Characters[]
Nat Peterson
Shubie
Harold
Abigail Marge
Sadie Rechid
Susie
Baby Billy
Evelyn
Sally
Martha Smith
Tom Smith
Patty Rechid
Fred Rechid
Debbie Rechid
Nancy Suzy Fish
Frank
Nazz-Mimi
Frankie Billy
Tina-Fran
Charlie
Mable-Monica
Clayton
Scooter (mentioned)
Scientist
Judge
Waiter
Fancy! Waiter
Transcript[]
(Scene cuts to Harold driving in his boat) Harold sees Tina-Fran walking down the street and stops his boat next to her.
Harold: "Hey, Tina! Do you need a ride?" Charlie runs over to his boat.
Charlie: "Hey! Stay away from my girlfriend! She doesn't want to be bothered by pests like you!"
Harold: "Wait what? You're dating Tina, Charlie? I'm so sorry I had no idea. I thought she was still single."
Charlie: "Oh yeah sure, pal! It's not like everyone in Bikini Bottom's known this for weeks or anything! I know you were trying to steal her from me!" Charlie grabs Harold's boat and picks it up.
Harold: "No Charlie I swear I had no idea! Hey, hey, hey! Please put down my boat Charlie. Let's not make a decision that you'll end up regretting and I'll end up paying my insurance hundreds for!" Charlie throws his boat onto the other side of the street.
Tina: "Oh Charlie, you're so strong." Charlie and Tina walk away. Evelyn walks past Harold's boat.
Harold: "Ouch! My insurance is definitely going to skyrocket after this. Oh, hey Evelyn! Need a ride?"
Evelyn: "From you? No way! Get lost, Harold. I'd rather walk for miles to get to the mall than let you drive me."
Harold: "Okay, suit yourself. I'm sure that lots of other girls will want to get a ride from a man who's getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame!"
Evelyn: "Yeah right. As if the Scientist Hall of Fame would ever consider inducting you."
Harold: "Well I think this letter says otherwise." Harold pulls out an envelope and give it to Evelyn. Evelyn reads the envelope and sees that it's from the Scientist Hall of Fame Induction Committee.
Evelyn: "Great Neptune! You actually did get in!"
Harold: "Yep. In fact, the induction ceremony is happening in thirty minutes. Wanna come? I heard that every inductee can bring a special guest."
Evelyn: "Would I?!" Evelyn jumps into Harold's boat.
Harold: "Great, I knew you'd want to come! No girl can resist my good looks and charming personality!"
Evelyn: "Uh, yeah... sure." Harold starts driving down the road.
Harold: "You know Evelyn, I don't think I've ever gotten to reveal my true feelings for you. I've always felt a certain connection with you. It's like..." Harold and Evelyn drive pass Nazz pushing her baby in a baby carriage.
Evelyn: "Yeah that's great Harold. Hey Nazz! Is your man getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame today? Didn't think so!"
Harold: "So as I was saying I've always..." Harold turns around a corner and pass by Martha and Nancy eating at a diner.
Evelyn: Hey Nancy! Hey Martha! Are your husbands getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame like my Harold is? Didn't think so! Look who has a super successful man now! You know, Harold, I've... uh... always had feelings for you. I was just too shy to tell you before. But now that you're getting inducted into the Scientist Hall of Fame, I can confidently say that I was right about you. I've always supported your decision to become a scientist even when everyone else thought you were crazy."
Harold: "Everyone thought that I was crazy for becoming a scientist?!"
Evelyn: "Oh yeah everyone in Bikini Bottom though that except me! I was the only one who ever believed in you, even my sister and Nat thought you were insane!"
Harold: "Nat thought I was insane?"
Evelyn: "Oh yeah, he thought that you were such an idiot for never getting a real job! But who cares? We just proved the entire town that they were wrong! As long as we have each other, we'll prove the ocean wrong every time."
Harold: "Thanks Evelyn, that really means a lot. You know I've never gotten the chance to tell you..." Evelyn sees Shubie jogging down the street.
Evelyn: "Let's get married!"
Harold: "What, really? Sure, we can get married!" Harold and Evelyn pass Shubie.
Evelyn: "Hey, sis! Guess who's getting married to Harold, again?"
Harold: "Wow, I can't believe this is happening! I never thought that you'd ever want to get married to me!"
