Characters[]
Nat Peterson
Shubie
Susie
Baby Billy
Nancy Suzy Fish
Frank
Isabel
Martha Smith
Tyler
Tom Smith
Sadie Rechid
Fred
Mable-Monica
Lenny
Nazz-Mimi
Frankie-Billy
Nazz and Frankie's baby
Sally
Sally's baby
Pilar
Charlie
Evelyn
Shelly
Billy (brown fish)
Billy (lime fish)
Monroe
Tommy Rechid
Taylor
Sally's Daughter
Announcer
Umpire
Teenager
Referee
Transcript[]
(Scene cuts to Susie at Bikini Bottom Elementary)
Mabel: "Okay class, it's time for math. Today we're going to be practicing our multiplication tables." The class groans.
Isabel: "Ugh. I hate multiplication."
Susie: "I know! It's so *dolphin noise* boring." Mabel gasps.
Mabel: "What did you just say, Susie?! I better not hear that word out of your mouth again or I'm calling your parents!"
Susie: "What? All I said was it was boring."
Mabel: "Don't lie to me! I heard what you said. Now take out a pencil and start working on your multiplication!" Susie sighs and takes out a pencil. Susie starts working on her multiplication tables but her pencil breaks.
Susie: "Oh *dolphin noise*. My pencil broke." Mabel gasps.
Mabel: "That's it young lady! I'm calling your parents!"
(Scene cuts to Shubie working at the mall) Shubie's phone rings.
Shubie: "Hello? Susie said what?! I'll be right there!"
(Scene cuts to Mabel, Nat, Shubie and Susie sitting in Mabel's classroom after school)
Mabel: "Thank you for meeting me on such short notice Mr. and Mrs. Peterson. The reason I called you both in today is because Susie has been using naughty language in class."
Shubie: "Susie! Your father and I are very disappointed in you! Where did you learn that kind of language?"
Mabel: "Oh I think the problem here is very obvious. Clearly she picked it up from you two. Either that or she picked it up from watching inappropriate television shows. Either way it's bad parenting on your part."
Shubie: "What?! That's absurd! Nat and I never curse around Susie. Do we?"
(Scene cuts to a flashback of Susie watching TV in her living room) Shubie walks into the room holding a tray of cookies
Shubie: "Susie, I finished baking those cookies for the school bake sale tomorrow. How do they look?"
Susie: "They look great! Thanks Mom!"
Shubie: "You're very welcome, sweetie." Shubie accidentally steps on a toy car and slips. Shubie drops the tray of cookies. The cookies fall on the ground and break apart into little pieces.
Shubie: "*Dolphin noise*! The cookies are ruined! Now I have to clean up this mess and make a brand new batch!"
(Flashback ends)
Nat: "So that's where Susie learned those words from."
Shubie: "Oh as if you're any better! Remember last Sunday?"
(Scene cuts to Nat, Pilar and Charlie sitting on the couch in Nat's living room) Susie walks into the room.
Susie: "What are you doing, Dad?"
Nat: "We're just watching the football game, Susie. Wanna join us?" Susie sits on the couch next to them. The referee blows his whistle.
Referee: "Pass interference on Bikini Bottom! Rock Bottom will get the ball at the spot of the foul. It will be first and goal at the 5 yard line."
Nat: "What the *dolphin noise*?! That wasn't pass interference! Are these refs blind?! You've got to be *dolphin noise* kidding me!" Nat, Pilar and Charlie continue yelling at the TV. Several dolphin noises are heard.
(Flashback ends)
Nat: "Wow. I guess we really have been bad influences on Susie."
Mabel: "I'm glad you finally came to this realization. Now you'd better stop using that kind of language in front of your daughter because if she says another curse word in school again I will have no choice but to suspend her!"
Shubie: "Suspend her? That would show up on her personal record! We can't let that happen, Nat!"
(Scene cuts to Nat, Shubie and Susie driving home from school)
Nat: "I think this'll be easy, Shubie. How hard is it to not curse?" A teenager drives his boat up next to them.
