Curse of the Frycook (transcript)

This is a transcript for Curse of the Frycook.

Script
SpongeBob: Patrick, look at this (pointing at plesiosaurus skeleton).

Patrick: Cool! (takes five photos)

Guard: Hey, can't you read the sign? (points to sign saying "No Flash Photography")

Patrick: No..ooo Fla..a...a... Nope.

Guard: In that case, I'll be confiscating this (takes Patrick's camera).

Patrick: Hey, I need that!

SpongeBob: Don't worry, Pat. We don't need those photographic memories, as long as we still have those memories in our minds.

Patrick: Yeah, minds... Uh... (drools)

Curator: And now everyone, time for the grand unveiling of our latest exhibit!

Patrick: (He and SpongeBob come to the scene) Is it Easter Island Eggs?

Curator: No. Those came in last week. I'm talking about Fishenkamen's tomb.

SpongeBob: Who's Fishen...what'sit?

Curator: I'll tell ya. (flashback) Long ago in the ancient Red Seas lived a powerful and wealthy pharaoh...

SpongeBob: That's Fishenkamen, right?

Curator: Nope. Fishenkamen was his royal frycook.

SpongeBob: Frycook? Hey, that's what I am!

Curator: You're gonna be out of here if you keep interrupting me.

SpongeBob: Sorry, go on.

Curator: As I was saying, (back to flashback) Fishenkamen was very popular for his cooking. Thanks to his magical diamond-encrusted spatula, his food was the greatest in the land. So great that the Pharaoh wanted it all for himself. So one night, he tried to steal Fishenkamen's spatula. Trying to get away on a sea camel, he ended up being knocked into a pit of quicksand. Fishenkamen decided to go down with his spatula and jumped into the pit. (flashback ends) Only recently has his body been discovered, and it is here in this tomb, along with his spatula. Still believed to be magical, it is sought after by thieves everywhere.

Mr. Krabs: I overheard the mention of a valuable item.

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs? When did you get here?

Mr. Krabs: I come here every Sunday to see the wonderful history of Bikini Bottom. (numerous museum artifacts fall out of his pockets)

Curator: Aren't those the items from our museum?

Mr. Krabs: Weren't you telling us about some magic spatula?

Curator: Indeed I was. Anyways, legend has it the spatula is cursed. And whoever dares pursue it must face the wrath of Fishenkamen himself.

Mr. Krabs: Curses? There ain't no such thing as curses!

(barking is heard, coming from a worm that runs off with a bone)

Guard: Come back, that's museum property!

Curator: I better go now to deal with some peoples' lack of concern about our "no pets" rule. (leaves)

SpongeBob: You heard the man, Gary. I guess we'd better head home.

Gary: (peeping out of SpongeBob's backpack) Meow.

(everyone but Krabs leaves)

Mr. Krabs: Now to get meself a little souveneir. (opens the tomb and takes the spatula) Curses, Ha! (leaves)

(Fishenkamen's mummy opens its red eyes)

(the next day)

SpongeBob: I'm off to work at the Krusty Krab, frying up patties and blabbity... (knocks into Krabs, who is wearing a pharaoh's hat)

Mr. Krabs: Top o' the mornin', boy! Take a look at the new alterations I made to the Krusty Krab. Or should I say the Krusty Pyramid!

SpongeBob: Whoa.

Mr. Krabs: That's not all. (goes inside) I've done all sorts of renovations to the place. We've got a heiroglyphics menu board.

Customer: I can't read this.

Mr. Krabs: And take a bite out of our brand new Mummy Patties!

(a customer bites into a patty, then realizing it is wrapped in toilet paper and spits it out)

SpongeBob: Isn't that a patty wrapped in toilet paper?

Mr. Krabs: Well, I used the rest of it to make Squidward's new uniform!

Squidward: (wrapped in toilet paper and unable to move) I hate you right now.

Mr. Krabs: And now to present your new tool...a diamond-encrusted spatula!

SpongeBob: Huh, it looks just like the one from the museum that other day.

Mr. Krabs: Yeah. Now get to work before you get the mummy's curse! (shoves SpongeBob into the kitchen) The curse of being fired that is.

SpongeBob: (hums while frying patties) And now to cut up some lettuce. (Walks to the other side of the kitchen and the grill catches fire) Holy shrimp! A Fire! (washes it out and looks at the burnt food) Well, they still look sorta good.

(bugs crawl out of the burnt patties and swarm all over the walls)

SpongeBob: Ahhh! (runs into freezer wall, foods pile over and flow, sending him out the kitchen window) Squidward! You gotta help me! I'm having a sudden streak of bad luck!

Squidward: Welcome to my world.

(customers see the swarms of bugs and flee from the restaurant in terror)

''' Mr. Krabs:''' Where you all going? And where'd these little pests come from? And who's that guy at the door?

(Fishenkamen's mummy appears outside and enters, causing the Krusty crew to scream. The mummy points to the spatula and then to Krabs)

SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, did you steal Fishenkamen's spatula? I guess everything that's happening is a curse!

Mr. Krabs: There ain't no such thing as curses!

(Fishenkamen orders the bugs to swarm all over Krabs, SpongeBob and Squidward. The bugs take out Krabs' wallet and chew the money inside)

Mr. Krabs: Noooo! Okay, have your spatula! (Takes it from SpongeBob but drops it, breaking it) Aw, barnacles...

(The mummy evaportates, but then comes back as a ghost)

Fishenkamen: Ah, that's better. Those bandages were really starting to itch.

SpongeBob: Hey, Fishenkamen, you can talk!

Fishenkamen: And thanks to you, I'm finally free from this acursed curse and can now venture the afterlife. C'mon spatula, let's blow this joint! (The spatula's ghost approaches him, they float away)

(police and the curator arrive at the scene)

Curator: There's the thief, officers! And it looks like he's destroyed the mummy!

(sometime later)

Curator: (As Krabs puts back the stolen items) And when you're done, you can put the dino bones back together.

SpongeBob: I'm sure glad this whole mess has been cleaned up.

Patrick: And they found a new mummy!

(crowds take photos of the wrapped-up Squidward in the tomb)

Squidward: Well, at least I'm finally appearing in photos.