Evelyn: "Are you kidding? Who wouldn't want to get married to a fish that's in the Scientist Hall of Fame? Finally, all those snobby women who think that they're better than me will be kissing the ground I walk on! I'll be the most important woman in Bikini Bottom, even more important than my sister! They'll even make a show about us! It'll be called Harold and Evelyn Adventures! What a perfect name. Let's get married today Harold, right after the induction ceremony!"
Harold: "Okay let's do it!" Harold parks his boat in front of the Scientist Hall of Fame, and he and Evelyn park their boat and walk up to the front door. Harold knocks on the door and a scientist opens it.
Scientist: "Hello?"
Harold: "We're here for the induction ceremony. I'm one of the scientists getting inducted."
Scientist: "Right this way! And your name is?"
Harold: "Harold." The scientist looks at a list.
Scientist: "I'm sorry, but there's no one named Harold on this year's inductee list. Are you sure you're getting inducted?"
Harold: "Yes I definitely am! I got this letter in the mail yesterday." Harold shows the scientist the envelope.
Scientist: "Uh, this envelope is addressed to Sally."
Harold: "What?!" Harold looks at the envelope and sees in the top left corner that it's been addressed to Sally. Sally walks up to them.
Sally: "Hi Harold, I didn't expect you to be here! Oh, that must be my Scientist Hall of Fame induction letter! Thank you for coming all the way here to give it to me! I've been meaning to give you this too. I think the mailman screwed up our mail the yesterday because I have yours." Sally hands Harold some mail, grabs the induction letter and walks away. The scientist starts laughing.
Scientist: "You didn't even bother opening the envelope to see what the letter says?! It's clearly for Sally!"
Harold: "I don't know, I just read the Scientist Hall of Fame Induction Committee part and figured that I had gotten in."
Scientist: "You thought that you had gotten inducted?! Why would we ever induct a moron like you? You don't even know how to fully read an envelope, much less open it! Now get out and don't come back until we actually induct you, which will never happen!" The scientist laughs and pushes Harold and Evelyn out the door before slamming it behind them.
Evelyn: "I always knew you were crazy." Evelyn walks away.
(Scene cuts to Sadie parking her boat in her driveway) Sadie gets out of her car, opens up her trunk and takes out a bag of groceries. Sadie looks up and sees Nat and Shubie standing in their front yard.
Sadie: "Oh hiiii, Nat. I didn't notice you there. How are you today?"
Shubie: "Look honey, it's our hideous neighbor. Is that makeup on your face, Sadie? Or did you rub a pile of trash on yourself this morning? Speaking of trash, is that where you found that shirt? It looks repulsive. But then again, you don't have the body to pull off a bikini so it's better if you keep it hidden under that shirt. Isn't that right, Nat? Isn't she ugly?" Nat pushes Shubie onto the ground and runs towards Sadie.
Nat: "Sadie, I love you! You look gorgeous in that dress don't listen to anything my sea pig of a wife says. She knows absolutely nothing about fashion. You're the most attractive fish in Bikini Bottom. I can't believe it's taken me this long to reveal my true feelings for you. I've been so miserable without you by my side. Every night I wonder about how much better my life would've been if I had chosen to marry you instead of Shubie."
Sadie: "Really? So have I!"
Nat: "So what do you say, Sadie? I can't stand to be apart from you for any longer. Will you marry me?"
Sadie: "Nat, I've been waiting for thirty years to hear you say that! Yes! I will marry you!"
Nat: "Come on Sadie, let's go have children."
Sadie: "Oh, Nat." Sadie and Nat are about to kiss each other, but a construction noise comes out of Nat's mouth.
Sadie: "What was that? Oh who cares? Let's just get on with it!" Sadie and Nat are about to kiss each other, but a construction noise comes out of Nat's mouth again. Nat makes another construction sound.
(Scene cuts to Sadie walking up from her dream) Sadie hears a construction noise coming form outside. Sadie runs to her window and opens it. Sadie sees Harold building a huge invention in his backyard.
Sadie: "Oh I should've known it was him." Sadie slams the window shut, walks downstairs and opens her front door.
Sadie: "Harold, what the barnacles are you doing?!"