Teenager: "You drive like an old lady! Later gramps!" The teenager cuts Nat off and drives away.
Nat: "Hey! That jerk just cut me off! That little piece of…" Shubie puts her hand on Nat's shoulder.
Shubie: "Easy Nat." Nat sighs.
Nat: "That little piece of cardboard."
(Scene cuts to Shubie vacuuming her living room)
Shubie: "Can you get off the couch for a moment, Susie?"
Susie: "Okay, Mom." Susie gets off the couch. Shubie lifts up the couch and vacuums the floor under it. Shubie puts the couch back down but doesn't realize that her foot is under one of the legs of the couch. The couch lands on Shubie's foot.
Shubie: "Oh…" Shubie turns her head and sees Susie standing in front of her.
Shubie: "Firetruck."
(Scene cuts to Pilar and Charlie walking in to Nat's house)
Nat: "Come on in guys! The game just started."
Pilar: "Alright! We better win today!" Shubie walks over to them.
Shubie: "Oh no! Get out! Go watch the game somewhere else!"
Nat: "What's the matter Shubie? They come over to watch the game every week."
Shubie: "Yes and they always curse like sailors during the game. I'm not letting their foul mouths influence Susie." Nat sighs.
Nat: "You're right. Sorry guys, you'll have to watch the game somewhere else." Pilar and Charlie groan and leave the house.
(Scene cuts to Shubie carrying a basket of laundry later that day)
Nat: "Hey Shubie! Where the… French fries is the TV remote?"
Shubie: "I don't know, Nat. I didn't touch it. It's probably somewhere in the couch."
Nat: "Okay. Maybe I just didn't see it when I looked earlier." Susie walks over to Shubie.
Susie: "What's for dinner tonight, Mom?"
Shubie: "Dinner? You're already hungry, Susie? It's much too early."
Susie: "But it's 6 pm, Mom." Shubie looks at her watch.
Shubie: "Oh… sea snails! It's 6 pm and I forgot to take out something for dinner!" Shubie runs into the kitchen and searches for something to cook. Nat walks into the kitchen.
Nat: "I found the remote, Shubie!"
Shubie: "That's great, Nat. Oh, would you mind taking out the trash? It seems to be full."
Nat: "Sure!" Nat takes the trash out of the kitchen garbage can. The trash bag liner rips and all of the garbage falls onto the kitchen floor.
Nat: "For… fin's sake! There's trash all over the floor! Now I have to clean it all up." Baby Billy crawls towards the garbage and starts playing with it. Shubie notices Baby Billy playing with the garbage.
Shubie: "Sugar cookie! Now I'm going to have to bathe Billy after I start dinner. Well that's just… flipping great." Nat grabs Baby Billy and moves him away from the trash.
Nat: "Hey, what's that smell?"
Shubie: "Um, the garbage?"
Nat: "No, not that. It's something else. Oh… fudge. It looks like Billy had an accident."
(Scene cuts to Nat and Shubie in bed that night)
Shubie: "Who knew it would be so hard to not curse?"
Nat: "I know right! I guess I never knew how often we cursed on a regular basis. No wonder Susie said a curse word in school."
Shubie: "Yeah but look on the bright side. We still haven't said a curse word since that day. Pretty soon Susie will be curse free!"
(Scene cuts to Nat, Shubie, Susie, Baby Billy and a bunch of other families at the bowling alley) Isabel knocks down two pins.
Nancy: "Great spare, Isabel! That's my girl! Huh, I wonder if Whale gives out scholarships for bowling."
Shubie: "It's so great that the bowling alley is having a family night! Now our kids will learn how much fun it is to go bowling!"
Martha: "You said it, Shubie!" Susie walks up to the lane and bowls. Her ball rolls into the gutter.
Susie: "*Dolphin noise*!" The other parents gasp.
Nancy: "Did Susie just say what I think she said?" Susie picks up her bowling ball and bowls again. The ball rolls into the gutter.
Susie: "*Dolphin noise*! I am *dolphin noise* terrible at bowling!" The other parents gasp.
Nancy: "Where did your daughter learn that kind of language, Shubie?"
