Abigail Returns

Characters
Nat Peterson Shubie Baby Billy Abigail-Marge Sadie Rechid Patty Rechid Sally Nancy Suzy Fish Martha Smith Tina Fran Evelyn Mabel Pilar Whale Woman Whale Man Whale Kid

Transcript
(Scene opens to Nat and Sadie working at Sadie's Cookies)

Nat: "Here you go, Patty." Nat gives Patty Rechid a plate of cookies.

Patty: "Thanks, I have a important house sale today, and these cookies always attract buyers!" Patty leaves, and Sadie walks over to Nat.

Sadie: "I tried a new recipe for these brownies, let me know what you think." Sadie gives Nat a brownie.

(Scene cuts Shubie walking into Sadie's Cookies carrying Baby Billy)

Shubie: "Nat! Guess what Billy learned how to do?"

Shubie places Billy and a bottle of milk on the ground. Billy crawls over to the milk and begins to drink it by himself.

Sadie: "So what? It's just drinking milk? My baby can drink milk too. Isn't this dumb Nat?"

Nat(laughs): "That's great, Shubie! I never seen anything like it!" Nat takes a bite out of the brownie while he's laughing and begins to choke.

Shubie: "Nat!" Shubie let's go of Baby Billy and runs towards Nat. Shubie: "Whoops, I got you." Shubie grabs Baby Billy before he falls and runs back over to Nat.

Sadie rips open her shirt and a nurses uniform is revealed. Sadie begins pushing down on Nat's chest.

Sadie: "Time how long this takes with your watch Shubie! Don't take your eyes off it!" Shubie looks at her watch while Sadie continues to push down on Nat's chest.

Sadie(smirks): "Oh! It looks like this is my chance! Time to give Nat some mouth to mouth."

Sadie goes to give Nat mouth to mouth but as she puts her lips on his mouth, Nat spits out the brownie which lands in Sadie's mouth.

Sadie: "Ewwww!" Sadie runs away.

Shubie: "Nat, are you okay?" Shubie kneels down next to Nat.

Nat(opens his eyes): "Shubie, you saved my life."

Shubie: "What? I didn't save your..." Nat kisses Shubie on the lips.

Sadie: "I'm back!" Sadie sees Nat and Shubie kissing and becomes angry.

(Scene cuts to Nat walking down a street after work while Shubie pushes Baby Billy a baby carriage)

Baby Billy starts crying.

Shubie: "Looks like someone needs a diaper changed! I'll just go change it here." Shubie walks into a diner and goes into the restroom while Nat continues to walk.

Voice: "Nat! Nat! Is that you?" Nat turns around and sees Abigail-Marge running towards him.

Nat: "Abigail? What are you doing here."

Abigail: "I moved back to Bikini Bottom."

Nat: "What happened to being a movie director?"

Abigail: "That didn't work out to well. First I had to write a very romantic film, but that wasn't to good. Then they had me write a children's film, but that wasn't much better. After that they wanted me to write an "adult" film, but I turned them down and decided to come back to Bikini Bottom. I missed you so much Nat, I couldn't stop thinking about you when I was gone."

Nat: "Uh, thanks, I missed you too."

Abigail: "Well, now that we're back together, do you want to get something to eat tonight?"

Nat: "Uh, sorry Abigail (Shubie walks out of the diner carrying Baby Billy) but I already patched things up with Shubie. (Shubie and Nat hold hands) I'm sorry, but I thought that when you left I would never see you again. I hope you understand."

Abigail: "Oh, yeah.. (her eye starts twitching) that's fine. Fine!"

Nat: "I knew you'd understand! It's been great seeing you after so long!" Nat and Shubie turn around and walk away while Abigail turns around the other way and storms off. Abigail walks down the street until she comes to an alley where a hand stops her and pulls her into the alley.

Sadie: "So, you've been rejected by Nat too?"

Abigail: "Yeah, it's not fair! He should still be dating me!"

Sadie: "It's okay, I saved his life today and he wouldn't even kiss me! Instead he kissed that ugly whale he calls a wife and played with that other whale he calls a son!" Sadie turns a sees a whale standing next to them with her son. The whale punches Sadie in the face and walks away with her son.