Harold: "Oh hi, Sadie! I'm just building my new disintegrating ray! With the sound of my voice, this invention will disintegrate anything in ocean no matter how big or small it is! I'll finally get my revenge on those jerks at the Scientist Hall of Fame! I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they see that their precious building has been turned into nothing but dirt and ash!"
Sadie: "As long as you don't bother me when I get back from Sadie's Cookies I don't care what you do."
Harold: "Don't worry I'll be done by then!"
Sadie: "Great." Sadie gets into her boat and drives to Sadie's Cookies.
Harold: "Eureka! It's finished! Now it's time to test this baby out! All I need is something to test it on." Harold looks around and sees Evelyn walking down the street wearing a wig. Evelyn walks past Nancy's house.
Evelyn: "Hey Nancy! Don't you wish that your hair still looked like mine does? It's too bad that it's so old and gray now!"
Harold: "Perfect!" Harold pulls out a remote control and pushes a button.
Harold: "Disintegrate Evelyn's wig!" The disintegrating ray shoots a laser at Evelyn's wig. Evelyn's wig disintegrates into dust.
Nancy: "Well at least I have hair Evelyn!" Evelyn angrily walks away.
Harold: "It's a success! Now it's time to get my revenge on the Scientist Hall of Fame! And as I fire my disintegrating ray, I'll fire one of these fireworks I made that'll tell them and all of Bikini Bottom what I genius I am!" Harold lights one of the fireworks and pushes the button on his remote control.
Harold: "Disintegrate ..." Harold's stomach rumbles.
Harold: "Building this ray has really given me an appetite! Maybe I'll go buy something at Sadie's Cookies after this." The disintegrating ray fires a laser and Sadie's Cookies. The firework shoots in the air.
Harold: "Uh oh, this can't be good."
(Scene cuts to Sadie walking into the mall while Nat unlocks the front doors of Sadie's Cookies)
Sadie: "Oh hi Nat! Are you ready for another day of working alongside your favorite woman?"
Nat: "Shubie's helping us today?" Sadie sighs.
Sadie: "No, just unlock the doors Nat. I can't wait to get started!" Sadie walks up next to Nat while he finishes unlocking the doors. Sadie looks up and sees the laser break through the sun roof in the mall and head right towards her and Nat.
Sadie: "Nat look out!" Sadie grabs Nat and jumps away from the laser as it hits Sadie's Cookies. The store disintegrates into dust.
Nat: "Sadie, you saved my life!" Sadie goes to kiss Nat.
Nat: "Sadie, what are you doing?"
Sadie: "Oh! I'm just going to kiss the ground! You know, like all those fish do in movies when they almost die." Sadie jumps onto the ground and starts kissing it.
Nat: "Uh, okay. What are we going to do about the store though?" Sadie looks up and sees that her store has been disintegrated.
Sadie: "This has Harold's name all over it! I'll sue him for disintegrating my store!"
Nat: "Whoa Sadie, let's not jump to conclusions here. Anyone could've done this. We can't be 100% sure that it was Harold." Harold's firework explodes over where the sun roof used to be. The firework says: "Disintegrated by Harold!" with a picture of his face next to it.
(Scene cuts to a courtroom)
Judge: "Order in the court. Let the trial begin."
Harold: "I plead innocent your honor!"
Sadie: "He's guilty! I saw him do it!"
Judge: "Relax Harold and Ms. Rechid, we're not at that part yet. Do either of you have a lawyer representing yourself though?" Harold and Sadie shake their heads.
Judge: "Well we can't have that. I hereby assign you both public defendants." Tom and Martha walk into the courtroom. Tom sits down next to Harold and Martha sits next to Sadie.
Sadie: "Martha, you and Tom are public defendants? But neither one of you are lawyers! He's the manager of a mattress store and you own a pickle store!"
Martha: "Yeah I know, we know nothing about being lawyers. We just started doing this recently to deal with our relationship issues. We realized that our home life is so much more peaceful after we tire ourselves out arguing in a courtroom for hours."
Judge: "Does the prosecutor have anything to say?" Martha stands up.
Martha: "Yes. Harold is clearly guilty of destroying my client's cookie store." Tom stands up.
Tom: "I think what my bald client is trying to say is that Harold is clearly innocent of all charges!"
Martha: "Bald?! You're one to talk grease head!"
Tom: "Well at least I don't weigh twice as much as my client!"