Sadie: "Isn't it obvious? It's clear that she learned it from her foul mouthed mother! If me and Nat were married our children would never use profane language."
Mabel: "I knew it! I knew that Nat and Shubie were bad influences on Susie!"
Martha: "You two should be ashamed of yourselves. Susie is much too young to know those words."
Nancy: "I think you should leave. We don't want our children learning inappropriate language from your daughter." Nat, Shubie, Susie and Baby Billy shamefully exit the bowling alley. The other parents glare at them as they leave.
(Scene cuts to Nat getting his mail the next day) Nat sees Tyler playing outside.
Nat: "Hi Tyler! Having fun outside?" Martha opens up her front door.
Martha: "Tyler! Get inside this instant! Don't be talking to Mr. Peterson!"
Tyler: "Okay Mom." Tyler goes inside. Martha gives Nat a dirty look and closes the door. Nat sees Frank and Nancy walking down the street towards him.
Nat: "Hi Frank! Hi Nancy!"
Nancy: "Ignore him, dear. We don't talk to people who teach their six year old profanity." Frank and Nancy walk away. Nat notices Frankie-Billy and Nazz-Mimi walking towards him while pushing their baby in a baby carriage.
Nat: "Hi Frankie! Hi Nazz!" Frankie waves back. Nazz stops him.
Nazz: "What are you doing? Don't interact with Nat, honey! We don't want to be seen interacting with someone who curses in front of their young children."
Frankie: "Oh right. Sorry, dear." Frankie and Nazz walk away. Nat frowns. Sally walks by pushing her baby in a baby carriage. Nat waves at Sally. Sally turns around and walks away. Nat frowns and heads back inside. Nat walks into the kitchen where Shubie is cleaning dishes.
Shubie: "Is everyone in the neighborhood still avoiding us?"
Nat: "Yep." Shubie sighs.
Shubie: "I don't know what to do, Nat! We already stopped cursing around Susie but she's still saying those words! I just hope there isn't another incident at the baseball game tonight."
(Scene cuts to Shubie arriving at the game)
Shubie: "Alright team! Who's ready to kick some Bass Vegas butt?" Nancy and some of the other parents walk over to Shubie.
Nancy: "Oh no you don't! You're not coaching the team today. We don't want you using inappropriate language around our kids during the game. Martha and I will be coaching the team instead."
Shubie: "What? But I have never cursed once during a game before!"
Nancy: "We still don't feel comfortable letting you coach the team. All of the parents agreed that you're a bad influence on our children. After all, Susie must've learned those words from somewhere."
Shubie: "So what am I supposed to do then if you're not letting me coach?"
Nancy: "You can do what all of the other parents do every game. Sit up in the bleachers with your husband and son and watch the game." Shubie sighs.
Shubie: "This is absurd! You've never even coached before, Nancy."
Nancy: "Oh, please. How hard could it possibly be to tell Isabel to carry the team?" Shubie walks over to the bleachers and sits next to Nat.
(Scene cuts to later in the game)
Announcer: "It is now the top of the ninth in a surprisingly close game between Bass Vegas and Bikini Bottom. Bikini Bottom is currently winning 6 to 5. And it looks like we have a pitching change! Isabel Smith-Fishbowl will be replacing Billy Anchovy to close the game for the Barracudas."
Shubie: "What?! Isabel has never pitched in a situation like this before! Why did Nancy put her in?" Isabel pitches the ball and a Bass Vegas player hits the ball to Monroe. Monroe throws the ball to first before the Bass Vegas player reaches the base.
Umpire: "One out!" Isabel pitches the ball and a Bass Vegas player hits a single.
Announcer: "Bass Vegas now has the tying run on base with that single. Will Isabel be able to close out the game?" The next Bass Vegas hitter hits a pop up that Tyler catches in the outfield.
Umpire: "Two outs!" Isabel pitches the ball and a Bass Vegas player hits a double.
Annoucer: "We now have runners on 2nd and 3rd with two outs in the 9th! One hit will tie up the game for Bass Vegas."
Nat: "This isn't looking good, Shubie."