Sadie(gets up): "Anyway, let's work together and ruin Nat's love for Shubie so he can be with a prettier woman he deserves like me! I mean, us! Are you in?"

Abigail: "Well I dunno..." Abigail turns around and sees Nat and Shubie walking by.

Nat: "You know, I've never loved someone more than I love you."

Shubie: "Oh, stop it!"

Abigail: "Count me in!"

Sadie: "Excellent! Now let's see what those two are up to!" Sadie and Abigail follow Nat and Shubie and hide behind an empty table at a diner.

Shubie: "I already paid Debbie to watch the kids while we go to Fancy! tonight."

Abigail: "They're going to Fancy! tonight?"

Sadie: "Oh that gives me an idea? What time are they going?"

Nat: "Should I make a reservation?"

Shubie: "I already made a reservation for 6 o'clock."

Nat: "Perfect! I love you Shubie, you always have everything planned out."

Shubie: "Thanks."

Abigail: "Grr... I want to punch her in the face!" Abigail starts to get up, but Sadie stops her.

Sadie: "Save that for tonight when we're going to ruin their date! So here's what we're going to do..." Sadie whispers the plan to Abigail.

(Scene cuts to Nat and Shubie walking into Fancy!)

Waiter: "Right this way please." The waiter shows them to their table while Sadie and Abigail hide behind a plant.

Abigail: "Are you sure this is going to work?"

Sadie: "Trust me, I know what I'm doing." Sadie puts on a wig and walks over to Nat and Shubie's table.

Sadie: "Hello, my name is Sad... I mean my name is..." Sadie looks around and sees a table reserved for someone named Norma.

Sadie: "Norma! Norma..." Sadie looks around and sees Pilar washing his hands in the restroom.

Sadie: "Pilar... Pilarson! Yep, that's me! Norma Pilarson. So what can I get for you today?"

Nat: "I'll have a burger but with no lettuce and extra onions. Also no mustard if it comes with that, but I'll have ketchup instead."

Sadie: "Excellent choice Na... I mean, sir! And for you?"

Shubie: "I'll have some spagetti with a side of salad. But for my salad can I have no olives, but more tomatoes and lettuce. Also can I have some ranch dressing on the side and with the dressing, I'd prefer for it to be in a container and not on my plate if that's okay?"

Sadie: "Great! I'll be back in a second!"

Nat: "Aren't you going to write any of this down?" Sadie grabs a pad of paper from another waiter and pretends to write something down by scribbling on the paper.

Sadie: "I'll be back in a second!" Sadie walks away.

Woman: "Excuse me, miss?"

Sadie: "Shut up and eat your food you stupid whale!" Sadie turns around and sees the whale woman sitting at the table. The whale woman punches Sadie in the face and sends her flying into the kitchen.

Cook: "The soup's ready."

Sadie: "Perfect! I'd wipe that stupid smile right off of Shubie's face if I "accidentally" spilled some soup on her dress!" Sadie grabs the soup and walks out of the kitchen.

(Scene cuts to Abigail still hiding behind a plant while two women walk by)

Woman: "So, did you sign up for tomorrow's tennis tournament yet?"

Other woman: "Yeah I signed up this morning, I figured I might as well do this tournament to stay in shape. I don't want to be as heavy as my sister-in-law!"

Abigail: "There's a tennis tournament tomorrow? That gives me an idea! I'd better tell Sadie!" Abigail walks towards the kitchen and around the corner. Abigail crashes into Sadie and the soup spills all over her. Abigail screams and everyone look at Sadie and Abigail.

Sadie: "Uh... (Sadie puts the bowl in Abigail's dress) Oh no! She's giving birth! Someone call an ambulance!"

(Scene cuts to Abigail being taken into an ambulance)

Sadie: "Ok, now it's time to spill something else on Shubie." Sadie starts walking towards the kitchen.

Whale woman: "Where's my soup? (looks at her watch) I've waiting for 30 minutes!"

Sadie: "Why don't you make your own soup you fat, stupid..."