Martha: "Well that's debatable! And at least I don't act like a savage beast whenever I see a chocolate bar!"
Tom: "Well at least I haven't been trying to go on diets for the past five years!"
Martha: "Well at least I'm doing something about it! You haven't done anything about your anger issues!" Sadie looks at her watch.
Sadie: "Can we speed this up please? I don't want to hear this argument go on for hours."
Judge: "I agree, I've heard enough of this. I've made my decision. Harold, you are clearly guilty of destroying Mrs. Rechid's store and as punishment you must repay her however much it is determined to be worth." Patty Rechid walks up to the judge and whispers something in her ear.
Judge: "Bikini Bottom Realty has determined that Sadie's Cookies was worth three million dollars." Patty winks at Sadie and gives her a thumbs up sign as she walks past her.
Harold: "What?! That's ridiculous! There's not way her store was worth that much!"
Judge: "Silence! I've already made my decision. Bikini Bottom Realty has always given me a reasonable and fair estimate on how much a building is worth."
Harold: "But I don't have that kind of money!"
Judge: "Well you better figure out a way to get it then. Case dismissed." The judge hits her gavel. The judge then points at Martha and Tom.
Judge: "And as for you, I hereby sentence you two to a year of therapy. Screaming at each other in a courtroom isn't going to fix any of your marriage problems."
Martha: "Oh yeah, that makes sense. I can't believe we didn't think of that before."
Tom: "Yeah, thanks Judge! Why don't we go today, Martha?"
Martha: "Sounds good to me." Tom holds the door for Martha as they walk out of the courtroom.
Tom: "Ladies first."
Martha: "Oh Tom, you're such a gentlefish!"
(Scene cuts to Harold selling his inventions at a yard sale)
Martha: "Five dollars for the hair growing potion?"
Harold: "Sure." Martha hands Harold five dollars and walks away.
Clayton: "Seven bucks for the sleeping potion?"
Harold: "I guess."
Clayton: "Great! I can finally get some beauty sleep!" Clayton hands Harold seven dollars and walks away.
Mabel: "How much for the Ultimate Cleaning Machine?"
Harold: "How much do you have?" Mabel opens her wallet.
Mabel: "One dollar?"
Harold: "Oh come on! I saw that you had a fifty in there! Do you know how long that took me to create?!"
Mabel: "Do you want me to buy it or not?! I'll give you one dollar for it, take it or leave it."
Harold: "Fine." Mabel hands him and a dollar before pushing the machine away. Shubie and Sadie walk past Harold's house and notices the yard sale.
Sadie: "Why are we walking together again?"
Shubie: "Why is Harold selling all his inventions?"
Sadie: "Oh, he's probably doing that to get the three million dollars he owes me."
Shubie: "Harold owes you three million dollars?"
Sadie: "Nat hasn't told you? Harold owes me three million dollars for disintegrating my store."
Shubie: "Oh that's why Sadie’s Cookies wasn't there today? I was wondering about that when I went to work today. I was worried that maybe the mall knocked it down because you couldn’t pay the rent. Isn't three million a little much though? You know he doesn't have anywhere near that kind of money, and there's no way your store is worth that much."
Sadie: "Harold almost disintegrated the love of my life! Uh, I mean, my precious store! Three million is more than enough." Sadie and Shubie walk away.
(Scene cuts to later that night)
Sally: "Thanks for the blueprints, Harold!" Sally grabs Harold's blueprints and walks away.
Harold: "That's everything and I'm still $2,998,500 short. Well I guess it's time to sell my house then." Harold puts up a sign in his yard that says "House For Sale!".
(Scene cuts to a few days later where a "Sold!" sign is covering the "House for Sale!" sign)
Harold: "I'm still well over two million short, and now I have nowhere to live. I guess I'll have to ask to move in with someone, but who? Oh, I know!"
(Scene cuts to Harold standing in front of Evelyn’s house)
Evelyn: "No." Evelyn slams the door in Harold’s face.
Harold: "Okay, who else could I ask? I guess I could ask the Smiths, I was always a good neighbor to them." Harold walks over to Tom and Martha’s house and knocks on the door. Martha opens it.
Harold: "Hey Martha, I just sold my house and now I have nowhere to live. Is it okay if I stay with you and Tom for at least the night?"