Shubie: "Not at all." Isabel walks the next batter.
Announcer: "And now the bases are loaded!" Isabel pitches the ball and the batter swings and misses.
Umpire: "Strike one!" Isabel throws another pitch and the batter swings and misses.
Umpire: "Strike two!"
Nancy: "Come on Isabel! Only one more strike!" Isabel pitches the ball and the Bass Vegas hitter smashes a line drive right towards Susie. Susie closes her eyes and sticks her mitt in the air.
Susie: "Please catch it. Please catch it." Susie catches the ball. Susie falls onto the ground due to the ball being hit so hard.
Umpire: "Three outs!"
Announcer: "That's the ballgame! Bikini Bottom beats Bass Vegas 6 to 5 due to an amazing catch from Susie Peterson!" The Bikini Bottom parents cheer.
(Scene cuts to after the game) Shubie and Nat walk over to Susie in the dugout.
Shubie: "That was some catch Susie!"
Susie: "Thanks Mom!" Nancy walks over to Shubie and Nat.
Nancy: "Susie had quite the game today! To be honest, I thought we were doomed when I saw the ball heading towards her but she made an unbelievable catch! That was an amazing play!" Martha walks over to them.
Martha: "Yeah she really saved the game! How were you able to do that, Susie?"
Susie: "Honestly, I didn't think I was going to catch it. When I saw the ball coming to me, I was thinking *Dolphin noise*!" The other parents gasp.
Martha: "Well I never! Your daughter is still using foul language! What kind of an example have you been setting for her?"
Nancy: "Go to the boat, Isabel. I can't have my daughter picking up that kind of language from Susie. You two are truly terrible parents! Shame on you!"
Sadie: "I blame Shubie! It's obvious that Susie picked up all of these words from her!"
Sally: "Until she learns to stop cursing, she shouldn't be allowed to play on the baseball team."
Nazz: "I agree!"
Mabel: "I'm suspending Susie from school too! We can't have a student constantly cursing in class."
Shubie: "How could you suspend Susie for this? She didn't curse during school hours."
Mabel: "Well this game was played on the baseball field behind Bikini Bottom Elementary so that's close enough." Another dolphin noise is heard. The parents gasp.
Martha: "Did she just curse again?!"
Nat: "Susie! Why are you still saying those words? Go to the car now!"
Susie: "But I didn't…"
Shubie: "You heard your father! Go to the car this instant! You are in very big trouble young lady!" Susie frowns and walks away.
Nat: "We are so sorry about Susie. Shubie and I have stopped cursing at home. We're not bad parents. We don't know why…" Another dolphin noise is heard.
Mabel: "Another curse word?! This is why I have to suspend Susie. I can't have her talking like this in my classroom."
Shubie: "That couldn't have been Susie. She's not here anymore." Another dolphin noise is heard.
Nazz: "Where is that noise coming from?" Another dolphin noise is heard.
Nat: "There it is again!" The parents turn around and see Shelly on her phone. A dolphin noise is heard.
Shubie: "Shelly, are you the one making that noise?"
Shelly: "What noise?" A dolphin noise is again heard.
Shubie: "That one."
Shelly: "Oh that? That's just my ringtone."
Nat: "So you mean to tell me that all the times we thought Susie was cursing it was just Shelly's ringtone?!"
Nancy: "Huh. Well I take back what I said before then. Sorry for calling you guys terrible parents."
Mabel: "I guess I won't be suspending Susie from school either. It was an honest mistake." The other parents nod their heads and murmur in agreement.
(Scene cuts to Nat, Shubie, Susie and Baby Billy driving home)
Nat: "We're sorry for yelling at you earlier, Susie."
Susie: "It's okay, Dad."
Shubie: "I still can't believe that the whole town vilified us and Susie over a ringtone. At least they apologized though."
Nat: "Yep. I think we can all learn a valuable lesson from this."
Susie: "To never judge someone without knowing the full story?"
Nat: "No. That the residents of this town can be fear mongering morons sometimes."
Shubie: "Agreed."
(Scene ends)