Ol' Krabby.

Squidward: Old Krabby-

Ol' Krabby: Ol' Krabby.

Squidward: Ye Ol' Krabby.

Ol' Krabby: Ol' Krabby.

Squidward: Oak Rabby.

Ol' Krabby: Ol' Krabby.

Squidward: Oh my Krabby, (SpongeBill and Ranger Rick join in) oh my Krabby, oh my-

Ol' Krabby: OL' KRABBY.

Squidward: Sorry, I guess I'm just having trouble... pronouncing...

(Ol' Krabby glares at Squidward)

Squidward: (Gulps) So, Ol' Krabby, what's my job, again?

Ol' Krabby: Take down the Grand Outlaw.

Squidward: The who now?

SpongeBill and Ranger Rick: The Grand Outlaw...

Squidward: (Scared) who's he...?

Ol' Krabby: You'll know 'im when ye see 'im. Now shoo, I have a cantina to attend to.

(Ol' Krabby pushes Squidward, SpongeBill and Ranger Rick out the door)

Squidward: Well, how hard can this be?

???: I heard you were lookin' fer me, Sherrif Octoward.

Squidward: Wha- I only just now was told to find you... how did y-

???: I have my ways.

(Squidward realizes the "Grand Outlaw" is Plankton's ancestor)

Squidward: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

???: Wut?

Squidward: You're a joke! Lemme guess, your names-

SpongeBill: Uh, Sherrif Octoward?

Squidward: What?

SpongeBill: The last time you "lemme guess'd," it din't end so well.

Squidward: Oh, come on, it's just-

Doug: Doug. The Grand Outlaw.

Squidward: Wait a minute... Doug?

Doug: You got a problem with my name?

Squidward: Sure.

Doug: Goons, defeet them!

(A sea star walks up)

Pinhead Pat: Sure thang, boss.

Squidward: What, Rick, are you two related?

Ranger Rick: Yup, that's Pinhead Pat, my cousin.

SpongeBill: He lost a bet with Doug. Same with the other goons.

Ranger Rick: Don't worry, Sheriff Octoward, we'll take care'a them goons.

SpongeBill: Yeah, just get Doug.

Squidward: Whaaatever.

Doug: Yer time is up, Sheriff. First Bikini Hollow, then the wor-

(Squidward squishes Doug)

SpongeBill: Yer time is up, Pinhead.

Ranger Rick: Where have I heard that before?

Anchovy Goon: Look! Doug is defeated!

Crazy Tom: It's true!

(The entire town comes out cheering. Squidward sneaks away to the time machine)

Squidward: Time to go back home!

(He pulls the lever towards future. The machine goes into the vortex again before reaching the coral reef. Squidward steps out)

Squidward: Home at last!

(He turns around to see he's on the moon. There's an awkward pause)

Squidward: Ohhhh boy.

Ranger Rick: Don't worry, partner; We can just go back to yer place in the time machine!

Squidward: Wait, what?

(Episode ends)