Martha: "Why? So you could disintegrate our house next? My father worked very hard to lend me enough money to buy a house like this and I's not gonna let you and your crazy inventions destroy it! Get lost, Harold. I hope the new neighbors won't try building any disintegrating rays either. Thank you for the hair potion though. It's worked tremendously so far. Now beat it, Harold!" Martha strokes her new brown hair before slamming the door.
Harold: "Who should I ask now? Maybe I could ask Nat, he is my best friend after all." Harold walks up to the front door of Nat's house. Harold goes to knock on it but stops.
Harold: "Wait, I just disintegrated Nat's store and almost killed him today. He probably never wants to see me again. Probably no one in this town does. I should get out of here. Maybe I'll move back to New Kelp City."
(Scene cuts to Abigai-Marge sitting behind a bush, holding a pair of binoculars)
Abigail-Marge: "This plan will work for sure! When Shubie forces Nat to take the trash out tonight, I'll kidnap him and take him to my place. Then once he's there alone with me for a few hours, he'll realize that he belongs with me and not Shubie! Then we'll buy a nice house and live happily ever after! It's foolproof!" Abigail looks at Nat's house through her binoculars and sees someone standing at the front door.
Abigail-Marge: "Is that Nat at the front door? He must've already taken out the trash but forgot his key and now he's locked out of the house! It'll take his idiot wife at least five minutes to realize that he's locked out and go across the house to unlock the door, giving me plenty of time! This couldn't get any more perfect!" Abigail runs to the front door and throws a sack over his head.
Harold: "What the-" Abigail takes out a baseball bat and hits him on the head with it. Harold falls down and Abigail drags him away.
(Scene cuts to Harold tied to a chair with the sack still over his head. Harold starts making noises from under the sack)
Abigail: "Oh! He must be waking up! Hello my love... (Abigail takes off the sack) Ah! You’re not Nat!"
Harold: "Martha Smith! You kidnapped me?! But why? Also, have you lost weight since we last saw each other? It's not a huge improvement, but an improvement nonetheless."
Abigail: "No, I'm not Martha Smith! Why does everyone think that? But enough about me, who the barnacles are you? And what were you doing at Nat's house?"
Harold: "I’m Harold."
Abigail: "Harold? As in Nat's best friend, Harold? The one he talked so much about? This might be even better than kidnapping Nat himself!"
Harold: "Yeah I guess but I don't know if I’m still his best friend now or even his friend."
Abigail: "Oh, why not? What happened? Did Nat stop appreciating you because you're not a pink fish who he stupidly chose to have kids with too?"
Harold: "What? No, it's because I accidentally destroyed his store. Why do you have such a big obsession with Nat though?"
Abigail: "Oh, you still don't recognize me? It's me, Abigail!"
Harold: "Who?"
Abigail: "You know, Nat's girlfriend before he decided to get back together with Shubie. I went to high school with him. I was on the tennis team. I've directed a couple movies. I think you were in one of them."
Harold: "Doesn't ring a bell." Abigail sighs.
Abigail: "Well that's who I am." Harold looks around the room.
Harold: "Oh, is this your apartment too?"
Abigail: "Yeah, I know it's small but when I came back to Bikini Bottom I was originally planning on getting a house with Nat. Little did I know that he had forgotten all about me and decided to patch things up with that sea cow. So I had to move into this tiny apartment in New Kelp City."
Harold: "We're in New Kelp City?! I grew up here!"
Abigail: "Wonderful. So why don’t you tell me everything you know about Nat. I have so much to learn!" Abigail pulls out a notepad and a pencil.
Harold: "Well, he wears blue shorts. He's 36. He has to kids named Susie and Billy. He likes to play sports. He lives in a house."
Abigail: "Go on."
Harold: "Uh, he was voted prom king in high school. He was the star football player for Bikini Bottom. My team beat him in the championship game because he broke his leg. He challenged my team to a rematch about two or three years ago and unfortunately his team beat us. At first he was a bus driver, then he worked for SnailPo until the Bikini Bottom branch closed down, and now he works with Sadie Rechid at Sadie’s Cookies."
Abigail: "He works with Sadie?! That woman always has a card up her sleeve. Now I have to worry about her too. Continue."
Harold: "Um... he and Shubie have been back together for about two years now."