Whale woman: "Grr..."

Sadie: "I mean, I'll go make it now!" Sadie runs into the kitchen.

(Scene cuts to Sadie cooking a pot of soup in the kitchen) Sadie finishes the soup and leaves the kitchen. Sadie walks over to the whale woman's table and gives her the soup.

Sadie: "Here's your soup ma'am. Now, time to "accidentally" spill some food onto Shubie!"

Nat(tries to finish his burger): "I don't think I can have another bite! Do you want some desert, honey?"

Shubie: "Nah, I'm full, let's just go home." Shubie and Nat leave the restaurant.

Sadie: "Tarter sauce!" Sadie leaves the restaurant and sees Abigail walking towards her.

Sadie: "How was the hospital?"

Abigail: "It was great trying to push a bowl out of my dress! How'd you're plan go? Did they break up yet?"

Sadie: "No, I never really had a chance to ruin their date."

Abigail: "Of course. Well, I have a new plan. Does Shubie consider you her friend?"

Sadie: "Yeah, I guess so, we hang out with the same group of women."

Abigail: "Great because I need you to convince her to join the tennis tournament that's being held tomorrow."

Sadie: "Ok, why?"

Abigail: "Because she'll never win and Nat will realize how much of a loser she is! And even if she gets father than I think she will, I'll enter the tournament to make sure she won't win!"

Sadie: "Are you sure about this?"

Abigail: "Trust me, I played on the tennis team in high school."

Sadie: "Ok, this better work."

(Scene cuts to Shubie working in the mall) Sadiecwalks into the store.

Sadie: "Hi Shubie! How was your date with Nat last night?"

Shubie: "Great! Wait, how did you know that I had a date last night?"

Sadie: "Uh, my good friend, Norma, is a waiter at Fancy! and she said she saw you and Nat last night."

Shubie: "Oh, you're friends with that waiter who wore the really ugly makeup. I didn't know that!"

Sadie(her eye starts twitching): "Yeah we're really good friends. Anyway aren't you stuffed from last night? Norma said that you really ate a lot."

Shubie: "Yeah, I ate way too much last night. I feel like I gained ten pounds!"

Sadie: "Really? Well that's not good, you don't want Nat to think you're too heavy. You should sign up for the tennis tournament today then. I'm sure you'll shed the weight you gained last night."

Shubie: "Oh, I don't know, I've never really played tennis before."

Sadie: "Oh, it doesn't matter! A lot of people who are playing in the tournament don't play tennis too often. They're just playing to have fun and exercise!"

Shubie: "Well then I'll do it!"

Sadie: "Perfect!"

(Scene cuts to Sadie and Abigail meeting at the tournament)

Abigail: "Did you convince her to join?"

Sadie: "Yeah, I think she brought Nat too."

Abigail: "Great, I can't wait to see the look on his face when she gets destroyed!"

Announcer: "On court one we have Abigail-Marge versus Evelyn. On court two it's Shubie against Mabel."

Abigail: "Let me know when Shubie gets destroyed." Abigail walks towards court one while Sadie walks over to court two.

Sadie: "Oh, I can't wait to see this!"

Official: "Now serving, Shubie Peterson!" Shubie serves the ball. Mabel tries to hit the ball but misses.

Official: "Shubie, 15 to love!" Mabel hits the ball to Shubie who runs over to it and hits it back. Mabel tries to get it but misses.

Official: "Shubie, 30 to love!" Mabel hits the ball to Shubie. Shubie tries to get it but misses.

Sadie: "Yes!"

Official: "Out! Shubie, 40 to love." Shubie hits the ball and it goes past Mabel.

Official: "Shubie wins one point!"

(Scene cuts to Shubie killing Mabel during the game) Official: "Shubie wins by a final score of 6 to 2 in the first set, 6 to 1in the second set."

Sadie: "Darn it!" Sadie walks over to Abigail who is wiping her face with a towel.

Abigail: "So how did Shubie do?"

Sadie: "She won, she's really good."

Abigail(laughs): "Yeah right! You think Mabel's ever played tennis before! Shubie doesn't stand a chance against real tennis players like me!"