Abigail: "Do you know how they got back together?"
Harold: "Yeah, I was there actually."
Abigail: "You were?! Tell me everything!"
Harold: "Well, Shubie asked me to go on a date with her because she didn't want to stay single forever and I agreed. Apparently Nat found out about this and got jealous so he set up his own date with Sally on the same night. So we all sat there together at a restaurant and Shubie wasn‘t saying much so I started talking to Sally about all of the science experiments we made."
Abigail: "Oh, that is so Shubie! She's so boring isn't she? Her whole personality is ‘I played softball in college’. Keep going!"
Harold: "Okay, so after a little while me and Sally left to go look at my experiments which left Shubie and Nat all by themselves. I guess they realized that they both still have feelings for each other that night so they decided to get back together."
Abigail: "So Nat's the jealous type! That gives me an idea! We should pretend to be dating and make Nat jealous!"
Harold: "Uh I dunno... I'd feel kind of bad tearing Nat and Shubie apart."
Abigail: "Oh come on, don't you want to be friends with Nat again? Plus, I'll untie you from this chair and let you sleep handcuffed to the guest bed tonight." Harold sighs.
Harold: "Deal."
(Scene cuts to Abigail and Harold walking down Nat’s street the next day)
Harold: "You really think this is going to work?"
Abigail: "Without a doubt. There’s no way Nat will be able to resist me after he sees me with you."
Harold and Abigail walk towards Nazz-Mimi and Frankie-Billy.
Nazz: "So Frankie, I was thinking that maybe it's time that we start thinking about having another kid. We're both having so much fun with our first bundle of joy and I think that if we had two of them, it would be even better! What do you think Frankie?" Harold and Abigail walk past them.
Frankie: "Who is she?" Nazz slaps him in the face.
Nazz: "I'm talking about raising another child and you're too busy gawking at another woman!" Harold and Abigail walk towards Evelyn.
Harold: "Hi Evelyn."
Evelyn: "Don't talk to me you... super cute dreamboat! Call me whenever you get the chance!"
Harold: "Wow, Evelyn's never talked to me like that before. I wonder what got into her." Abigail laughs.
Abigail: "It's because you're with me, silly!"
Harold: "Are you sure? I think her mental state might be declining. Who calls someone a dreamboat?"
Abigail: "Yes I'm sure, trust me."
Harold: "I dunno..." Harold and Abigail walk towards Debbie Rechid. Debbie's eyes turn into hearts.
Debbie: "Marry me Harold!" Debbie faints and falls onto the ground. Harold smirks.
Harold: "I could get used to this." Harold and Abigail continue walking down the street. Sadie pulls her boat into her driveway. Sadie gets out of her car and takes out a bag of groceries.
Sadie: "Is that Harold?! You know, if things don't work out with Nat, Harold might be a nice backup option." Fred walks over to Sadie with a box in his hands.
Fred: "Hey Sadie, your package came in the mail today." Sadie ignores Fred and drops the bag of groceries onto his foot.
Fred: "My LEG!" Fred notices Harold and Abigail and stops screaming.
Fred: "Who is that?" Harold and Abigail continue walking. Nancy-Suzy Fish parks her boat into her driveway and jumps out of the car to hug Frank.
Nancy: "Oh Frank, I missed you so much at work today. I love you so much."
Frank: "I love you too, Nancy." Frank and Nancy notice Harold and Abigail and immediately stop hugging.
Frank: "Well you know what they say, third time's the charm." Frank walks away.
Nancy: "I think that saying is wrong. I'm pretty sure the fourth time is." Harold and Abigail walk up to Nat’s house.
Abigail: "We're finally here. Now it's time to get Nat to fall in love with me again." Shubie walks outside to water her garden.
Shubie: "Oh hey, Harold, what are you doing here? I thought that the family that bought your house had already moved in. Ah, such lovely people. They're a big improvement to this neighborhood."
Harold: "Yes, well I was just coming by to introduce you and Nat to my new girlfriend, Abigail."
Shubie: "Oh, hello, Abigail! I'm Shubie. It's so nice to meet you." Shubie shakes Abigail’s hand.
Abigail: "Oh I’ve heard all about you."
Shubie: "Aw, you two are such a cute couple! I’m so happy for you Harold! And I’m sure Nat will be too when I tell him that you two came by. Well, goodbye, Harold! I hope you enjoy living in your new neighborhood!"
Harold: "Oh, uh, is Nat here? I also wanted to, uh, apologize to Nat for destroying his store."
Shubie: "Oh, yes he is. I’ll go inside and get him for you." Shubie walks inside.
Abigail: "Nice save."
Harold: "Thanks. I really didn't want to come all this way for nothing." Shubie walks back outside with Nat.
Nat: "Hey Harold. Hey... Abigail?"
Abigail: "Yes it's me, Nat. Harold and I have just started dating. Doesn't that make you jealous?"
Nat: "No, not at all. I’m so happy for you two! You're going to make a great couple."
Harold: "Wait you're happy for us? I thought you hate me because I destroyed your store."
Nat: "Yeah it sucks that you did that and Sadie’s definitely really upset about it but I could never hate my best friend. I know you didn't mean too anyway."
Harold: "Oh ok, thanks Nat! I'm so relieved that you're not angry at me. I thought that we'd never be friends again."
Nat: "I could never do that to one of my best friends, especially one that I've known for so long like you. You've always been there for me so I'd be a jerk if I wasn't for you."
Harold: "Thanks Nat." Harold and Nat hug.
Shubie: "Oh, that's my Nat. He's such a sweet and loving person. This is exactly why I fell in love with him."
Abigail: "Grrrr... You're sure you're not jealous, Nat? Doesn't it make your scales crawl when I hold his hand? Or that we're living together? Or that we share the same bed?"
Nat: "Nope, not at all, I'm really happy for you. I think that you two make a great match. You both really fit each other well. It's been nice seeing you two!"
Shubie: "You're always welcome to visit us anytime." Nat and Shubie walk back into their house while Harold and Abigail walk away.
Abigail: "I can't believe that didn‘t work. We made this entire neighborhood go nuts after they saw us together, but Nat and Shubie weren’t interested in either one of us at all. There’s no way their relationship is that strong. We must be doing something wrong. But what could we possibly be doing wrong? We followed our little plan perfectly! Unless... that's it!" Abigail grabs Harold and jumps into a bush.
Abigail: "We didn't actually do anything wrong! Nat and Shubie might've seen all fine and supportive on the outside but they were definitely both dying on the inside! Or at least Nat definitely was, I don't know how Shubie feels about you. If we continue to run into them and pretend that we’re dating, eventually Nat's going to crack and come running back to me! It’s perfect!"
Harold: "I don't know... Nat just told me that he's not mad at me at all. I'd feel like such a jerk if I continued to pretend to date you. Maybe you should just come up with a new plan to try to get him back. It doesn't seem like this one is working too well."
Abigail: "Shut it! This plan is perfect! Would you rather get tied up to the chair again?" Harold sighs.
Harold: "Fine, I’ll do it."
(Scene cuts to Abigail and Harold sitting in a restaurant)
Abigail: "Where are they? They should be here by now, I heard them talk about coming to eat here when I was spying on them last night."
Harold: "Hey, Abigail, check this out." Harold sticks to fries in his mouth to make him look like a vampire.
Harold: "I want to suck the grease out of your burger!" Abigail laughs.
Abigail: "Oh, Harold that was so funny! But let's try to stay focused." Abigail notices Nat and Shubie walk into the restaurant.
Abigail: "They're here! Quick, let's hide behind our menus so they don't see us at first." Harold and Abigail hide behind their menus while Nat and Shubie sit down at the table behind them. A waiter walks over to Nat and Shubie’s table.
Waiter: "Can I get you two anything to drink?"
Shubie: "I'll just have a..." Abigail puts her menu down.
Abigail: "Oh, waiter!" Nat, Shubie and the waiter look at her.
Abigail: "Could you get me and my very handsome boyfriend some more napkins? Thanks. Oh, Nat and Shubie! What a surprise seeing you here! I see that you love this place too, me and Harold come here all the time."
Shubie: "How do you come here all the time? This restaurant just opened up today."
Abigail: "Oh, well never mind. But it's so good to see you again! It must be really hard for you to see two young fish who are madly in love while you're marriage is falling apart."
Nat: "Oh no, not at all! Our marriage could not be any stronger right now. Shubie is definitely the fish of my dreams." Nat holds Shubie’s hand.