(Scene cuts to Shubie and Abigail beating all of their opponents)

Announcer: "Shubie beats Tina-Fran by a score of 6 to 2 in the first set and 6 to 3 second set, while Abigail has just beaten Martha Smith by a score of 6 to 4 in the first set and 6 to 3 in the second. It looks like we have now reach the semifinals! Shubie Peterson will play Sally on court one while Abigail-Marge will face Nancy Suzy Fish on court two."

Sadie: "I told you Shubie was good."

Abigail: "Relax! She hasn't played any real competition yet. She's gonna get destroyed by Sally."

Sadie: "You better be right about this."

(Scene cuts to Abigail playing against Nancy) Nancy hits the ball and Abigail hits it just over the net. Nancy dives and tries to hit the ball, but misses.

Announcer: "Abigail-Marge is going to the championship match after defeating Nancy Suzy Fish 6 to 4 in the first set and 6 to 5 in the second. She'll play the winner of the very close game right now between Shubie Peterson and Sally on court two." Abigail looks over at court two and sees Sally leading 5 to 2 in the third set of the match.

Abigail: "It's over, Shubie's done." Abigail walks off of the court and goes to the locker room. Abigail gets a drink and walks back outside.

Announcer: "I don't believe it! Shubie has tied the game after being down 5 to 2 in the third set! This last point will determine who will be going to the championship game." Abigail spits out her drink.

Abigail: "What!?" Shubie scores first but Sally scores right after to tie the game at 15. Sally scores again but Shubie scores right after to tie the game again at 30. Sally hits the ball and Shubie dives after it but misses.

Official: "Sally, 40 to 30!"

Abigail: "Yes! One more point and Sally wins!" Sally serves the ball.

Nat(from the stands): "Come on Shubie, you can do it!" Shubie hits the ball into the opposite corner.

Official: "Deuce!"

Abigail: "Darn it!" Shubie serves the ball right past Sally.

Official: "Advantage, Shubie!" Sally hits the ball, but Shubie hits it right back. Sally dives for the ball, but the ball just goes by her racket.

Announcer: "Shubie wins by a score of 6 to 5 in the first set, 6 to 7 in the second set and 7 to 6 in the third. She'll play Abigail-Marge in the championship match."

Abigail: "Alright, no more fooling around. It's time to win this and show Nat that he should be dating me instead!" Abigail walks onto the court.

Official: "Now serving, Abigail-Marge!" Abigail serves the ball and it goes right by Shubie. Abigail hits the ball and it goes right past Shubie again.

(Scene cuts to Abigail scoring a lot of points against Shubie)

Announcer: "And Abigail wins the first set 6 to 1. It looks like Shubie's a little tired after the match against Sally." Abigail and Shubie walk back to their benches.

Sadie: "You're doing great."

Abigail: "Of course I am, I told Shubie would get destroyed by me! I don't know how she beat Sally!"

(Scene cuts to Shubie drinking water on her bench) Nat jumps down onto the court from the stands.

Security guard: "Hey! Get back in the stands! She doesn't want to be bothered by her "admirers" right now!"

Shubie: "No, it's fine, he's not trying to flirt with me, he's my husband." The security guard let's go of Nat.

Nat: "What's the matter honey?"

Shubie: "I don't know, I'm really exhausted right now. I don't know if I can beat her."

Nat: "You can definitely beat her! You have something she doesn't have Shubie, heart. You're so much stronger than she is. Everyday you're able to get work done at the mall, take care of two kids, coach a softball team and cook dinner all before I get home from work. You are the greatest woman I know Shubie, and you can definitely win this match."

Shubie(kisses Nat on the cheek): "Thanks." Shubie walks back onto the court, and destroys Abigail in the next two sets.

Announcer: "Shubie wins! After losing 6 to 1 in the first set, she came back and defeated Abigail 6 to 3 in the second set and 6 to 2 in the third!" The official gives Shubie the trophy.

Abigail: "NOOO! How did I lose to Shubie?!"

Sadie: "Welcome to my world."

(Scene ends)