Shubie: "Oh Nat, you’re definitely the fish of my dreams too. Well it was nice running into you two! We'd love to see you again sometime." Nat and Shubie turn back around and start talking to each other. The waiter hands Abigail some napkins.
Waiter: "You're napkins, miss." Abigail grabs the napkins and tears them apart in anger.
(Scene cuts to Nat and Shubie watching a movie) Abigail and Harold sit down next to them. Abigail tries to put her hand in Nat's popcorn as he getting some so that they can hold hands. Nat instead passes the popcorn to Shubie so that they can share it. Abigail sighs and grabs some popcorn from Harold. Harold and Abigail's hands touch. Abigail blushes and pulls her hand away.
(Scene cuts to Harold and Abigail at an ice skating rink) Abigail notices Nat and Shubie skating towards them. Abigail grabs Harold's hand to try to get their attention, but they both completely ignore her and Harold and continue their conversation. Abigail gets angry and loses her balance but Harold catches her. Abigail holds onto Harold.
(Scene cuts to Nat and Shubie having a family picnic in the park) Abigail and Harold put down and picnic blanket and start having one too. Abigail looks over to see if Nat’s looking at her but he isn’t. Abigail sighs and starts eating a sandwich. A group of nematodes begin to chew up Harold and Abigail's picnic. A bunch of nematodes leap at Abigail so they can eat her sandwich. Harold dives in between them to protect her. The nematodes eat Harold's clothes and leave. Harold and Abigail laugh. Nat finally notices Harold and Abigail. Nat waves goodbye to Abigail as her and Harold leave but Abigail ignores him. Nat shrugs and puts his arm around Shubie while they eat.
(Scene cuts to Harold and Abigail in Fancy!)
Harold: "Are you sure that Nat and Shubie are coming here tonight?"
Abigail: "Oh, they're not coming."
Harold: "Oh okay, so why are we here then?"
Abigail: "Because I'm not interested in Nat anymore."
Harold: "What?! But why?"
Abigail: "Because I'm interested in someone else."
Harold: "Oh, who? Is it Scooter?"
Abigail: "No, silly! I'm interested in you, Harold! You’re such a great guy. Saving me from falling at the ice skating rink, diving in front of those nematodes so they couldn't devour me. I doubt Nat would've done any of those things if we were together. You're the perfect guy for me, Harold. Move in with me, let's start a new life together!"
Harold: "Well, I don't have anywhere else to live right now so I guess I’ll give this a try. Maybe you aren't the complete psychopath I thought you were when you kidnapped me and tied me to that chair." Sadie walks up to them.
Sadie: "Harold! I've been looking all over for you! When I saw you the other day I knew that I couldn't punish someone as attractive as you are so here's all the money you gave me so far to pay back for my store. And don't worry about having no where to live because I convinced that family who bought your house to sell it to me and move to the other side of town so it's all yours! Here's the money and I also left you my number in case I forgot a bill or two or you want to call for some other reason." Sadie hands Harold a wad of cash and walks away.
Harold: "Never mind, you are the total psychopath I thought you were."
Abigail: "But what about all those good times we had together? Like in the restaurant, or when you held my hand at the movies, or when you saved me from falling at the ice skating rink, or when you sacrificed yourself to save me from the nematodes?"
Harold: "What are you talking about? All I did at the restaurant was make a dumb joke! I wasn't trying to flirt with you. And I didn't hold your hand at the movies. Our fins just accidentally touched each other while we were getting popcorn. That made me feel really awkward honestly. And at the ice skating rink, I only grabbed you ‘cause I didn't want you to fall and break your face ‘cause I would've felt bad if I had let that happen. And at the picnic, I didn't want to let a bunch of nematodes devour someone right in front of me. I would've dove in front of literally anyone in that situation."
Abigail: "But why did you start laughing with me about it after?"
Harold: "I wasn't laughing with you! I was laughing out of embarrassment for being naked in front of Nat's children at a public park! I think you interpreted way too much from those four times. Goodbye, Abigail." Harold gets up and walks away.
Abigail: "Wait, Harold! Don't go!" A waiter walks up to her.
Waiter: "Your bill, miss." Abigail looks at the bill and opens her purse.
Abigail: "Can you at least use some of the money Sadie gave you to split the check?"
(Scene ends)